The Reluctant Sister
by Melanie Brown
Copyright © 2004
Part 7
I had just finished breakfast and was lounging on the
couch in my peach satin camisole and tap pants, enjoying the lazy Saturday
morning that marked the beginning of Christmas vacation when, looking through
the living room window, I noticed a car pull up. I was shocked to see it was
Jeff’s parents’ car. I ran to my room, grabbed a robe and checked myself in
the mirror. Ack! I was a mess.
The doorbell rang and I ran back to the living room wondering
why Jeff was here. I thought they’d already left for Arizona. Not
really wanting him to see me this way, I slowly opened the door to reveal Jeff,
standing there smiling and holding three packages wrapped in Christmas wrapping
paper.
“Hey, Chrissy. Good morning.” Jeff said as he stood
shivering in the cold morning air.
I pulled the robe tighter around me and said, “Hey
Jeff! I’m surprised to see you. I thought you’d be on your way by now. Did
you want to come in?”
“I can’t. Mom and Dad are waiting. I just wanted to
bring these presents over since I won’t be here Christmas day. I know…I should
have given them to you when you gave me yours last week. I didn’t get them wrapped
until last night.” Jeff presented the packages to me and as I reached for
them, my robe started to fall open revealing some of my peach camisole. I
didn’t have my falsies on, so I was flatter than a pancake. Jeff’s smile got
bigger as he stared at me. I was embarrassed with my frazzled hair and no
make-up.
As I took the presents, I tried to hide behind them.
“Don’t look at me! I look awful!”
Jeff laughed as I set the presents on the floor and
made a feeble effort to hide behind the door. Jeff took hold of my arm and
gently, yet firmly pulled me out from behind the door. “You can’t hide from
me!” His eyes twinkling, he stared at me for a moment. “Trust me, you don’t
look awful.” He hesitated, then added, “Now, don’t get the wrong idea, but if
we ever got married, it’s nice to know that you’ll wake up as beautiful as when
you went to bed.”
I could feel myself blush. “You’re very sweet to say
that, but I did look at myself just a minute ago.”
Jeff still had my arm and he pulled me up against
him. “You are absolutely gorgeous…” he said as brought his lips against mine.
His tongue found mine and we held each other tight as we kissed deeply. I
kissed him as if I was never going to see him again. Tears started rolling
down my cheeks. Jeff pulled away and brushed a tear from my cheek.
Looking into his eyes I said softly, “I’m going to
miss you so much!” I kissed him again as more tears started to flow. I was suddenly
so filled with emotion, I felt as if I was about to burst. I started to shake
trying to keep from all-out crying. Jeff pressed his nose against mine as we
looked right into each other’s eyes. “I love you…”
Jeff hugged me again, wiped away another tear and said
softly, “I love you too, babe.” He tried to force a smile as we just stood
there holding each other. Finally, Jeff separated and lifted my chin up with
his hand. “I have to go. Take care of yourself. I’ll see you in two weeks,
OK?”
I just nodded my head as the tears continued to flow.
I couldn’t believe just how much Jeff’s leaving for the holidays was affecting
me. “Bye Jeff. You be careful. I hope you have a good time.”
He bent down and kissed me ever so softly, and lingered
for a moment. Then he stood up, looked into my eyes as I ran my fingers down
his cheek. “Bye babe. I love you.” He turned and walked back towards the
waiting car.
As the car rolled down the street, bathed in cold, early
morning sunlight, I whispered, “I love you too…”
Sitting down on the couch, I curled myself up into a
little ball, and cried.
* * *
This room was just too boyish, I thought as I stood in
the middle of my old room. Well, now it’s my new old room, I guess. Just a
few minutes ago, Dad had called to say he and Diane were about an hour out from
home. I’d spent Saturday afternoon moving my stuff out of Diane’s room and
back into mine. I decided for now not to take down the old posters in my room and
also not put up the new one’s I’d accumulated the past couple of months. I
couldn’t believe how much my taste in music and celebrities had changed in that
short amount of time.
Mom stuck her head in the door and called out,
“Chrissy, did you wash all of Diane’s undies?”
“Yes, Mom”, I said. “Her room is as pristine as the
day she left.” I paused a moment, then added, “And don’t call me ‘Chrissy’!”
“Sorry, Chris,” apologized Mom. “You just don’t seem
all that boyish to me.”
“Come on, Mom. I’m trying to get back into the proper
mental state.” I said as I pulled my hair back into a ponytail. My plan was to
stay in boy mode for the next two weeks.
Mom just made a snorting laugh as she said, “Well, it
might help if you removed your nail polish. And, those aren’t boys jeans
you’re wearing, either.”
* * *
I heard car doors slamming out front. I looked out
the window and saw Dad and Diane approaching the house. When Diane left for
college there was much rejoicing. At least from me, anyway. And when she
decided to stay at college to get her MBA, I couldn’t have been happier. And
now life as I knew it was about to come to an end. Diane stepped through the
front door.
“Mom!” Diane squealed as she ran across the living
room with her arms outstretched. “I finally made it! Oh! I missed you guys so
much!”
Mom braced for the on coming hug and smiled, “We
missed you too, honey! …ughff.” Diane hit Mom with huge bear hug.
Diane surveyed the room and announced, “And I missed
this house.” An odd expression crossed her face as she continued, “And I uh,
missed that couch.” Her eyes then fell on me. “And I missed my little baby
brother.” She gave me a little hug.
Still looking at me, Diane said, “I really expected to
see my new sister. Or do you only dress up when you go out with your boyfriends?”
Diane hadn’t been home a full thirty seconds and she
was already trying to pick a fight. “If you must know, since I’ve been living
totally as a girl for the past couple of months, I decided that while I’m off
for Christmas, I would go back to being me.” I defensively folded my arms.
“And my Significant Other is in Arizona during the holidays.”
Diane laughed and said, “Your Significant Other?
Oh please. Just say ‘boyfriend’. Are you ashamed of him or something?” She
suddenly noticed a framed picture that Mom kept on an end table of Jeff in his
football uniform with his arm around me while I’m wearing my cheerleader
uniform. “Wow, he’s cute. And you two make a cute couple. I approve.”
I was about to say something when Dad walked into the
house. He looked at me and said, “Oh good, you’re a boy. I’m going to need
some help unloading this truck and I’m going to need someone who isn’t worried
about breaking a fingernail. Get the lead out, I have to get this truck back
before six.”
* * *
No one talked for the first few minutes while we were
eating dinner. On the way home from dropping off the rental truck, Dad had
stopped by Taco Bell to pick up something to eat.
Diane finally broke the silence saying, “So Mom. What
do you think of what Chris has been doing? I couldn’t help but notice that all
the pictures you have around the living room are of Chris as a girl. You even
have some pictures of this Jeff guy. I’m guessing you approve?”
Mom looked uncomfortable. “Well, dear, I could hardly
have Chris’ boy pictures around if everyone knows him as a girl. And I didn’t
approve at first. I thought it was an extremely stupid idea. But, I have to
say that I’ve seen some positive changes in Chris since he’s been living as a
girl. I hope some of those changes stay after he switches back.”
Diane started to ask, “Chris, you mean you plan to…”
Dad interrupted her by saying, “Yeah, he’s actually
been a good girl. Unlike some other daughters I know.” Diane shot Dad a hurt
look. Dad ignored it and continued munch on a taco.
Diane turned back to me and asked, “Anyway, you’re
planning on dropping this girl shi…crap soon?”
Frowning, I said, “I’m committed to the end of the
school year. If I take the cheerleading scholarship, I may have to go to
college as a girl too.” Dad choked on his taco.
Diane shook her head. “Chris, you’d never survive
college as a girl. College students and professors are much more astute than
mere high schoolers and they’d have you pegged as just a crossdresser or drag
queen or something before you even got to your dorm room the first day.”
I laughed, “Yeah, just like your friend Phil and your
professor friend!” The sudden thought of Phil brought a longing ache to my
heart. “I mean Phil couldn’t even tell the difference between us. In fact, he
thought I was cuter. And not the mention…”
“OK, all right already!” interrupted Diane, cupping
her ears with her hands. “Maybe you could pull off the girl thing after all.
But, I tried cheerleading in college one year. It’s tough. A lot tougher than
high school.”
I shrugged and said, “Well, I haven’t made up my mind
yet. I don’t know if I’ll take the scholarship or not. It’s supposed to go to
Mandy.”
As she started to get up to clear the table, Mom said,
“That’s very nice of Mandy to offer you her scholarship.”
Looking sheepish I said, “She doesn’t know. She
doesn’t even know that Ms. Thornapple was planning on giving it to her first.
Ms. Thornapple offered it to me kinda as a payment for keeping her out of
jail.”
Mom looked at me sternly and said, “Then you need to
make some other arrangements with Ms. Thornapple. You can’t take that girl’s
well deserved award from her.”
Whining a little, I said, “Mom, it’s supposed to go to
the best cheerleader.”
“Make another arrangement with Ms. Thornapple. That’s
final. Tell her the award should go to the best cheerleader.” She disappeared
into the kitchen.
Dad got up and headed for the living room. I heard
the television turn on.
Diane was trying to suppress a giggle. Shaking her
head, she said, “I just can’t believe I’m hearing this conversation.” Looking
directly at me and pointing her finger right in my face, she said, “And you,
buck-o, I can’t believe what you’re doing. Not even considering that you’ve
been a girl for the past couple of months, for God’s sake, I can’t believe
you’re actually a cheerleader. After all the grief you gave me about becoming
dumber when I put on the uniform and how stupid and silly cheerleaders were,
you become one yourself!”
“I admit that I was wrong about cheerleaders.” I said,
studying Diane’s fingers pointing at me and hoping I could borrow that nail
color from her later. “Now I know just how much is involved in being a one. I
absolutely love cheering. Honest! I wish now I could have been a
cheerleader all through high school like you.”
Diane laughed again and said, “Wow, Mom’s right.
Being a girl has helped you a lot. You just admitted to me that you were wrong
on something!”
* * *
Diane was getting situated into her old room by
putting her clothes away and re-arranging some furniture. I walked into her
room and stood for a minute.
“Does the chair really work better on that side of the
room than where it was?” I asked.
Not even bothering to turn around, Diane said, “That’s
where the chair was when I left. That’s where it’s supposed to be.”
I was about to say something when I noticed the neat
piles of panties laying on the floor next to my…I mean, Diane’s dresser.
“Diane, why are you taking your panties out of the drawer and putting them on
the floor?”
She turned to face me and frowned. “Well, I plan on
burning them since I suspect you’ve worn all of these, which means your dong
has been in them. Not to mention that you’ve probably farted in every one of
them.”
“Like you don’t fart!”
“Girls don’t fart.” Diane said smugly.
I snorted a laugh and said, “Can you say…‘bullshit’?”
I picked up a panty from the pile. “Take this one for instance. This brown
streak was already there before I ever wore it. Ewww…see this panty with the
brownish red stain? You couldn’t pay me to wear that one!”
Diane snatched the panty from my hand and before I
could react, had pulled it over my head. “Oh! Eww! Yuck!” I sputtered as I
clawed the panty from my face. “That’s not funny!”
Diane laughed, “Maybe not, but watching you try to
pull it off your head was!”
Feigning anger, I tossed the panty on the pile. I bent
down and picked up my favorite panty – a black, lacy, satin panty and asked,
“You aren’t really going to burn these. So what are you going to do with
them?”
“Actually, I really was going to burn them. Why?
What do you care?” Diane asked.
“Because I like some of these.” I said, caressing the
black satin panty. “If you don’t want them, can I have them?” I asked
hopefully.
Shrugging, Diane said, “Sure, I guess. Take all you
want. But just from that pile on the floor. The ones in the drawer are mine
and I don’t want to catch you in them!”
“Thanks. There were a couple of dresses in your
closet I liked too…” I said hesitantly.
Pretending to be annoyed, Diane snapped back, “Don’t
you have any of your own freakin’ dresses? What kind of girl doesn’t have a
closet full of her own dresses?”
“One that’s only been a girl two months!” I squealed.
“Christmas is coming up this next weekend you know. Wink wink.”
Diane shrugged and said, “Sure, OK. I’ll box up a
couple of my old dresses and give them to you for Christmas. Sure’ll make it a
cheap Christmas!”
“No way! You don’t give used clothes for Christmas
presents!”
“Maybe we should start a new tradition!” Diane
grinned.
She studied the fabric of a panty she was holding for
a moment. Without looking up, she said, “Mom said you were crying this
morning. Don’t tell her I said anything to you. She said she came up to hug
you, but you really wouldn’t tell her why you were upset. She thought it had
something to do with Jeff.”
I ran my toes along the small pile of undies on the
floor. Finally I said, “Yeah, it was about Jeff. I don’t really know why I
was so taken over by emotion, but he stopped by to say good-bye on his way to Arizona.” I
paused a moment, then continued, “I won’t see him for two weeks, Diane. Since
we started dating, we haven’t been apart for two days. I guess it just sorta
overwhelmed me.”
Diane shook her head. “Don’t get so hung up on Jeff,
Chris. He’s just a guy. Guys always manage to find some way to hurt you.”
“Jeff’s different. He’s really cool. You’ll like
him. Just don’t like him too much!” I joked. “He’s very special.”
Looking at me sideways, Diane said, “You’re really
hung up on him, aren’t you?” I nodded and she continued, “Just be careful.
Guys always seem special at first.”
“You’re thinking of Phil, aren’t you?” Diane nodded
after a moment’s hesitation. “What happened? Phil seemed very nice and
well…very cute.” We won’t even mention his heavenly kisses.
Diane tossed the panties she was holding into her dresser
and slammed it shut then turned towards me. “The usual crap guys pull. I
caught him with another girl. Tried to say she was his cousin from Wisconsin.”
“Maybe she was.” I suggested.
“She was naked. Outside of Arkansas, who
gets naked with their cousin?” Diane snapped.
“I’m sorry.” was all I could say.
“It’s OK. I got my revenge. He French kissed my
brother.” she grinned. She let out a short laugh and said, “I never thought
I’d be giving my brother advice on boys.”
I touched her shoulder and said, “Hey, I’m your sister
whenever you need one.”
She put her arms around me and gave me a big hug.
“Thanks. It’s nice having a sister.”
It was a Hallmark moment…
* * *
“Dad!” I yelled. “Dad, make her give them back!” I
yelled again as I chased Diane down the hallway.
“Get lost, creep. You didn’t care anything about them
until I picked them up!” Diane yelled back as Dad caught up to us.
Looking tired, Dad asked, “OK. Now what’s this
fight about?”
“She’s wearing my earrings! She didn’t even bother to
ask!” I squealed.
Dad started to say “Diane, now why…”
Interrupting, Diane shouted, “You’re not wearing
them! You’re a boy now. What do you care?”
“Now Chris, why…”
“Those are my favorite earrings! They’re special.
Now give them back!” I yelled.
“Diane, why don’t you…”
“Special?” Diane sneered. “What would make these
earrings special? They’re pretty, but why are they special?”
“Chris, now why…”
“Well, they just are, that’s all!” I said,
trying to sound forceful and manly.
“Diane, you should…”
“I bet a boy gave these earrings to you, true? Was it
Jeff?” Diane asked with a mocking laugh.
“Chris, who…?”
“If you must know, Shane gave me those earrings!” I
shouted back.
“Diane, you really should…”
“Oooh! Shane! ‘Shane, come back!’ My God, Chris, how
many boyfriends do you have, anyway?”
“Diane!” Dad shouted. “For God’s sake, give him back
the stupid earrings!”
“Dad!” I shouted. “Don’t yell at my sister like
that! I can’t believe you did that!”
“Yeah, Dad. I wasn’t doing anything. And, I think
these are very pretty. Don’t call Chris’ earrings stupid!” Diane shouted at
Dad.
“Diane, I don’t mind if you borrow my earrings.” I
said defiantly.
Dad shook his head and turned around and walked slowly
away. I heard him mumble, “I think I could use a stiff drink…”
* * *
It felt good to be a slob again. I stretched out on
the couch, wearing sweat pants and an old t-shirt with a rip in the armpit, a
sock with a hole at the big toe and sipped my hot chocolate. The television
was on and life was good.
Mom walked by and said, “You certainly look
comfortable.”
“Yeppers.” I replied. “I think I’m going to stay
right here all day.”
“Well, if you want to get a shower in this morning,
you’d better go now. Your sister spends about an hour in the shower,” said Mom
with a sigh.
“Naw. I’m not going to take a shower today.” I told
her. “And, I might not take one tomorrow either!”
Down the hall, I heard Diane turn the water on in the
shower. I was disappointed that it was only fifteen minutes later that she
turned off the water. Great. So much for peace and quiet. Maybe she’ll go
shopping or something and get out of the house.
Another fifteen minutes passed by before I heard
Diane’s voice behind me say, “Oh, there you are! I was going to head over to
the mall to visit Gwen. Why don’t you come with me?”
Frowning, I said, “Sorry sis. I plan to stay right
here. Besides, everyone down at the theater knows me as a girl. I can’t show
up as a guy.”
Plopping down on the couch next to me, Diane said, “No
problem. Go change your clothes and put on a little make-up. Maybe we can all
get lunch later.”
I didn’t move. Annoyed, I said, “I’m not moving. You
know I’m staying in boy mode for the next two weeks. I’m enjoying every second
of it.”
“Oh come on! Do you really want us talking about you
behind your back?”
“Diane, you’re going to do that anyway, so why not
start now?”
Diane shoved my legs off the couch. “I’m gonna kick
Gwen’s butt. Don’t you want to watch?”
As I pulled my legs back up on the couch, I looked to
end of the couch where Diane was sitting and said, “No, not particularly.
Gwen’s been pretty good to me.”
Suddenly standing, Diane burst out, “Good to you!?
How can you say that? She…she…turned you into a girl, for God’s sake!”
I sat upright and said flatly, “She didn’t turn me
into a girl. I still got my all my body parts. Wanna see?”
“Ugh, please, no.” Diane covered her eyes just in
case. “But you have to admit that if she hadn’t dressed you up in the first
place, you wouldn’t be a cheerleader today.”
“You’re right,” I agreed. “You’re absolutely right.
Maybe I should go thank her. I told you last night I loved being a
cheerleader.”
Diane folded her arms and said, “Come on, go with
me. You know Mom isn’t going to let you lay on the couch all day.”
“I said, ‘No’! And that’s final.” I said and turned
back to watching television.
* * *
“Hey, they have a lot of nice prom dresses this year.”
Diane said as we looked through the window of the dress store near the
theater. “Has Jeff asked you to the prom yet?”
“No. But it’s still pretty early. I doubt he’s even
given it much thought.” I sighed. “But, I don’t know what I’d wear anyway. I
mentioned prom not long ago to Dad and he’s opposed to buying me a prom dress.
He said there’s a perfectly good one hanging in your closet.”
“You’re not wearing my prom dress! No way!”
protested Diane.
“He said your dress was only worn once, so what’s
wrong with me wearing it? I tried to tell him I wanted my own prom dress. Oh,
well. We have a few months to wear him down.” I sighed again. There was one
very pretty blue gown that I wanted real bad. But, not only was it very
expensive, but it also looked like it needed the wearer to have real boobs.
Finally, we walked on towards the theater. Through
the window, we could see Gwen busy behind the counter. A couple of other
employees were cleaning. The theater wasn’t open yet and the door was locked.
Diane rattled the door to make Gwen look up. Gwen looked surprised and then
hurried over to the doors.
The door flung open and Gwen shouted, “Diane! You’re
back! What a surprise.” She proceeded to give Diane a big hug. She then
ushered us inside and she locked the doors behind us. “It’s good to see you
again. I was beginning to think you were never coming home again.”
Diane studied her old friend and said, “It’s good to
see you too Gwen. I can’t believe you’re still working at the theater.”
Gwen shrugged, and said, “Well, there’s not much here
in this town.”
Diane said, “Well, I doubt I’ll be in town much
longer. Now that I have my MBA and after I start sending out my resume, I’m
sure I’ll have so many offers in a few weeks, I’ll have my pick of just about
any city I want to move to.”
“Keep dreaming, kid.” Gwen said.
“I also came by here to kick your sorry ass!” said
Diane, with a ting of real anger in her voice.
The other employees looked around and Gwen said,
“Let’s continue this conversation in my office, shall we?”
Gwen led us to her office, where she motioned for us
to sit down while she closed her door. As she sat down herself, she asked,
“Now what the hell was all that about?”
“I think you know.” Diane said. She pointed at me and
said, “You turned my little brother into a girl! What the hell were you
thinking?”
Gwen glanced over to me and said, “I thought you liked
being a girl?”
Before I could answer, Diane said, “She…he
wouldn’t even have considered being a girl right now if it hadn’t been for
you!”
Gwen’s face darkened as she nearly shouted, “Hey, that
was several years ago and I thought it was just a harmless one-time prank Chris
and my brother were going to pull. How was I supposed to know it’d cause a
lifestyle change in him? Besides, I’ve already apologized I don’t know how
many times to Chrissy.”
Diane opened her mouth, but I jumped in saying, “Gwen,
I’ve told you a hundred times already, this isn’t your fault. You have nothing
to apologize for. We can all argue about how smart it was, but I’m the one who
put myself in this position. When the cheerleaders first approached me to join
them, they didn’t know I had dressed as girl before. How could they? They
wanted me because I was related to the school’s best cheerleader ever.”
Diane sighed and said, “Really? Um, well, I’m just
worried about Chris and how this will impact his life. Gwen, you know our dad
had to see a shrink after Chris’ first girlish adventure. I was worried about
my parents, but to honest, I think they both have decided they like Chris as a
girl.”
“You’re joking, right?” I asked.
She shook her head. “Nope. They might not say it,
but they sure suggest it. I don’t know how many times Dad has said since I got
home how much easier you’ve been as a daughter than me.”
Gwen relaxed and sat back in her chair. “See? What’s
the problem? Chris here is happier as a girl. Her parents are happy he’s a
girl. To be honest, I’m pretty happy too since she’s my best little
salesperson. She sells more up-sized popcorn and sodas than anyone else. Why
can’t you come to terms over this?”
Diane frowned. “I’m just worried about him. Especially
if he goes to college as a girl. I…well…dammit, remember that transsexual we
knew at the university?”
Gwen thought a moment and then said, “You mean Tracy? I
remember her. We discovered she wasn’t a girl that night at my apartment. She
was so drunk she was taking a piss in my bathtub…standing up.”
“That’s her.” Turning to me, Diane continued, “She
was a sweet girl. Very nice. Very pretty. You’d never guess she wasn’t
born a girl. She was in a program and hoped to have her surgery as soon as she
could afford it. Well, the summer after Gwen graduated, I stayed at the college
and so did Tracy. She was taking some art classes or something.
Anyway, one day she was all excited about a boy she’d met. They’d gone out a
few times and she was fretting about telling him about her…secret. She was
afraid if she told him, she’d lose him. But she was also afraid of him finding
out on his own and still losing him. I told her just have a few laughs and
don’t get serious with him. I should have told her to not see him anymore.
That it’d be best if she didn’t date until she was all girl.”
Worried that I wasn’t going to like the answer, I
asked, “Why? What happened? Did he find out? Was he mean to her?”
Diane started to tear up as she said, “Oh yeah, he
found out. I talked to her just before she left for her last date with this
guy. She was all happy and excited to find someone so understanding and so
right for her. Well, it turns out, that night he gave her a date rape drug and
took her back to his apartment with some of his friends. When they ripped her
clothes off, they discovered she’d been hiding something from him. Instead of showing
his anger by just walking away or yelling at her, or even just slapping her,
he…he strangled her, in front of his friends cheering him on.”
Shocked at what I’d heard, I said, “Did she …?”
Diane looked right through me, “Die? Yes, she died.
He was arrested and went to trial. The D.A. really didn’t want to try the case
because Tracy was transsexual and even said he thought the trial
was a waste of taxpayer’s money. The guy was convicted of manslaughter and
only got a few months in jail. The jury agreed that Tracy got what
she deserved because she “fooled him.”
Angry, Gwen asked, “Where’s this worthless creep now?”
Diane said, “Oh, he’s back in jail on charges of two
counts of rape.”
We all sat silently in Gwen’s office for several
minutes.
* * *
We sat down with our burgers at the Carl’s Jr. for a
late lunch. It was trying very hard to snow outside.
Between nibbles on my burger I said, “Why the hell did
you bring that up in Gwen’s office? I’m going to be depressed for a month!”
“Sorry. But I wanted you to know why I didn’t want
you to go to college as a girl. You seem to be as boy-crazy as I used to be
and I don’t want you to get hurt.” Diane twirled a fry, as if she was not sure
if she really wanted to eat it or not.
“You don’t have to worry about me. I doubt Jeff and I
will be together at college, but honestly, I’m really not interested in guys.”
I said as I took another bite from my burger.
Diane gave me a “yeah, right!” look as she said, “Oh,
like you wouldn’t chase after Phil if he showed up again.”
“OK, OK. Maybe there are some guys I like.
But you’ve warned me now. I’ll be careful.”
Looking very serious, Diane said, “You’d better be.”
* * *
It was the day before Christmas Eve and I was about to
climb into bed when I noticed something lying across the bedspread. It was warm
flannel nightgown, white with red trim on the sleeves, neck and hem. On the
front was a picture of Rudolf and a Christmas tree with the words ‘Merry
Christmas’ across the top. I laughed when I picked it up to look at it. I’d
been a boy for the past couple of days so I didn’t know where the nightgown had
come from. I decided what the heck and stripped down to my panties (even as a
boy I wear panties…just too comfy not to), let my hair down, and slipped the
nightgown over my head, fluffing my hair through the neck hole. The nightgown
felt great!
I opened my room’s door and peeked down the hall. The
light was still on in Diane’s room. In a moment, I stood in front of her door
and knocked softly. She opened the door and smiled.
“I see you found the nightgown I got you.” She said
matter-of-factly. She was wearing a similar nightgown, with a picture of Santa
Claus standing in front of a fireplace.
“Yep! I think it’s adorable!”
“I’m glad you like it,” she said as she sat down on
her bed. She motioned for me to join her. As I climbed onto the bed, Diane
said, “I have to confess…” she paused a moment. “I have to confess that I was
wrong about Chrissy.”
Puzzled, I asked, “How? What do you mean?”
Diane stretched out on her bed, laying on her side
looking at me. “I think Chrissy has been a very positive thing for you. The
other day when we got back from visiting Gwen, you helped Mom with the
housework and always seemed to be doing something. The last couple of days as
a guy, you’ve laid around the house watching television or playing computer
games.”
I smirked, “Doesn’t that sound kinda cliché? The girl
being domestic and the guy being a slob? Chris and Chrissy is the same
person.”
Shaking her head slightly, Diane said, “I don’t agree
with that. I think Chris is just half a person. Chrissy is the complete
person. As for being cliché…well, men and women do think differently. I
haven’t seen that much of Chrissy yet, but I think I’m starting to like her
better than Chris.”
“Just because you always wanted a sister!” I teased.
“No, it’s more than just that.” Diane looked
thoughtful for a moment, then asked, “Why do you like boys? I never saw that
in you before.”
“I don’t know. It just seems to go with being a
girl. I don’t chase guys, they come after me. I try to avoid them at first,
but they keep at me.”
“It’s clear you’re head-over-heels in love with Jeff,
that’s for sure.”
“I wasn’t at first. I tried to avoid him at the
beginning. He was liking me, even before I started trying to look like a girl.
I wasn’t trying to like him, but when he tried to kiss me that first time, he
took me by surprise, but I know wouldn’t have resisted anyway, and I can’t say
why.”
Diane bit her lip and hesitated a second before
asking, “Have you and Jeff had sex? I’m just curious.”
“No.” I said flatly. “We haven’t.”
“You sound disappointed.”
“In a way, I guess. I mean, I want our relationship
to go deeper. I want to be totally his girlfriend. But he’s already told me
he doesn’t want to see me naked. And I can’t blame him. Despite how he feels
about me, he really isn’t interested in guys and he hates being reminded of
what I really am. And deep down, I’m not sure if I really want to have sex
that way. There was that time with Eddie…” my voice trailed away as I started
to tear up.
Diane sat up and asked, “What about Eddie? You just
went on a pretend date, right? That’s what Gwen told me. She thought it was kinda
funny because Eddie couldn’t ever get a date with a real girl. You went out a
few times after that and then quit.”
“That’s sorta true.” I said. I then gave Diane a
brief recount of going to Lisa’s party, then meeting Shane at the mall and the
disaster of my big date with him. And finding myself falling in love with Ed
at the concert. “We went on a few dates after that, with me sneaking out of
the house to meet Eddie. We’d go to some fast food place then to Harvey’s. One
evening, I still don’t know why, we wound up at SpringerLake.”
Diane interrupted to say, “That’s a great make-out
place.”
I gave Diane a pained smile and said, “Yeah, that’s
what was on Eddie’s mind. He was getting pretty hung up on me as a girl. And
I have to say, I was totally in love with Eddie. I had developed a huge,
schoolgirl crush on him. Anyway, we started kissing and hugging and getting
really carried away. One thing led to another and I completely lost my senses
I guess. Eddie was naked in the grass and I was down to my bra and panties. It
happened so fast, I didn’t even think about it. Before I knew it, I…I…” I
hadn’t let this thought into my head in years. It was painful to even think
about. Trying to force myself to say it took tremendous effort. I started to
cry. “I…I…dammit, I put it in my mouth! I actually gave Eddie a blow job!” I
started crying uncontrollably. All the years of pent up shame and self
loathing poured out.
The memory was almost too much to put into words. “Th…Then
Eddie pulled my panties down and …and grabbed my ass and started to pull me
towards him. I…I was going to let him do it. But I said to him, ‘Eddie, no.
Please don’t.’ He suddenly seemed to realize where he was and what he was
doing. He stopped and started to go limp. He fell back onto the grass and looking
away from me, said, ‘What in hell are we doing?’ He never would talk
about it afterwards.”
Crying, with tears streaming down my face, arms folded
tight against my chest, I said, “I hated myself after that. I never wanted to
put on girl’s clothes again.”
Diane hugged me tight. “Oh my God, Chrissy.” A
shocked expression flashed across her face. “You shouldn’t hate yourself over
that. You were in love with him. It was a normal reaction. It’s OK.”
Shaking from the crying I said, “No it’s not normal.”
Diane tried to sound soothing as she said, “It’s a
normal for a girl who’s totally in love with her guy and wants very badly to
please him.”
“That’s just it!” I almost shouted. “I’m not a girl, dammit!
I’m not a girl.” I started to cry uncontrollably. “I’m a boy. And a very
sissy boy at that!” My body shook from sobbing so hard.
Diane sat up and held my head in both her hands to
make me look at her. “Chris, you’re not a sissy. You’re not even a boy.
You…are…a…girl. I realize that now. You can’t change your chromosomes, but
inside,” she tapped a finger on my head, “you’re a girl. You’re a very pretty,
intelligent, sweet, caring girl that any parent would be proud to have as a
daughter and any guy would be lucky to have as a girlfriend.” She paused a
moment, then added, “And any girl would be proud to call her sister.”
My crying started to slow down. Maybe Diane was
right. Maybe I should stop trying to fight what actually seemed right. Being
a boy just didn’t seem to be working out. Even Mom and Dad seemed more
comfortable with me as a girl. The specter of SpringerLake had
finally been exorcised from my soul. Years of shame were washed away.
Still with a cry in my voice, I said, “You’re right.
I’m a girl.” I paused a moment, the added, “It feels good to say that.” A
feeling of tremendous relief gushed through me with the acceptance of what I’ve
been denying so hard for so long.
Diane hugged me and said gently, “It’s OK. You don’t
have to cry, it’s OK.”
She held me at arms length and took a long look at
me. Smiling, she said, “I think it’s great having a sister!”
Smiling back, I said, “I know.”
* * *
The End
The Reluctant Sister
But Chrissy will be back in:
"The Reluctant Prom Date".
since 09/30/04