I’m with the Band

By Melanie Brown
Copyright © 2006

 

Part 17

I don’t remember the ride home.  From the backseat of Tommy’s convertible, I could see an occasional streetlight glaring in my eyes, and then I’d drift away.  When I was vaguely aware of things again, I managed to notice that both Mom and Tommy were helping me navigate the short path to our house and up the steps and finally through the door.

They both had to steady me, but I managed to walk to my bedroom.  Both Tommy and Mom gently lowered me onto my bed.

While he must have talked to Mom when he first got me home, Tommy hadn’t said a word during the whole time they led me to my bed. Finally, Tommy said in a whisper, “I’m pretty sure she’ll be okay, Mrs. Gray.  I don’t think they gave her anything lethal, or would cause permanent damage, at the party. They just wanted to knock her out. I wish to God I could have gotten there just a minute or two sooner.”

Mom said quietly, “Thank God you were there at all!  I should call the police right now!”

“Don’t bother,” whispered Tommy dourly.  “I’m sure they started cleaning that place up the moment I left.  There’d be nothing there for the cops to find.”

“I just can’t believe they’d do that to her!” Mom fumed.  “She’s just a girl!”

There was a pause and then Tommy said, “Well, I wouldn’t say that.”

“What do you mean?” asked Mom.

Slowly, Tommy said, “I mean…I know that she’s not a girl.”

“Of course she’s a girl!” asserted Mom.

“Mrs. Gray…I wasn’t trying to do anything…I was trying to save her, for God’s sake!  But her underwear slipped down as I was sliding her into the back seat.  She…he…well…something girls don’t usually have popped out of her panties.”

Mom sucked in a breath and said, “Oh my God!  You saw…”

“Yes ma’am.  I saw.”  He paused for several moments. Finally he said, “Mrs. Gray?  Why?  Why Mrs. Gray?  Why didn’t you or her...him…tell me that Michelle was a boy?    We’ve kissed and …and…”

Their voices were starting to grow faint as I lay there.  I was trying to hold on to consciousness long enough to hear the whole conversation, but I could feel myself slipping away.

“I’m sorry Tommy.  I know it wasn’t fair to you.  I think everyone just got too caught up in everything.  I think Michelle should tell you in her own words rather than mine.  I know she’ll want to thank you for what you did tonight.  And I’m sure she’ll want to explain herself.  But Tommy?”

“Yes, Mrs. Gray?”

“I know you’re disappointed and angry and feel like you’ve been made a fool of, but please remember.  No matter what you saw, Michelle feels that, though she’d probably deny it if asked – Michelle feels that she’s a girl. And I feel that she’s a girl.  Be angry if you must, and I don’t blame you at all.  Just remember…that to her, you’re the opposite sex.”

“I don’t know what to think right now.  I can’t describe how I feel.  You, Michelle, Mr. Winters – all of you – lied to me.  I don’t like being lied to.  I’ll tell you right now…”

And that was the last I heard.

*   *   *

 

I woke up to a splitting headache.  I was in my bed.  I sat up quickly, which I immediately regretted.  I sat there a moment and waited for the pain to subside.  I noticed I was wearing a nightgown.  I looked out the window and it appeared to be mid-morning.

How did I get here?  Last thing I remembered was feeling nauseous at the party.  Then bits and pieces of memory started to fall in place. Oh my God!  Tommy knows about me!

Did anyone at the party find out?  I don't remember anything after I started to feel bad.  Then I realized that Chad or somebody at the party had drugged me.  Probably some kind of date rape drug.  What had happened to me?

I slowly pushed my legs over the side of the bed.  I waited a few moments, not sure if I could stand or not.  Finally I was able to stand and even walk, although very slowly.

A few agonizing minutes later, I found myself in the living room. Mom was sitting there watching television.  At the sound of my shuffling, she looked up.

"Michelle!  You're finally awake!"  She stood up and rushed to give me a hug.  She then helped me to the couch.

"Thanks Mom," I said after she helped me lower myself to the couch.  "What's going on?  What happened to me?"

Sighing, Mom said, "They drugged you, Honey.  At the party.  Tommy came there to get you.  He was hoping he'd arrive before they tried anything."  Mom then told me about Tommy's discovery and how he brought me home.

I started to cry.  "Tommy knows!"  I hugged Mom tightly as I continued to cry.

"At least no one else does," said Mom.  "I think your secret is safe with Tommy."

"But he knows!  Don't you understand?  He won't ever date me again."  I lifted my head up to look directly at Mom as I said, "I love him, Mom!  I love him."

"I thought you were mad at him?" asked Mom.

I buried my face into Mom's breast as I cried, "I love him!" over and over until I fell back asleep.

*   *   *

 

I had called Tommy to meet me for lunch.  I was already at the restaurant, waiting.  I wore a very pretty and feminine blue dress that I hoped wasn't too dressy for lunch, along with matching heels.

I was giving my antiperspirant a workout as I waited, afraid he wouldn't show up.

My heart leapt into my throat when I saw him enter the restaurant.  A waiter pointed in my general direction and Tommy started walking towards me.

"Hello, Michelle," said Tommy stiffly as he took the booth seat opposite me.  "You wanted to talk to me?"

I could feel my face turning red.  I said, "Hi Tommy.  I wanted to thank you.   For last night."

He just shrugged and said, "You could have told me that over the phone, Michelle."

I shook my head and said, "No I couldn't.  I have to say this in person.  I can't thank you enough for pulling me out of that party.  If...if you hadn't, my...my..." I couldn't get the words out.  "My secret would be all over the news by now.  And God knows what they would have done with me."

"And both our careers would be over," interrupted Tommy.  "I'd probably loose my fan base real quick if they found out what I was actually dating."  Tommy's face started to cloud with anger.

I was trying to apologize here, and he was making it harder.  I said, "I really don't think anyone could really blame you since you didn't know.  My career would be dead!"

"No one would believe I didn't know. My career would be sunk."  He folded his arms.

Frustration in my voice, I said, "I didn't come here to discuss whose career would have been worse off.  I came here to apologize, you twit!"

"That's an apology?"

This wasn't going well.  "Look, I'm sorry I fooled you, okay?  I really don't think I could ever say I'm sorry enough times.  You have to understand.  Before I became Michelle, I never had any interest in guys.  But when I had to start being a girl, and the cutest guy ever shows an interest in me...I ...well...I just got carried away."

Angrily, Tommy shot back, "Think about how I feel!  I thought I had met the most amazing girl in the world -- a girl I could fall in love with -- only to find out she's just a ...just a..." He screwed up his face as if he had something awful in his mouth.  "Just a guy."

Did he just say that I was a girl he could fall in love with?  My grief just weighed heavier now.  "Tommy, I..."

Tommy started to stand up.  He said, "You don't need to thank me for rescuing you.  I thought I was saving your virtue, but I was actually saving my own ass.  I'm glad you apologized for making a fool of me, but I'm really not sure if I can ever forgive you."  He started to leave.

Tears started to flow and ruin my make-up, but I didn't care.  I cried, "Tommy!  Please don't leave!  Let's talk about this!"

Over his shoulder, he said, "There's nothing to talk about."  He walked away.

Softly, through a cry, I said, "I love you..."

*   *   *

 

"Chad did what?" yelled John.  "I'm going to kick his ass!"

Mom shook her head and said, "Then you'll get in trouble.  No John, it's best to just let it go.  At least for now."

"Let it go?!  They were going to rape my little brother!  They probably would have done it anyway after finding out he wasn't a girl."

"That's a disgusting thought, John.  Thank you." I said.

"Don't pretend that thought didn't cross your mind.  I wouldn't put anything past that Julia bitch and her friends."  John stood up angrily and looked at Mom.  "We have to be at the studio tomorrow.  Chad will be there.  I mean, what do we say to him?"

Mom said, "We hold our tongue.  We can't afford any more scandals. Michelle on the other hand, has every right to call him every name she can think of."

"I don't want to ever see that slime ball again!" I said.

*   *   *

 

"Michelle!" called Chad from the studio door.  "I have to talk to you."

John said, "Don't waste your time with that sleaze-bag..."

"You guys go on ahead," I said.  "I'll be along in a minute."

John and the rest of the band hesitantly continued on down the hallway.  I just stood there a moment with my arms folded.

"I have a lot I want to say to you too, Chad Dumont."  I walked slowly towards him, scowling.

Chad forced a smile and a quick laugh and said, "Michelle.  Look, I can explain."

"You can explain drugging me and taking your clothes off?  In front of all those people...what were you planning on doing, Chad?"

"I didn't drug you!" Chad pleaded.  "That was Julia's idea.  And I wasn't going to do anything to you.  I mean, you're just a kid!"

I looked at Chad square in the eye and said, "Bullshit!  You were naked, standing over me while everyone at the party was shouting 'do her!'"

Chad looked incredulous and said, "Is that what Tommy told you?  You're going to believe a guy who tried to rape you?  Come on!  He's just trying to win you back by lying about me."

As much as I tried, I couldn't remember what happened at the party after I was drugged.  I was going by what Tommy told me.  Would he lie about it?  I decided that he wouldn't.  He knew about me now and didn't want me back.  He'd have no reason to lie.

Unless screwing things up between Chad and me was his way of seeking revenge.

Chad said, "Look.  He's just jealous because you're with me now and not him.  Nothing happened at the party so don't worry about it."

Without much conviction I said, "I don't think Tommy would lie to me."

Chad smiled and said, "Believe me, he would."

My anger was turning to confusion.  I wished I could remember what happened at the party.  It was undeniable that Tommy brought me home.  Why would he have done that if not to rescue me from Chad and company?

"I'm really pissed at Tommy, you know?" said Chad.  "I mean, he arrives at the party late and sees you not feeling well.  I ask him if he'd mind taking you home because of what Julia did to you.  He hates Julia, but he stills goes to all her parties.  Anyway, he thanks me for protecting you, and leaves with you.  I assume he took you home, but who knows, you know?  I mean, he did try to rape you before, right?  I should have taken you home myself.  But anyway, I can't believe he'd then accuse me of this shit!  That little rapist bastard!"

"Just stop it!" I shouted.  "I don't think Tommy would lie to me."

Chad stepped closer and started stroking my hair.  With a smirk he said, "Oh, he'd lie to you.  He tried to rape you.  He'll say anything to get you to take him back. Stick with me and don't listen to him."

A feeling of revulsion washed over me.  I pushed his hand away from me and stepped back, as I started to cry.

"Stop!  Don't touch me!" I cried.  "I don't believe you!  Tommy would never try to hurt me!"

A few people had started to gather and watch the spectacle.  Chad took notice of them and stepped towards me again.  He said quietly, "Let's talk about this over dinner.  I know a great place downtown where we can be alone..."

I took a step back and shouted, "No!  Stay away from me!  With our age difference, we should never have gone out together at all.  And after that party...I never want to see you again!"

Chad extended his hand and said, "Michelle..."  His eyes darted back and forth at the gathering crowd.

I took another step backward and cried, "Do you understand me?"  Tears rolled down my cheeks, leaving black, smudgy tracks.

Chad dropped his hand and rolled his shoulders in a gesture of defeat.  Then he raised his voice, jabbed a finger at me and shouted, "You're one high-maintenance little bitch, you know that?  We're through!  Don't make me get a restraining order, you little gold-digging slut!"  He spun on his heels and went back into his recording studio.

I just stood there a moment and cried.  I looked around and saw several people standing there with their camera phones aimed at me.  I turned and ran crying down the hall.

*   *   *

 

Mr. Winters leaned back in his overly padded chair and shook his head.  Looking towards me he said, "Michelle, Michelle, Michelle...  What are we going to do with you?"

I looked over at Mom and John, the only other people with me in Mr. Winters' office.  I looked back to Mr. Winters and said, "I'm not doing anything wrong."

Mr. Winters leaned forward, resting his elbows on his desk and clasping his hands together.  He was silent for a moment before saying in a quiet voice, "Michelle, you need to take a break from boyfriends.  They're hurting you.  This latest fracas with Chad Dumont only hurt you.  Dumont already has a bad boy rep and believe it or not, this actually helps him with his fans.

"We take polls all the time. With Tommy, your fans were pretty much on your side.  However, with Chad, most of your fans thought you were asking for trouble and a lot of fan's moms didn't approve of you dating a guy almost four years older."

Mom interrupted with, "Four years!  You didn't tell me that.  I never would have allowed that!"

I said, "It's almost four years, Mom.  He's not eighteen yet..."

Mr. Winters cleared his throat.  "Ladies?  If I may continue?  Miss Grayson, I realize you're at that age where boys all seem very exciting and all, but really, you need to drop it down a notch.  I had two potential advertisers drop their requests for your image for product endorsements.  They wouldn't have been particularly large accounts, but I really don't want to start a trend here.

"Did I make myself understood, Miss Grayson?"

I had been looking at my hands.  I looked up to Mr. Winters and said, "Yes sir.  No more boyfriends."

John sneered at me, "I honestly don't see how you can be so casual about having boyfriends!  What happened to you, Mike?"

I stood up and shouted, "You happened to me, John!  Have you forgotten?"

John stood too and shouted back, "You won't let me forget!  That was an accident and not having any testicles doesn't make you gay!"

"I'm not gay!" I shouted.  "I'm a girl!"

It was Mom's turn to stand up.  She shouted, "Shut up!  I've had it with you two!  John, Michelle is a girl and she's going to like boys!  Deal with it!  And you Michelle, stop wielding your accident like a weapon against John.  He's apologized I don't know how many times.  Get over it!"

We both gave Mom a sheepish expression.  At the same time, we both quietly said, "Okay, Mom…"

*   *   *

 

"Mom...you really should have gone to the concert," I said as Mom set the hamburger and chip laden plate on the T.V. tray in front of me. "After all, it's our first real concert."

"I didn't want you to be here all alone," Mom said as she headed back towards the kitchen. 

"I'm fine, Mom!  Really!"

From the kitchen Mom called, "The doctor said you need to stay off your feet a few days."

The day before, during rehearsal I did a misstep and fell off the stage and twisted my ankle really bad.  The pain was such that I couldn't help but cry and everyone was sure I'd broken something.

Thankfully, nothing was broken, but every time I tried to put weight on my foot, the pain would rocket through my leg. It was decided I wouldn't be able to go to our first real concert.  I tried to pretend the pain was gone, but I just couldn't do it.  And I hated every second I was missing being on-stage.

John asked one of the backup singers we were using for one song if she could fill in.  She did have a nice voice and knew the words to my parts of the songs.  With the studio's, Mr. Winters' and the girl's agent's blessing, they made a deal for the concert.

"I wonder how my substitute is doing?" I asked after I finished a bite of the burger.  "I wonder if the fans are mad."

As she sat next to me on the couch, Mom said, "Your fans will certainly be disappointed.  Hopefully they'll understand.  After all, you did make the news yesterday."

Mom and I sat up watching movies while waiting for the concert to end.  John said he'd come by and tell us how it all went.

It was starting to get fairly late when we heard some fumbling at the front door.  A moment later it opened and John and the rest of the band entered.

Both John and Fritz let out a loud "Whoop!" as they bounded into the living room.

"You should have been there, Mom!" exclaimed John.  "It was awesome!  All those people yelling and screaming – just fuckin’ awesome!”

Laughing, Fritz said, “He’s right, Mrs. G.  You definitely should’a been there!”

Mom said, “I wish I could have been there guys.  I know Michelle was wishing she was there too.”

“Oh I know!” I cried.  “I wanted to be up on that stage so bad!  Looks like the concert went well?”

"Oh yeah!" exclaimed Fritz.  "It was the biggest experience of my life!  Beats playing in the bars back home."

"And I had to miss it!" I sighed.

That's when I noticed that it wasn't just the guys in the room. 

"Who's that?" I asked pointing.  "Is that my substitute?"

John rushed over to her and led her up to us.  While still holding her hand, he said, "Meet the newest member of the band, April O'Conner!  The crowd loved her."

Mom said, "Newest member?  You're adding another female vocal to the band?"

John laughed and said, "Not adding...replacing.  Michelle was always just temporary, right?  Until we found a replacement for Sammy's ex-girlfriend?  Well, here's the girl I'm replacing Michelle with!"

*   *   *

 

End of Part 17

 

  since 12/02/06