Unjustly Accused
© 2001
By
Lorraine B.
WARNING: A
brief note to the readers this story does contain scenes of Rape as well as
descriptions of mutilation of the male genitalia.
To The
Reader: I as a Rape or Sexual Assault Counselor for both men, women and
children, see Rape as one of the most heinous of crimes done to the human body
by another human being. Many of the victims have or will undergo years of
intensive therapy just to be able to function again within society after their
physical/medical needs are met. Their dreams are continual nightmares of this
dastardly action. This Story is dedicated to all those victims. May They Sleep
Undisturbed. May They All Feel Loved. I Too Am A Survivor, I cry with them all.
My story is
one perhaps all of you have heard at one time or another. Besides haven't you
ever heard there is never a guilty person in prison, they're all innocent.
Well this
time I was a person that was tried by vigilantes and almost convicted by our
wonderful judicial system that said I was guilty of a capitol crime. I wasn't!
I survived them, their attack and our judicial system.
I will not
give you my old name or the location that the crime was supposedly committed.
The pain and anguish run deep within that community. I will tell you that my
name for this story is Jaime Pierson. I do live somewhere on the eastern
seaboard of the United States.
I am also
eighteen years old now. I will tell you also that I was brought into this world
as a male. I am now totally a female, have a fiancé that I love dearly. I will
also tell you of the death of my best friend, and adopted sister Claudia Sacks.
Along with following the career footsteps of my mother and my other older
adopted sister.
My story
starts when I was fourteen almost fifteen. I would have to say that I was a
normal boy who noticed all things beautifully physical about girls. I never
thought for a moment that I would become a female. I was infatuated with the
opposite sex. I looked forward to ritualistic dating and perhaps even to have
sex with a girl. I guess that is what's called pubescent hormonal fantasy.
School was
just about to end; Summer Vacation was just about to start. I was so looking
forward to the fishing, riding my bike, baseball all the things young boys do.
The town we
lived in was fairly new to me. Dad was just transferred here from another part
of the country to manage the manufacturing plant for the company he works for.
Mom is a Registered Trauma Nurse that just started working the Emergency Room
at the local hospital.
I remember it
was on a Tuesday early evening. Dad was still at work. I was doing my chores to
help Mom out around the house. Just because I helped my mom out didn't mean I
was effeminate or gay. I was just a boy that accepted responsibility doing what
I was asked to do.
The house was
fairly soundproof but I thought I heard a scream. A girl's scream! For some
unknown reason, I continued to do my chores and not investigate the source.
There was a
knock at the door. Having lived in the big city for most of my young life, you
learn to be careful about opening doors. I looked through the peephole first.
I saw a large
man in a khaki uniform with a badge on his shirt. I carefully opened the door
to see what he wanted. It was then that I saw several police cars and an
ambulance at the neighbor's house next door.
"Do you
live here, son? Are you alone?" the officer asked.
"Yes
Sir."
"Did you
hear anything unusual within the last hour?"
"No Sir.
Wait a minute, I thought I heard a scream but I wasn't sure. Why?"
"Well
the neighbor girl Claudia Sacks, was physically assaulted. She's pretty banged
up and unconscious. We also think she may have been sexually assaulted. Did you
see anyone near their house?"
"No,
I've been busy doing my chores that my Mom left me to do. I thought I heard the
scream while I was in the basement doing the laundry."
I saw that
everything I was saying was being written down. When I said laundry, he gave me
a real strange look. It reminded me of Dad's look when I did something I wasn't
supposed to do.
"Thanks
for answering my questions. There might be a detective coming to talk to you
later."
When the Cop
left, I shut the door, going directly to the telephone. I called both Mom and
Dad telling them what happened. Mom said that Claudia was still unconscious,
but her condition was stable. Dad said to make sure the house was locked up and
me safe inside of it. I was not to answer the door for anyone.
I folded all
of the laundry placing it on Mom and Dad's bed. I went to my room lying on the
bed. I picked up a book I had started reading earlier. I just couldn't
concentrate.
Claudia and I
were just passing acquaintances although we lived right next to each other. We
said hello to each other and that was it. She's a pretty, 17-year-old girl
being all of 5'3" with a well-proportioned body. She has Reddish brown
hair below her shoulders, sun bronzed tanned skin and deep piercing green eyes.
She has a voice that could melt butter. She is the fantasy of any teenage boy's
sexual dreams and/or fantasies.
I in
comparison to her physical description was about the same (Including eye, hair
color and hair length.) except for the female well-proportioned body and height
as I was still barely five-foot. We had been compared as brother and sister
many times at school and by our parents.
I had also
overheard that some of the kids referred to me as her younger sister in a
teasing way. This tended to make the both of us feel very uneasy considering I
was a boy. Perhaps that was why she often gave me the Cold Shoulder ignoring me
completely.
I was really
sorry to hear of her condition. Mom had confirmed later to me she had been
raped. I didn't doubt what she said as she was Claudia's attending nurse in the
ER. She also said that Claudia's recovery would be very long and hard
emotionally when she woke up. The human body has ways of shutting down to
basically regenerate itself from certain traumas.
Mom had no
doubt that she would be a survivor of this very traumatic episode of her life.
Mom had made it perfectly clear for us all to be available to her when and if
she wanted to talk about what had happened.
I went to see
Claudia every day when she was in the hospital. I had a feeling of guilt. I
felt that perhaps I might have been able to help or to stop her from getting
injured. It didn't matter if she was comatose or not, I spoke to her as if she
was awake because of my feelings. The doctors later said that there was a good
possibility she would come out of her coma at anytime.
One day as I
was there visiting her, reading a book outloud. She suddenly opened her eyes!
She took my hand into her hand weakly and smiled. I kissed her on the forehead
then I ran from the room to let the desk staff know she was awake. Everyone
rushed in and I was thrown out.
We both
seemed to bond to each other as she recuperated. We found out we had many of
the same interests, such as music and the love of reading. It also seemed that
we had picked up each other's mannerisms and speaking habits. We truly did act
as siblings!
There wasn't
a day that went by that a Cop didn't show up to speak to her and me. What I
couldn't understand was why me? I didn't know anything!
Initially
Claudia told them she had just entered the house after visiting her friend
Pamela. She didn't feel safe when she entered through the door but entered the
house anyway.
As she
entered the kitchen, she was hit in the stomach and the head several times.
That was when she screamed and went unconscious. Claudia stated to the Cops
that she had never once seen her attacker. She tried to keep her head down to
protect herself from the massive blows being struck upon her.
It was
finally told to her by the detective that when she was found her clothing was
cut from her body. There were massive bruises everywhere including her thighs,
breast and viginal area. When she arrived at the hospital, forensic evidence
was collected. It was verified she had been raped during her physical
examination. The evidence was sealed and sent to the Crime Lab for preservation
and classification. The department procedure was not to disclose this
information except to the victim. Not even in the case of a minor!
I saw her
eyes open in disbelief! She grabbed tightly onto her mother's and my hands. She
buried her head sobbing into her mother's breast. That damn insensitive Bastard
of a Cop just kept eyeing the situation of Claudia being held by her mother and
me. I gave him a look that could kill. Claudia's mother yelled for him to get
out of the room.
Claudia
calmed down after he left. The three of us managed to talk to each other.
"Mom,
did you know what happened?" Claudia asked as she started to cry.
"No
Honey, they wouldn't even discuss anything with me or your Dad. All they said
was it was police business and stay away from their investigation. Your father
is very angry right now. I'm afraid he's going to get really mad now."
Claudia's mom
was right he went to the States Attorney and other politicians demanding
justice for his daughter. They must have heard him and applied pressure to the
detectives.
In the
meantime, Claudia had several pregnancy tests done during her stay in the
hospital. The last test came back positive. She was pregnant! One of the
hospitals Psychiatrists and a physician came and broke the news to her.
Claudia was
told all her options including an abortion since the baby was conceived as a
result of a rape. The physician and psychiatrist were very close to being
thrown out of the room by Claudia's father and mother. Claudia seemed to be the
one in control saying she would keep the baby after its birth. After all, the
baby was also a part of her. That was the pure love of a mother speaking.
Claudia would always have my respect after that day.
Claudia came
home from the hospital shortly thereafter. She seemed hesitant at first to
enter her own house until I took her by the hand leading her in.
All in the
neighborhood knew what had happened to her. All showed her support and love in
every possible way. She was coming out of her shell, becoming her old jubilant
self. Her smile could light up a room that was dark. We became so close we were
inseparable. We were best friends for life! Our parents were pleased with this
event. To us it felt as if we had four parents and eight grandparents. We both
always felt loved.
I had just
come home from Claudia's house saying hello to my mom and dad. There was a
knock on the door, which mom answered. I happened to be in the kitchen having a
snack.
I did hear
voices in the living room that were angry but I couldn't hear what was being
said.
Mom came into
the kitchen with one of the Detectives saying, "Sweetie, Detective Thomas
would like you to go with him to the hospital for some tests. If you don't go
he'll arrest you and take you there forcibly."
I was in a
state of shock. Me a suspect? Why? I kept my anger under control. For some
reason, I knew things could get worse. This situation sucked the big one but
like mom said, he'll take me forcibly.
Dad came into
the kitchen on the run saying, "Son I just spoke to Claudia's dad. He's
calling his attorney as we speak and will meet you at the hospital. You are not
to say anything to anyone until you speak to the attorney. His name is
Shapiro."
I started to
cry. Both mom and Dad tried to comfort me. The detective said we had to go
leading me to a Marked Patrol Car in front of the house.
As he opened
the back door for me, Claudia came running to me saying, "I know you
didn't rape me. You've helped me so much. Daddy's trying to help you now. I
love you!"
I got into
the back seat as Detective Thomas slammed the door. Claudia placed her hand on
the car window I did the same. I smiled at her as we pulled from the curb.
Claudia cried heavily until both of our parents came to console her.
On the way to
the hospital, not a word was shared between Detective Thomas and myself. As we
got closer to the hospital, I didn't know why I was getting nervous the only
reasoning I had was I hated needles.
We made it to
the hospital pulling into the parking spot reserved for police vehicles.
Detective Thomas shut the engine off, got out, then opened my door. We walked
through a side door entering the hospital.
As soon as we
entered a short pudgy, man identified himself as Joshua Shapiro my attorney.
"Did
they ask you any questions?" he asked.
"No."
"Good,
you let me speak for you. We'll speak later without the cop present."
We went into
a lab area. The tech took samples of my hair, pubic hair, skin, blood, sperm,
Dental bite patterns and saliva. I was finished at last. The Detective left me
with Mr. Shapiro, as I wasn't charged yet. I felt dirty and violated. I could
imagine how Claudia must have felt throughout her ordeal.
I was very
angry. Mr. Shapiro took me to his car making small talk all the way to a
coffeehouse he liked. We seated ourselves at a back booth in the
restaurant.
"Not to
insult you but I have to know, did you do it?"
I was
insulted by that query. I told him exactly where I was and what I was doing
when Claudia was attacked. He was satisfied with my answer. He said he was
positive I wasn't guilty of the assault and rape. He did say that after a few
telephone calls to some of his contacts they all said that I was the prime
suspect in the crime.
They further
said that a forensic psychologist was brought into the case as a consultant. He
was the one that pointed the finger at me. I became the prime suspect due to
the amount of time I spent with Claudia. He said it was a guilt complex that I
was silently making amends to the victim of my crime. That's a psychologist for
you, nothing like quasi medicos getting into the act.
This was
unbelievable; totally inconceivable that I was a suspect due to this man's
thinking. I stayed with Claudia due to my concern for her. Perhaps I did have a
guilt complex but that was due to me not responding to help her fend off her
attacker.
Mr. Shapiro
and I left the restaurant taking me home. As he drove we talked about all sorts
of things which included my favorite subject, fishing.
When we
pulled in front of the house, the lights were on with many people inside. I
noticed that the cars near our house all belonged to the neighbors. I had to
assume it was our neighbors in the house.
Mr. Shapiro
and I got out of the car going directly inside the house. Claudia was the first
to see me. She ran directly to me taking me into her arms. For the moment, I
felt secure and safe until family and our neighbors surrounded me.
Mr. Shapiro
suddenly took our parents into the kitchen while I tried to answer any and all
questions to our neighbors. Claudia was at my side holding my hand giving me
moral support. We never spoke but I believe that she knew my thoughts.
Within ten
minutes everyone came form the kitchen with Mr. Shapiro saying, "Jaime,
and everyone there is no doubt in my mind that you are not the perpetrator of
the crimes against Claudia. However, because of what the psychologist has said
may mean that the police will intensify their investigation of you and try to
build a case. As of this moment, they intrinsically have no case and very few
leads.
We are not
out of the clear yet, not until there is official notification from the police
department that you are no longer considered a suspect.
Up until that
time you are never to be alone for any reason. The more people around you the
better. If you are called anywhere by the police, I am to be called
immediately. Your mom and dad have my telephone numbers, as do Claudia's
parents. My Private Investigator will be in touch with all the neighbors
talking to them."
With those
words, Mr. Shapiro left the house. Little did we know that while we had been in
the restaurant and my house the Laboratory Comparative Analysis had begun with
the samples taken from Claudia and me.
In the state
police lab one of the technicians had just come in from lunch. It was her
birthday so everyone in the lab went with her to celebrate. They all had
several alcoholic beverages, which was against policy. They weren't drunk but
maybe a bit tipsy.
That same
technician was given the task of doing the analysis. Somehow, during the
process the samples became tainted. The results showed a match between the
perpetrator and my samples. The local police were then advised and a
preliminary report faxed to them. They in turn notified the States Attorney
Office to proceed with the legal determination of the case.
During
mid-evening, a judge or magistrate was contacted by the Assistant States
Attorney. Based upon the forensic evidence presented, a bench warrant was
issued for my immediate arrest on the charges of assault, rape and attempted
murder.
I remember
the chain of events quite well, as this was a difficult period in my life.
These events will always haunt me to my very being. These events made me mature
sooner then I was supposed to. It was and is the harsh or stark realities of
life.
I had just
lain down on my bed after thanking all the neighbors for their support. I was
reassured by Claudia and her parents not to worry as they left for the night.
There was a heavy knocking at the front door.
It was the
police! They had a warrant for my arrest. Mom and dad argued with them until
they threatened to arrest them for obstruction of justice. I heard the
commotion and came out to see what was going on.
A police
officer came to each side of me with one reaching behind his back. The other
officer asked my name and birth date. When I gave them the information I was
handcuffed after one officer nodded to the other. They then read me my Miranda
Rights as they walked me to a waiting patrol car.
Somehow
present, were several vultures we call the news media. Already they were
blinding me with their camera lights as I walked. Neighbors were coming from
their homes to see what was going on. Several neighbors were threatened with
arrest if they came near the patrol car as they argued with the police
officers. Several of the neighbors that voiced their opinions where arrested.
What ever happened to Free Speech guaranteed by the Amendments to the
Constitution?
Several more
patrol cars careened around the corner and down the street. I was afraid that
someone would be hurt especially when several officers (and I use that term
loosely!) pulled their weapons from their holsters. The official excuse given
later was they were fearful of bodily harm at a near riot situation.
Yeah, Right!
They had the guns! They were ready to use them against unarmed citizens! It
would be brought out later to another Federal judge, hearing a Civil Rights
Lawsuit against the police department. Videotape would be shown as evidence
later to that judge. The news team that was there took it. The police officers
actions that night showed they were ready to use Deadly Force against unarmed
citizens. That tape clearly showed close up evidence of several officers
tightening their fingers on the triggers of their service weapon readying to
shoot.
I was taken
in that patrol car to the County Jail being turned over to the Sheriffs. My
personal possessions were inventoried and taken. That even included the earring
studs in both my ears. I was stripped search having even my anus checked for
contraband, given a shower, searched again, dressed in an Orange Jumpsuit,
underwear and slippers.
They then
photographed and fingerprinted me. I was totally humiliated with these
procedures that dehumanized the human spirit. I was angry but I dared not show
it. These guards looked as if they could do some very serious harm to my small
body. Cooperation was the key word in this situation.
They gave me
one bedsheet and a natty old gray blanket placing me in a cell with no windows.
The cell was perhaps four-foot by eight foot. My sink and commode were of
one-piece stainless steel construction. The bed frame was constructed of welded
steel with no springs, essentially just a slab. There was a mattress made of
foam covered with some type of material that could have been plastic in nature.
It was gray, cracked with holes, and smelled bad.
As the heavy
solid metal door shut behind me the realization of jail struck a new chord. I
made the bed, laid down and cried myself to an uneasy sleep with the lights on
all night.
The next day
I was awakened for breakfast with it being passed through a slot in the door.
Whatever it was it was not fit for human consumption. I left it alone going
back to my bed.
Several hours
later I heard a key in the locking assembly being turned. A guard motioned me
to come out telling me I was going to court.
I walked out
of the cell and was told to stop. I heard chains rattling in the guard's hands.
A chain was wrapped around my waist with handcuffs attached. My wrists were
placed into these so I could not move. Another set of these manacles were
placed on my ankles. These had a longer chain but still cut my stride as I
walked. Running would be next to impossible in these restraints.
They lead me
to the courthouse next door to the jail. Before I entered, I saw many people
gathered most of these people had video cameras. I assumed they were the
Vultures again here to pick my bones. I felt as if I was running a gauntlet as
I was brought through the doors. They were throwing all types of questions at
me. I didn't reply to one of them.
We had
finally entered the doors of the courthouse. Mr. Shapiro was standing just
inside. I assumed he was waiting for me to come.
Mr. Shapiro
went to one of my guards and said something. He then led me to a room filled
with all types of what appeared to be law books. The Guards followed and
released me from all my restraints. It felt great to have them off I thought as
I sat down.
"Are you
alright?" Mr. Shapiro asked.
All I could
do was nod my head yes.
"You're
going to a Bail Bond Hearing before a magistrate. I'm going to see if we can
get you out of here today until the Trial. If this case goes to trial! I
haven't seen the Disclosure of what evidence they have supposedly against you.
Just be patient and don't be nervous or afraid."
There was a
knock on the door with the guard and a bailiff walking in to tell us the
magistrate was ready. I again was led to a small ornately wooden designed
courtroom. It was filled past capacity with my neighbors, family and friends.
Dad, mom and Claudia were there also to give me support sitting in the front
row. Claudia smiled at me but I could see only sorrow in her eyes.
I was seated
at one of two tables looking toward a bench that was elevated. I assumed the
judge would be sitting there. Mr. Shapiro finally came into the courtroom with
another man and woman. Mr. Shapiro sat next to me grasping my hand, while the
man and woman sat at the other table.
The bailiff
walked into the Courtroom followed by the judge and the court reporter. The
opening remarks were made by the prosecutors as to why bail should be denied.
One of the reasons given was I was a Flight Risk, an alleged rapist and not
psychologically sound. The look on the judge’s face was impassive as the
prosecutor made their closing remarks.
Finally Mr.
Shapiro stood giving a rousing oratory that would have made Mr. Webster proud.
He countered the prosecutors allegations with a fierceness that made them
cringe in their seats. They both realized that they were outclassed.
Mr. Shapiro was a down and dirty street
fighter, this court of law was his street and he owned this turf. He literally
dared the Prosecutors to start a battle of wits. He was the type that chews
them up and spits them out.
I gazed
intently upon the face of the judge his face still showed no emotion. Finally
he spoke saying, “In view of the fact that this young man has never had any
dealings with any law enforcement or legal problems. He has a steady home
environment with caring and loving parents, family and friends. Their support
is quite evident in this courtroom today. Therefore, it is the decision of this
court that bail be posted for the amount of fifty thousand dollars. The Pre
Trial hearing will be in two days from this date at ten am. Since the capital
court docket is clear and the prosecution says they are ready to proceed. This
court stands adjourned.”
With a
flourish of his robes, he disappeared back into his office chambers behind the
courtroom. The bail bond hearing was over. Mr. Shapiro took my hand, shaking
it. Everyone came to hug me. The Prosecutors had the looks that they both
wanted to do bodily harm to me as they left angrily from the courtroom.
All I could
do was think that this ordeal was not over. Of course, I was sad. Especially
since I was told, I had to go back to the County Jail until a Bondsman was
obtained and the paperwork completed.
I was back at
the Jail in far less time then it took to get to the courthouse. The bondsman
was there in the reception area as we (The guards and myself.) walked in. I
signed some papers, changed back into my own clothes, and retrieved my personal
effects. With the paperwork completed the bondsman and I walked out the doors
together into the waiting arms of my loving parents.
“Are you
alright?” Mom asked as she and dad hugged me.
“Sure, let’s
go home so I can take a shower and burn these clothes, please.”
On the way
home all I could think of was how happy I was to be free again. I know it was
selfish of me but jail is not a very . . . cheerful place to be. My thoughts
ran the gamut of why they (Meaning the judicial system.) were out to hang me
for a crime I did not, would not and could never commit to another human being.
My parents must have felt my mood; they left me alone with my thoughts. Not a
single word was spoken in the car all the way home.
As we turned
the corner onto the street our house was on, many of our neighbors including
Claudia were waiting. More of the neighbors came from their homes as we pulled
into the driveway.
Claudia came
running to the car yanking my car door open. As I came out, she engulfed me
into her arms at the same time sobbing.
"I'm so
sorry they're doing this to you. It's all my fault!" She said as she cried.
"No,
it's not your fault." I said trying to reassure her.
We stayed
together that way as all the neighbors came to my parents and us giving their
support. Claudia's parents Terri and Phil came also to us with sorrow in their
eyes.
"Son,
I'm so sorry that this has happened to you and your parents. I never realized
that you would be arrested due to the pressure I placed onto those
people." Claudia's father said sadly on the verge of tears.
Releasing
Claudia I went up to him and gave him a hug. At a time like this who cares
about the machismo crap. I hugged this man, as I would do to my own father,
which he returned.
I had no
contempt or anger for Claudia's parents for their actions. I would have done
the same if I had a daughter and she was pregnant from a rape. He wanted
justice for his daughter, only the scales of the blind lady where off balance
and I was hanging from them.
When he
released me, everyone seemed to close in on me giving me the support that I
needed.
Mr. Markowitz
from across the street came to me handing me a check saying, "We, all your
neighbors haven't really known you or your family for that long of time. We all
feel that there has been some type of mistake. You've proven to us that you
have a kind and generous heart.
When you
moved into your house, you always helped around the neighbor's homes when they
needed it. You never expected or asked for anything in return for your help.
You where always there for Claudia when she was in the hospital.
We decided we
all wanted to help you. With this check, we asked your Mother and Father to
hire an additional Private Investigator through your attorney, Mr. Shapiro. At
this moment that man is at work for you on this case."
I was
astounded to say the least. The outpouring of love was evident in all the eyes
of those that were present. My emotional factor was at its peak. I was so
overwhelmed I was crying.
Gazing around
I happened to notice that a Video Camera was visible. There was a lady holding
it with another lady holding a boom style microphone. These ladies were wearing
vests that were from the local television station. They managed to get closer
to me.
"Dad,
How come they're here?"
"I don't
know, but I'll find out." Dad said as he walked toward them.
Claudia her
mom, dad, and my mom stayed by my side. Little by little the neighbors left
going back to their homes. I thanked each one of them for their support. I
could see my dad talking to the television station newscrew. Every once in
awhile they would pan the camera in my direction. This didn't bother me at all,
as long as I was left alone.
Dad finished
with them, coming back to us saying, "Mr. Shapiro was the person that
called them. They asked some questions which I answered for Jaime. They were
amazed by the support the neighbors showed for him. I believe we now have some
members of the electronics media on our side."
"I just
wish this was over. All of you know I didn't do what they're saying I
did."
"We all
know you didn't do anything to Claudia. Even the neighbors know it! Mr. Shapiro
would not have taken your case if he had the slightest inkling you were guilty
or lied to him. That man is very perceptive when it comes to someone that lies
to him." Claudia's dad said as he brought Claudia and me closer to him.
My parents
have always loved me. There was never any problem that has ever arisen that I
felt I couldn't speak to them about. They seemed to know my moods better then
I. I could feel that same type of love being generated from Claudia's parents.
I excused
myself from everyone's attention claiming to need a shower and a change of
clothes. What I really wanted was to sterilize myself from the smell of that
jail.
Within thirty
minutes I had showered and changed into fresh clothing. With the lingering
smell of jail gone from my body, I took my dirty clothes out to the laundry
room. I placed them into the washer with just two fingers holding them. They
reeked from with that jailhouse smell!
As my clothes
were being washed, I went to the kitchen adjacent to the laundry room. I was
famished! I had just finished Nuking my sandwich when my two Moms' and Claudia
walked in. As I sat at the table feasting on a Italian roast beef sandwich,
Sport Peppers, gardiniere on Italian Bread and a diet Pepsi.
"We
thought we heard you in here. While you were in the shower Mr. Shapiro
telephoned. He wants you to get a new suit for court." My mom said
smiling.
"C'mon
sweetie, finish your sandwich and we'll take you." My adopted mom said
also smiling.
"C'mon
Little Bro', Scarf it down." Claudia said with a smile.
In a way, I
was looking to get away from the house. I still felt a bit claustrophobic after
my ordeal. The idea of being by and with other people seem to calm me.
The three
women sat with me as I ate. I truthfully answered all their questions about my
night in jail. They were appalled as to the conditions and my treatment. They
could also see I was very uncomfortable about speaking of my experiences. The
subject was eventually dropped to my relief.
I was
finishing my sandwich and soda as they talked about the mall. I just know this
is going to suck! I wanted to just stay at home in some ways but in other ways
as I said I needed to get out amongst people.
Our dad's
somehow had managed to get out of this excursion by running off to the golf
course. They too needed a diversion from the past events. They seemed to know
that our mom's could handle buying me a suit with taste.
We had made
it to the mall in just over 30 minutes. The parking areas were somewhat full
closest to the stores. We didn't mind the long walk to the main entrance.
Once inside
we headed to the largest men's shop there. After trying on ten or twenty suits,
my mother made a decision which ones she liked. I had to concur with her taste.
At last, we all made a decision on a dark gray double-breasted pinstripe with a
reversible vest suit. The clerk said it would be ready in about two hours, as
it needed to be altered to fit me better. While the clerk was speaking my
stomach was gurgling.
When we
departed the shop, I had noticed a group of about six young men pointing and
watching us. They looked to be in their late teens or early twenties in age and
well dressed. I didn't say a word to mom about them.
"Let's
all go in here. They have a sixty percent off sale on everything from their
summer stock." Mom said as I groaned inside.
"Mom why
don't you go ahead without me."
"What's
the matter? You always used to go in the stores with me before."
"I need
to be excused. Those Sport Peppers combined with the gardinière is really
getting the best of me. I'll meet you at the coffee shop."
"Are you
sure you'll be okay, Sweetie?"
"Sure
mom."
When I left
them mom had a worried look on her face. I was more concerned about finding the
lavatory. I had to stop a security guard and ask directions to it. Within a
matter of minutes, I was seated in a stall relieving myself.
I was
cleaning myself up when the locked door suddenly flew open hitting me very hard
on the head. The blow partially stunned me; all I heard was a male voice say
the word rapist. That one word caused me to want to fight.
I couldn't
fight as I was dragged from the stall with my pants and underwear around my
ankles.
"Yeah
it's him! The one on the news we saw that raped that girl." A blond haired
boy said as he hit me in the stomach.
"You
Fucking Scumbag! Your no better then a sack of shit." A dark haired boy
said hitting me in the eye with his fist.
One after the
other beat me throughout my body until I was on the verge of unconsciousness. I
hurt in more places then I could imagine. The onslaught of their punches
continued to batter my small body. I fought to stay conscious! I wanted to
remember each and every one of their faces.
I could
barely see, due to my eyes being swollen almost shut. The pain was very intense
throughout my body. There was pain in the area of my rib cage. Either several
of my ribs were bruised or broken. I had a difficult time breathing at times
even gasping for air. I had blood coming from my nose, mouth and distended
lips.
I was next
forcibly put to my knees. Oh no! I thought they want me to fellate them. Was I
ever wrong! They each took their turn raping me leaving their sperm deposits
deep in me ripping my sphincter muscle apart.
They also
raped my swollen mouth and throat with their penises, making me swallow their
sperm. They did this in pairs one raping me from behind and another raping my
mouth. Oh please, someone help me. Stop these animals! Please! My mind seemed
to go blank. Time had stood still for me.
I tried to
fight one of my attackers by biting down on his cock. That seemed to make that
person more aggressive. He stuck his swollen member deep into my throat causing
me to gag hard. I remembered them sitting atop me. I remember excruciating pain
throughout my body centering in the groin area. Darkness enveloped my
semi-conscious mind.
I was at last
saved from further pain and degradation as I passed out from the internal
injuries I had received. I was partially conscious when I heard a voice try to
comfort me. The pain! The excruciating pain! The taste of blood and semen! Time
stood still!
"It's
alright now, the ambulance is coming. Lie still, don't move. We got those
bastards! They'll hang for what they did to you."
Again, my
mind went into darkness. There was no pain in this darkness just a soothing
sensation. Although I did see a bright light, seemingly come to the edge of
this darkness. What did they do to me? Am I dead? Where are my parents? Why is
there no noise? I seemed to be still floating instead of walking. I was headed
toward a bright light.
As I edged
closer, the light appeared to be getting further away. The darkness was once
again closing in. Perhaps I wasn't ready to leave this plane of existence. My
essence was still earthly bound!
I heard a
voice, no voices! It was my mother. I heard another voice it was Claudia. I
heard other sounds of men and a woman talking too. It was both our parents. I
am alive!
It was at
this time I started to choke from the tube going from a machine to my lungs. It
was a ventilator helping me breathe the air of life. I coughed which brought
pain to my body. I seemed to have caused a commotion. I could hear that there
were people running from all over the place.
I couldn't
see with my eyes! Was I blinded? No, those are bandages covering them. I heard
many machines nearby making a vast multitude of electronic noise. I felt the
tube being extracted from my mouth relieving the pressure that was in my chest.
My heart seemed to be racing. Good, it was slowing! It was then that I heard
the beeps matching my beating heart. I was hooked up to a cardiac monitor.
I was in a
hospital! I was alive! I tried to talk but no words would come.
"Jaime,
don't try to talk yet. Give your throat a rest for a bit." I heard a sweet
young feminine voice say.
"Jaime
this is Gloria, I work with your mom, sweetie. You're in the Intensive Care
Unit. You came to us by Medevac Helicopter after your assault. You almost died
on us; you really gave us a scare. You've been in a coma for two weeks. Now
please rest your amongst the living again." Gloria said touching my hand
with a gentile yet firm hand.
My Lord!
Coma! Two weeks! Almost died! What the hell happened to me? Then it came to me
in a rush. I relived every waking moment of my degradation at the hands of my
assailants. I relived the pain! Oh lord the pain! I still felt it! It was then
that I realized how much pain I still had. Although it was deadened by the
medication coming through the I.V. line, it was still felt.
"Jaime
Honey, I placed a Call Button right next to your right hand. If you need
anything, please press the button. Do you think you can swallow? Just move your
head." Gloria said.
I shook my
head to tell her yes. My mouth was dry and my lips felt cracked. She placed a
few ice chips into my mouth. She then wiped my lips with a swab that contained
glycerin and tasted like lemons. This lady was the best!
"I have
to check on a few other patients but I'll be back and stay with you until your
mother comes back." Gloria said.
By the time
Gloria came back I had finished my ice chips. I raised my hand very slowly to
my mouth motioning to her I wanted more. I savored the coolness of that ice
that melted in my mouth giving life back to my chemical filled body. I may have
even cracked a small smile.
I heard
movement coming through the door of my room turning my head slightly at the
sounds.
“I see that
your hearing has not been affected. I’m Doctor Carolyn Ward one of your
attending physicians. Would you like those bandages taken off your eyes?”
I nodded my
head indicating yes. In a few minutes all the bandages were removed. Everything
was still out of shape and focus. It was still terribly dark in the room to
complicate matters. I did manage to see some movement. That in itself was better
then not seeing at all.
“Okay Jaime
I’m going to be shining a bright light into your eyes. I want to see if there
is any damage and how your eyes are healing. Okay?”
I nodded my
head again as she pulled an Otoscope from her pocket and adjusted the head of
it after turning it on. I may not have been able to see too clearly but when
that high intensity light hit my right and then my left eye it made me jump. It
was at this time that I felt a great deal of movement and additional weight in
my chest area, which I couldn’t see yet. I wasn’t ready to start exploring my
body yet to see if I had all my parts.
“Jaime there
doesn’t seem to be any permanent damage to your eyes. I want you to wear these
glasses for a few days. They’ll help you to focus and insure that the sunlight
doesn’t do any damage. I imagine in a few days you’ll even be able to read
again.”
Doctor Ward
began to unwrap something, placing them on my face. I could feel that the
lenses were of a large oval shape similar to fashion sunglasses worn by women.
I could care less what they looked like if they protected my eyes so I could
see again.
“Okay Gloria,
let a little light into the room.”
With those
words the light came streaming into the room. I managed to make out some shapes
even though everything was blurred and a bit fuzzy. Gradually the fuzziness
seemed to come into focus. Things seemed a bit dark but I could see. I smiled a
bit.
“I take it
you can see a little better.”
I just nodded
my head yes. I motioned for a pen and paper. I was getting tired but I still
wanted to know precisely what happened. There were questions in my mind that
needed to be answered.
“Honey, I
know you have questions but for now you need to recover your strength. There
are many people that want to see you. For now they’ll have to wait a few days.”
Gloria said taking one of my hands into her's gently.
“Gloria is
right, we want you to rest. Gain your strength first. I’ll be back later to
check in on you but Gloria will stay with you until your mom comes. She sends
her love to you.” Doctor Ward said taking my other hand into hers.
Gloria closed
the blinds in the room. Not too much longer I was sound asleep. The medication
in the I. V.’s making its magic taking me back to a dreamless sleep.
I couldn’t
tell what time of the day or night it was when I awoke. I opened my eyes very
slowly still wearing my dark glasses. This time I was able to see more
normally. I even saw my mother sitting in a chair.
I decided to
try to speak, “Mom” I said very softly in a raspy very weak voice.
“Sssh
Darling, I’m here. Do you want some water or ice chips?”
“Water,
please.”
Mom brought
me a glass with a straw. I tilted my head to take the angled straw into my
mouth drawing in the liquid. When I moved I felt that same sensation on my
chest again.
What the hell
is it? They don’t have me wrapped up! I don’t feel constrained!
I picked up
the paper and pen writing: What’s wrong with my chest? I’m numb between my
legs! I really hurt! What happened?
“Sweetie,
we’ll talk later when you are stronger. You almost died on us several times.
You took a massive beating from those boys. Your body needs to rest now. Okay?”
She said smiling and kissing my forehead.
When she
kissed me I felt a tear hit my face. I didn’t know at the time, it was a tear
of relief and joy. I watched as she adjusted the control valve on the I.V. bag.
I was fast asleep in minutes with no pain.
I was like
this for several more days. Each time I woke up I was a bit stronger. Mom was
pleased that I was progressing in my recovery. The doctors and nurses were also
pleased. I was just happy to be alive! The pain was a reminder that I was alive
as my medication was being lessened. As the medication was lessened, my
nightmares came reliving my attack.
I grew
stronger day by day until I was moved to another room out of the ICU on to a
general floor. I had a steady stream of visitors even when I was up there.
Claudia, her parents, grand parents and my parents and grand parents came
everyday without fail. All the neighbors came to see me. I noticed that when
they spoke everyone's speech seemed to be guarded. This also included my
doctors and the nurses. I couldn't take it anymore!
"Mom,
what is going on? Why are people acting so strangely around me? To coin one of
your phrases, is my slip showing?"
I knew
something was not right when everyone surrounded me. Claudia, both mom's and
dad's along with eight grandparents. They all had tears in their eyes. Was I
going to die? What the hell was it?
Mom was the
first to speak saying, "Jaime we have never kept anything from you in your
entire young life. We all love you dearly and always will.
This was the
one time that we decided not to tell you everything because of your frail
health."
"Tell me
what? Am I going to die or something?"
"Sugar"
Oh shit, when
mom uses that endearment it was bad, real bad. I just knew I had to keep my
composure.
"Sugar,
when those boys beat and assaulted you they took a part of you that could not
be saved, mended or replaced. The doctors all tried but there was too much
damage done."
I interrupted
saying, "What damage? What did they do?"
"Sweetie,
when we sent the Security Guards to find you those boys had beat you severely.
I don't know how to tell you this but they also cut your penis and testicles
off. The guards told me that they had actually shoved them into your mouth
shutting off your breathing. You almost died from asphyxiation! You were also
in shock not only from the rape but from the loss of blood."
I began to
cry as this disclosure was made to me. This was hard to believe that people
could be as cruel as those boys had been to me. The thought occurred to me that
I could never have children or to please a woman sexually. How would I urinate
now, through a hose? May those Bastards die a harsh and terrible death. Did I
really want them to die? Yes!
Mom continued
with sadness in her voice, close to crying herself by saying, "When the
Paramedics arrived I was already in the restroom trying to stabilize you. The
bleeding was stopped and your penis was packed in a wet towel. We assessed your
trauma and decided to call for the helicopter. It would've taken too long to
get you here by ground ambulance.
Doctor Groton
took you to surgery as soon as you arrived, trying to reattach your penis. The
testicles where smashed but they manage to find a donor set from a nearby
hospital organ bank. He did everything he could but something went wrong they
believed it was traumatic cellular and nerve damage or deterioration. It had to
be amputated!
We were
called back to the hospital and asked to make a decision on your behalf
although, it is an experimental procedure. We did make that decision giving the
surgeons our permission. We love you and wanted to see you have a normal
life."
"Mom,
what are you trying to say. Don't beat around the bush! I'm a eunuch now aren't
I?"
"Sweetie,
when you asked before if your slip is showing you took me by surprise. Now
you'll have to wear them with your dresses."
Did I just
hear my mom correctly? Dresses? That explains why I have a Foley catheter in
me. I saw the name on the package it was wrapped in. Women normally are the
only ones that Foley's are used on. Vagina! That explains the weight on my
chest. That explains the added movement. Implants! Breasts! That explains the
I.V. still in my arm. Hormones! That explains the pink hospital gown, robe and
slippers. My mouth dropped! My brain went from neutral to Supersonic. My lord,
I'm a girl! I was totally Speechless!
"What's
wrong lil' Sis!" Claudia said holding my hand tighter and kissing me on
the cheek.
"Claudia
Marie!" Her mother said angrily.
"Don't
be mad at Claudia. I knew something was different when I woke up. I even said
so to the doctors, nurses and mom. I was being ignored whenever I asked a
question! Am I angry the answer is yes! Why couldn't they wait for me to wake
up and ask me? I was a male! I was a boy! What the hell am I now?" I
screamed.
"You
weren't being ignored they were told by me not to say anything. I felt it was
my job as your mother to tell you instead of a psychiatrist. We wanted to tell
you sooner but we thought that mentally you weren't ready for another
shock."
My head was
reeling from this disclosure. I felt betrayed! The anger flowed from my very
depths! I didn't know what I should do first scream expletives, cry or pout.
Maybe I should vent my anger onto everyone. No, I was alive! I survived every
trial and tribulation placed before me. I felt as if I was normal. Perhaps this
is how I should have been born. No I was a boy! I had always wondered what it
was like to be a girl. I shouldn't think that way. I was a boy! Well now, I
guess I'll find out what being a girl is all about. No! I couldn't accept that
thought. I was born a boy! I am a male!
"What
are you thinking about Jaime?" dad asked.
I told them
all what I just thought about. My anger! My Shame! My Embarrassment! I didn't
want to be a girl! My life was useless!
After they
let me calm down a bit I decided to tell them how several times I got dressed
in mom's clothes. There wasn't a look of shock on anyone's face. I also told
them I was curious, doing it only twice or at the most three times. Even though
I did it I wasn't and didn't want to be a girl nor wear the clothing of a
female. I was a boy! A boy! A boy!
Mom had that
look on her face of, Yeah, I know you did. Some boys have been known to do
those things. You are a girl now and you will survive and live. Don't push your
luck with me. I thought I better keep quiet, mom was pissed. Mom could be a
formidable enemy if pushed the wrong way.
"Now I'm
the only one that can be blamed for leaving the toilet seat up." my Dad
said with a grin trying to lighten up the atmosphere. He immediately received
an elbow to his ribs by Claudia's mom.
Claudia's dad
Phil, looked around the room at all of us and said," I think my adopted
younger daughter will adjust just fine."
"You
mean Our Adopted younger daughter." Claudia's mom Terri said with a smile
directed at me.
I came to
terms with my new self that day. I cried for my loss when they all left. I was
in mourning! A part of me had died! I felt the complete range of emotions
outpouring from my very depths of my life's essence, the sense of loss, shock,
denial and depression and finally recovery.
I still had a
nagging suspicion that all was not told to me by them. I became closer to all
the women that surrounded me. All of them have a wealth of personal knowledge
to be shared with other younger females. I was the youngest! Wow, did I have a
lot to learn! Did I have a lot of catching up to do! I didn't have much of a
choice!
As mom
bluntly put it saying, "You can learn the hard way by ridicule from
strangers or learn the easy way with love from your family and mother."
Over the next
few days, the Foley Cath and I.V.'s were removed. They made me get out of bed
to walk. They made me learn to use the bathroom commode sitting. I was shown
how to stretch my new plumbing and how to use stents. I was taught feminine
hygiene. They also taught me make-up and hair techniques. I even had to learn
how to dress myself.
Gloria was
the one that came to teach and help me. I also found out she was only a few
years older then me. She was only out of nursing school at the Junior College
for about six months. ICU was only her second assignment at the hospital. She
loved it!
Gloria,
Claudia and I became very close friends. Okay, like sisters! We pulled the
information from Gloria that she was an orphan. She also had another job to pay
for her schooling and loans. (Mom didn't even know that tidbit of information.)
Gloria became our younger role model. She was there for me whenever Claudia and
mom weren't.
We knew each
other's fears, secrets, dreams, and of course aspirations. She schooled me in
the ways of boys and men from a woman's standpoint. She instructed me what to
do and not to do on dating, social skills she called it.
Mr. Shapiro
came to the hospital one day to see me. When he saw me, all he saw was a young
girl in the bed wearing a revealing nightgown and robe. He had to take a second
look and check the room number, he thought he was given the wrong room number
at the visitors reception desk.
Mr. Shapiro
had not seen me since my day in court. I was on the bed lying down after a
stroll down the halls in my nightgown and robe. I had made sure that I applied
the make-up and braided my hair as I was taught. All of these things combined
left nothing to the imagination except FEMALE. The nightgown and robe
accentuated my full B Cup breasts and abundantly large, no gigantic hips and
ass.
Mom decided
that her new daughter was not going to wear hospital gowns any longer. She and
Claudia's mom went and bought a complete wardrobe for me. I was not pleased in
the least!
Apparently, I
looked really good as one of the patients let out a wolf whistle that was very
loud and shrill as I walked the halls for exercise. It was so loud that when I
went by the Nurse's Station they all smiled saying I had an admirer. I went and
lay down after that excitement and embarrassment. That's when Mr. Shapiro came
to my room.
"Jaime
is that you?"
"Hi Mr.
Shapiro."
"I guess
it is you then. You're simply ravishing. Please don't tell my wife I said that.
I'd be sleeping on the couch for a month. Jealousy! Oy Vay!" smiling,
shaking his head and rolling his eyes.
"I have
some wonderful news for you that will make you feel better. We have some new
evidence that was dug up by the PI's." Mr. Shapiro said handing me a
report from the Investigators.
He remained
silent as I read it. After completing it I asked, "Does this mean I won't
have a Trial?"
"With
all those depositions and the statements from the Technicians at the Crime Lab.
The Prosecutors case just fell apart. This proves the evidence was tainted. A
lab Tech was drunk on the job! Against policy! In view of all that has happened
to you and the tainted evidence I will motion for a dismissal of all charges
which the judge will grant immediately."
"When do
I go back to court?"
"You
don't, but I do. I'll see the judge this afternoon. By the way, do you know you
have been the topic of every news cast since your assault? Have you talked to
any Cops yet?"
"I spoke
to one about two weeks ago. He acted as if I had a disease or something. They
won't turn on the radio or television in my room."
"They
know about the evidence. They also know they may be involved in a real heavy
lawsuit or lawsuits for False Arrest among other things such as violations of
Civil Rights. That one is for your neighbors.
I asked your
mom not to have either the Television or radio turned on. We didn't know what
the news media were going to say but it appears that everything they have said
about you is favorable.
Those boys
that assaulted you were all arraigned this morning. I spoke to their attorneys,
they’re all pleading guilty to the charges. It appears that the mall had
surveillance cameras in that washroom. Your attack was recorded on videotape.
Visual Evidence!"