The Reluctant Prom Date
by Melanie Brown
Copyright © 2005
Part 4
“What do you mean by coming home at three a.m.,
young…young…” Dad struggled over the right word. “Young lady!? I was
expecting you back around twelve thirty or one o’clock at the latest since it’s
New Years. Bu…but…but three o’clock in the morning?!” I hadn’t seen Dad blow
a gasket this bad since Diane was in high school.
I just sat there, twiddling my fingers and staring at
my feet.
Mom, sounding more stern with a tone in her voice that
she almost never used toward me said, “Answer your father!”
My throat started to tighten and tears began to well
up. Why did everything have to always turn out bad? Very softly, I said
toward the floor, “We were just out having fun. I…”
“I can’t hear you! Look at me when you talk to me!”
thundered Dad. His eyes were twitching like crazy, his face was flushed and I
half expected to see steam coming out of his ears.
I suddenly stood up, tears bursting from my eyes as I
screamed, “It’s none of your business what we were doing! Good God! Am I not
allowed to have some fun?!” I was suddenly so angry I was trembling.
“Don’t talk to me in that tone, young lady!” Dad
yelled back. “Why were you out so late? Why didn’t you call to let us know
where you were? What were you two doing, anyway?”
“Nothing! We were just having fun, dammit!” I
screamed.
Whack! My
face stung and my eyeballs rattled. Suddenly, Mom’s face was in front of me,
her voice ringing in my ears, “Don’t you ever swear at your father! How
dare you!”
“I told you to come home soon after midnight. Where
were you? I hope you weren’t doing what I think you were doing. Is that what
you were doing?” Veins were popping out of Dad’s forehead. “I think maybe
you’ve been seeing too much of Jeff. Maybe you shouldn’t see him any more.”
“I’m almost eighteen! You can’t tell me what to do!”
I yelled, tears streaming down my face. “If I want to stay out until six in
the morning with Jeff, I’ll fucking do it!”
Mom stood there shocked with her mouth hanging open.
Dad, jabbing a finger at me, screamed, “As long as you live under my roof,
you’ll do what I say! You’re grounded for a month, young lady! Go to your
room! Get out of my sight! NOW!”
From the hallway, where she’d been watching the
spectacle, Diane asked, “Just one month? Hell, I’d gotten at least two.”
“Diane, you stay out of this!” admonished Mom. “You
go to your room too.”
I ran from the room, crying. I slammed my bedroom door
and flung myself onto the bed, burying my face in the pillow. “Why can’t I do
anything right?” I sobbed to myself.
I heard the door crack open and Diane said, “Mind if I
come in for a minute?”
Catching my breath from crying, I said, “Go away!”
Diane opened the door and came in anyway and sat next
to me on the bed and stroked my hair. “Look sis, it’s going to be okay. You
know Dad doesn’t stay mad forever…it just seems that way.”
I balled up my pillow in front of me and hugged it. I
looked up at Diane and in a small voice said, “We were just having fun. I
mean, what’s the big deal? Why does Dad have to make a federal case out of
being a little late?”
Diane laughed. “Girl, I’d hardly call three in the
morning ‘a little late.’ But hey, welcome to the club, little sister. You
can’t call yourself a true teenage girl if you don’t get yelled at by your dad
about being out late with your boyfriend.”
Diane was quiet for a few moments. I looked up from
the bed at her and she was staring at the floor, looking thoughtful. Finally,
she turned toward me and said, “Did you?”
“Did I what?”
“Did you do him?” Diane asked quietly.
I should never play poker, because, while I didn’t
answer, the sheepish smile I couldn’t stop, crept across my face.
“Oh-my-God…You didn’t?! Did you?” Diane cried out in
a hushed squeal.
“Kinda…sorta…” I looked down at the bed. “All I did
was oral, like with Ed. But…” My voice trailed away.
“But what?” Diane probed.
I sat up, took Diane’s hand and gushed, “But I wanted
it! I wanted it so bad! I wanted him to take me…wanted him…wanted…” I started
crying again, and then got my composure back. “But you know what?”
Diane shook her head and took my hand and squeezed it.
“I guess he forgot…Jeff started to reach up into my
panties, like he was going to finger me…and…he…he touched…he…” I looked down
at the bed. “He pulled his hand back quickly and then just jerked off…” My
voice faded as I laid my head down in Diane’s lap and cried. “I wanted him…I
really wanted him…” I fell asleep in Diane’s lap.
* * *
As consciousness slowly drained back into my brain, I
groggily looked over at my clock. It wasn’t in its usual position; I looked
up, hair hanging wildly across my face. The clock was on the wrong side and
the wrong end of the bed. I felt disoriented.
Finally I sat up. I was facing the wrong direction at
the wrong end of the bed. My pillow and most of the covers lay on the floor.
I must have had a really bad night. I looked at the clock and it was after
eleven in the morning. Bright sunlight sliced through the crack in the
window’s curtain.
I glanced over at myself in the mirror. I hadn’t
washed my face before going to bed and the combination of sleeping in my
make-up, the crying, and my wild hair made me look ghastly. I looked out my
bedroom door, saw that the coast was clear and darted into the bathroom and
locked the door.
As I washed up, I thought about the previous evening’s
events. I remembered being intimate with Jeff. I grabbed the toothpaste and
started brushing my teeth. I thought about how the evening ended in a total
disaster. I really didn’t want to face my parents at all.
After washing up and brushing my hair, I put on some
pink sweats and slowly walked down the hall to face the music.
I didn’t see Dad or Diane as I walked through the living
room. Mom was in the kitchen, washing dishes.
She looked up and then back down at the dishes.
“Well, look what the cat dragged in.”
“Hi Mom,” I said weakly. “What’s for breakfast?”
Without looking up, Mom said, “That was three hours
ago. It’s almost time for lunch. There’s cold cuts in the fridge.”
Mom wouldn’t look at me and she kept scrubbing a pan
that no longer needed any scrubbing. I took a few steps closer to her and
said, “Mom. Mom, I…” and the words caught in my throat.
Mom just kept scrubbing. After a moment, without
looking over at me, she said, “Were you going to say something?”
I looked at my feet and fidgeted. “Mom, I…I just
wanted to apologize…for last night.”
She stopped scrubbing, but looked straight ahead. “What
do you have to say for yourself?”
I felt the weight of the world on my shoulders.
“Mom…I…I’m sorry for what I said last night. I didn’t mean it…some of it…I’m
sorry I didn’t call you. I’m sorry we were out so late. I’m sorry I yelled.
I’m just…so sorry.”
Mom turned to face me. “Anything else?”
When I hesitated, not being sure what else she wanted,
Mom’s eyes bored into me as she arched an eyebrow. I think I knew was she
wanted, but she couldn’t bring herself to actually say it.
“You mean Jeff? I’m not sorry about Jeff.”
“I saw the stain on your skirt last night, Chris,” Mom
said with an odd tone in her voice. “I know what it was.”
“Mom, it’s not what you think…”
“Chris, there’s not many ways Jeff could have gotten that
on your skirt.” Mom folder her arms defensively.
“Mom, we didn’t have sex, if that’s what you’re
getting at.” I folded my arms too and sat down at the kitchen counter.
Coldly, Mom said, “I think I have a right to know just
what my son was doing with his boyfriend when got semen on his skirt.”
This wasn’t going well. “I’m your daughter, not your
son.”
Mom shook her head. “You’re my son, Chris. I didn’t
mind after a while you dressing and acting like a girl because it actually
seemed to be doing you some good. Your father and I have been growing
concerned about your relationship with Jeff.”
Incredulous, I almost yelled, “Isn’t that a little
late? My God Mom, we’ve been dating steady since Thanksgiving. I…I thought
you and Dad liked Jeff? You’ve invited him over for dinner, Dad watches
football with him. And…and I thought you and Dad had come to accept me as a
girl?”
Mom sat down next to me, then looked at the floor.
“For the most part, Honey, we did accept that. For the first time in many
years, we saw you genuinely happy. I’ve been worried about you for some time.
With the exception of Joey, you never seemed to have any friends; you’ve hardly
dated any girls.
“When you first joined the cheerleaders, I was…well,
horrified. I remembered you dressing up a few years ago. I never said
anything to you, but Mrs. Beasly told me she saw you a number of times while
you were sneaking out to date Eddie. I never said anything, thinking you’d
grow out of it; that it was just a phase. You stopped doing it, and I thought
that was it.” Mom paused a moment to take some breaths.
“When your father and I saw how much you seemed to be
happy with new friends, a social life, and so on, I felt more at ease with you
pretending to be a girl. It seemed to come natural to you and I was worried
less about you being hurt from being found out. And I knew it would all end
when the school year ended.”
She paused again, so I said, “You’re right Mom. It
does seem natural to me. That’s why I no longer fight it. Being a girl feels
normal to me.”
“That’s just it, Chris. You’re not a girl. You’re
very good at pretending to be one. I’ll be the first one to say you are very
pretty. You’re every bit as pretty as Diane and in some ways, more feminine.
But the bottom line is that you’re a boy. Your father and I were disturbed at
first with you kissing Jeff. I didn’t say anything because I thought it was
just a thing like you did with Eddie.
“I watched your face whenever you were near him. I
knew you were in love with him.” Mom smiled a weak smile. “Honey, if you were
Diane, I’d be tickled that you had found someone like Jeff. But you’re not,
and I’m not sure what to do about it.”
I looked out the window for a few moments. Our sunny
day was being pushed aside by some dark clouds rolling in from the north. I
turned back to Mom and said, “Mom. I love Jeff. Nothing’s going to change
that. I don’t think I can explain this, but I don’t love Jeff, or even like
boys the way a boy would. I love Jeff the way a girl would.”
Mom wrinkled her brow. “How would you know? How do
you know how a girl feels?”
“I just do Mom. It’s different somehow. I’ve had
crushes on girls. I know how I felt about that. And now, I’m in love with a
boy and it feels different. I feel different.” I waved my arms in the air in
frustration and said, “I…I just can’t explain it.”
I inspected the polish on my fingernails for a moment.
“But you know what?” Mom shook her head. “This doesn’t end with graduation.
I want to be with Jeff for the rest of my life!”
A sadness crossed Mom’s face. “I want my son back,
Chris.”
I laid a hand on top of one of Mom’s and said, “I
don’t think he’s coming back…”
* * *
I was watching the sudden snow storm swirl around
outside the living room window. The phone ringing took me by surprise. I
yelled out, “I’ll get it!” and picked up the handset. “Hello!”
“Hey, baby. It’s me, Jeff. How’s it going?”
I plopped down on the couch. “Not so good. Dad got
really mad about me being late and not calling. I’m grounded for a month.”
“Wow, a month, huh? That’s pretty bad. Just for
being late?” asked Jeff.
“Being late, and cussing out my Dad for starters.” I
lowered my voice and continued, “And Mom thinks we had sex.”
“What would make them think that?”
“Well, I can think of several reasons…we’re teenagers
in love, we were out really late, and Mom saw a particular stain on my skirt,”
I said matter-of-factly.
“Oh, man! Did you tell them? Did you tell them that
we did not have sex?” There was a tinge of panic in Jeff’s voice.
“I did tell them that. I’m not sure if they believed
me or not. Why? You make it sound like having sex with me is a bad thing.”
“Hey, babe. It’s not that at all.” Jeff hesitated a
moment. “You ah…you know how parents are about their daughters having sex.”
I lowered my voice again and said, “And you know,
technically, we did have sex…”
Jeff said flatly, “Yeah, true.” After a pause he
said, “And you were great! The best.”
I giggled and said, “You too!” Do you say ‘thank you’
for that kind of compliment? I don’t know. His comment suggested what I
already pretty much knew. I wasn’t the first one. But then, Jeff wasn’t the
first one either…
* * *
Dinner was ruined. It was all because of Dad. He
could have waited until after, but no, right in the middle of it, he said, “I’m
not sure if I want you seeing Jeff any more.”
I quickly swallowed the piece of roast in my mouth and
sputtered, “You can’t be serious! He’s my boyfriend! We’re like going steady
and everything!”
Dad shook his head. “I don’t know if I can trust him
any more. Knowing that it was against the rules, he kept you out late. And I
don’t think you’re telling us the truth about what you both were doing last
night.” His eye twitched.
Diane jumped in before I could answer, “Dad! Why do
you always have to think something bad happened just because she was out a
little late?”
“Yeah, Dad! Why don’t you trust me?” I was starting
to shake again from being so upset.
Dad sat up straight and looked at Diane and said,
“Because I have another daughter. Been there, done that.”
I started to cry. “Dad, please don’t say I can’t see
Jeff anymore! Please!”
* * *
I left the house Monday morning to go to school. It
was pretty cold and Sunday’s snow was still on the ground. As I turned down
the sidewalk I saw Jeff’s car parked by the curb a few houses down the street.
As I approached the car, Jeff said, “Hop in, I’ll give you a lift.”
“Hi Jeff! Thanks for the ride!” I bent down and
kissed him through the car window. Then ran to the other side and got in.
While I was getting settled into the car, Jeff said,
“Hey babe, I’m really sorry I got you in trouble. It was my fault. I’m
sorry.”
I shook my head. “No, it’s not your fault.” I looked
at my feet for a moment, and then looked up to Jeff. He smiled and leaned
toward me and kissed me.
Jeff walked me to my first class, hand in hand. He
kissed me at the door and told me he loved me. I couldn’t’ concentrate on the
class at all. My mind was a swirl of emotions. I daydreamed about what it
might be like to be married to Jeff, to go to bed each night with him and wake
up each morning curled up beside him.
I was on the way to my third period class as I passed
the library, oblivious to everything around me.
“Aren’t you going to say hello?” called a familiar
voice from behind me. I turned around and there was Joey Saotome at his
locker.
“Hey Joey! You’re back. It’s good to see you! How
was Japan?” I walked back to him and gave him a hug.
Joey looked at me funny and said, “Wow, Chris-chan.
There’s something different about you.”
I just gave him a weak smile and said, “I let go,
Joey. I decided I really am a girl.”
Joey finished exchanging books in his bag and then
stood up with a look of concern on his face. “Oh? You’re not going to drop
this when school ends?”
Pulling a stray strand of hair from my face, I said,
“No. I think I’m going to stay a girl.”
Joey seemed taken aback by my announcement. “You
really sure you want to? What made you decide that?”
I stepped closer to Joey and said, “Of course I’m
sure, silly! This is who I am. I feel more comfortable this way. And, I
don’t want to give up Jeff after we graduate.”
Joey studied me a moment. “You know, you can keep
seeing him as a boy too. Nobody really cares any more if you’re gay.”
Frowning, I said, “It’s not gay for a girl to like a
boy. And Jeff isn’t one bit interested in guys.”
“He’s interested in you,” countered Joey. “And
you’re a guy.”
Getting indignant I said, “I’m not a guy!”
“I’ve seen you naked, remember?” said Joey without
humor. “Can I suggest something?”
Folding my arms, I said, “Sure Joey. Suggest away.”
“Think long and hard about this decision, Chris-chan,”
Joey said. My God, if I think any longer and harder on this, my brain will
explode. He must have read my expression because he continued, “Seriously. Just
think of all the little stuff you have to put up with every day for your
lifestyle as a girl, like fussing with your hair, wearing make-up, never
standing to take a piss. Can you do that for the rest of your life? Do you
want to wind up a blue-haired old lady with too much rouge? What if you meet a
guy you like better than Jeff? At least Jeff knows what he’s getting into.
The next guy you like most likely won’t.”
He paused a moment, so I jumped in. “My ‘lifestyle’
suits me just fine, thank you. Most of it’s already become second nature. And,
there’s not going to be another guy. I love Jeff. I’m never letting go of
him!”
Joey shrugged, “I’m not saying you will. If you and
Jeff are still together after graduation, then please invite me to the
wedding. All I’m saying, is be sure this is what you really want.”
I smiled at Joey, and then suddenly gave him a hug.
“I’m pretty sure this is what I want. It’s not like I’m going to get a sex
change tomorrow or anything!” I laughed, then added, “You’re a good friend,
Joey. It’s nice to know that you care and I can talk to you about this stuff.”
Joey smiled. “I’m always ready to dispense free
advice.”
I laughed again, “I need all the help I can get! Now,
how was Japan?”
“Cold!” Joey laughed. “It was pretty damned cold. I
thought we got a lot of snow here, but it doesn’t hold a candle to Misawa.”
“Well, I missed you. Did you do anything exciting, or
did you just build snowmen?”
“We took the bullet train down to Tokyo. Let me
tell you, if there’s any geek left in you at all, you’d love ‘The Ginza.’ If
it’s electronic, cool and new, it’s there. My head was spinning there were so
many new gizmos to look at.”
“Sounds cool!” I laughed. “Well, I got to get to
class. We’ll have to talk about your trip later. I want to hear all about
it! Glad you’re back!”
As we started to walk away from each other, Joey
turned and said, “Oh, just one more thing. What about your parents? I’m sure
they had hopes and dreams for a little boy.”
I frowned, annoyed that Joey just couldn’t let go of
it. “Joey, will you stop it already? Look, I love Mom and Dad, but I can’t
live their dream. I have to live mine. Maybe things happen for a reason.
This life was shown to me twice! And both times, I felt more
comfortable and more, well, more me, than any other time.”
Joey threw up his arms in surrender and chuckled.
“Okay! Okay. I’ll leave you alone. I just want to know you’re not just doing
this on impulse.”
I wanted to scream that finally coming to the
conclusion that I was female was not made on impulse or whimsy! Instead, I
said, “Thanks Joey. I appreciate your concern.” Then I laughed, “Now get
lost, will ya!?”
* * *
As usual, the cheerleader squad was all sitting at one
table in the cafeteria. They were all giving me funny looks as I approached
the table. “Hey guys!” I called as I set my tray down.
When I started to sit, Mandy whispered, “Does it like,
hurt to sit down?”
With a puzzled look on my face, I plopped down in my
seat and said, “No. Why? Should it?”
Brandi leaned past Stephanie and said, “Maybe. Is it
true?” Five pairs of eyes stared intently at me.
I took a stab at my salad as I looked from face to
face. “Is what true?”
Mandy said, “You know…it.” Wink wink, nudge nudge, say
no more!
Putting down my fork and a little afraid to ask, “What
exactly are you talking about?”
Mandy did a quick look around the vicinity and said in
a low voice, “Jeff told some of the guys on the football team he scored on New
Years Eve”
Oh-my-God! Surely not! To the girls, I said in a
shocked voice, “He said what?!”
Breathless, Brandi whispered across the table, “Did
you? Did you do it with Jeff?”
Horrified, I said, “Hey, that’s personal!”
The girls passed a knowing look among themselves.
Brittney smiled and asked, “What was it like, with Jeff?”
“Will you guys pipe down?!” I whispered. “Listen to
me. Honestly, I did not have sex with Jeff. Not really…”
Mandy, suddenly looking serious whispered, “You gave
him a ‘BJ’, didn’t you?”
This was ridiculous. I didn’t want to talk about
this. Especially at lunch. I blurted out in whisper, “Yes. Yes, that’s all I
did. Can we not talk about this?”
I took a bite of my salad and said, “I’m just
surprised Jeff would say anything because if I was ever found out, he’d really
be up shit creek.”
Their grins all faded into shocked looks. Then they
were all grinning again and giving each other knowing looks.
Through giggles, Brandi said, “We were joking…Jeff
never said anything!”
Brittney said, “We just made it up.”
Except for Mandy, they all laughed. I felt my face
turning fire engine red. I looked over at Mandy. She looked pissed off and
was staring into her plate, her lips forming words I couldn’t hear.
A cold chill flushed down my spine. I just confessed
an intimate secret about Jeff and me to these girls. I was struck with a
sudden panic. Stephanie couldn’t keep the combination to her locker secret,
how could she keep from blabbing this?
Anguish in my voice, and tears starting to well up, I
cried, “You guys tricked me! You tricked me into telling you something I
didn’t really want you to know about! How could you?”
Looking sheepish, Brittney and Brandi said at the same
time, “We’re sorry!”
Regaining some composure, Mandy said in an even voice,
“Chris, we’re sorry. Honest, we were just like, trying to get a rise out of
you. Like, we weren’t trying to trick you into confessing, okay?”
“Well, it’s not funny! And now you all know. I hope
you’re happy.” Using a napkin, I wiped away a black streak under my eye.
Sounding indignant, Stephanie said, “My God. We said
we’re sorry. What do you want?”
Mandy motioned for us to lean in close. She said,
“Look Chrissy, let me tell you something. All of us have like, done that with
our boyfriends at least once. It’s not a big deal.”
Scowling, I said, “Well it was still thoughtless,
mean, and uncalled for.” I pushed my chair back noisily and stood up. In a
huff, I spun around and hurried from the cafeteria.
* * *
I hurried through the halls, not really caring where I
was going. Faces blurred past me. I was on the verge of tears and it took all
my will to keep from crying. I stopped walking when I realized I was standing
in the girls’ locker room.
I looked around the corner, and I could see Coach
Renwick sitting at her desk. I hesitated a few minutes, not sure of where I
should go. I was about to head to the library, when Coach turned around and
saw me. She waved and motioned for me to come in.
As she gestured for me to sit down, she asked, “Well,
Miss Davis. I was surprised to see you down here, but since you’re here, I
wanted to show you…” She turned away from me to pick up some papers on her
desk. “I wanted to show you the info I got today about the Cheerleading
contest in March.” She was about to continue, but stopped in mid breath.
“Chrissy, are you okay?” she asked.
Ignoring her question, I asked, “Coach, when you look
at me, do you see a boy or a girl?”
Coach Renwick let out a short laugh and gave me one of
those ‘What, are you kidding?’ kind of looks. She said, “What, are you
kidding? I see a very pretty young woman and one of my best cheerleaders. Why
the question?”
I didn’t answer for several moments. I just sat
there, studying my hands. The polish on my index finger had gotten messed up
and I was going to have to redo it. “Doubts.” I looked up at Coach and
continued, “Just doubts, Coach.”
I felt a sudden burst of emotion well up inside me and
I blurted, “For weeks, I fought being a girl. I didn’t want to be a
cheerleader or wear dresses or do any of the bullshit girls do.” I paused for
breath.
Coach put a gentle hand on my shoulder and said, “You
don’t know how many times I’ve told myself that I should never have asked you
to fill in for Nikki. How could I do this to a boy, I asked myself. I was
only thinking of me – what I needed to get the squad back up to speed in the
shortest time. For that, I offer you my most sincere apology”
I just sat there, fidgeting. Coach continued, “But I
have to say, Chrissy, that for someone who was so reluctant at becoming a
cheerleader, you have become one of the top cheerleaders in the school’s
history. Right next to your sister. You brought grace, flare, energy and
quite frankly, femininity to the squad. Over the past couple of months, I’ve
see you grow in confidence as well as popularity. I have trouble feeling
completely bad about my decision when I see such huge improvements in you.”
“That’s what’s so frustrating to me. I spent weeks
denying I liked anything about being a girl. Then, when I feel it’s the best
thing that’s happened to me and I decide that, yes I am a girl, then it goes
the other way. My best friend tries to cast doubts about me truly being a
girl. When I try to move our relationship closer, my boyfriend never fails to
give me a good dousing of reality so I remember who I really am. I mean, I
don’t get it. We love each other, but I can’t get him to overlook just this
one little thing.”
Coach shrugged a helpless gesture. “I wish I could
help, but Dear Abbey I’m not. Maybe you should talk to Jeff. Find out what he
really wants.”
I looked Coach Renwich square in the eye and asked,
“Am I crazy to want to be a girl?”
Coach shook her head slowly and said, “You’d be crazy
not to.”
* * *
I’d just stepped back into the main hall from the
locker room when the girls from the squad rounded a corner at the intersection.
“There you are!” shouted Mandy. “We’ve been looking
for you.”
I stiffened. I was still a little P.O.’d at them for
tricking me. “I’m right here.”
“Chrissy, like, I don’t know what to say,” said
Mandy. “We’re all terribly sorry. We were just like, joking around. We
didn’t know you’d actually done anything.”
Brandi said, “We weren’t trying to hurt your feelings
or trick you into telling us anything about you and Jeff.”
Stephanie said, “Hey, we’re buds for life, aren’t we?
We goofed. We’re sorry.”
They all gathered round me for a group hug that would
make Barney barf. We all kissed each other on the cheek and cried and hugged.
It was a Hallmark moment.
* * *
The halls were empty as I slowly walked through them
on my way to the exit. I’d stopped to talk to a teacher for a few minutes and it
didn’t take long for the school empty. I rounded a corner and there was Mandy,
leaning against the wall.
She looked over at me when she heard my footsteps.
“Hey, girlfriend.”
“Hi Mandy,” I said, feeling tired. “What’s up?”
“I just wanted to say I’m sorry again. We never would
have said those things if we’d known that you and Jeff…well…” Her voice
trailed away.
“Don’t worry about. It’s done. And, hey, while I’m
not going to write what we did on the walls, I’m not ashamed of it.” I stared
directly into Mandy’s eyes.
“You really love him, don’t you?” asked Mandy. I
nodded. “He’s certainly crazy about you. Whenever I talk to him, it’s Chrissy
this and Chrissy that.” She then studied her feet.
“I know it must be hard for you, Mandy. You have this
massive crush on Jeff, and he gets interested in a boy in a dress. I never
intended to…”
Mandy cut me off. “You’re not a boy, Chrissy. Jeeze-Louise,
girl. The only person in the world who doesn’t like, accept you as a girl is
you.”
I shook my head. “Not any more. I’m not running from
it any more. I know I’m a girl. The very thought of going back to the way I
was, is, well…unthinkable.”
Mandy flashed me a smile. “I’m glad to hear it. Your
soul is female. Like, I can feel it.”
I laughed, not with a lot of humor, and said, “It’s
funny. I came to this decision over the holidays. Just when I’m ready to yell
to the world, ‘You’re damned right I’m a girl!’”, I slapped a fist into an open
palm and then continued, “both Jeff and Joey cause me to doubt. It’s crazy.”
Mandy then asked how did Jeff and Joey make me doubt.
I told her about what happened when Jeff touched my panties and the
reservations Joey had about me becoming a girl.
“Girl, just don’t worry about it,” Mandy said
matter-of-factly as we exited the school. The sun was trying to poke through
the clouds and the cold wind stung my face. “Just enjoy being a girl. Don’t
think about it.”
“I plan on it!” I started to wave goodbye to Mandy,
then said, “Oh, hey. Are you going to be in the prom fashion show next week?”
“I was one of the first to sign up. Have you seen the
dress they’re giving a way?”
Nodding, I said, “Yep! I plan on wearing that dress
to the prom!”
Mandy laughed, “Like, I don’t think so, since I’ll be
wearing it!” She glanced at her watch, looked slightly panicked and said,
“Hey, I gotta jet! See ya!” I watched her hurry down the steps to the parking
lot where she broke into a run, splashing through the puddles from the melting
snow.
The icy wind whipped my hair around my face as I
slowly descended the steps. I glanced across the parking lot. I hadn’t
noticed it before, but behind one of the last remaining cars was Jeff’s, engine
idling.
As I approached, the driver’s side window rolled down
and Jeff’s head popped out. “Hey babe! I was beginning to think you were never
coming out!”
I walked up to the car and leaned into the open
window. “Hey honey! Thanks for waiting.” As I looked into Jeff’s eyes, there
was no doubt what-so-ever that this was what I wanted, even if it meant being a
future blue-haired old lady. I leaned in and gave Jeff a long, passionate
kiss.
* * *
End of Part 4
since 05/29/05