Toby

"Tonight Is The Night"

by GeekBabe (aka Kim EM )

Copyright © 2001

Chapter 01

As soon as I picked up the phone I knew it was bad. Christi's voice was trembling as she tried to control her fear. "Bob, it's Toby. She's right on the edge, and I think she's going to try it again."

"Christ! What happened?"

"I don't KNOW," she almost screamed into the phone. "She's been moody again for the past few weeks, and last night she started muttering about it again."

"Jesus! Why... GodDAMN. And she still won't tell you why?"

"No," Christi said urgently, "not any more than the other times. You have to come back and get her settled down!"

"Me! I'm seven hours away! Isn't there anything you can do?"

She snorted into the phone. "Bob, you're the only person who's ever been able to help. We need you back here. Now.

I sighed. "Is it that close? Can't it wait til tomorrow?"

"ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME? She could do it any time! I'm taking a risk being away from her long enough to call you."

"I'll... Look, it's been a long day and I'm not sure I can stay awake long enough to make the drive tonight. Are you sure it can't wait till I get there tomorrow?"

Christi audibly gritted her teeth as she spoke. "Yon know better than that. It's a miracle she said as much as she did." She paused a moment, then went on, flatly. "Bob, we need you here. She needs you here."

I tried to protest, but she would have none of it. Toby had been my sister's best friend since forever, and one of mine since it stopped mattering that she was in a different grade. Since she was eleven or twelve she'd had something wrong. Usually she was her own perky self, a pale-skinned, dark-haired pixie, but sometimes she got moody. Once in a while, if the depression got bad enough, she took action. No, that's not a fair way to say it. When it got bad enough she would want to kill herself. She'd tried it several times, and damned near succeeded a few. For some reason, when she got in these moods I was the only person who could talk her down.

She seemed afraid of most guys, didn't like to touch or be touched, but she'd never had that problem with me. Maybe it was that we were so close, closer than just friends. Not that anything had ever happened between us, but the fact remained that I was the only person who could reach her without her having a panic attack. Whatever it was, I could cuddle her, and talk with her, and eventually work her around towards the path back to normalcy.

But now I was a freshman in college, and lived hundreds of miles from home, and from Toby. I had to go to her, to try and keep her from a possibly fatal mistake, but I didn't know if I could be there in time. From Milwaukee to Cincinnati, that was a pretty significant drive, and I'd just finished a full day of classes.

Even so, I had to do it.

All these thoughts flashed through my mind in an instant, and I told Christi to keep her safe till I could get there.

***

I hated Chicago. Oh, I guess it's nice enough as cities go, but it was dead on my route, and dealing with the evening rush hour was NOT on my list of favorite activities. Waiting till it was over might have made the time in Chicago shorter, and a whole lot less frustrating, but it would have delayed my arrival home and that I could not do.

As traffic crawled, I drank my fifth Dr. Pepper in eighty miles, and prayed that traffic would open up before my overworked bladder burst. Well, I'd stop once I got past Gary, empty the reservoir, and stock up on more cold caffeine.

***

Central Indiana is FLAT. Dull, flat and boring. Normally this just meant that I could zip right through, but it had been a long day at school, and then the two-and-a-half hours spent crawling on what Chicagoans laughably called expressways had made the problem worse. Even the resupply of sodas hadn't helped, and I was having trouble staying awake. As urgent as Toby's problem was, I'd have to stop at the next rest area and catch a quick nap.

***

Where the hell was that rest area? I should have been there by now.

***

There was the sign for Renssalaer. Wasn't the rest area before the town? Well, maybe I'd forgotten and it was just the other side. I couldn't have missed it, could I?

***

I hoped I'd get to the rest area soon. It was really getting difficult to keep my eyes....

***

Shit. Something had happened and I'd slept through it. Although, from the physical evidence, I think I'd as soon have missed it altogether. I was still securely strapped in the Hyundai, but the horizon was sitting at a crazy angle. I looked through the broken windshield, and thought, "Shit. Dad's going to kill me."

I started to reach for the buckle of the seatbelt, and stopped as pain lanced through my ribcage. That was Not A Good Idea. Damn, something was broken. I figured I'd have to wait till someone got here to rescue me. I hoped it wouldn't take too long. Hanging here upside down was starting to make me dizzy. Maybe I could just take a little nap while I waited...

***

I awoke to the sound of voices from outside. I muttered something to them and started to fall back asleep. Why wouldn't they just go away and let me sleep a while longer?

***

I awoke to the thought that I had to get back to Cincinnati. Toby was there, in trouble, and she needed me. I'd really fucked up. The car was wrecked, it felt like I'd broken a rib, and there was no way I was going to make it there in time to help her. Maybe I could borrow a cell phone from someone and call Christi. There had to be SOMETHING I could do.

***

I woke again to the sound of a buzzsaw slicing through metal. Damn. Dad was really going to be pissed.

***

I woke again. I think. I was standing, about fifteen feet from the mangled car, watching several men in uniform trying to jack it open. Nope, I was still asleep and dreaming. If I was really out here, they wouldn't be still desperately trying to get the car open. I hoped they'd finish soon. I needed to get out and get on my way. Toby needed me, and I wasn't doing anybody any good hanging upside down in a wrecked Hyundai.

Weird. I wasn't feeling anything - emotions, that is. I wasn't upset, or angry, or fearful. The closest to an emotion was curiosity. Is curiosity an emotion? Whatever. What did I look like inside the car?

I came up behind the men working on the car, but they were too busy to notice my presence. I tried to peek in, but they were too much in the way, so I sidled around the front of the car. Christ! I looked like a real mess. Yep, I was passed out all right, hanging there limply in the seat, blood running down my outstretched arms. I hoped they'd get to me soon, losing that much blood couldn't be good. I took another look at the car and realized that the front end was too small. Hooboy. I could see it now, from this angle. It looked like a big part of the engine compartment was in the front seat with me. It's amazing that I hadn't felt any pain from my legs when I was awake. They had to be, well, I didn't think I wanted to dwell on it. Broken at the least, and I suspected that they might be pretty well mangled.

"Ohshit." That sick-sounding word clued me in to the fact that they had finally gotten the car open and were trying to figure out how to get me out. One of them put a few fingers to my neck and waited a few seconds. She took her fingers away and slowly backed out.

I stood there and stared as they moved a bit back from the car and went into conference. I wasn't liking how this dream was going. I hoped the real world events went better. They looked again at my body hanging there and the one who'd felt my neck said something into a small radio. The others went back to trying to pry me out of the wreckage.

I was glad this was only a dream. I still had to get on my way and head back to Cincinnati to save Toby. I'd never forgive myself if she killed herself just because I'd screwed up and wrecked my car. There came a glow of lights from behind me, and I sighed. The television stations were here already? Vultures.

It surprised me a bit. We were a bit too far from LaFayette for them to have arrived that soon. Must have been something else happening locally, and they just happened to be in the right place. I turned, to see what they were up to, but to my surprise, there were no TV trucks there. Just a haze of multicolored lights. Lights, sounds, even smells, all reminding me of the warmth of home on a cold Christmas day. And within the lights, I could see figures moving. What?

Oh, no. I suddenly had the sick feeling that this wasn't a dream at all. I knew what it was, where the lights led. And, well, as much as I wanted to go to them, I couldn't. I still had to save Toby.

***

I was standing there, in Toby's family's home, in her room, looking down at her laying on the bed. Christi was there too, sprawled onto a chair, fast asleep. Toby... she lay there, barely breathing, an open, empty, pill bottle still sitting in her slack hand. I rushed forward to shake her, and she came right awake, sitting up on the bed, smiling sadly.

She looked up at me, a crooked half-smile on her face, and said, "Bob. I'm glad you came, but I think you're a bit too late."

I stood there in shock, and told her dully, "I guess so."

She burst into tears, sobs racking her body, and I reached for her, clutching her small frame to my chest. That started me crying, and we both bawled together like little children.

Finally she pulled back, and through the tears said, "Goddamn it, I should be dead. I thought I was, until you answered me." I took her chin and turned it up, and then gently kissed her on the cheek."

"Toby. You... you are." I turned her to face the bed, and for the first time she saw the body laying there, silent and unmoving.

She gasped and looked on wonderingly. "But the how-- how can you see me and touch me?"

"I had- an accident on the way down here. I'm, well, in the same position. We're both dead."

She burst into tears again, and I cuddled and comforted her again. IT seemed that Toby didn't have that numbness I'd felt when I died. And, truth be told, I was starting to feel things again. I had a sick feeling as I thought about what all this meant, and I realized that Christi has a really tough time ahead. Losing both her brother and best friend on the same night, one because she'd urged the trip down, the other because she fell asleep at the wrong time. Christ. And there wasn't a thing I could do to make things better for her.

Toby had stopped crying, aside from a few muffled sobs, and was watching me stare at my sister. "I'm really sorry. I didn't mean for any of this to happen. You're my friend, really the only guy I could be comfortable around, and I killed you." She started sobbing again, and I returned to shushing her and letting her cry herself out. Eventually she did, and she looked back at her body. "So what happens now?"

I looked at her, and it suddenly hit me. "Oh Christ, I'm sorry, Toby, I'm sorryimsorryimsorry."

"What?"

She cuddled and comforted me till I calmed, but then as I looked at her again, new waves of tears came. I finally was able to gasp out, "Heaven exists. I've seen it, and it's real. But you..."

She nodded sadly, her emotions apparently burnt out. "I'm a suicide, and we know what happens to suicides."

"Y.. yes."

She looked at me, and then back at her prone body, and her jaw firmed. "It's too late for me, Bob. For you... I have to tell you something. I've, I've been in love with you for years. I couldn't tell you, it would have been, well, I just couldn't. But maybe there's something I can do for you. I don't know if this will work, but It's worth a try." Toby stepped back as I gaped at her, and then gave me a hard shove into the bed. "Goodbye, Bob, and good luck wherever life takes you."

I fell backwards, oofing onto the bed, and landed atop her silent body. I felt myself melting away, and then nothing.

***

I woke and it was morning. I lay on my bed, an empty pill bottle still in my hand, and my face in a puddle of vomit. I closed my eyes and cried in frustration, not bothering to move myself from the nasty mess. From somewhere off to one side I could hear someone move, and then Christi's panicked voice "TOBY! OhGodohno,please godletherbeallright!"

I raised my head and still sobbing, I told her, "I'm all right, damnit. My stomach wasn't strong enough for it..."

Christi flew to the bed and grabbed me, clutching me to her, moaning, "Ohthankgodthankgodthankgod."

***

It took a while but I finally got cleaned up. Christi wouldn't let me out of her sight, but I guess I was shaky enough to need some help. The first thing, after a stop at the toilet, was a shower. I had all that crap in my hair, and it HAD to go. First thing I did was stick my head under the water and rinse. This was one of the times I was really happy to have short hair. With the vomit out of my hair and off my face, I turned my head up and opened my mouth, filling and rinsing again and again.

I guess there were no ill effects from the pills I'd took. At least, there were none I could detect, aside from a queasy stomach. Note to self: Next time, try something different. I stood there, letting the almost-scalding water run down my body, and I hugged myself, my arms wrapped around my narrow waist. How could I live like this? This lie, I'd never been able to tell anyone, not even my closest friends, Christi and Bob. I was a freak, I'd always been a freak, I would always be a freak. I stood there, under the water, my body rocking, a low moan coming from between my lips.

Christi's voice came from outside the shower. "Toby? Are you okay?" I just stood, rocking, moaning, then slowly folded up and lay on the floor, sobbing and retching.

To be continued.....

I guess it's over now
Because I've never seen so much
Never seen so much, never seen
So much blood

In all the confusion, there's something serene
I'm just a posthumous part of the scene
Now I'm floating above looking in
As the radio blares and wheels spin
I can see my face slump with a grin
You're the last thing on my mind
You're the last thing on my mind
You're the last thing on my

"Tonight is the Night I Fell Asleep At the Wheel"
written by Steven Page and Ed Robertson
performed by Barenaked Ladies