The Reluctant Sister

by Melanie Brown
Copyright © 2004

Part 3

 

I awoke to a room saturated with bright light.  The bed was so warm and cozy, I just didn't feel like getting up.  Then I remembered that Gwen had said to come by in the morning to put in an application at the theater.

Pulling off my nightgown to get in the shower, I looked out the window.  The sun was shining brightly on the new fallen snow.  Good, I thought.  Maybe the roads won't be so bad when I drive over to the mall.

Before darting across the hall to the bathroom and the shower, I laid out my panties and bra, jeans and my pink turtleneck sweater.  As I started to pick up my bathrobe, I paused and looked at myself in the mirror.  From the neck up, even without makeup, I saw the face of a cute teen girl, hair cascading down past her shoulders.  From the neck down, all I saw was the body of a gawky teen boy, pathetically low on muscle mass.  I looked myself up and down and frowned.  What I saw bothered me.  The longer I looked, the more bothered I became.  I shuddered and then quickly put on my robe. 

 

*   *   *

As I bounded into the kitchen, Dad looked up from his newspaper and paused in his breakfast long enough to say, "Morning, Princess."

"Good  morning, Daddy!" I said as I grabbed a bowl from the cupboard.  The cereal was already on the table.  I sat and started pouring cornflakes into the bowl.

"I heard you had quite an evening."  Dad peered over the top of his newspaper.

"Oh! Yes!" I flashed a big smile.  "Gladstone's is wonderful!  I want to go there again.  Jeff then took me to a ballet!  Can you imagine?"  I took a bite and continued, "Then the snow really started coming down.  It was so beautiful.  And very romantic."  Maybe I shouldn't have added that last part.

Dad looked like he was about to say something, but he paused and looked away for a moment, then working up a smile he said, "You're all up and at-em this morning.  What have you got going?"

"I'm going to the theater to apply for a job."

Dad put his newspaper down and rested his chin on his hand and raised an eyebrow.  "A job, eh?  At the theater?"  I nodded and Dad continued, "That's great.  I don't think your sister worked the whole time she was in high school."

"Well, with cheerleading and all the clubs and stuff it's like, pretty hard to fit a job into a schedule."  I took another bite then continued, "I'm just going to work there until Christmas break so I can get a little extra Christmas money."

Dad nodded for a moment and looked like he was reading something on the paper that was now spread on the table.  "What made to you decide to pick the movie theater?"

"You remember Eddie's sister, Gwen?  She's been the manager there for a couple of years.  She knows who I am.  I've already talked to her about it."  I said as I finished off the cornflakes.

Looking up at me, Dad said, "On the application, which box for gender are you going to check, male or female?"

I frowned and said defensively, "Gee Dad, what do you think?"

"I'm asking you." Dad said, still looking at me intently.

"Dad, what do you see when you look at me?" I asked, flipping my hair back.

He didn't answer right away, then he said, "Honestly?"  I nodded again.  "To be honest, I see Diane ...with darker hair."  He frowned and continued, "I don't see my son at all."

"I'm still here, Dad.  It's still me.  But this is the way I am for now." 

Dad sighed.  "What did I do wrong, Chris?  Where did I fail you?"

"You didn't, Dad." I said earnestly.  "You're not at fault."  No, I thought, I can blame this upheaval in my life on Ed and his harebrained scheme a few years back.  Well, true, he can't be blamed for me becoming a cheerleader.

"Am I ever getting my son back?"  His eye twitched slightly.  "Or am I going to be giving the bride away one day?"

My face reddened as I blurted, "Bride!?  That's crazy!"  Hmmm, Mrs. Jeff Kowalski.  I could live with that!  To Dad I said, "In fact, during the Christmas break, I'm going to go back to being a boy." 

"That's good.  It'll be good to have you back.  But, you need a haircut."

"I'm not cutting my hair!" I said, folding my arms.

"Well, anyway, when we drive up for Diane's graduation, I want you to be Christopher.  I don't want her to have to deal with her brother wearing dresses and make-up until she comes home." said Dad flatly.

I didn't like his tone, but I said, "Sure, okay.  I can do that."

Dad went back to pretending to read the paper, his hands figeting.  Finally, looking at me sideways, he said, "How are you and Jeff getting along?"

I knew what he as asking, but I just said simply, "Good.  We're getting along good."

"How good is that?" Dad asked as he looked at me squarely.

I hestitated, started to say something else, then thought oh what the hell?  "We love each other Daddy.  There's no one else in the world I'd rather be with."

It was ever so slightly, but Dad winced.  His eye began to twitch and it was obvious he found it difficult to speak.  He folded his paper and rested his head in both hands for a moment and then looked back at me.  "Hmmm.  Really now?   That's something I never thought I'd hear my own son say.  At least not about a boy."

"Dad, I'm sorry but I'm really not trying to hurt you or Mom.  Getting a boyfriend wasn't why I became a cheerleader."  I said as I felt tears whelling up again.  "Our love just sorta grew."

Dad coughed, looked out the kitchen window briefly, then turned back to me and said, "Your mother and I discussed this before you got up.  She told me what she saw on the front porch last night. "  He paused again, looking away.  "You're still my son!" he suddenly barked.  His face softened and with resignation in his voice, he continued, "But your mother and I decided not to stand in your way.  We feel that if we forbid you to see Jeff anymore, you're likely to do something even more stupid."

Gee, thanks for the confidence.  But I said, "I told Mom I wouldn't let myself get carried away.  I know this situation is temporary.  Although..."  I let my voice trail away.  Dad raised an eyebrow expectantly.  Quietly I continued, "I like being a girl."

*   *   *

 

I felt some relief as I stepped through the doors of the mall.  It was just nice to get away from the house and all the tension building there.  The movie theater was right by the entrance so I decided to stop by and see about getting a job.  I tried the door, but the theater wasn't open yet and the door was locked.  I looked through the windows, but I couldn't see Gwen anywhere.  I'll come back a little later, I thought. 

The mall had only been open a few minutes and about the only people around were the mall walkers who arrive before any of the stores open.  I stopped in front of the computer software store and just looked in.  I used to spend quite a bit of time and Dad's money in that store.  I hadn't set foot in it once since I became a cheerleader.  I had no idea what the latest games were.  That reminded me that Joey Saotome hadn't invited me to any LAN parties in a while.  I'll have to talk to him about that when school started back up again.

The window promotional at the dress store next door to the software store caught my eye. It was about the line of prom dresses they were going to have available after the first of the year.  The prom!  I hadn't really thought about it until right then.  I looked at one of the pictures of a pretty prom dress in the promotional, then closed my eyes and imagined myself in the dress, dancing at the prom with Jeff.  The thought almost made me giddy.

"Hey, Frankenstein!" a familiar female voice called from behind me, jarring me out of my daydream.  I turned and it was Gwen.  "Are you here to see me?"

I nodded, "Yep.  You said to come by and fill out the paperwork."

As we started walking back to the theater, Gwen nodded her head back towards the dress store and said, "Starting thinking about what to wear to the prom, eh?  Has Jeff asked you yet?"

"No, it's still too  early."  I said.  "I'm sure he will though."

Gwen glanced toward me as she was unlocking the theater door.  "Oh really?  How do you figure that?"

I just smiled. 

Gwen paused as she was opening the door and groaned, "You didn't say you loved him, did you?"

I smiled, nodded, and said, "Yep.  Right after he said he loved me."

"Man, this just keeps getting worse and worse!" Gwen sighed as she unlocked her office door.  Gwen motioned for me to sit down.  "Well, since you won't listen to me anyway, I guess that's neither here nor there.  Here, take a few minutes to fill these out and be sure to sign them."  Gwen handed me a small stack of paper that was the job application.

I studied the sheets for a moment, then asked, "Which box do I check for gender?"

Gwen frowned and said, "Either way, if you're found out, we'll both be in a world of shit so let's minimize the odds some by checking 'Female'."

Gwen looked over my application for a few moments and said, "Well, other than your little gender confusion, there's no reason I can't hire you right now.  Can you start today?"

"Today?  I thought you said I'd start Saturday!"  I whined.

Gwen frowned and said, "Well, I do have all slots filled for today anyway.  How about tomorrow?  I'm short for Thursday."

I shook my head and said, "That's Thanksgiving!  I'll be spending the day with Jeff!"

Gwen was visibly ticked.  She frowned at me again before saying, "Would it please the princess to consider working Friday?"

I thought a moment.  If I'd been anyone else, Gwen would have already have told them she wasn't hiring them.  I said, "Yes, that would please her."

"Good." said Gwen.  "I'll schedule you for two to six o'clock.  It's usually fairly slow then so we can get you trained pretty quick."

"Two to Six?  But that's when I was going to...", Gwen's withering stare cut me off in mid-sentence.  So I said, "...well...be doing nothing."

"Well okay then.", Gwen said.  "I guess we'll see you Friday at two."

I sat there for a moment and then said, "You know, you're the second person to call me 'princess' this morning."

Gwen let out a short laugh.  "It's because you're getting more and more like Diane every day.  There were times when she could be such a bitch!"

*   *   *

 

It was official.  I was now gainfully employed, even if it was just a temporary job.  I was carrying my new blue denim shirt and ball cap both sporting the theater's logo.  I had to supply my own black pants.

As I was walking past the dress store that had the prom promotion in the window, the manager of the store came running up to me.  "Oh Miss!" he called.  "Miss, may I have a word with you?"

Wary of this complete stranger running up to me, I said, "Maybe.  Like what?"

"I'll get straight to the point.  I'm Mr. Watson, the manager of this store.  We're having a fashion show in late January and I was hoping you'd consider being one of our models."

A model?  Me?  I said, "I don't know how to be a model."

"That's fine.", Mr. Watson said.  "We always do a practise session or two before the actual show.  None of our models are professional.  We just use local highschool girls, since that's our clientele."

"Okay, I'll think about it."

He handed me a piece of paper and said, "Just complete this form and be sure to have your parents sign on the lines indicated.  I hope you decide to join our little show!"

*   *   *

 

I just sat in the car for a few minutes.  It seemed like such a big step, spending a holiday with Jeff and his parents.  This was definitely serious dating.  I took a deep breath and got out of Mom's Escort.

The door opened a few moments after I rang the doorbell, revealing Bill, Jeff's dad.  He said, "Hey Chrissy.  Happy Turkey!  Say, you don't have to ring the doorbell.  You're as good as family.  Just come on in!"

Yeah, right!  Like I'm going to just walk into Jeff's house without knocking.  I said, "Thanks, Mr. Kowalski, but I think I'd be uncomfortable just barging in."

"Suit yourself.", said Mr. Kowalski.  "Jeff's in the living room, watching the pre-game show."

I walked into the living room, and there was Jeff, sprawled out on the couch with a Dr. Pepper can in one hand and a donut in the other.  He looked up, flashed me a smile and said, "Hey babe!  How's it going?"

Before I could answer, Doris, Jeff's mom, came into the room from the kitchen and said, "Chrissy!  Thank you for coming. "

"Thank you for inviting me over!"  I sat down next to Jeff on the couch and gave him a little kiss.

Doris started back into the kitchen and said, "If you get tired of watching football, I could always use some help in the kitchen."  Crap!  I wasn't interested in watching the game, but I did want to sit next to Jeff.  Well, I'd wait a few minutes, then see what I could help Mrs. Kowalski with.

I snuggled close against Jeff, gripping his arm and closing my eyes. I felt perfectly content and I just didn't want to move a muscle.  I looked up and watched Jeff watch television. 

It's funny where life takes you.  Last Thanksgiving, while waiting for Mom to cook the turkey, Joey Saotome and I, along with some of the other geekoids were all logged on to our favorite game server blasting each other gleefully into oblivion.  And now, here I was, as a girl, snuggling warmly against my boyfriend!

At that last thought, I closed my eyes and snuggled more tightly against Jeff.  Then, from the kitchen, Jeff's mom called out, "Chrissy!  Would you mind coming in here for a moment?"

Sighing, I got up and gave Jeff another kiss before heading into the kitchen.  He didn't even notice.  I looked at the television and saw that the game had just started at that moment.  After taking a couple of steps, Jeff turned to me and said, "Oh, hey Chrissy.  Would you mind bringing me a Dr. Pepper from the fridge?  Thanks."  He turned back to the television. 

As I entered the kitchen, Doris looked over at me and smiled knowingly.  "I'll bet the game has started."

As I opened the refridgerator door, I said, "Yep, it has." and sighed.  I removed a Dr. Pepper can and closed the door.  "I seem to have become a waitress."

Mrs. Kowalski said, "Don't let it bother you.  That's just the way guys are."  Not all guys, I thought.  She continued saying, "After you give Jeff his soda, I could use some help getting some of things ready.  If that's okay?"

I turned towards her, smiled and said, "Sure.  I'd be happy to help."

I handed Jeff his drink and got a mumbled "Thanks" in return.  As I started to turn to go back into the kitchen, Mr. Kowalski, without taking his eyes from the game said, "Chrissy, could you bring me a beer, please?" 

*   *   *

 

I stood there looking at the pan with sliced potatoes boiling.  "Uh, Mrs. K, these are real potatoes in here." I said while holding a potato masher. 

"Of course, silly. " said Doris as she placed plastic jug of milk on the counter next to me.  "What else do you use to make mashed potatoes?"

"I've always just used instant." I said as I took the pan from the stove to drain out the water.

"Nonsense!  If you're going to be somebody's wife one day, you need to know how to cook real food." Jeff's mom said as she checked on the status of the turkey.

I almost dropped the pan.  Did she just say "wife"?  I hope she wasn't meaning Jeff as that "somebody".  As I was about to attack the potatoes, I paused a second and contemplated being Jeff's wife.  I could certainly think of worse things.  Like being Ed's wife.

I added some milk to the pan and began mashing the potatoes.  Or I should say tried to.  Those puppies were hard to mash. 

*   *   *

 

The game over, we all sat down at the dinner table.  Lots of good food spread out across the table, steam rising from each dish.  Doris and I made a pretty good team, I thought.

After everyone (all four of us) had been seated, Doris turned to Jeff and said, "Jeff, would you mind this time?"  Jeff just nodded and all three of them bowed their heads.  This took me by surprise.  It'd been quite a while since anyone had said Grace at our table at home.  I joined in by lowering my head and closing my eyes while listening to Jeff.  Just for a moment after he finished, I felt suddenly...uncomfortable.

Within seconds of Jeff finishing, Bill was standing with his electric carving knife.  He stood proudly over the turkey with the knife while Doris snapped a quick picture.

As Jeff passed me the bowl of mashed potatoes, the very ones that had put up such a noble fight, he said, "It's too bad you were in the kitchen the whole time.  It was a great game!"  Jeff's eyes took on a wistful look as he talked about the game.  I felt sad for him as his big dream of one day going pro or at least playing in college was never going to happen due to his injury. 

Smiling I said, "Well, I did see some of the game.  Let's see...how many sodas did I bring you?  How many bags of popcorn did I pop for you?  So I was in there with you pretty often!"  I laughed.

As I added a couple of slices of turkey to my plate, I said to Jeff, "Oh, I forgot to tell you!  I got a job at the theater!"

Bill said, "Congratulations!  Is this your first job?"

"Actually, it is.  I'm very excited." I said between bites.  I looked at Jeff and said, "Jeff, what's wrong?  You don't like me having a job?"

Jeff frowned and said, "Well, between school, cheerleading and now your job, it's not going to leave much time for us!"

Does someone have to have a problem with everything I do?  Pushing my hair back, I said, "Jeff, it's just part time.  And it's only for a few weeks so I can earn some extra Christmas money."

"I guess it's okay then." Jeff grumbled.  Yer dern tootin' it's okay, I thought.  He continued, "As long as there's some time for us."

Before taking a bite of celery, Mrs. Kowalski said, "Speaking of time Jeff, did you tell Chrissy about our Christmas plans yet?"

Jeff looked a little embarressed as he said, "Oh, yeah. I forgot.  Chrissy, I won't be with you on Christmas.  We're spending the whole Christmas break in Arizona visiting Mom's family."

"That's certainly disappointing." I said.  However, I thought that it couldn't have worked out better for my plan to spend that time as a boy.  "Don't worry.  I'll cope." I said as I took his hand and squeezed it.

*   *   *

 

Doris and I were in the kitchen trying to get a handle on the huge stack of dirty dishes.  Jeff and his dad were in the living room playing video games.  They were playing one of the newest titles and I really wanted to be in there playing it too.

As she was scrubbing a pan, Mrs. Kowalski looked over her shoulder towards me and said, "I just want to say 'Thank You', Chrissy."

I looked up from the plate I was drying and said, "Oh, no problem Mrs. K.  I don't mind helping with the dishes."

Without turning around, Doris said, "It's not about the dishes, Chrissy."  She stopped scrubbing and turned to face me.  "I want to thank you for everything you've done for Jeff."

I started to say something in response, but she continued, "After the doctor told him he wasn't going to get to play football anymore, Jeff got really depressed.  He started to hang out with a really bad crowd.  His father and I were getting worried.  His grades were falling and he seemed disinterested in everything."

I didn't know that.  Actually, I never even gave Jeff a thought until that fateful morning he first noticed me and thought I was a girl.

Jeff's mom took a step towards me and said, "And then he met you.  At first we thought you were just another 'Girl of the Week'.  But you helped Jeff with his schoolwork and we noticed his grades going up and he seemed interested in life again.  You were his inspiration that he drew that extra inner strength he needed to make his last touchdown."

I started to protest what she was saying, but she waved me silent and continued, "Chrissy, because of you, Jeff is on the right course again.  He's now going to go to college because of the scholarship you're helping him get.  Because you were that one special cheerleader, Jeff made a play that sent your school to the state finals and landed him in your school's hall of fame.  Jeff is now excited about the future instead of dwelling on his pre-injury past."

I could feel my face turning bright red as I sputtered, "Now Mrs. K, please stop.  I can't take credit for Jeff's successes."

Doris waved her hand again and said, "You know what they say, 'Behind every successful man is a woman'.  You're that woman behind Jeff, and I just want to thank you.  I don't know what the future holds for you two, but for today, you've made a huge difference in Jeff's life."

I just fell silent and drifted back a few steps.  This was pressure I just didn't want.  If I hadn't been there, would Jeff had still made that last run, the last touchdown he'll ever make, that won the game and boosted his own self-esteem?  Would his grades have turned around if I hadn't been there to tutor him?  Or would he just have found someone else to fill these roles?  It made me feel creepy to think that just by putting on a cheerleader's uniform I brought someone out of their personal tailspin.

Finally, in a small voice, I said to Doris, "You're welcome, Mrs. K.  I'm glad I was there to help out."

She turned, smiled at me, and handed me another plate to dry.

*   *   *

When I arrived home at a little past nine pm, Dad was sitting on the couch reading the latest edition of Guns & Ammo.  He looked up as I shut the door.  "Hey Kitten.  Happy Thanksgiving!  How was your day at Jeff's?"

"Hi Daddy."  I shrugged as I said, "It was pretty good, I guess.  Lots of goodies to eat.  I helped make dinner.  Jeff watched football."

"Sounds like a pretty wild party!"  Dad smiled and closed his magazine as I approached the couch.

Plopping down next to Dad, I said, "Oh, I had a good time and all."  I hesitated a second, then "But, Jeff didn't act quite right.  He paid more attention to the dumb football game than to me and he didn't like me getting a job."

Dad put a fatherly arm around my shoulder and said, "Well, Princess, that's what you have to expect if you're going to date a guy.  Especially if the guy eats and sleeps football."

I have to say, Dad's use of the same pet names he used to use for my sister was started to bug me.  "If I was a guy I wouldn't act like that!"  I said, folding my arms.

"If you were a guy?!"  Dad laughed.  "Chris, now I know you're getting far too carried away with this.  I don't care how much like a girl you look, underneath the make-up you're still a boy."

I stood up, hair flowing over my shoulders.  I looked down at Dad and said, "I sure don't feel like a boy anymore.  I must be a big disappointment to you, huh Daddy?"  I turned and stalked off.  Granted, it was a rather prissy style of stalking, but it still showed I was leaving in a huff.

"Christopher!" Dad barked.  I stopped and slowly turned around.

"What is it, Daddy?" I whined.  "I'm tired and I have a big day planned tomorrow."

"Chris, you're absolutely right.  I really don't like all this...this...girly shit."  He ran his hands through his hair as he stood up to face me.  "I don't like it at all." 

"I'm sorry Daddy.  I really didn't set out to hurt your feelings.  Honest."  We just stood there staring at each other for a moment.  Dad started to say something, then stopped, slowly turned away and sat back down, staring at nothing.  His eye twitched.

As I walked down the hall to my room, I stopped in front of the door to my old room.  I stared at the door for a few moments.  I bit my lip and just stood there, frozen, for a few seconds.  Suddenly I opened the door and went in...

"Hey Dad." I said as I stepped back into the living room several minutes later.  "How's it hangin'?"

Dad slowly looked around towards me, then smiled as he said, "Hey Chris!"

"Happy Thanksgiving, Dad." I said as I started walking over to the couch.  I had washed my face, removed my earrings, put on my old sweat pants and a t-shirt.  I had pulled my hair into a boy-ish ponytail and I'd stuffed it down inside the back of my shirt and put on one of my old ball caps.

As I sat down next to Dad, I picked up one of his latest car magazines and opened it.  "Hey, have you seen this new Ferrari?"  I pointed to the article.  "This is a cool car!"  Dad leaned over to look with me and started describing the details of the engine.  His eye stopped twitching.

*   *   *

 

I was very nervous as I walked into the theater at about fifteen minutes early.  I was wearing my new uniform with my hair in a loose pony tail that was stuck through the hole in the back of a blue ball cap.  Gwen was behind the snackbar counter and she waved as she saw me come in.

"Chrissy!  Welcome to the club!  Come on back here."  Gwen motioned for me to go behind the counter.  Gwen then motioned for those in the immediate area to come over to where we were standing.  "Guys, I want you to meet Chrissy.  She's one of our new part-time team members.  Please help her feel welcome and show her the ropes."

I felt rather embarressed and all I managed to say was "Hi."

"Chrissy, this is Holly, Denise, Martin, and Bobby."  Turning towards the really cute boy on the end, Gwen said, "And Bobby, you leave her alone."

"No problem there.  I know who her boyfriend is and I enjoy breathing too much."  Bobby said, grinning.  He had a really cute smile.

Pleasantries over, Gwen turned to Holly and said, "Holly, show Chrissy the ropes, okay? Martin, don't you have something to do in the projection room?   Oh, Denise.  Good news for you.  You're now no longer the lowest on the totem pole.  Chrissy now gets to clean the women's restrooms.  Have fun, Chrissy!"  Then she turned and walked briskly back to her office.

Holly turned towards me with a smile and said, "You probably don't recognize me, but I sure know you!  I'm a junior at JWB High"  Turning to Denise, who appeared to be around 20 or so, Holly gushed, "Chrissy is a cheerleader at the school.  She's actually dating Jeff Kowalski.  Isn't that cool?"

Denise furrowed her brow and wrinkled her nose somewhat and sneered, "And just who the hell is Jeff Kolwashkey?  Should I be impressed?"

Holly frowned as she said, "Jeff is, or I guess was, the football captain.  He's the one that took us to the state finals!   And he's majorly cute!"  She turned back to me and smiled.

Denise just turned away and started straightening a stack of empty popcorn bags.  As she rolled her eyes, she said, "God!  I'm so glad I'm not in highschool any more!"

To me, Holly said, "Don't mind her.  Well, I guess I should start showing you how to do things before it starts getting busy around here again.  Which it should do in about fifteen minutes."

Holly then proceeded to show me how much oil and popcorn to put in the popper, how to use the cash-register, and how to try to convince the customer buying a softdrink, that spending just thirty-five cents more for what amounted to just more ice was a bargain.

Customers started trickling in as the time got closer to when the next feature started.  The work really wasn't hard and in no time I was getting the hang of it.  I have to admit though, that I really didn't like having to check and clean the women's restrooms every two hours.

The last matinee of the day was getting close to starting, which also meant that I only had an hour more to go, when  a young family coming into the theater caught my attention.  The man and woman appeared to be in their early twenties and both looked strangely familiar.  The man, looking rather harried, was carrying a two year old boy, while the woman was big-time pregnant, looking ready to pop at any moment.

Just before he arrived at the counter, the man looked at me and his eyes widened.  Just before he spoke, it finally dawned on me who it was.  The woman was still at the entrance, fussing over a shopping bag that had spilled.

"Chrissy, is that you?" asked the man as he shifted his toddler to another arm.

"Shane!  God, I haven't seen you in like, ages!" I squealed.  I had to admit, I still have a crush on Shane, even though he turned out to be a real creep.  It was all part of that summer of strangeness that seemed so long ago.

"Really!  After Lisa and I got married, we moved to Bloomfield where I took over managing my uncle's used car lot."  Shane set his toddler down on the counter and looked me up and down with those very blue eyes of his.  What can I say?  I'm a sucker for blue eyes.  Continuing, Shane said, "We've been in town the past few days for the holidays.  We've been to a movie each day we've been here, but this is the first time I've seen you here."

I laughed as I said, "I just started today.  Wow, you and Lisa have been married for three years.  Is this your little boy?"  Still at the entrance, I saw Lisa frown in our direction.  She was more than just pregnant I noticed.  She was about fifty pounds heavier as well.

"Yes, this is Josh.  Say 'hi' Josh." Shane shook one of Josh's arms.  He looked at me and said, "Hey, I see you're wearing the earrings I bought you!"

Unconscously, I lifted a hand and felt one of my earrings and smiled, "Yes.  They're my favorites!"

Shane leaned in and said, "No offense, but why are you working here?  Isn't this mostly a highschooler's job?"  Denise shot Shane a deadly glance, but he didn't even notice.

Lisa started walking towards us as I said, "Well, Shane, I'm still in highschool."

Before Shane could say anything, Lisa said, "Must you flirt with every teen tart you see?" I don't think she recognized me.  With a twinge of acid in her voice she said, setting her bags down, "Watch our stuff.  I gotta take a piss."

He watched her go into the restroom, then Shane turned to me and with a confused look, said, "What do you mean you're still in school?  Weren't you a highschool cheerleader when we dated that one summer?"  Holly was trying very hard to look like she wasn't listening.

I could feel my cheeks getting warm as I started flushing bright red.  I looked down at my feet for a moment, then let out an embarressed laugh.  Finally I looked up and said, "Well, ah, Shane, I ...well...I lied.  I was fourteen when we dated."  And a boy.

Shane's face screwed up as he blurted, "Fourteen!  Why did you do that to me?  You were just a kid.  I could have gone to jail!"  Holly was no longer trying to hide the fact that she was listening.  Even Denise turned around.

I turned to look at Holly and said, "We didn't do anything.  Honest!"  Holly's expression indicated her opinion was, "Yeah, right!"  Turning back to Shane I said, "I'm sorry.  I didn't mean anything by it.  I was just trying to have some fun."

Shane looked off to the side as he said, "I'm sorry, but that really pisses me off.  Did what's his name, Fred?..."

"You mean Eddie?"

"Yeah, that dork.  Did Ed know your age?" Shane asked.

"Of course he did.  I've known him since I was a little bo...uh...little girl." I said, as I felt my cheeks starting to turn red again.

Shane laughed as he said, "That doesn't surprise me, the little dickweed."  He dug out his wallet and as he moved over to Denise's cash-register, he said, "This has certainly been an enlightening little conversation."

Denise glanced over to me and said, "It certainly has."  Turning to Shane, she said, "Can I help you sir?"

After getting a tub of popcorn and some gummybears, as he was turning to leave for one of the auditoriums, he said to me, "These days, I hope you're more honest to your boyfriends."  I don't have to, Jeff already knows I'm a boy.

I didn't say anything.  I just watched Shane walk away with Lisa and their son, then stared into space.  I could hear Lisa bitching at Shane as they went around the corner.

Holly whispered to Denise, "Looks like we have a girl with a checkered past, huh?"  She looked at me and laughed.

I reached up and took my off my earrings.  I started to toss them in the trash, then thought better of it and just put them in my purse.  I picked up a rag and cleaned the counter top.

*   *   *

 

I walked slowly down the empty hall towards the exit, the rustling of my jacket the only sound.  I'd stayed late at school for a short cheerleader meeting in Coach Renwick's office.  The meeting had been the highlight of the first day back at school after a week-long holiday.  It was sure hard to get back into the groove.

Actually, getting back to school was a nice break from the weekend.  Jeff had been a  real bear because I had to work Saturday night and we couldn't go out.  Then Gwen had me work a double shift on Sunday.  I was exhausted. 

As I pushed the exit door open, I was greeted by a blast of icy cold and the beautiful sight of snow cascading down from the sky.  The snow had started falling shortly after lunch, but already the campus was under a blanket of white.  I tried to look down the street past the parking lot, but it was obscured by the falling snow.  I was going to have to walk home in this, but I didn't mind. 

As I crossed the parking lot, a voice called out from one of the few remaining cars, "Hey girl, what are you doing out there in the cold?"  I looked over at the BMW and saw Joey Saotome leaning out his rolled down car window.

"Hey Joey!" I  called, as I changed direction and started walking towards his idling car.  "What's up?"

"I was goofing around in the computer lab for a while.  I was about to leave, but I spotted you walking home.  Don't you have a car?"  He got out of his car with a scraper in his hand and proceeded to clear his windshield.

"Nope.  It's only a fifteen minute walk.  I could be halfway home before you get your heater running and your windows cleared."  I smiled as Joey chipped away at the layer of ice on the windshield.

Grunting, he said, "Nah.  This will just take a sec.  Want a lift?"

I thought for a few seconds, then said, "Sure, okay.  Thanks."

Joey nodded as he started scraping the back window, then said, "Really though, I probably should walk and let you drive."

Puzzled, I asked, "Why is that, Joey?"

Joey stopped scraping and looked back at me and said, "To get used to the cold.  Dad is taking us back to his home for the Christmas break.   I'm taking an extra week off from school."

Surprised, I said, "Oh, really?  All the way to Japan?"  Joey's mom had been in the Air Force, stationed at Misawa, in northern Japan.  His dad had been a local doctor there and they started dating.  After her tour was up, she stayed in Japan and they got married.  After Joey was born, they moved to the states.

The windows being cleared, we climbed into Joey's Beemer.  It only had two seats.  As he eased the car into motion, I turned to Joey and asked, "By the way, howcome you haven't invited me to any LAN parties lately?  I miss getting together with the guys and playing some games."

Joey shrugged and said, "Didn't you get my emails?  After the third one, I stopped sending them because I figured you were just too busy with your boyfriend to bother playing games anymore."

Slapping my forehead I said, "Jeez!  That's right.  I haven't even turned on my computer  for a couple of months!  I'm sorry.  I'd thought you'd quit telling me about the LAN parties because I was a girl."

Joey snorted as he said, "Are you kidding?  We'd love to have a girl there.  Even a fake one!"  He flashed me a toothy grin.

"I guess I'll start checking my email more often." I said sheepishly.

We drove on for a few minutes in silence.  The car crunched to a stop on the snow covered road in front of my house.

"Here we are!", Joey announced.

I just sat there for a few moments, staring out the window at my snow covered house.  I faced Joey and said, "You're a smart guy and we've known each other for a long time.  Can I ask you something?"

He frowned and said, "Uh oh."  Then he shrugged and said, "Well, you can always ask.  I don't know if I can give you an answer or not."

I bit my lip, then slowly I said, "Do you think I'm crazy?  I..."

"Compared to what?"  Joey smirked.  "Sorry..."

"What do you think of what I'm doing?  Being a girl?"  I asked.

Shaking his head, Joey said, "Tell me what you think, first."

"Well... "  I paused, looking at the falling snow for a second.  "Well, to be totally honest, I like being a girl.  I like the tangible stuff, what you see and feel, like the clothes and make-up and how I wear my hair.  And more, I like the intangibles, the friends I have now, the way I feel...the way...the way I feel about Jeff.  It's mostly hard to explain."

Joey sat up and scratched his head and said, "I'll be honest with you Chris.  There's no way in hell I'd want to be a girl.  You couldn't pay me enough.  Don't get me wrong.  I'm not being critical of girls.  I love them.  I just can't imagine wanting to be one."

I looked down at the floorboard and said quietly, "So, I am crazy."

Joey leaned close to me and said, "Chris, I didn't say that.  I'm glad I'm a guy.  I wouldn't want to have to put up with all that stuff you have to do, like make-up, and fussing with your hair and all. Most guys just never even think about being a girl.    Hell, most guys would look pretty stupid even trying.  But you...well being a girl fits you.  I don't care what your chromosomes say, Chrissy, even to me now, you're a girl.  I don't even know why you're concerning yourself over it."

Pulling strands of hair away from my face I said, "Maybe you're right.  Maybe I think too much.  Still..."

"Something else besides being a totally gorgeous babe is bothering you.  What is it?" Joey probed.

"I'm not sure if I can put my feelings into words." I said looking back at the floorboard.  "I spent Thanksgiving Day at Jeff's.  I was looking forward to it so much.  I know this sounds weird, but I really love Jeff...a lot."  I paused, but Joey made no response.  "I was dreaming of spending the whole day cuddling with him by the fire.  But you know what? I spent the whole day, bringing him and his dad drinks and snacks, while helping prepare dinner.  Then I spent the whole evening cleaning up.  I hardly saw Jeff at all.  Ever since we said we loved each other, he's been kinda taking advantage of me."

Joey just smiled, then said, "Congrats.  You're officially a girl."

I stuck my toungue out at him.  "That's not funny...mainly because it's kinda true.  All my girlfriends complain about how their guys ignore them when their friends are around and expect them to wait on them."

Joey looked thoughful for a few moments.  Then he said, "You know, Chrissy, when you think back to when we were kids, it kinda makes me wonder if, deep down, you haven't been a girl all your life.  You just weren't aware of it."

I wrinkled my nose and said, "Now you're the one who's crazy.  I didn't dress or act girly as a kid."

Shifting his position in his car seat, Joey said, "You sure?  You never joined the rest of us when we started playing rough-house.  I seem to remember most of your friends were girls.  You wouldn't have played sports at all if your dad hadn't made you play Little League.  Yep, I've watched enough talk shows on television to say I think that, at your core, you're a girl."

*   *   *

 

That night as I lay in my canopy bed, wearing my nice warm nightgown, I thought about what Joey had suggested.  I don't know what he was talking about.  I know my own mind.  I know I'd never felt that I was a girl inside.  True, I like being a girl now, but I know it won't be forever.  Nope, I was just going to have to prove Joey was wrong.

*   *   *

 

End of Part 3

 

since 03/28/04