Changing of the Guard

By Maddie Valasek

 

Part Six

My life is weird. Well, it’s gotten weird over the past month. Ever since my parents moved me to a new school, life has gotten turned on its head. Before the move I was Julian McCloud, King Nobody. Now I’m Julie McCloud and a lot has changed. I have this gorgeous little redhead for a girlfriend now, a group of friends to hangout with, and plenty to do to keep me busy.

I’ve got quite a lot going on in school. Other than my normal classes, I am a photographer for the schools newspaper, help Becca out with her one act play, joined Tess in the school’s Colorguard, and have a job on top of all that. There’s even a boy thrown in there just to make sure things stay confusing.

‘Yeah, and I want to be a writer? It’s a good thing this is my own personal journal and no one will ever see it,’ I thought as I closed the cover of my recently created journal. It was so recent that those were the only lines in it so far. In my defense, I am a very busy girl and only got to start it because I somehow finished all my work for the day early. There was a full ten minutes before I had to get to guard rehearsal.

The writing wasn’t terrible for ten minutes worth of work but it wasn’t great either. I just had to remind myself that it’s only a journal and I’m not getting graded for it. Instead of dwelling on my lack of the Shakespeare gene, I stuffed the notebook into my bag and headed to the gym for rehearsal.

 

*

Twenty-seven. That’s exactly how many times the girls on the guard had to perform the same thirty-six counts because I messed something up. I give them all the credit in the world for being patient. They weren’t complaining at all and kept trying to encourage me. That was definitely needed, since I was ready to strangle myself with my flag the eighteenth time we had to start over.

In my defense, it was the most complicated set in the entire program.  Tess and I had been staying an hour longer after every practice trying to get me up to speed with the rest of the girls. In the three weeks since I agreed to help, I picked up all but this one set. Somehow, I managed to be half a beat ahead one time, then half a beat behind the next.  To say I was frustrated would be an understatement, to say the least.

The last two attempts had amazingly been successful. I hit all my marks on time and didn’t drop on my tosses. If I make it through one more time, the rest of the girls can go home. Music filled the gym and Tess counted us off, “five, six, seven, eight.”

Butterfly. Crazy 8. Toss. Catch. Dancing Hippo right. Dancing Hippo left. Jump turn thingy. Drop. Drop. Speed. Double prep. Toss. 360. CATCH. 

OK, those may not be all the proper terms for those moves because, honestly, I can’t remember them all. Calling them that frees up brainpower to try and keep count.  I think I hit everything right and I didn’t hear any flags or rifles hit the ground. All I was waiting for was Tess’ voice.

What I heard was a chorus of whistles and cheers. Brian and Scott, along with five of their team members had showed up sometime during our performance and were doing there best to voice their support. I looked up and saw Tess had joined them.

“All right. Well done, ladies. Jules, figures you’d wait till the boys show up to get it right,” Tess stated.

Needless to say, I turned a nice deep shade of red, again. It had been almost two weeks since the last time, so I guess I was due. Everyone got a nice hearty laugh out of my reaction to Tess’ comment. Why me?

Tess dismissed the guard and we all went about cleaning up and getting our stuff together. She even gave me leave of our normal after rehearsal tutoring session. I guess we’d run through it enough that she didn’t feel I needed to spend another hour beating myself up with it.  Some of the guys helped fold up our backgrounds and Brian helped me get the other props put away.

“Hey, I have a question for you,” Brian said.

“What’s up?” I returned.

“Well, there’s this new action flick opening tonight. I was wondering if maybe you’d be interested in catching it with me? The buzz is that it’s pretty good and I owe you a decent one after the disaster of the Sin City Detectives.”

“Hmm... tempting. Very tempting. I do have to work in the morning, though.”

“Yes, but you don’t have to be in until nine. Becca’s working tonight and I know you aren’t planning on doing any homework on a Friday night. Come on, I’m tired of sharing you with Bec all the time.”

“What? You don’t like hanging out with us girls all the time?” I asked jokingly.

Brian, Becca, and I had been spending a lot of time together. I would include Scott and Tess in our group, but they usually went off by themselves to make out, leaving the three of us to get to know each other. It was strange for me to hang out in a group. I had gotten so used to being by myself that I’d forgotten how nice it is to have friends.

“No, I love hanging out with you guys, but I really want one evening with just the two of us.”

“Why Mr. Corser, are you falling in love with little ole me?” I asked in my best southern belle accent.

“Not really,” he answered coolly, “I only want to get to know you a little better. When the three of us get together, we tend to clown around a lot. Don’t get me wrong, that’s good, but I want to find out what makes you tick.”

 

The danger of letting our relationship grow was registering in my brain just as my mouth agreed to the movie. Yeah, I know. It keeps doing that. The only way I can think of to fix it would be the judicious use of duct tape and super glue. Eating may be just a wee bit difficult if I tried that, not to mention that it’s nearly impossible to match duct tape to my outfit each day.

“Great. I know you want to get home and get a shower, so how about I pick you up in an hour?” Brian smiled.

“Works for me. I guess I’ll see you shortly,” I replied as we climbed into our cars.

The question of whether it was a good idea to go with him continued to rattle around in my head. Contrary to what he might say, I know he has feelings for me and, unfortunately, I have feelings for him. They just aren’t nearly as strong as the feelings I have for Becca. The problem is that he doesn’t know I’m into Bec and I can’t tell him that since she wants to keep our relationship quiet. Would I be leading him on if I went out with him knowing that nothing could happen between us? Does going to a movie with him count as a date? He didn’t say that it was just between friends.

I was stressing myself out so I decided to call in reinforcements. I just hope she wouldn’t get in trouble answering her cell phone at work.

“Hi there, Gorgeous, what’s up?” Bec answered.

“I love it when you call me that,” I said.

“I know. That’s why I say it.”

“Did I mention that you’re perfect?”

“Flattery will get you everywhere, everything OK?”

“Actually, I have a bit of a problem. I kind of agreed to go to a movie with Brian tonight.”

“And that’s a problem how?” Bec asked.

“You and I both know that he likes me more than he lets on. Would I be leading him on by going with him?”

“Gee, worry much? Look, he knows you aren’t interested in having a boyfriend right now. If he finds you as interesting as I do, he’s bound to want to get to know you better. Maybe he’s hoping that later on you might be interested in a boyfriend, but he’ll be happy just being your friend. Go and enjoy the movie and get to know one of your new friends,” she said.

“How did you get to be so smart? You have a way of putting my worries in prospective. I don’t know why you guys find me so interesting. I think I’m pretty boring.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, Miss Modesty. I gotta get back to work. Have fun tonight and I’ll see you tomorrow evening. Don’t make any plans, either. It’s about time for us to go on our first date. Later, Gator,” Bec stated and then hung up.

Bec and I haven’t been on a date yet? I almost couldn’t believe it. After I thought about it, I realized she was right. Whenever we went out anywhere, Tess, Brian, and Scott were normally with us. When it was only the two of us, we were hanging out at my house. That definitely needed to be changed.

 By the time I got home and let Mom know how my day went, there wasn’t much time to waste. I still needed to get a shower and get dressed before Brian showed up. I figured on going very casual with only a little makeup. The last thing I wanted to do was start sending mixed signals.

Unfortunately the time I saved with less makeup was lost when I had to wash my hair. Not washing it wasn’t an option. It was frazzled and wet with sweat from rehearsal. I may not want to impress Brian, but I don’t want to look like a slob either.

Mom came into my bathroom as I was finishing getting it dried. “Your boyfriend is here, Hon,” she said.

“MOM! He’s not my boyfriend!” I squealed.

“Oh, relax. I was only joking. He is pretty cute though. I bet you two would make a beautiful couple,” she grinned.

“Everybody’s a comedian. Would you please tell him I’ll be down in a minute? I have to finish getting dressed. Would you consider a long denim skirt OK for friends going to see a movie?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, would wearing it give Brian any thoughts that I was in the market for a boyfriend?”

“If you’re that worried about it, why not just wear jeans and a t?”

“I was going to, then I saw that skirt hanging in the closet and really wanted to wear it instead. Don’t ask me why, but I really love wearing skirts.”

“Sometimes I think you’re more of a girl than your sister is. She hated wearing skirts and dresses. Go with the skirt and a simple t and I bet you’ll be fine. The skirt is plenty long enough and the t will be casual but feminine. If that’s the look you’re going for,” Mom answered with an amused grin.

“That’s exactly what I was going for and what’s with the funny grin?”

“I was just thinking how it should be strange to be telling my son that a long denim skirt and t-shirt wouldn’t be giving the boy she’s going to see a movie with the wrong idea. To be honest, it’s getting very difficult not to think ‘daughter’ when I see you anymore. I’m amazed at how much you’ve changed in such a short time.”

“You know what’s really strange. It’s only been a few weeks but it feels like a lifetime ago that I was a boy. I feel like that part of my life had been some kind of weird nightmare and I’ve only been awake for a short time. Does that make any sense?”

“Yes, Sweetheart, it does. Now finish getting dressed. You have a handsome boy downstairs that you shouldn’t keep waiting,” Mom smiled as she gave me a hug then turned and headed downstairs.

A few minutes later, I slipped into my sandals and was ready to go. I decided to go with the skirt and matched it with a plain white t-shirt that was fitted enough to give me some shape but not enough to show off everything. I took one last glance in the mirror to make sure I looked OK then grabbed my jacket and went to rescue Brian from my dad. If Dad stuck to his normal Modis Operandi, he’d be doing his overprotective father act. I know he’s been itching to use it.

It turned out that they were sitting in the kitchen talking about cars. I gave Mom a “what’s up with them” look. She shrugged her shoulders and returned a “don’t ask me” look. It would figure that they’d get along. The one time I could use Dad putting a little distance between us and he decides to get all buddy-buddy.  Yep, I was an evil prick in a past life.

*

“You and my Dad seemed to get along,” I said as we climbed into Brian’s car.

“Yeah, he’s a pretty cool guy. For some reason I imagined him as the overprotective type. Don’t get me wrong, he looks out for you, but I think he trusts you enough not to resort to threatening your dates,” he replied.

‘Crap, he does think this is a date,’ I thought.

“Is this a date, though? We are going to the movies, but I don’t think we ever said it was a date. I doesn’t matter to me, but I know you aren’t looking for a boyfriend.”

“Don’t worry. If I get the urge to have one, you’ll be first on my list,” my mouth stated.

Eep, what the heck did I just say?! Why? Why do I keep doing that?! A big smile crept across his face while I was berating myself for my comment. I am in so much trouble.

“So what are we going to see, again?” I asked trying to change the subject.

“I thought we’d try Mr. And Mrs. Jones. It’s a sort of spy flick. They are both spies but neither of them knows the other is. Should be interesting,” he replied.

“Cool, sounds good to me. Do we have time to get something to eat? I haven’t had dinner yet and I only pay five bucks for nachos or hot dogs at baseball games.”

“Uh, yeah. I think we can squeeze in something quick. I’m afraid we only have time for fast food. If you wanna grab something small we can get something better after the show.”

“That works. Stop at Peppers and I’ll get a small grilled chicken salad. That will keep me happy for a little while.”

“A salad? I wouldn’t have thought you’d be a rabbit food kind of girl,” Brian commented.

“Only occasionally. Normally I am a carnivore, but a salad sounds good and it’s on the way. Besides I do have to keep an eye on my figure,” I joked.

“There isn’t anything wrong with your figure, Jules. Trust me.”

“That’s dangerously close to hitting on me, Brian,” I commented.

“Just an observation,” he returned calmly.

Our conversation faded after that, leaving me to stare out the window and try to figure out exactly how I felt about him. There is a lot to like. He’s smart, funny, polite, and has this air of calmness about him. I always feel safe and relaxed when he’s around. It’s not just me either. Becca and Tess have noticed it, too. We started calling it the “Beach Affect” because it’s like sitting on a warm sandy beach and soaking up some sun while on a long vacation.  

I’d be lying if I said he wasn’t gorgeous. I have seen more than a few girls stop and watch him as he walks down the halls in school. The best part is that he doesn’t know how great he is. He is completely oblivious to all the attention that he gets. I bet he’d be shocked if I told him he had so many admirers. A great personality, looks good enough to grace the pages of any fashion magazine, and an “aww shucks, Ma’ am,” farmboy charm is enough to make any girl take notice, even one that isn’t exactly all girl.

 Now, if I were into guys, I’d be all over him. There is this small detail of me preferring women and my extra parts that kind of squash any chance to have more than a friendly relationship. I’m still very confused about my feelings for him. I can’t help but wonder how reluctant I’d be if Becca wasn’t my girlfriend. One thing is certain; I’m not about to give her up to find out.

My thoughts were interrupted as we pulled into Pepper’s. I was a little surprised that we didn’t use the drive-thru being that we had a movie to get to. My surprise must have showed on my face.

 “I didn’t think it’d be a good idea to try and eat a salad in a moving car,” he explained, “we’ve got time. Don’t worry.”

He got out while I checked myself in the visor mirror. Yep, I’ve jumped into the whole girl thing with both feet. There wasn’t a need to check, though. I’d only worn a little bit of makeup and my hair was fine. The few seconds it took for me to reassure myself allowed Brian enough time to circle the car and open my door for me.

OK, I was probably as chivalrous or more than the next guy, but I never opened a car door for a girl to get out. Come to think of it, I never had the opportunity, but I still don’t think I would have. Brian was taking polite to a whole new level and I wasn’t sure if that was just his way or if he was trying to impress me. Either way, I was impressed and a bit frightened about what it could mean.

“Why don’t you find a place to sit and I’ll order. You wanted a grilled chicken salad, right?” he asked.

“Yes, please, but shouldn’t I pay for it?” I returned.

“Don’t worry, we can settle up later.”

While he was ordering, I grabbed some napkins and a fork then found a table that was reasonably clean. I don’t know why, but cleanliness has gotten to be a lot more important to me since I started wearing skirts. It’s not a conscious change. It just happened. Weird.

It didn’t take long for Brian to find me. He walked up with a tray carrying two grilled chicken salads and two drinks. I couldn’t help raise an eyebrow to his choice. I guess I was expecting him to go for fries.

“Don’t look at me like that. It sounded really good when you mentioned it, so I decided I’d have one, too. If anyone asks I had a triple cheeseburger, though,” he grinned.

“Oh yeah, and what do I get for keeping your salad habit under wraps?”

“Resorting to blackmail? I didn’t think you had it in you.”

“You’d be surprised at what I’m capable of,” I replied seriously.

“Yeah right. Like there’s an evil bone in your body. I bet you won’t even step on a spider that’s in your house.”

What is it with people being able to read me so easily? I can understand that my face has a tendency to give away my emotions, but how the heck does he know I don’t squash spiders?

“Hey, spiders have as much right to live as we do. There’s no reason to squash them just because they wandered into my house. It doesn’t take that much effort to move them outside,” I explained.

“You are definitely one of a kind, Jules. Now eat your salad. We have a movie to catch.”

*

Unlike our previous movie, I didn’t wake up with my head on Brian’s shoulder. There was plenty of action to keep me alert and interested. I wouldn’t place any bets on it winning movie of the year, but I did have a good time. Brian seemed to enjoy it as much as I did.

“That was fun,” he said as we walked out of the theater, “much better than the last one that’s for sure.”

“I second that. I was awake the whole time, so that’s got to count for something,” I commented.

“I kind of liked when you fell asleep the last time. I can’t tell you how adorable you are when you’re sleeping.”

There he goes again. What the heck am I supposed to do now? “Watch it, Mister. Keep saying things like that and I might get used to it.” 

“Would that be such a bad thing? You hungry?” Brian asked.

“A little yes. That salad was good, but not terribly lasting.”

Instead of stopping at a restaurant, Brian ordered a bunch of tacos and a couple of drinks from a small Mexican drive thru and drove us to an area away from the bright city lights.  I found myself sitting on the hood of Brian’s car, looking up at more stars than I have ever seen before, and listening to him talk.

The movie was the first topic of our conversation, but we had left it behind by the time we finished eating. Somehow we had switched to our previous lives as less than popular nobodies. Even though it was a challenge keeping my secret, I enjoyed sharing horror stories of things that happened to us. Brian had become the target for one particularly nasty group of bullies and endured the stereotypical locked in lockers, stolen lunch money, and name-calling. Nothing original, but it was constant harassment.

“When I started working out, I always imagined that showdown with the bullies. In my head I saw myself standing up to them and winning the fight that I always knew would happen. The funny thing was that the bigger and stronger I got, the less they bothered me. I never had that dramatic confrontation. By the time I thought I could handle them, they quit bothering me altogether,” he said. 

“Sounds anticlimactic. Did that bother you?” I asked.

“At first it did. I felt cheated. I even thought about picking a fight with them. But that wouldn’t make me any better than them, so I let it go. I didn’t realize I had been carrying around so much anger. It was like a thick blanket had been wrapped around me for so long that I’d forgotten it was there.

That day when I quit worrying about all they had done to me and decided to get on with my life, that blanket fell away and I was free. I made myself a promise to never let anger get to me again.”

‘The beginning of the Beach Affect,’ I thought.

“I feel a little silly for telling you all that,” he said as he shifted uneasily from one foot to the other.

“You shouldn’t. It’s nice knowing that I wasn’t the only one running from bullies,” I said as I wandered around the car looking at the night sky.

“I think you had it all wrong. They weren’t trying to hurt you, you’re way to beautiful for that. I think they were trying to kiss you,” Brian joked.

“Hmm, maybe you’re right. Too bad I was too fast for them to catch me,” I returned playing along.

“I bet I could catch you.”

“You think so,” I grinned.

I don’t know why I decided to find out if he could catch me.  Some evil part of my brain must have thought it would be fun. That part also forgot that I was wearing a skirt and sandals. It being nighttime and dark was the only thing that saved me from looking completely foolish.

Some time after I started running, the sensible side of my brain regained control. I was a bit sick with myself for playing a game of chase me. Like I want a boy chasing after me. OK, maybe a small part of me enjoyed it.

Even though I had to take very small choppy steps, I stayed free for about fifty yards before he caught up with me.

“Gotcha,” he said as he grabbed my hand.

“You’re lucky I’m wearing a skirt,” I grumped dramatically.

“Oh sure, blame it on the skirt. Girls always blame it on the skirt.”

“And the sandals, too. Don’t forget the sandals.”

He found that comment a lot funnier than it probably was and started laughing one of those contagious laughs. You know the ones where you can’t help but laugh along. His laughing made me laugh and mine made him laugh harder. It was a vicious cycle that had my stomach begging for mercy.

Apparently laughing affects one’s sense of balance. I don’t know which of one of us stumbled first, but he ended up on the ground laying on his back with me on top of him, our faces almost touching. There was another of those “he’s going to kiss me moments”. My brain was screaming for me to get up, but my body hesitated. There was something about being that close to a guy that good-looking and sweet.

He rolled us over so that our positions were reversed and he was on top. There was a half smile on his face as he looked down at me. I thought that him lying on me would make me feel crushed, but it didn’t. Instead, it felt comforting. I could feel his muscles beneath his clothing, his breath on my face, and the smell of his cologne.  My head was swimming and there was a growing sense of electricity similar to what I felt when I kissed Bec. I was totally lost in the moment and wanted nothing more than for him to kiss me.

  In the dim starlight, a look of near panic crossed Brian’s face and he raised himself up on his hands. At first, I thought he had seen something in me that he really didn’t like. After a second, I realized it was the complete opposite. A certain region of his pants was getting a bit fuller than it had been.

He shot to his feet as soon as he rolled off of me and I was left sitting on the ground. The wave of emotions receded quickly and my mind calmly returned to normal. Thank goodness I had tucked myself away before I left the house or there’d be some serious explaining to do. In order to keep him from feeling embarrassed, I acted like I didn’t notice his reaction to me and lifted my hand up so he could help me up.

“Jules, I...uh, I,” he started as he pulled me back to my feet.

“I’m sorry about knocking us over. I can be so clumsy sometimes,” I broken in smiling, “ I hope it didn’t hurt when I fell on you.”

He immediately took the out I left him, “No, didn’t hurt at all. I thought I fell and pulled you down by accident though. Sorry if I did.”

I took about half a dozen steps toward the car. “Good, then you have no excuse if I beat you back to the car,” I challenged and started running back. The half dozen extra steps and catching him off guard allowed me to easily beat him back.

“You cheated,” he accused.

“Hey, I’m wearing a skirt here, remember? I need all the help I can get.”

“Alright I give up. You are definitely an original, Jules. Come on, it’s time to get you back home. I’d like to stay on your Dad’s good side.”

*

He was uncharacteristically quiet on the way back to my house. There was some heavy-duty thinking going on behind those blue eyes. I tried starting a conversation a few times but only got one-word responses. I gave up trying about half way home. Ten minutes passed without either of us saying a word.

“I know about you and Becca,” he stated quietly.

“We’re...,” I started.

“More than just friends,” he finished. “Don’t worry I’m not going to tell anyone else. I just wanted you to know that I know and it’s cool. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t interested in you. You aren’t bi by any chance?”

“I, um, I don’t know. How did you know about Becca and me?”

“We’ve been spending a lot of time together. I couldn’t help but notice the way you look at each other. There’s a lot more touching between you, even more than most girls do. One of you is always brushing the other’s hair or rubbing their back. The dead give away is how you guys stare at each other’s ass when one of you walks away. I will be the first to admit that either view is worth looking at, but would a little discretion be too much to ask?”

I had the distinct deer in the headlights feel. I had never been so thoroughly busted my entire life. The only thing he didn’t figure out is that I’m not really a girl. How long had he known about us? Why did he want to go to a movie with me? The more I thought about it, the more upset I got.

“Was that what tonight was all about? Were you just confirming that I’m a lesbian?” I asked angrily. I do not like feeling ambushed.

I guess the voracity of my response caught him off guard, “Jules, no tonight wasn’t like that. You know I’m not like that.”

“Then what was it about then? What were you trying to prove?” I returned.

He slumped in his seat with a defeated look, “My intention wasn’t to ambush you with this. I was going to keep it to myself. The truth is that I really like you. I had to find out if there was a chance of us ever being more than friends. I can’t figure you out. I thought if I hit on you a little that you’d put up a wall or tell me that you’re not interested. The opposite happened. You seemed to enjoy it. I thought maybe there is a chance.

Then we fell down and there was a moment that we were so close to kissing and you didn’t seem bothered at all. It confused me even more. I’ve been trying to sort through it but haven’t come up with a good answer. That’s why I told you I know about you and Bec. I have to know. Is there a chance for us or am I chasing something I can never have?”

As if the evening hadn’t been emotionally and sexually confusing enough. Brian likes me and in a much bigger way than I thought. I like him, too. I can’t deny that I wanted him to kiss me, but would I want more than that? If I did would I want him more than Becca. Girls? Boys? Which was it?

“I don’t know,” I admitted with tears beginning to fall, “I just don’t know. Before I came here I was convinced I’d spend my life alone. I’ve always liked girls more, but I never thought about relationships. Then I come here and meet Bec and she is amazing. There is something about her that makes me feel so right with her. Then there’s you. You do things to me that I never dreamed of.  I lose all control of myself around you and say and do things I normally wouldn’t with a guy.”

“Jules, I’m sorry. I never meant to upset you like this. I’ll stay away from you and Bec. I had no idea that you felt that way about her. I don’t want to complicate your life or cause you any pain.”

“No, you don’t have to stop hanging around with us. I like you. I’m just with Bec right now. I don’t know what the future will bring but I want to have you there. I’m not willing to give up a friend now that I have them. Can you still be my friend?” I asked.

“If my choice is being your friend or not having you in my life, I’ll take being your friend,” he smiled. “Besides at least now I know there’s a possibility, no matter how slim, that we could be more.”

“OK, but we will have problems if you try and hurt Bec and my relationship,” I warned.

“I promise not to interfere with the two of you. What happens with you and her is for you to decide,” he agreed.

His mood visibly brightened and our conversation returned for the rest of the drive home. I was almost disappointed when he didn’t walk me to my door, but then I reminded myself that we aren’t girlfriend and boyfriend. Our conversation about him not interfering with Bec and I hadn’t escaped my mind either.

My mind settled on the thought of her and I couldn’t get it out of my head as I undressed and climbed into bed. Every few minutes I would look at the clock and count down the hours until I saw her again. I fell asleep thinking of her smiling face and anxiously awaiting our first date.

 

  since 7/15/06