I’m with the Band
By Melanie Brown
Copyright © 2006
Part 18
“What?!” Mom and I both shouted together at the same
time.
John just smirked as he said, “I said, this is your
replacement, Michelle. You don’t have to thank me for finally freeing you up
so you can go back home. April here is our new female singer. Ain't she
somethin’?”
April smiled nervously at Mom and me. Hesitantly she
said, “They, uh, they didn’t know?”
Scowling, I said, “No. We didn’t know. John! How
the fuck could you do this to me!” Jumping to my feet and causing April
to take a step back, I screamed, “Don’t you care anything about the sacrifices
I’ve made for the band?”
Irritation in his voice, John said, “Well, now you
don’t have to sacrifice any more. You can go back to who you used to be. Like
I said. I’m doing you a favor.” He put his arm around April.
Before I could say anything else, Mom said, “John.
You can’t do this to her. You can’t do this to the band!”
Frowning at Mom, John said, “The last time I looked
Mom, the name of the band is “John Gray’s Band”. I think that means it’s my
band. I can do whatever I want with it. I want April.” A sudden excitement
flashed in John’s eyes as he continued, “Mom! You should have seen it! The
chemistry we all felt on stage with April was awesome! It was electric! We
felt it. The fans felt it. It was incredible! Right guys?” John glanced
over at the other band members. There were nods and affirming grunts, but they
all looked uneasy.
I stepped right up to John’s face and said through
gritted teeth, “You’re not doing me any favors John. I’m not going to just go
home.” I turned towards April and said, “I’m not mad at you, but I do intend
to get my place back on the band.”
Turning back to John I said, “It's always bothered
you, hasn't it John, that the only reason the record company wanted you was
because of me!” I turned around and hurried back to my room before John could
see my flow of tears.
* * *
"Don't take that tone with me, Mr. Winters!"
Mom said into the phone. "John took us by surprise. We had no
idea."
I could hear Mom on the phone as I walked through the
living room to the kitchen. I was still in my nightgown. I glanced at the
clock and noticed it was about a quarter past eight in the morning.
Mom continued, "Okay, Mr. Winters. I'll have
John at your office by ten." She paused a moment, and then spoke again,
"He'll be there. Even if I have to hog-tie him, he'll be there!"
She hung up the phone.
As I opened the refrigerator door, I unnecessarily
asked, "Who was that?"
Mom sat down on the kitchen counter and sighed.
"It was Mr. Winters. I called to inform him of John's staff change. He's
not any happier about it than we are."
I set the jug of milk down on the counter as I said,
"Good. Maybe he can talk some sense into him." I plodded over to
the pantry to pull out a cereal box.
Mom stared at the wall, not focusing on anything. She
said, "I certainly hope so. However, there's not a whole lot he can
do."
I set a bowl down and started filling it with cereal.
I said, "Why not? Isn't he the boss?"
Mom shook her head. "No, the contract we have
with him and the studio is with the band as a whole, not with individual
members. John, as the band's leader can fire and hire whomever he wants. He
doesn't need the studio's or Mr. Winters' approval."
Pouring the milk into the bowl, I said, "Oh,
that's just great. So what's the point of going to his office this
morning?"
Frowning, Mom said, "He's going to try to talk
some sense into John. John can make changes, but if the band fails to meet
obligations, or if we lose sales, Mr. Winters can cancel our contract. And he
won't hesitate to do so."
Mom fell silent for a few moments while I took a few
bites of my breakfast. Finally, I looked over at Mom and asked, "Do I
have to go home?"
Mom smiled and took my hand. She said, "No
Honey. Don't be silly. You have a contract as a solo act. Mr. Winters thinks
you'll still be around long time. But he does have a lot of time and money
invested in the band, and he feels you're the main draw for the fans."
* * *
"There's nothing Winters can say that will make
me change my mind, Mom!" John announced loudly in the elevator as we rode
to the floor where Mr. Winters office is located. Fritz had tagged along with
John. April, Juan and Sammy elected not to come.
The doors slid open and as we exited the elevator Mom
said, "He has a vested interest in the success of the band, John. He
wants to make sure you're aware of the impact on the business end."
John looked back at me and said, "You always take
up for Mike, don't you? I appreciate the help he gave me on the band's
success. But Mom, we need a real girl in the band."
Fritz said from behind, "He's right, Mrs. G.
Michelle...Mike...is a great singer and all, but he can't really wear any sexy
outfits to really rock out on the stage. Hell, he's only fourteen! April is
nineteen."
We stopped outside Mr. Winters' office door. John
said, "That's right. And, April isn't in the tabloid press every day like
some people I know." He glanced back at me.
Mom opened the door and said, "Well, let's see
what he has to say, shall we?"
* * *
Mr. Winters had kept us waiting for almost twenty
minutes before the secretary finally told us we could go in.
As we filed into the room, Mr. Winters, who leaned
back against the front of his desk motioned for us to take seats.
Folding his arms and looking at John, Mr. Winters
said, "I'll get straight to the point. Mr. Gray, have you taken leave of
your senses? Why on Earth would you possibly want to replace one of the major
reasons for your band's success?"
John shifted uneasily in his chair, his bravado fading
under Mr. Winters' intense stare. "Well, um...uh, it is my band. I never
wanted Mike to be there anyway. I admit that he helped some in launching the
band, but that's past. Honestly, we need a more adult singer. And a real
girl."
Fritz elbowed John and said, "Someone who's
really sexy and with big boobs, man!" He laughed.
Mr. Winters sudden glare cut Fritz' laugh short.
Pointing at me, he said, "Michelle has tremendous potential for success as
a solo artist. I'm not so sure the same can be said for you if you replace
her."
"I don't see a problem..." John started to
say.
Mr. Winters cut him off saying, "Have you even
considered the business side of this decision?" John shrugged. Mr.
Winters continued, "There's a lot of promotional material we'll have to
redo. Do we scrap the sessions we've recorded for your next CD and re-record
them with this new girl? This will cut into the studio's bottom line and trust
me, the execs won't exactly be thrilled."
"Details Mr. Winters, " said John.
"Details. That's what you're here for."
Mr. Winters shot John a withering glance that
practically shouted "you insignificant little toad." Instead, Mr.
Winters calmly said, "I can't stop you from replacing Michelle. I advise
strongly against it, though."
Scowling, John folded his arms and said, "Duly
noted."
Turning back towards his desk, Mr. Winters picked up
what appeared to be a newspaper. He said, "You might want to read this
article before making any lasting decisions." He tossed John the paper.
John caught the paper and looked at the article that
had a big circle drawn around it. After reading a few minutes, he passed the
paper over to Mom. He said, "That's just one guy's opinion. And besides,
he didn't say April was bad."
I took the paper from Mom's hand and looked at the
article. It was a review of the concert that I had missed.
John
Gray's Band held their first concert to a packed auditorium since releasing
their self-titled CD last month. Disappointing many fans was the absence of
the beautiful and talented Michelle Grayson, who couldn't perform due to
injuries from an accident earlier that day. A studio singer, April O'Conner
took Ms. Grayson's place for the concert.
The
band played songs from their CD as well as covers of other bands' recent top
hits to a cheering crowd that filled the auditorium.
A
few factors however, caused the concert to be less than what most fans
expected. With the notable exception of Juan's excellent performance on the
drums which was mostly responsible for keeping the band together, the over-all performance
was more reminiscent of your neighbor's kid's garage band than a group of
professional musicians.
While
there certainly was a lot of energy on the stage, and adequate vocals, that
magic spark that you can sense on their CD was missing. And Gray's obvious
fawning over his substitute female vocal led to him tripping on the stage a few
times and forgetting his own lyrics on more than one occasion.
And
while O'Conner's performance was competent, she lacked the stage presence and
vocal strength to fill Michelle Grayson's shoes.
The article went on for a few more paragraphs, but I
stopped reading to listen to the heated conversation between John and Mr.
Winters.
"...aware that O'Conner's voice appears on many
of my other clients CDs," Mr. Winters sighed. "She's an excellent
background vocal."
"She'll work out!" John asserted. "She
has everything we need to move forward as a band. She has talent, she's
beautiful, and she brings a sex appeal that Mike just can't deliver."
Mr. Winters chucked and said, “Odd then, that posters
of Michelle alone are selling faster than posters of the band as a whole. She
has more references in teen magazines as well.”
Frowning John said, “I’ll grant you that Mike has a
way of getting in the news, but you can’t build a career on sex scandals with
movie stars.
“You know, Mr. Winters,” John continued, leaning
forward in his chair and suddenly looking very earnest. “I’m really not
comfortable seeing my brother dressed up as girl, hawking everything from
lipstick to tampons. And he never even looked at guys before. This
whole girl thing is messing up his mind. I’m trying to help him get back to
normal.
“Don’t you know that he hates having to dress up as a
girl? I’m ashamed to say I forced him to do so just so we could get a record
deal. But he hated it and I made him do it.” John turned towards me and said,
“I don’t know what I was thinking, Mike, but it’s my fault and I’m truly
sorry. I’m just trying to help you get back to normal because I know how much
you hate having to dress up like this.”
Bristling, I jumped up and shouted, “Bullshit! You
never wanted me in the band! It was the other guys who begged you to let me
join. And yes, at first, I hated having to dress like this. But I…but now
I…” My anger slipped away as I looked over at Mom.
“But now, this is who I am.” I said quietly, looking
intently at John. “There is no Mike any more. I’m Michelle. In fact…” I
swallowed audibly. “In fact…I…um…I’m going to get a sex change.”
* * *
You could have heard a pin drop.
Everyone except Mr. Winters sat there with their
mouths gaping open.
Mom looked at me and said hesitantly, “Honey. What
are you saying?”
I sat back down and said, “We’ve discussed this
before, Mom. I’ve been giving it a lot of thought lately.”
John seemed almost angry as he said, “Mike! That’s
just crazy! We’ve been over this before! Just because you don’t have balls
doesn’t mean you’re a girl! You just need to get away from here. Go back
home, relax and get in touch with who you really are.”
“This is who I really am!” I shouted. More quietly I
said, “I can never be fully one or the other, but I feel that as a girl I’m
closer to being whole.”
As tears began to well up in my eyes I sat back down
next to Mom. “Don’t you get it?” My whole body shook as I began to cry
uncontrollably. “Don’t you understand? This is the first time in years I’ve
actually been happy!” I buried my face in Mom’s blouse as I cried.
“I’m sorry,” said John. “But you don’t have to get a
sex change, Mike! Mom, tell him! He can’t make that kind of decision!”
Mr. Winters said, “If not her, who can? She knows who
she is, John and what she needs to do to be successful. Better than you, apparently.”
John stood up suddenly and pointed a finger accusingly
at Mr. Winters. “You! You put these ideas in his head! You see him as
potential income, not as a person!”
Causally leaning back on his desk, Mr. Winters calmly
said, “I see a talented young woman with great potential professionally as well
as personally. Like I said, she understands what she needs to do to be a
success. Do you?”
“Yes I do!” John asserted. “We need a real female
with real sex appeal. I really don’t want our fan base to be a bunch of
thirteen year old girls and pedophiles.”
Folding his arms, Mr. Winters said, “Well, both those
groups buy CDs. Have you not been reading any of the statements we’ve sent
you? Your band appeals to a broad demographic. Older teens really like your
sound and you’re also Mom approved. That’s rare and your sales figures show
it. Without Michelle, you’ll probably lose the Mom vote which also costs you
that thirteen year old girl market. Which is huge, by the way.”
John took a step towards Mr. Winters. With a hint of
anger in his voice, he said, “I’m not changing my mind! April stays. And
you’re not turning my little brother into a girl.”
Bowing his head slightly, Mr. Winters said, “As you
wish, John. I think it’s a mistake, but we’ll see. Keep in mind that if this
decision turns into a train wreck, I will sever our business relationship.”
John turned to leave the office. Fritz stood and
started to leave too.
Clinging to Mom, I cried, “John! Please don’t kick me
out of the band! Please!”
Turning towards me John said, “Sorry Mike. I’ve made
my decision and I’m sticking to it. And if I have any say, you’re not
getting a sex change!”
Shaking I stood up and cried, “You don’t have a say!
I’m a girl John! I’m a girl! You don’t care about me! You just don’t
want more guilt because of what you did to me! Yes John. I’m a girl because
of you.”
John started to say something, but instead, turned and
walked out of the office with Fritz close behind. I collapsed back on the
couch and cried as Mom held me close.
* * *
“No, sorry.” Mr. Winters shook his head. “You can’t
have the surgery until you’re eighteen. But the shrink I’m going to send you to
will be able to provide you with hormones. He’s very discreet and I don’t
think he’s always inside the law, but he’s good and he can get you what you
need and monitor you. In a few years, we’ll make a quiet trip to Thailand.”
In a small voice, I said, “Thanks.”
“Yes, thank you Mr. Winters,” Mom said. “I can
already sense the relief in my daughter at her decision. I know this is the
right thing for her.”
Mr. Winters smiled and said, “Good. I’ll make all the
arrangements.”
* * *
“Are you sure you’re okay?”
“Yes, Tommy,” I said into the phone. “I’m okay.”
“Well, I just read about the change in the band. Did
you want to leave?” Tommy asked.
I hesitated a second. I was both shocked and thrilled
that Tommy had called. It was the first time I’d heard from him since he found
out about me. I finally said, “No. It was a total surprise to me. I begged
John not to replace me, but his mind is pretty made up.”
“I’m really sorry, Michelle,” Tommy said sincerely.
“You must be devastated!”
“Yeah. The first few days after the change I was
pretty depressed.”
“You should have called me.”
Just a hint of acid bubbled up in my voice as I said,
“I thought you weren’t talking to me any more.”
There was an awkward silence for a few moments.
“Look, I was angry. I mean, honestly, can you blame me? It’s quite a shock to
find out that the girl you’re in love with is actually…uh...a...uh…guy.”
I hesitated a second and then said, “Look, it’s not my
fault I was born that way, okay? Thanks for calling and asking about me,
Tommy.”
“Don’t hang up! I know that tone. I’m sorry I
brought that up.”
“Was there anything else?” I asked.
For several seconds there was silence on the other end
of the phone.
“Good-bye Tommy.” I hung up the phone. It rang a few
seconds later, but I didn’t answer it.
* * *
“What’s that big envelope, Mom?”
Mom walked into the living room after retrieving the
mail. “I don’t know. Let me open it first. It’s from Mr. Winters.”
Mom sat on the couch next to me and opened the large
manila envelope. She pulled out a several sheets of paper held together with a
paper clip. She studied the first page a minute, and then glanced at each of
the other sheets before handing the bundle to me.
“It’s the band’s and your appearance schedule.” As I
glanced through it, Mom continued, “The band has one more local engagement
before starting the summer tour.”
I said, “Geez. There’s a lot of small venues here.”
“We’re a new band. What do you expect?”
I frowned and said, “We’re not a ‘we’ any more, Mom.”
“Don’t you want to go on the tour though?”
“Not really. I have some appearances scheduled for
the same time period.” I said.
“But not on the same days as the concerts.”
“What are you saying, Mom? That you want me to go
along and be tortured every day, knowing I can’t sing with the band?” I folded
my arms and glared at the floor.
“You have your solo songs, Honey. April can’t take
those. Those are entirely yours. It’s even in her contract.”
I just sat there silently for a minute or two.
Ignoring her comment, I grunted a laugh and picked up one of several tabloid
newspapers I had been looking at. “Look at this Mom. Look at the problems
John continues to cause me! Look at what this crap says!” I waved the
newspaper in front of Mom.
I ran my finger under the text as I said, “’According
to sources close to the band, Michelle was dumped because she wouldn’t have sex
with band leader John.’ Sex?! He’s my brother! And…and…our cover story says
we’re cousins, for cryin’ out loud!”
Mom shook her head as she scanned the article.
Frowning she said, “Well, Honey, nobody believes these tabloids. Don’t worry
about it.”
“You’re going to make me go, aren’t you?”
Mom just stared at me for a moment before saying, “I
think you should. You have to promote yourself too.”
* * *
John was furious. But then, John had been furious
since the last concert before the tour started where the crowd chanted
“Michelle…Michelle…” John had been fit to be tied. The reviews weren’t that
good and ticket sales for the tour have been slow.
We just got back to our hotel in Phoenix and we
all gathered in John’s and Fritz’ room. April, at Mom’s insistence was staying
in our room. Exhausted, we all plopped down in either a chair or a bed.
No one said a word for several minutes. Finally
April, with a faraway look in her eyes said quietly, “I should just go home.
They don’t want me.”
John sat up straighter and said, “That’s bullshit!
Sorry Mom. But that’s crap April. They’re just not used to you yet. Just
give it time.”
April shook her head and said, “John, are you not
paying any attention? Didn’t you notice the reaction when Michelle came out
for her songs?”
“Well, next tour we leave Michelle behind. She’s just
dragging us down.”
Knitting her brow, April said, “John, she’s right here
in the room with us. You shouldn’t talk like that.”
John scowled at me and said, “Well, it’s true.”
I stood up and started towards the door. “It’s okay,
April. I’m used to it. John is still pissed that his band would never have
made it if it wasn’t for me.”
Mom stood up and said in a stern voice, “John, will
you please stop it? She worked hard for your benefit and this is how you
reward her?” She turned to follow me to the door.
John looked sheepish for a moment. He then looked
frustrated as he said, “She was temporary. We all agreed from the start she
was temporary.”
Mom and I left without saying another word.
* * *
“Aren’t you coming?” John asked as I just stood
outside the tour bus and waved
“Mr. Winters has sent his private jet to take me back
to Los Angeles.” I said
“Oh, that’s right. Little Miss Popular yet again has some
other little award show to go to. You can’t ride in the bus with us,” John
said with heavy sarcasm.
“You don’t want me along anyway!” I exclaimed,
frustrated. “Yes, I’m a presenter and a nominee at the Kid’s Choice
Awards this afternoon and tonight I’m in that charity benefit concert. I’ll
catch up with you guys tomorrow in Denver.”
“Well, I think you should have to ride in that stinky,
crowded bus with us. And you also get to miss out -- again – with helping
getting everything set up.” John scowled. “All you have to do is arrive on
time to walk out in front of all your adoring fans.”
“I didn’t set the schedule John.” I said, feeling
anger well up inside me.
“Just go. Go get your award. You know you’re going
to win one. You always do. Just as you do, remember all of us crammed into
that bus.” John spun around and entered the bus. Mom waved from one of the
windows. In fact, only Mom, Sammy and Juan waved at me as the bus pulled
slowly away.
I turned around and walked back to the hotel to call a
cab to go take me to the airport.
* * *
The music ended for my final song at the benefit
concert. With the spotlight shining on me, I couldn’t see the audience, but I
could sure hear them! The applause and cheering was tremendous. I felt
exhilarated, humbled and undeserving all at the same time. How had I gotten
here? How had I gone from being a nobody boy with virtually no future to
standing here before this wild applause?
As I bowed, I saw my very short skirt, hose, and high
heels. I smiled at myself as I reflected on just a few months ago, I wouldn’t
have been caught dead dressed like this. Now it was second nature and dressing
any way else felt alien.
I waved and blew some kisses out to the audience, and
then I turned and hurried off the stage. I felt really happy.
As soon as I went behind the curtains I stopped in
surprise. There was Tommy with a weak, hesitant smile on his face. He seemed
agitated about something. I thought, “God, I don’t need this right now!”
“Great show,” said Tommy as I approached him.
“Thanks. I’m glad you liked it.” I said as I continued
to walk past him.
“Michelle wait,” said Tommy as he reached out a hand
for my arm.
I moved my arm out of his reach and said, “I don’t
have a lot of time, Tommy. I need to go.” I turned my back to him and
continued walking.
“Your mother called.”
I stopped and turned back towards him. “My mother?”
Tommy walked slowly up to me. He started to say
something, looked away, swallowed hard and said, “There’s been a terrible
accident.”
* * *
End of Part 18
since 6/03/07