I knew it was real bad then and I looked up into Auntie Helen's eyes and she then told me what had happened to my mommy...

Auntie Helen looking down into my eyes and I looking up into hers, trying to read everything that they held within them. She said in a very soft voice, "Angel, your mommy was home with your brother and your daddy showed up and barged into your house. Your neighbor told me she heard hollering and loud noises coming from your place and that is when she called the police. She waited until your father had gone and she ran over to check on your mommy. She found her in her bedroom unconscious and her clothes were all ripped and torn. Your daddy hurt your mommy very badly, Angel, he did things to your mommy that he had no right to do anymore. Your neighbor called an ambulance for your mommy and the police arrived as well. Your auntie Harriet is with your mommy at the hospital and your brother is staying with your neighbor for now. You can't visit your mommy until tomorrow, the doctors want her to rest as much as possible right now, ok?"

I didn't know how to answer her! My mommy was hurt real bad by my daddy? How could he do that to her? What had he done to her? She said he did things he had no right to do anymore, what was that? I asked her then, "What did my daddy do to her, Auntie Helen?"

Auntie Helen just shook her head and slipped me off of her lap and motioning for Miss Mary to come and hold me and she did. Helen was pacing the room crying and she looked like she was real mad as well. She said, "Angel, men can be pigs! They do thing to women they have no right to do but they get away with it all the time!" She was really mad now and spitting out the words as she spoke, "They think that because they are the man and are stronger they can just take what they want anytime they want it even when a woman says no! They stick their thing in and out until they get satisfaction and then they don't care anymore. Not all men are like this but too many are! Honey, what your daddy did to your mommy was very wrong and he knows it! That is why when he tried to force her to do it and when she still refused he beat her up and did it anyway! So what did he do afterwards? He runs away leaving your mommy hurt and bleeding! She could have died if your neighbor wasn't home! I could just kill him for that alone!"

I was very frightened then. I could picture my mommy lying on the bed all beat up with her clothes all ripped and torn from her bleeding and unconscious. I was crying real hard and I hollered out, "I'm going to kill my daddy for hurting her and leaving her to die! I'm going to kill him!"

Miss Mary hugged me real tight kissing me over and over saying, "Honey, NO don't say that ever! You would be just like him and you are not at all like him. The police will arrest him and throw him in prison where he belongs."

It was then that Auntie Helen started laughing, a real mean type of laugh, angry and hateful sounding. She said, "I'm sorry Angel, but what will probably happen to your daddy will be almost nothing. The judge will give him probation and make him stay away from your mommy. That is the real injustice against us women. The men always seem to get away with crimes like this, the courts are made up of men and they think alike. No, your daddy will pay for what he's done, but it won't be by any court or judge. I promise you one thing, Angel. and that is your daddy will pay dearly for what he has done to your mommy and my friend."

I knew by looking at her that Helen was telling me the truth. She would make sure my daddy paid dearly for what he had done. I felt better knowing that and ran to her and hugged her legs real tight. I said, "Auntie Helen, what am I going to do?"

She looked down at me and suddenly her whole attitude changed as she picked me up and said, "Honey, you are going to stay with me and when your mommy is better she and your brother will stay here as well, ok?"

I hugged her and kissed her again and again saying, "Thank you, Auntie, thank you." Miss Mary came over and hugged us both saying, "You have to be strong now, Angel, and you have to carry on and make things easier for your mommy. You can work and earn some money for your family and in this way help take good care of your mommy and baby brother, ok?"

That made sense to me. I could help my family! I decided right then that I would do as much as I could and be the best at what I did. I decided I had to pray to God for help. God always seemed to help me when I prayed. I asked Auntie Helen, "Auntie, could you bring me to Church so I can pray to God for my mommy?"

Auntie Helen answered, "Honey, you don't have to go to church to pray. You can pray anywhere and at anytime and God will hear you. I have a small chapel downstairs though if you would like to pray there." I said I would and she said, "Well Angel let us all go to the chapel."

We did and it was beautiful and not that small at all. There were 12 stained glass windows and Helen told me they represented the life of Christ. She told me they were called the Stations of the Cross. There was an altar made of marble and candles, lots of candles both lit and some left untouched. Helen said, "Angel, I have not had Mass said here in over ten years, you have rekindled my devotion to our Lord with your faith in prayer. Would you like to have a priest come and say Mass sometime?"

"Oh YES, Auntie Helen! I would love that. At my church the kids all make fun of me, and when I applied to be an altar boy they laughed at me and told me only real boys could become altar boys. I love to go to Mass but only with my mommy and aunt Harriet because then I don't get picked on or hit. We have to go everyday at school and the other kids always do something to try and get me in trouble. The sisters make me sit with them now so I don't cause any trouble. I don't cause any trouble, Auntie Helen, the kids just make it seem like I did because they do things to make me cry out or move. That always makes the sister's mad. I don't mind sitting with the sisters though it makes it a lot easier for me to worship God and Jesus without the kids doing things to me. I just wished the sisters knew I wasn't the one causing all the trouble."

Auntie Helen had us kneel at the altar and we prayed for my mommy then. I prayed for my daddy, too. I prayed that God would punish my daddy for what he had done to my mommy.

I thanked God and Jesus for what they had done for me already and that I hoped I would be good enough in the future for them to keep helping me. I asked them for the strength and courage to do what had to be done. I also told them I didn't mind being a girl now. I had more friends and was having more fun and I could make money to help my mommy even more now as a girl. I told them I would do the best I could and I would try to be extra good if only they would help my mommy get better real soon. I prayed for them to help all my new aunties and Miss Mary and Gwen and Jill and all my new friends. I prayed for Mrs. Russell and everybody I could remember.

I ended with asking all those now in Heaven to help my mommy and to pray for her. I blessed myself by touching my forehead with my finger of my right hand like I had been taught and said, "In the name of the Father." Then I touched my belly saying, "And of the Son." Then I touched my left shoulder saying, "And of the Holy" as I said this I brought my finger over to my right shoulder and finished saying, "Spirit, Amen."

My Auntie Helen was already finished and she smiled at me and we walked out of the chapel together holding hands and feeling better. I was very tired and it was very late at night so Auntie Helen brought me upstairs to my room and laid me in the crib. She sat in a chair nearby and started to read me a story about a magic kingdom where all that were there were children and one adult.

I fell asleep almost right away and had a very bad dream. It was a nightmare that woke me up screaming and crying. Auntie Helen was there in a second she must have been sleeping in my room. She picked me up and hugged me telling me it was only a bad dream and I was safe and I would always be safe while I lived in her home.

I clung to her tightly and said, "Oh, Auntie, it was a very bad dream! My daddy was hurting my mommy and I tried to help her but my daddy turned on me and called me names just like the kids do at school and then he started ripping my clothes off and hurting me!"

Auntie Helen held me even tighter and that is when Miss Mary came running into the room. She saw that everything was under control and she just came over and stoked my cheek and said, "Oh, Angel, my sweet Angel, it's ok, Honey, we are here for you dear and nothing and no one is ever going to hurt you here."

I was calming down and I felt safe and secure in Auntie Helen's arms and with Miss Mary there. I told them they made me feel real safe and they both smiled.

Helen said, "Well, since the sun is up and it is a new day let us get ready and then we can go see your mommy, ok?" I said yes and was getting excited and was wide-awake then.

Miss Mary laughed and said, "I will go see to it that breakfast is ready when you two are." She left and went downstairs and Auntie Helen pulled a cord next to the crib and then took me into the bathroom and started undressing me.

Gwen came in a few minutes later and Helen asked her to take over while she went and got ready for the day herself. Gwen came over and finished undressing me and ran a tub of water. She had me brush my teeth real good and then she put on a pair of gloves and cleaned the medicine off of me. Then she lifted me up and set me down into a tub filled with bubbles. It smelled real nice like a garden filled with flowers and then Gwen added some oily stuff to the water as well. She told me it would make my skin smooth and real soft like all pretty little girls have.

That made me look down and since all the bubbles blocked my view I felt with my fingers. My penis was gone and instead I had a little slit between two puffy areas. I could feel the tip of my penis just a little bit if I pressed in a certain spot. I guess I am a girl now! I said, "Miss Gwen, I am a little girl now because my penis is gone and I have little boobies. too."

She laughed and said, "Yes, Angel, you are a little girl now and you are a very pretty little girl, too! We have to hurry now because your Auntie Harriet is down stairs and she is waiting for you." I started washing real fast then and Gwen took away my washcloth and said, "Honey, we still have to bathe correctly so let me bathe you and we will be done a lot quicker."

She did just that and after shampooing and conditioning my hair she let out the water and gave me a final rinse with the hose thing and started to pat me dry. She wrapped a towel around my head and lifted me from the tub leading me out to the bedroom once again. There on the bed was a pretty dress and everything that went with it including a matching purse. Shoes and tights, and a pretty hat with a white ribbon tied around it with the ribbon ends trailing down the back. Bra, panties silky t-shirt and a petticoat to! Gwen dressed me and it went real fast. In no time at all I was standing in front of a big mirror all dressed except for my hat and purse. Gwen said, "Your Auntie Harriet wants to do your hair, Angel, and then you will be all set to visit your mommy after you have your breakfast." She handed me my purse and we walked out and down the stairs. I had to be careful because the shoes had a three-inch heel and I had to walk differently and slowly like I was taught.

We walked into the dining room and my Auntie Harriet jumped up and hurried over to me. I walked as fast as I dared toward her as well. She scooped me up and hugged me kissing me a thousand times! She said, "Oh, Angel you are so beautiful I saw the pictures to and they were fantastic! Your mommy will be very proud of you and Helen is going to bring the pictures with us to the hospital I know your mommy will be very happy seeing them."

She set me down and I noticed my special chair was gone and instead there was a booster seat on one of the chairs. I went over to it and Gwen lifted me up and set me down on it. It had a strap to, but Gwen didn't strap me in thank goodness! I was a bigger girl now and didn't need the baby stuff anymore. Auntie Helen rang the little bell and shortly after Miss Mary brought in a big tray full of breakfast food. I was real hungry! It was just Auntie Helen and myself that ate then Auntie Harriet had some tea and a hot roll.

Auntie Harriet was telling us what had happened and how my mommy was doing and that they police were still looking for my daddy. When we were finished with breakfast Auntie Harriet said we were going to her house and then the hospital. She wanted to do my hair and make me real pretty for mommy when she saw me. Auntie Harriet told us she would meet us their and she left after giving me a hug and a kiss. Auntie Helen came over to me and took my hand as we walked to the door. Gwen was there and she held a light coat for Helen and then handed her a purse. Gwen then put a little white sweater on me that was fluffy and felt real nice. She handed me my purse and hat gave me a hug and a kiss and Auntie Helen took my hand again as we walked out the door.

WOW! A real big black car was out front! A man dressed in a uniform was holding one of the back doors open for us. Auntie Helen told him where we were going and how to get there. She had called him John so after Helen got in and he helped me get in I said, "Thank you, John."

He smiled and said, "You're very welcome, miss." Shortly after that I felt the car move and we were on our way…

End of Chapter 33

since 02/24/03