The Reluctant Sister
by Melanie Brown
Copyright © 2004
Part 6
I could barely drag myself to school Monday morning.
The long drive and the all the events of the weekend had tired me out. I was
so tired I didn’t even bother with make-up and just wore a sweater and some
jeans. My hair was still wet from the shower that morning and it was
bone-chilling cold. I’m sure I looked like a complete mess.
I had just opened my locker when Mandy appeared next
to me. “Hey girl! Wow, like, what’s with you today?”
“I’m just tired,” I sighed.
“Well, I was just curious about how things went with
your sister? Did you tell her about ‘Chrissy’? How did she react?” whispered
Mandy as she leaned a little closer to me.
I rolled my eyes and said, “Oh yes, we told her. She
had a cow over it!” I then gave Mandy a quick re-cap of Diane’s friends
wanting to dress me up and then the part where we attended the party.
Her eyes big, Mandy said, “Wow. I can’t believe that
a professor was like, going to try to rape you!” A couple of people in our
vicinity glanced over at us.
I closed my locker and said, “Hey, pipe down! I don’t
want the whole school to know.”
“Okay, sorry. But still! Wow.” Mandy shook her
head.
We started walking down the hall towards my first
class. Mandy said, “Oh, and about last Friday night. I just wanted to say…” We
saw Jeff approaching. Mandy nudged me and said, “Hey, I’ll catch ya later,
girl.” She turned down a side hallway.
Smiling, Jeff walked up to me and gave me a big hug
and a quick kiss. “Chrissy! How was your weekend? Did you tell your sister?”
There was no way I was going to tell Jeff about all
the details of the weekend. “The weekend was okay. It was a long drive coming
and going. Yes, I told Diane about me. She freaked at first, but I think
she’s cool with it now. She even called me ‘sis’ at the bar.”
Jeff looked at me sideways and said, “You were at a
bar?”
“Uh, well, sorta.” Rats! “She let me come to her
graduation party Saturday night. She snuck me in with her driver’s license.
It was really kinda boring though.”
“I thought you were spending the weekend as a … guy.”
Jeff let go of my hand and put his hands in his pockets.
“Well yeah, I spent the whole weekend in guy mode.
Jeff, don’t you trust me?” I stopped in the hall and looked up into his face,
trying to read his expression.
He just looked at me for a moment, and then smiled.
“Of course I trust you. It just bothered me, thinking of you in a bar full of
college guys. I…I just don’t want to lose you. That’s all.”
I smiled and gave Jeff a big hug and said, “You’re the
only guy I want to be with!” I thought, Jeff’s the only guy I can be
with. “Well, this is my class. I’ll talk to you later. OK?”
“You bet!” he said as he bent down and gave me a kiss.
* * *
Walking past the library on my way to my third period
class, I noticed Joey wasn’t in his usual spot. I wanted to talk to him about
the weekend. Then it dawned on me that Joey wasn’t going to be here this
week. He and his family were leaving early to go back to Japan. I felt
a little down realizing I wasn’t going to get to talk with Joey for three whole
weeks.
* * *
At lunch, I sat down next to Mandy at our usual
table. Sandy looked up and said, “Hey girls, look what the cat
dragged in! You’re a complete disaster! Are you trying to go back to your
tomboy look?”
I shot Sandy a look that should have melted the wall behind her.
“Thank you for noticing. I was just really tired this morning and I slept late.
I didn’t have time to really fix my hair or anything.”
Sandy smiled
sweetly and said, “Well, partying with the college crowd will do that.”
A chill shot down my spine. “Wha … what are you
talking about?”
“Even though my brother hasn’t graduated yet, a friend
of his graduated this weekend and she took him to a party Saturday night. He
called Sunday and one of the things he told me was about a girl there with the
name ‘Chrissy’ who was flirting with every guy there. He said he thought she
looked a lot like the girl who ran against me for Homecoming Queen.” Sandy took a
bite of her salad.
“I wasn’t flirting with every guy!” I blurted
out.
Sandy smiled
and said, “So it was you! My brother said you spent a lot of time with
one of the professors there.”
I was getting pissed. “OK, yes, I was there. It’s
not like it was a crime or anything.”
Mandy looked at me funny and said, “Actually, it was
a crime.” I shot her a dirty look.
Exasperated I said, “Whatever! I really don’t owe
you…” I looked around the table. “…or any of you, an explanation, but just so
you’ll know, that was one of my sister’s professors and he just wanted to
chat.”
Sandy asked,
“Does Jeff know you’re such a party-girl?”
Smugly, I said, “Actually, I did tell Jeff about the
party, and that it was at a bar.”
Sandy looked
disappointed and said, “Yeah, but I bet you didn’t tell him about the chat with
the professor.”
I was about to say I had, but then I realized Sandy would
probably ask Jeff about it just to get me into more trouble. So I said, “No.
There was nothing to tell.”
* * *
“Oh! That Sandy is just so … so … irritating!” I exclaimed to Mandy
as we left the lunchroom. “Sometimes I just want to set her hair on fire or
something.”
“Yeah, me too.” Mandy agreed. “Oh…and about last
Friday night. I wanted to tell you how sorry I was for leaving you so
quickly.” She looked around quickly, then continued in a lowered voice, “I
know you like, wanted a goodnight kiss, but like I said, it was like kissing my
sister or at least some other girl.”
I nodded and said, “I understand. Like right now, I
would never in a million years consider kissing you. But Friday, I have to
say, as a guy, I really liked it.”
“But like, you see?” Mandy said, gesturing with her
hands. “That’s the whole problem with me. You never really ever seemed like a
boy to me.”
“Well, we might hang out together, but you can relax.
I’m never going to ask you on a date again!” I laughed.
* * *
The icy wind sliced right through my coat as soon as I
stepped out the school’s door to start walking home. Little flakes of snow
swirled around in the wind. It was going to be a miserable walk home.
As I neared the parking lot though, I noticed Jeff’s
car was parked. I could see Jeff was inside. He honked his horn a couple of
times as I approached to make sure I noticed. He rolled down the passenger side
window and called, “Hey babe! Get in, I’ll give you a ride home.” It was an
offer I couldn’t refuse.
As I climbed into his car, I said, “Thanks Jeff! It
was going to be an unpleasant walk!”
“Hey, no problem! That’s why I waited here for you so
you wouldn’t have to walk in this stuff.” He paused a moment, just looking at
me. Then he said, “I didn’t realize just how much I was going to miss you when
you were gone this weekend. Saturday we leave for Arizona for
two weeks.”
“I know! I’ll miss you a lot too!” I said putting my
hand on his. I was going to spend that whole two weeks in boy mode. That way,
maybe my sister can…”
“Will you stop talking about ‘boy mode’?” Jeff barked
suddenly. “Stop reminding me you’re a guy.” He grimaced and turned away from
me to look out his window.
His sudden anger took me by surprise. “Jeff, please.
I’m sorry. I won’t mention it again, OK?” I put my hand on his shoulder.
He turned to look down at his hands for a moment. He
then looked at me and ran his hand down my cheek. He said, “So beautiful...”
He paused for a few moments before saying, “I love you so much, Chrissy.”
Before I could say anything, he pulled me close to him
and started kissing me hard, and very passionately. I put my arms around his
neck and returned his passion. I sucked on his tongue as it entered my mouth.
Jeff pulled me tighter against him and started kissing and nibbling down my
neck and on my earlobe. A wave of passion shot through me as I began to rub
Jeff’s chest and kiss his cheek and neck.
Jeff’s passion increased as we kissed harder and
embraced ever more tightly. My hand slipped to his lap and discovered just how
turned on he was. He let out a groan and held my hand there. Jeff’s kisses
were hot and furious and he started to breath hard. I started to massage the
very obvious bulge in his pants and in a breathless voice, Jeff said, “Oh God
Chrissy. I love you. I want you so bad.” Then another passionate kiss.
“I want you too, Jeff!” I cried. Wave after wave of
passion pulsed through me as we kissed. Was I ready for this, I wondered. Do
I want to do this? Fleeting glimpses of moon drenched grass at SpringerLake popped
through my mind along with a nagging feeling of shame. I pushed those images
from my mind and decided to throw caution to the wind. I started fumbling with
Jeff’s belt buckle as he slid his hand inside my sweater and started kneading
my bra.
Whack! Whack! I
almost jumped out of my skin.
There was a knuckle rapping on the driver’s side
window and a partially muffled voice called, “Hey, you people. We’ll have none
of this non-sense on school property!”
Startled, I looked around, trying to catch my breath.
The windows were all fogged over, so I couldn’t see who was outside.
Jeff, breathing hard, and suddenly not sure of what to
do just stared at me for a few seconds with an obvious “what the hell?!”
expression on his face. We both tried to regain our composure and I tried to straighten
my hair as Jeff rolled down the window.
Standing there, scowling, was Ms. Thornapple. She
started saying, “If you kids want to do this kind of…” Her eyes widened as she
saw who was sitting in the car. After a couple of false starts, she said, “Mr.
Kowalski! Mr. Davis! What are you two doing?!”
Did she just call me mister?
“Ms. Thornapple! How are you tonight? Chrissy and I
were…well…we were just…uh…studying. Yeah, we were studying before I took her
home.” Jeff struggled to say.
Ms. Thornapple rolled her eyes. “Oh really, Mr. Kowalski!
Is that the best explanation you can come up with?” She looked over at me and
said, “And you, Mr. Davis. I would say I’m surprised at you, but considering
how easily you slid into living as a girl, I guess I’m really not. But still.
Jeff have you forgotten that this is supposed to be your pretend girlfriend?
That Mr. Davis is a boy?” An uncontrollable wave of shame swept over me.
“Yes, Ms. Thornapple. Chrissy always manages to
remind me she’s a guy.” Jeff was turning bright red. I could tell he was
utterly mortified.
I wanted to ask her if she was just jealous because
she wasn’t getting any, but instead I asked, “Why are you saying these things?
Why do you keep calling me mister?”
“Christopher, you’re not actually thinking of yourself
as a girl, are you? I’ve seen you using the girls’ room instead of the one in
the gym like you were told to do.” She bent down to look better through the
window at me and said, “What if another girl saw something she wasn’t expecting
to see in the girls’ room? I hope you’re not standing up to pee!”
“Ms. Thornapple! That’s enough!” Jeff exploded.
“Look! You’re making her cry. In my mind, Chrissy is just as much a girl as
anyone born that way! Just look at her! She’s beautiful! She’s sweet.
She’s…she’s…well, she’s just everything any guy would want in a girl!”
Ms. Thornapple smirked, “Well, hon, maybe not everything.”
“Just what is this bug you have up your butt?!” I
almost shouted. “You’ve never talked this way to us before.”
Ms. Thornapple studied her fingers for a moment. She
looked up and said, “You’re right. I really am disturbed by what I saw going
on here, but there’s more to it than that. My fear is that if you’re actually
having a relationship, that increases the chance of you being discovered Miss
Davis. I know how teens are. You break up at the drop of a hat and someone
may decide to spill the beans just to get back at the other. When you had an
arrangement for your mutual benefit, who cared if you split up? Then, to top
it off, I’ve learned that our school records and accounts are going to be
audited during the Christmas break. What if I didn’t cover all your tracks?
We could all have our asses in a sling.”
“But we love each other.” I protested. “We’re not
going to break up. And if there’s any documents that say I’m male, just tell
them it’s a typo. I mean, like, who’s going to look that close at student
records?
Ms. Thornapple shook her head. “No, I image they’ll
be pretty thorough.” She paused a moment then said, “Look, why don’t you kids
go on home. I’m sorry about some of the things I just said, but be careful. I
never imagined you’d actually develop a real romance.”
As she walked away, Jeff started the car engine and
said, “Well, I guess I’ll take you home now.”
* * *
“She said all that?” asked Mandy through the phone
receiver. “I can’t believe that. Ms. Thornapple can be pretty mean when she
wants to be, but that’s a little much, even for her!”
“I know!” I said. “For the last couple of months,
she’s treated me just like a girl. She really embarrassed Jeff a lot. He
didn’t even kiss me good-bye when he dropped me off at my house.”
There was a pause, then Mandy said, “I have to say
girl, that I can’t believe what you two were about to do! I mean, like,
kissing is one thing, but that is just gross! You know I consider you to be a
girl and I love you as much as the other girls on the squad, but deep down, I
still know who you are. Getting that close to Jeff is just plain gay.”
“I don’t see it that way!” I said. “I’m his girlfriend
and I love him.”
“I know you love him.” sighed Mandy. “But is it fair
for you to let Jeff love you?”
“If he loves me and I love him, what else matters?” I
asked.
“I hope you’re right…for both your sakes.” Mandy sighed
through the phone.
We talked for a few more minutes before we hung up.
Was Mandy right? Was I being unfair to Jeff by
letting him love me instead of a – dare I say it? – a real girl? The more I
thought about it, the more I decided the question had no merit. Jeff chose me,
eyes wide open.
* * *
Tuesday was a better day. I wasn’t so tired and I
took the time to make myself look presentable. Sandy was almost civil…almost.
Just knowing that there was a two week holiday looming on the horizon made the
day drag. Still, after dinner that evening, I’d put the day behind me and
settled down on my bed to listen to the radio and read the latest issue of Cosmogirl.
I hadn’t gotten very far when the phone rang. When I
answered, the voice on the other end said, “Er, uh, hi Chrissy. This is
Danny.”
I had to think for a second, then said, “Oh, hey
girlfriend! What’s up?”
“I…I hate to bother you and all, but I was just
wondering if you would do me a little favor? If you weren’t too busy or
anything.” said Danny, sounding a little nervous.
Hesitantly, I said, “Ummm maybe. Like what?”
He paused a second then said, “Well, my parents have
gone out of town for a couple of days and I was wondering if you wouldn’t mind
coming over here and…uh…and show me h…how t…to put on my m m make-up.”
I didn’t really know this guy all that well. I was
probably the only one who knew his secret. Still, I thought that any guy who
dressed up like a girl might be some kind of weirdo or axe murderer or
something.
When I’d caught him in the women’s restroom, he’d
seemed harmless enough. After a few seconds of thought, I said, “OK, Danny. I
can show you a few things, I guess.”
With relief in his voice, Danny said, “Thank you,
Chrissy! You’re wonderful!”
I said, “You’re welcome. Just tell me how to get to
your house.” I paused for a second. “But I can only stay for about an hour or
so. I have to meet my boyfriend later.” I lied.
I eased the Escort to the curb in front of Danny’s
house. I was surprised to see the rather nice neighborhood he lived in. Dad
couldn’t afford any of the houses on this street. It was very cold and I ran
to Danny’s front porch and rang the doorbell. In a few moments I heard several
latches being thrown.
The door cracked open and I heard Danny inside
whisper, “Hi Chrissy! Quick, come inside!” It worried me that I couldn’t see
him. As I stepped across the threshold, I wondered if I was making another one
of my big mistakes.
The door closed behind me and I spun around. There
stood Danny, wearing a red micro-mini dress, pantyhose, a wig and three inch
high heels. He was also wearing nail polish and I noticed his legs and armpits
were shaven. With an embarrassed laugh, he said, “Hey, thanks a bunch for
coming over. I know you can’t stay long, but any help you can give me I’d
really appreciate.”
“Sure. I’m glad to help.” I said as he led me up the
stairs and down the hall to his room. The house was very nice. Expensive
furniture, thick carpet.
Danny’s room looked like a typical boy’s room, if you
discounted the several pairs of pantyhose, panties, several bras, a couple of
skirts and dresses and a box of make-up lying on his bed. I picked up one
dress, a floral pattern sun dress, and said, “Very pretty dress. Maybe you’ll
let me borrow it when the weather gets nice.” I said sincerely.
Danny smiled and said, “If it’s your size, you’re more
than welcome to it!”
“Thanks! Well, we don’t have much time, so have a
seat and let’s have it.” I said, grabbing the box of make-up from the bed.
Grinning wide, Danny sat down at his desk.
I went over the basics of applying foundation and how
to use his brushes. After going over everything once, I removed his make-up
and had him try to apply it himself. We had to wash his face a few times, but
after a few false starts, Danny was finally doing a pretty good job of putting
his make-up on.
I brushed his wig out, so it looked less like a wig.
Since he didn’t have a big mirror in his room, he led me to his parents’ room
where his mother has a full length mirror. He turned on the room light then
hurried to front of the mirror. He gasped, then squealed in delight, “Oh my
God! Look at me!” He then struck a few of what he hoped were sexy poses.
“I have to say, Dani, you’re very pretty. Any boy
would be proud to take you out on a date!” I said.
Dani turned to me and ask, “You really think so? You
really think I look like a girl?”
“You look great!” I said honestly. “I know you’re not
interested in guys, but I do think you’d have to beat them away with a stick.”
Dani pranced and posed in front of the mirror for
several minutes. In school, I really didn’t see him all that often, but
whenever I did, he usually seemed to have quite a dour disposition. But right
now, I’ve never seen him so happy. He’d spin on his high heels and watch his
wig and earrings fly away from his neck. He stopped and looked thoughtful for
moment.
“Chrissy, I just had the craziest idea!” he said as he
turned to look over his shoulder at the mirror to view the back of his legs.
Dreading to know the answer, I asked, “Oh really? Like
what?”
“Wouldn’t it be cool if you pretended to be a boy and
I pretended to be a girl and you took me out on a date?” He laughed and added,
“I’ve always had this fantasy about being picked up for a date while I’m
dressed.”
“I thought you said you aren’t interested in guys?” I
said, puzzled.
“I don’t, really. But what a way to validate my
femaleness by being on a date with a guy?” he said like it was a perfectly
normal thing to say.
“Well Dani, I don’t know. That’s something I’d have
to think about.” I really didn’t care for the idea.
“Oh, come on, Chrissy! Since you’re really a girl and
I’m a guy, it’d still be a boy-girl date. We’d just be wearing each other’s
clothes!” He posed in front of the mirror again.
“That’s something I’d have to think about. We’ll see,
OK?”
Dani shrugged and said, “That’s fine. I just thought
it’d be something fun to do.”
I looked at my watch and saw that it was after nine pm. I said, “I
didn’t know it was so late. I need to get going, but hey, it was a blast. It
was a lot of fun.” And actually, I really did have fun.
* * *
I didn’t think Friday was ever going to get here. Dad
had left in the morning to drive up in a rental truck to get Diane and move her
stuff back home. Jeff had seemed a little distant all week, but I blame Ms. Thornapple
for that.
I stopped by my locker before leaving school to put
away some books. Jeff was standing there, waiting for me.
“Hey babe.” he said as he put his arm around my waist
and gave me a hug. “Dad’s going to keep me busy tonight helping him get the
car ready for the trip tomorrow, so I wanted to catch you before you left
school.”
I laid my head on his muscled chest and pulled myself
close to hug him back. “I’m going to miss you a lot, Jeff.”
I looked up at him and he said, “I’m going to miss you
too, babe. A lot.” He bent his head down toward me and gave me a long, deep
kiss. We pulled away and he looked at me for a moment and said, “You’re my
girl, and I love you.”
“I love you too! You’re my guy, and I never want to
lose you!” I gave him another kiss. Even now, every once in a while I’d
mentally step back and marvel at the fact that I was somebody’s girlfriend.
I’m not complaining, it’s just not what I could have possibly imagined I’d be
while I was growing up.
He smiled at me and said, “You be a good girl the next
two weeks. Don’t let your sister talk you into going into any more bars.”
I laughed and said, “No, I don’t think that’s going to
happen. And I was thinking about spending the next two weeks in bo…” I was
about to say “boy mode”, but a pained look started across Jeff’s face. I said,
“…uh, spending the next two weeks just being lazy around the house.”
But Jeff said, “Why not just stay a girl? You know,
as far as I’m concerned, you’re the most beautiful girl in the world. Why
isn’t that enough for you?”
I looked at the floor and said, “It’s important to me
to try to get back in touch with the real me. I need to know if I can still
even be a boy mentally.”
Jeff lifted my chin up so he could see my face.
“Chrissy, this is the real you. It’s a big lousy deal that you were born with
the wrong parts. You’re a girl. Why do you think you were accepted as a girl so
quickly? Some of the other guys I’ve talked to thought you were a transfer
student, because they’d never knew ‘Chris’ existed. But everyone knows
‘Chrissy’. I’ve seen some other girls wear their hair like you and dress like
you. Why don’t you just accept the fact that you’re a girl?”
Holding Jeff’s hand as we started walking towards an
exit, I said as emotion started to tighten my throat, “I realize that more
people like me as a girl than as a boy. But Jeff, and I’m not trying to make
you uncomfortable, but the cold hard fact is I’m not a girl. I wasn’t born a
girl. I wasn’t raised as a girl. I thought spending some time away from
school would be a great chance to get back to who I am. Last weekend, I tried
being me for only two days and it didn’t work out very well. But that was only
two days. I just need to know. I’ll admit, I absolutely love being a
girl! I love everything about it, but it’s a lot harder than you think it is
and while the other girls on the squad accept me as an equal, they also know
that unlike them, I can go back to being a guy whenever it’s convenient. I’ll
also will never be able to fully experience everything real girls feel, good or
bad. I’m glad I’ll never have a period, but real girls have to learn to live
with that and it’s part of being female.”
Jeff walked in silence until we reached the closed
door that led to the outside. He stopped short of opening the door. Cold wind
whistled through the cracks. Jeff put his arm around my waist and again pulled
me close to him. “I’ll say it again, Chrissy. You’re my girl. Nothing is
going to change that. I love you more than anything.” He bent down and gave
me a long, deep kiss, the kind that just makes you want to melt. I put my arms
around his neck to hold him closer.
We stood there in an embrace for what seemed like
forever. Time seemed to stand still as Jeff continued to kiss me. For the
moment, nothing mattered except being Jeff’s girlfriend. Despite the cold
coming through the door, I felt warm all over. And, most of all, I felt happy.
* * *
That night I just lay there awake on what will soon go
back to being Diane’s bed in her room. I wasn’t quite ready to move back into
my old room just yet. Diane would return home sometime late tomorrow. I
suppose she’ll be upset that I’ve been wearing her underwear and other
clothes. She’ll live.
End of Part 6
since 08/13/04