Disclaimer

This is a work of fiction. There should be no way that these characters are like anyone else, but if that isn’t the case, it has definitely been unintentional. Also, if you happen to find that your life is represented in these pages, I’ll be impressed.

College Girl

By Heather O’Malley

 

Chapter 23

This is the last chapter in the current story arc. Enjoy.

The double doors of the Chapter Room opened and the group of us walked in. The walls were all hardwood and had been lovingly cared for, almost gleaming. There was a picture of the Shield of the House or whatever it was on one wall and a painting of some Victorian era woman on the wall opposite. There were no windows in the room, and it was big. The whole House could probably fit in here, which was probably the point come to think of it.

The group of us went over and sat down on the padded benches as Sandra and Nadia stood in front of us. The whole group quieted down. Sandra cleared her throat. “Ladies, thank you for joining us. I hope that in a few short months you will all be Sisters of this House. In case you don’t remember, I am Sandra, the House President. This is Nadia. She is in charge of your Rush group. She is the one who is going to take you from normal girls and induct you in the secrets of our Sorority. Until your initiation you are to do anything she says. Okay Nadia, your show.”

Sandra left the room and the group of us looked at each other. We had no idea who anyone was and had no clue what was in store for us. Nadia smiled at us as she walked to the front of the group. “Okay. As you know, my name is Nadia. I am in charge of all of you Pledges until you Initiation. I am responsible for teaching you all about our House and the Sorority. So, let’s get started.”

One of the other Sisters handed out these little three ring binders which were a light blue. “These are your pledge books. Please keep them on you at all times. There are a lot of things you will end up having in them, such as the creed of the House, the coat of arms, information about our charity, etcetera. You will also be interviewing the Women of the House so you can get to know them better. You will be quizzed on this information. So learn this and be ready at anytime to repeat it.”

We all nodded. Nadia scanned us all and nodded. “Good. To let you know, your first assignment will be to learn about each other. Name, major, where they are from, and a couple of other things you can choose. Got it?”

Again we nodded. One of the girls farther down the line said “Got it.”

“Okay. Now, the important things. Our House was founded in 1867. The woman who founded it was a suffragette whose ideas were a little before her time. She had worked with Elizabeth Cady Stanton and others but in the end decided to try things her own way. Maureen Colfax had an idea and that was that women had no power because they were not allowed to reach their full potential.”

Nadia paused to let the information sink in. Several of the other girls nodded and I did as well. Maureen Colfax was pretty smart.

“To that end she founded our Sorority. We are not a House dedicated to Social Activities, Sports or Academics. Our House is dedicated to supporting each and every member in trying to find out who they are and what they can achieve. We want every one of you to follow your dreams and to become whatever it is that you want. To that end we are a Sorority of equals. Our President is the face of the House but not the sole voice. Do you think you can go after your dreams and to become everything you are?”

Nadia ended looking right at me. I swallowed. Well, this certainly explained a great deal of why they had accepted me in the first place, in a way it was part of their credo. However, if they wanted me to become myself and my best then why make me a girl? Why make me have to hide who I really was? But then again, who was I really?

I murmured in agreement with the others. Again and again I was faced with things that challenged the way I saw myself. I thought I had known who I was, but so much had changed. Even something as basic as my body had been changed.

“Okay. Now the group of you is all very different. Before we let you loose for the day you should at least introduce yourselves. Why don’t we start over here? Say your name, major and something about yourself. Amy?”

An overweight girl with straight brown hair stood up. It was obvious that she was nervous and felt a bit out of place. I figured that she had to have been very brave to even have tried to get into a Sorority. “My …my name is Amy. I am still undecided as to my major. And…I am a Legacy to the House.”

The next girl looked like the stereotype of a Sorority girl: blond, thin, pretty. She looked a bit more fit than the other stereotypes I had seen through Rush, which was interesting. “I’m Holly. My major is going to be Geology. Also I am a free climber.”

A number of people looked confused. I was one of them. Free climbing?

“Hi…I’m Devin. I need to find something to do. I kind of like Interior Design but I’m not sure. And I collect Barbie Dolls.” Devin was thin, pretty, flighty, with light brown hair.

The fourth girl was tiny, easily under five feet. She had her dark brown hair in a ponytail with two strands pulled forward, framing her face. “My name is Megan. I want to learn Anthropology. And…” She looked down at her feet and blushed. “I write My Little Pony fan fic.”

A couple of people giggled. My Little Pony? Did they still make those?

This black haired girl, with olive skin stood up and smiled. She was dressed somewhat conservatively, but was still attractive. “My name is Thuriya. I plan on studying Political Science, with a focus on International Law and I am a Sufi.”

I was next. I was really nervous and hoped that I didn’t sound like an idiot. “My name Caitlin. I am thinking about Pre-Law. I…I have fought for equality a lot back at home.”

There were a couple of people who looked at me questioningly. I sat back down quickly, really hoping I didn’t have to clarify things all that much. Alison stood up. “I’m Alison but most people call me Alley or Alleycat. I want to study either Philosophy or Linguistics. I guess the fact that I am a Goth is obvious but what isn’t obvious is the fact that I am a Gymnast.”

That surprised me. She was a gymnast? Really?

A really cute Hispanic girl stood up. She seemed somewhat reserved from her dress and the way her long hair was in a French twist. “My name is Esperanza. I am here for the History program and I am Buddhist.”

Okay. This group was a lot more odd than I had expected. Maybe they wouldn’t freak if they found out the truth about me? Maybe I would be able to be open with them? That would be awesome.

“Hi, I’m Brittany. I’m going to study like Nursing. And I’m like totally a cheerleader.” Of course she was. I had only seen hair that blond in the movies. And just how bouncy could one person be? She smiled and things about her seemed to change. “Actually, I am in Theatre but I am or rather was a cheerleader.”

The last girl stood up. She was really hot, like maybe the hottest girl I had ever seen in my life. She looked as if she could be a model. She was tall, thin with glossy black hair. It was almost blue black. She grinned, happily. “My name is Dawn. I am hoping to get into the Art program. They have a great sculpture program here, which is the reason that I applied. I am looking forward to getting messy. And for something I like…I love playing paintball and roleplaying games.”

She played roleplaying games? Super hotness played RPGs? Wow. That meant that I might be able to get into a game. Awesome. I wonder what that would be like, playing game with a bunch of girls?

Nadia stepped up again. “Okay. Now ladies, there is an additional bit of fun. We have three spots available in the House. We have chosen randomly and the three people in your Pledge Class that have first chance at the rooms are Dawn, Holly and Caitlin. Interested?”

Dawn smiled broadly. “Sure. Sounds like fun.”

Holly frowned. “I’d love to, but I already got a place. I don’t think I can get out of my lease easily.”

I just nodded to Nadia. That was a great way to explain my presence. That way no one would question why I lived here. That was really clever. Nadia smiled. “All right, the next name on the list was Megan. Well?”

“Sure. I’m just getting ready to move into the dorms but the House is so much more beautiful. That would be awesome.” She bounced some but I think she would be someone nice to hang out with.

With that settled, Nadia smiled and let us all go. We would meet back here on Wednesday. We got to have a break from all this Sorority madness. I liked that. And I could deal with other things in that time other that Rush.

I said goodbye to the others and headed out. A couple of them were going out together but I needed to see Becca. I had the solvent and the glue in my purse, so I was ready to see how I looked. I was interested in what the final result would be, once the make up was removed and the breasts taken off. What did I look like any more?

The trip to her apartment wasn’t long, as traffic was pretty light. It was still easy to find a parking space so that wasn’t a bother either. Soon I was in the apartment with Becca. We hugged. “Hey there Cait, what’s up?”

“Well…I wanted to see what I looked like, remember?”

She smiled. “Come on in. I have your clothes in your old room. Go ahead and change. Need any help?”

I shook my head. I had gotten fairly good with the whole application and removal of my breasts. The fact that I could say that calmly was a bit disturbing. I undressed, folding my clothes as had become my new habit, even my underwear. I took the solvent and slowly worked it under the breast forms. It took a bit of time but they came off and I was left with very pale skin under there.

I rubbed my chest. It was a bit sore, what with the weight and all and the rubbing actually felt good. In a way it was about as good as rubbing them once the bra was removed. I stood and turned to my guy clothes. I pulled on my tiddy whities, enjoying the fact that I didn’t need to tuck and pulled up the jeans. Next was a t-shirt that I loved. I had worn it all the time before this. This was how I generally looked all the time. I wiped my face clean with a make up wipe and took out my earrings. It was time.

My heart beat rapidly and my palms got a bit sweaty. I was so nervous about this. What if I looked into the mirror and saw only Caitlin looking back? What if I looked into the mirror and only Richard looking back? What the fuck was this really going to prove anyway? I didn’t know, but I wanted to at least see what had happened.

Becca was hovering around when I came out of my old room. I smiled weakly at her. The full length mirror was in her room. I hadn’t known then how useful they were, but that was another change that had happened. I had one just like this back at the House but certainly not here. She followed me into the bedroom; I guess she was just as nervous as I was.

We closed the door to her room and there I was. The mirror showed everything, with me looking back at me. My first impression was that Caitlin was looking back, but then I realized that was just the way my hair was cut changing the way I looked and also there was the way I was standing. I shifted some and took a closer look at myself.

Every time I could see Richard something would clue me into seeing Caitlin. Every single time. But every time I saw Caitlin, Richard would suddenly appear. I wasn’t one or the other. Somehow, in some way I was both. Even being in my old clothes I looked like her. And what could I do with being a bit of both. Did I want to be androgynous? Did I want to look like something that had only been mixed a little bit? Was I some sort of halfbreed?

Becca came up and gave me a hug when my eyes started tearing up. What the hell had I become? I turned into her shoulder and cried.

I had used to be a guy, just a guy and nothing else. Sure I had been scrawny and hadn’t really developed but did that make me a girl? Did looking good in girl clothes make me a girl? Did being comfortable in them? Did having fun with the girls make me one? What was the difference between guys and girls anyway, besides the whole penis thing? Was I different from them at all?

I knew there had to be differences but right now, looking at the mixed up image that was me, they all eluded me. If this is what happened to me after a little over a month what would be the case after four years? Would there be any Richard left? And…did I really mind?

I left the embrace of Becca’s arms and headed out to the living room. I dropped into the couch and rested my head on my hands. I didn’t want to leave the Sorority. I had made promises that I intended to keep but at the same time I wasn’t so sure that I wanted to abandon my life as Richard. Caitlin was popular and well liked by a large group of people whereas Richard was a virtual nobody. The friendships and emotional connections I had as Caitlin were addictive. I felt like I had been in the desert my whole life only to be unsure of the fresh water in the oasis.

“Are you okay, Richard?” The worry was obvious in Rebecca’s voice. She sat down next to me carefully.

“I don’t know. Becca, what am I supposed to do? I feel trapped by this and I don’t even know why. I can’t tell who I am anymore.” I started crying again.

“Richard, listen to me.” I looked up into her face. It was as tear stained as mine. Gods, I didn’t deserve her as a friend.

“You have been happy for the most part, yes? And you are the strongest believer in the idea of equality that I have ever known. Now you are living this girl’s life and starting to get a taste of things. When classes start you will see just how much guys try and make us second class citizens. You will live the inequality and I know it will make you want to fight. Who you are to me is someone brave enough to stand up and denounce something as wrong, despite it being unpopular. You are the bravest man I have ever known and I am proud to have you as my best friend.”

I sat there, stunned. Bravest? Me? I wasn’t anything like that. I kept thinking in a lot of ways I was a coward, giving in rather than fighting. Wasn’t that what I had done so far? Just let Meredith have her way?

“I know you and I know you can do anything you set your mind towards. Just because you are Caitlin doesn’t make you any less Richard. It’s just clothes, there just things added to you to make you look different. But you’re not. You are still Richard O’Roarke, even if you look hotter in a skirt than I do.” She nudged my shoulder playfully.

I smiled softly. Were things really as bad as I was making them out to be? “Maybe you’re right. Maybe I have been going about this the wrong way. Maybe I should just try and calm down and look at things. Thank you so much Becca. I don’t know what I would do without you. You are my best friend and I love you so much.”

After we hugged we sat back. She ordered pizza, something with no meat and very tasty. We sat there, ate, had some beer and watched one of her cheesy Foreign Films. I suffered through the subtitles and had to admit that I did enjoy the film. It was some sort of Italian film about a poet and a mail man. The poetry was incredible and it was nice. Life was looking up.

So, sure my curiosity and sense of humor got me into this mess, but maybe, just maybe I was starting to enjoy it. I wasn’t sure where any of this was going to take me but for right now I was okay with that. Let’s see what the start of the school year would bring.

 

  since 02/10/08