The Reluctant Prom Date
by Melanie Brown
Copyright © 2006
Part 9
I felt like I was in a movie.
As I walked slowly down the main hall of John Wilkes
Booth High School, people would stop talking and turn to stare at me. It was
terribly embarrassing. I wanted to crawl into a hole somewhere and die. All I
could see were faces watching me pass. The expressions on those faces ran from
sympathy to ‘you got what you deserved’ to ‘maybe I have a chance with her
now…’
I clutched my book-bag tightly in front of me, staring
at the floor as I walked. I really didn’t want to come to school. I argued
with Mom over it. She won. If I could just survive the day, I’ll be okay. I
mean, people break up all the time, right? How much entertainment value can
that be?
The phone rang all day Sunday. All my fellow
cheerleaders came over to try to cheer me up. Several other girls from school
dropped by as well. Apparently word had gotten around pretty quick. Most of
the day was spent with me crying and discussing just what Jeff and the horse he
rode in on could go do.
And of course before that, there was Saturday afternoon.
Gwen had brought me home since she didn’t think I should drive in the emotional
state I was in. Mom and Diane were both in the living room and were taken by
surprise by my outburst that I hated Jeff and never wanted to see him again as
I rushed through the room. I ran to my bedroom, slammed the door and locked
it. I threw myself on the bed and started crying again.
Mom had tried to get me to open the door and explain
myself. After being told repeatedly by me to go away, she finally did.
Later that evening, Diane knocked softly on the door
and said, “Hey sis. Please, open the door. We need to talk, okay?”
I opened the door and said, “Sure, come in.” I sat
down in the middle of my bed. Diane entered the room and shut the door behind
her. She took a seat next to me on the bed.
“Chrissy, I’m very sorry,” Diane said, taking my
hand. “Gwen told me all about what happened. It’s just awful what Jeff did to
you.”
I just nodded meekly. I was totally drained of all
emotion. Finally I said, “I know. Losing him was bad enough. But the way he
let me know he wanted to break up just really sucked. A phone call would have
been nice. Hell, I would have settled for a text message.”
Diane nodded and said, “Yeah, Jeff seems to lack a
certain amount of sophistication. You know -- and I know what this sounds like
– there are other fish in the sea. Jeff isn’t the only boy. The world is full
of them, trust me.”
“That doesn’t really help, Diane,” I said quietly.
“For starters, I don’t want any other guy. I loved Jeff. I still love Jeff
and I probably always will, even if he is an asshole. And another thing, Jeff
is the only boy I can be with because…because…dammit! Because I’m not a
real girl.”
Diane moved a little closer and started to stroke my
long hair. She said, “I no longer have any doubts what-so-ever about whether
you’re a girl or not. You’re a girl, okay? We just need to figure out some
way to get you into a program or something so you can finally get your body to
match who you are. For now though, don’t let the wrong plumbing keep you from
enjoying the company of another cute boy.”
A few stray strands of hair fell across my face as I
looked at Diane. With only one eye unobstructed by hair I said, “That’s not
fair to the boy. Shouldn’t he know?”
Diane poked me in the chest and said, “You need to get
an attitude towards boys, like I do. Quit thinking that every cute guy you
smile at is a potential future husband. I mean, have some fun. Having a long
term boyfriend is great and all, but jeez girl! You’re still in high school.
Don’t get so tied down to one guy yet. There’s plenty of time for that later.
And if you feel that you are getting serious with a boy, either break it off if
you don’t think he can handle who you really are, or tell him. Or wait until
you actually become female and then don’t tell anybody.”
I shook my head as I hugged my pillow and tried to
make myself as small as possible. I stared straight ahead, eyes not focused on
anything as I said, “I don’t think that would work, Diane. I’m not as devious
as you. You excel at lying. I don’t.”
Diane wrinkled up her nose and said, “Thanks, I
think. Look, I know you love Jeff and I know it’s hard to let go. But Jeff is
gone. He has made his incredibly fucking stupid decision and if I ever see him
again I’m going to kick his sorry ass for hurting my sister. But Jeff is
history. Old news. There are boys out there better than Jeff. You just have
to go out and find them.”
* * *
No sooner had I opened my locker, than Mandy
appeared. “Hey girl! How’re doing?” Her worried expression belied the upbeat
tone she used.
I turned to face her and said, “Not too good.
Everyone is staring at me, Mandy. I mean, what’s up with that? People stop
and stare and whisper. I haven’t seen that when other people break up.”
Mandy looked at me odd before saying, “Hello? You and
Jeff were pretty much Mr. and Miss JWB High. When the cutest and most popular
guy in school breaks up with a girl who is popular and a cheerleader, people
are going to talk about it.”
“Why?” I asked. “What’s it to them? And you didn’t
say ‘cute’ when you mentioned this popular cheerleader.”
Before Mandy could say anything, a voice grated from
behind me. I turned around to see Sandy saying, “Well, well. If it isn’t
little Miss Perfect. Or should I say ‘Mr.’ Perfect? I guess Jeffie finally
wised up, huh. Looks like it’s a good thing you didn’t win that prom dress
after all…”
I took a step towards Sandy and Mandy grabbed my arm
and held me back.
Sandy raised her arms in a ridiculous imitation of a
boxer’s stance. “Bring it on, ‘boy’, bring it on.”
I turned my back on Sandy and to Mandy I said, “What a
stupid, worthless bitch! I…Owww!” My head was suddenly jerked back.
Sandy was yanking on a strand of my hair while she
screamed, “Take off that wig, boy!”
“That’s my hair, you bitch!” I yelled as I tried to
free myself.
I had my back to Sandy when I heard her yell out and
she let go of my hair. I heard a familiar voice say, “Leave her alone, douche
bag.”
I spun around and there was Jeff pulling Sandy’s arm
away from me. To Sandy he said sternly, “Beat it!” Sandy looked at Jeff, then
to me and then back to Jeff. She tried to regain her composure, then walked
slowly and quietly away, amid some shocked looks and a few giggles of the other
kids in the immediate vicinity.
Jeff looked at me, and it looked as if he was about to
say something. His neck and facial muscles tightened up as he bit his lip, and
then spun around walked away.
Mandy turned towards me and said, “What the crud was
all that about?”
I lifted one hand to my forehead and brushed some hair
out of my face. “I don’t know. I’m not sure if I can make it through the day
or not. Would you walk with me to my class?”
Mandy smiled and said, “Sure. No problem.”
* * *
“Hey coach.” I stood in the doorway to Coach
Renwick’s office.
Coach Renwick turned around and then got up out of her
chair and approached me. She said, “Chrissy. Are you okay? I heard about you
and Jeff. I’m really sorry.”
“Thanks. Me too.” I set my book bag on her desk and
started to open it. “I have something to return to you.” I pulled out the
breast forms and set them on the desk. “I don’t need these any more.”
Looking puzzled, Coach Renwick asked, “Why not? Did
you get better forms?”
“Kinda.” I lifted my blouse and exposed my wonderful,
new breasts struggling against the confines of my bra.
At first Coach seemed to not understand what I was
doing. Finally she said, “You have breasts? Are they yours?”
I pulled my blouse back down and said, “I got a boob
job over the holidays. I did it for Jeff, who’s now never going to see them.”
Coach Renwick suddenly sat down on chair. “You had
surgery?” When I nodded, she ran her hand through her hair in an exasperated
gesture.
“Something wrong?” I asked.
“Honey, why didn’t you say something to me before you
did that?” Coach asked as she stared at the wall.
With a feeling of impending dread, I asked, “Why? Is
something wrong?”
The coach gestured for me to sit down in one of the
other chairs in her office. As I did so, she said, “You had surgery! The
cheerleading contest is only two weeks away! You can’t have any major surgery
within thirty days of the contest! Honey, you just disqualified yourself from
the contest!”
My heart sank and I felt tears start to well up.
“No! You can’t do that! I’ve been looking forward to this contest since I
became a cheerleader. It was one reason I stayed a cheerleader! Don’t do this
to me. I feel great. I don’t think it’d be a problem, coach.”
Coach Renwick just sat there and shook her head. She
said, “No, it’s school policy and it’s my policy. No, the risk of you
being injured is too high.” She paused a moment, then added, “I’m not upset
with you, Chrissy, but I really wished you had consulted with me first. You
could have gotten your boob job afterwards. Now it throws the whole contest
into doubt.”
I started to cry as I said, “You mean you’re not going
to go to the contest because of me? Coach, the squad can still go. We’ve been
working so hard to get there!”
“How, Chrissy?” the coach asked. “How? The routines
require six girls. We can’t do them with five. Our biggest sponsor, the
father of your friend Sandy, might pull out if you don’t go. Even if we have
enough money for the trip, we don’t have time to get a new girl up to speed on
the routines. Not in two weeks.”
I just sat in the chair, bent over and crying my eyes
out. “I always ruin everything!” I cried. “Everyone would have been better
off if I’d just said ‘No’ to you guys when you first asked me to be a
cheerleader. I should have – I was happy as a boy. I’ve cried more in the
past six months than I have in my whole life! I’ve lost my boyfriend, I’ve
lost the contest for the squad. I can’t do anything right!” My whole body
heaved from sobbing.
Coach Renwick rolled her chair next to me and put her
arm around my shoulders. She said in a soothing voice, “That’s not true,
Chrissy. Without you, the squad wouldn’t have made it as far as they did.
Even without the contest, we’re considered one of the top squads in the state!
That wouldn’t have happened without you. And even Jeff – he wouldn’t have his
scholarship without your help. We’ve actually had more spirit at this school
this past season than we’ve had in a long time. You’re one of the best
cheerleaders we’ve ever had, so I wouldn’t say you’ve ruined anything.”
I didn’t take much comfort in her words as I continued
to cry. I had ruined everything. If I hadn’t joined the cheerleaders, they
would have found some other girl – a real girl – to fill out the squad. I
would have stayed a guy and not be disappointing my dad. My life would be
normal and the squad would probably still be going to the contest. Mandy’s the
squad leader. Mandy’s the one who has been pulling the squad together, not
me. Coach should know that.
The only positive I can take away from this whole mess
is that the relationship between my sister and I are lot better than it used to
be. I’ve never been this close to her in my whole life. I can’t say we don’t
fight anymore, but it’s nothing like we used to do. And Diane treats her sister
much better than she ever treated her brother.
My crying slowed down as a thought gelled in my mind.
I said, “Coach. I think I have an idea. It still
sucks for me, but I think the squad can still go to the contest.”
Coach leaned back in her chair and said, “Oh? And how
is that?”
“I’d have to ask her, of course, but Diane could go.
Diane could take my place.” I said, sitting straighter in my chair.
"She's the best cheerleader this school ever had. She could get up to
speed on those routines in no time."
Coach Renwick frowned as she said, “Diane? She’s
what? Twenty-two? Twenty-three? Even if she said she’d do it, I’m not sure
if she could keep up with seventeen year olds. Not to mention that she’s way
too old to be a high school student. It’d be like cheating.”
“Coach, I’m a boy. You already were going to be
cheating.” I said.
* * *
As I headed for my third period class, there was Joey
at his locker swapping books in his bag, as usual. He looked up and when he
saw me approaching, his expression shifted to one of sympathy.
"Hi Joey,” I said as I approached him.
"Chris. I heard about you and Jeff. I'm really
sorry," Joey said. "Are you okay? You look like you've been
crying?"
With a clink of metal, I fell back against the row of
lockers. "I have a lot to cry about today. And it's just not about
Jeff." I gave Joey a brief run down of my conversation with Coach
Renwick.
His expression changed from concern to utter sadness.
He plopped to the floor, his back against the lockers. "Ah, fuck man, I'm
sorry! It's my fault. I knew I shouldn't have given you that card!" He
slapped his forehead with his palm and said, "I'm such a screw-up!"
I knelt beside him and put my hand on his shoulder. I
would have sat next to him, but I didn't want to get on the floor with a short
skirt on. I said, "Oh, no Joey! It's not your fault. You didn't know.
I really should have talked to Coach first. And Joey, I really love my
breasts! I feel so much more like a girl with them and I wouldn't have them
without you!"
"But because of me, now you and possibly the
whole squad won't get to go to the contest. You guys have been working so
hard. I've been watching you practice." Joey's eyes seemed to focus on
something far away.
"I have a plan, if I can talk my sister into
it," I said. "I won't get to go, but maybe the squad can." I
filled Joey in on the plan.
Joey looked over to me and asked, "Do you think
she'll do it? You guys look a lot a like, but you don't look exactly alike.
She's blonder and taller, I think."
"Details. Just details. I sure hope she'll do
it. She's very stubborn, but she really loved cheerleading." I looked at
my watch and said, "I'm late, I have to go."
Joey looked up as I started to walk away and said,
"Well, good luck with that, Chrissy. And I'm very, very sorry."
I turned around to wave and said, "Don't
be."
* * *
Five sad-faced girls stared at me at the lunch table.
Stephanie said with a pout, "That's like, totally unfair!"
I shrugged and said, "I didn't make the rules.
I..."
Stephanie interrupted, "It's not fair that your
stupid boobs are keeping us from going to the contest! Why didn't you wait? I
mean, jeez, girl. You're only eighteen. You shouldn't even be getting a boob
job!"
Bristling, through clenched teeth I said, "If I
had had boobs to begin with, I wouldn't have needed the boob job."
"I have to admit, that was pretty selfish of you,
Chrissy," chimed in Brandi.
"Girls! Girls," said Mandy. "People
are starting to look over here. Chrissy said she had a plan that might get us
to the contest after all."
I let my hackles back down, took a deep breath and
said, "For the record, I'm not guaranteeing anything. But this is my
proposal." I then laid out my plan to use Diane to pose as me, and I pose
as her.
Brittany said, "Ya' know, that like, might could
work. Your sister probably has like, ya' know, already done like, most of our
routines and all, ya' know?"
Brandi said, "What like, she said, ya'
know?" She then laughed.
Mandy took a bite of celery and asked, "When are
you going to ask her? Do you think she'll do it?"
"I'll ask her tonight. Knowing Diane, she'll say
'No' at first because of something stupid like 'that would be going backwards'
or some other crap," I said. "But I think her ego will get the best
of her. It always does."
After swallowing her sip of fruit flavored water,
Mandy said, "Call me as soon as you know something, okay?"
Nodding, I said, "I will."
* * *
The day was finally over. I walked slowly through the
rapidly emptying halls. The stares and the whispering had finally died down to
a minimum after lunch. Tomorrow will be a normal, albeit Jeffless, day.
After transferring my books from my bag to the locker
and getting just the books I needed for homework, I hurried around the corner
to head for home. I didn't look and bumped into someone, and almost dropping
my books.
"No running in the halls, young lady!" said
a stern voice. I looked up and saw that it was Jeff. A brief smile darted
across his face.
"Oh, it's you," I said sourly. I started to
walk around him.
"Chrissy, I..." Jeff started to say, and
then his voice trailed away.
I turned halfway 'round to look at him and said,
"I have nothing to say to you." I started to turn back around and
Jeff grabbed my arm.
"Chrissy, I need to talk to you," said Jeff
as he held my arm.
Scowling, I jerked my arm away and said, "Don't
ever touch me again!"
"Chrissy, please. Just one minute."
I stood there a moment, breathing noisily through my
nose. Finally I said, "Okay. One minute. I have to go."
"Chrissy, I'm sorry. I didn't want to hurt
you."
"Oh spare me!"
"Chrissy, I did love you. I...I still love you.
There's no other girl like you. But..."
Frowning, I folded my arms and said, "Go on. I'm
listening."
Looking flustered, like he couldn't find the words,
Jeff's face flushed and his muscles tightened. "It's just that...it's
just that, well...Dammit Chrissy! It was just supposed to a
pretend relationship anyway. We should never have allowed it to go as far as
it did.”
Taking a few steps closer to Jeff, I said, “I know it
started as a convenience for both of us. But it did grow beyond that. Every
time you kissed me, were you just pretending? It didn’t mean anything?”
“No.” The word emerged from Jeff’s mouth like a
gunshot. “No, Chrissy. I wasn’t pretending. I came to love you more than any
other girl. I’ve never even dated anyone as long as I dated you.
But…I…Chrissy, how can I say this?”
I just stared at him without saying a word. There was
no way I was going to help him.
“It’s just that…every time I thought of having sex
with you, I couldn’t stop remembering who you are.” I could tell Jeff was
having a hard time speaking.
“Remembering that didn’t seem to bother you much when
I…when I, um, serviced you,” I said, my anger building.
“That’s different,” Jeff said quickly. “You didn’t
have to take your clothes off. I didn’t have to see anything.”
I stepped right in front of him and looked up at those
blue eyes that no longer made me melt, eyes that were no longer inviting.
Trying to keep from shouting, I said, “It’s…still…sex! You didn’t mind me
giving you sex, but you couldn’t bring yourself to return the favor.”
Jeff gave me a disgusted look as he said, “You really
want something like that? I’m sorry, I’m not gay. That would be like, really
gay.”
“It would have shown your love for me,” I said
flatly. “Here you lead me on, taking love from me while you wouldn’t make love
to me because of some sexual hang-up? I’m sorry my plumbing isn’t to your
taste. But I’m all girl and you just threw away the best thing that has ever
happened to you.”
I spun on my heel and started walking away from him.
“Chrissy, wait!” I heard a few footsteps as Jeff
started to follow. Then they abruptly stopped. I didn’t turn around. I just
continued walking away.
* * *
“Not just no, but hell no!” said Diane as she stood up
from where she was sitting on the couch. “Where did you come up with such a
ridiculous idea? I’m too old to pretend to be you. Not only that, but that
would be going backward.”
“Come on, Diane,” I pleaded. “I’m screwed no matter
what, but the rest of the squad deserves to go to the contest.”
“For the last time, No!” Diane said with finality.
* * *
End of Part 9
since 08/29/06