Every girl has to worry about what she's wearing and Karen
found the perfect outfit for me to go to Terminator, the Musical.
Elan Owen
Chapter 7: Just the Thing
By Jesse Rabbit Edited by Erin Halfelven of bigcloset.ateros.com
First off,
before we get to whatever was inside Karen's devious little mind, allow me to
explain what the big hurry was. See, at this point it was - according to The
Watch - twenty till four in the afternoon. Now, normally this wouldn't have
been a big problem, but my parents were, as I may have mentioned earlier,
taking us (Pig, Karen, my big sister Sam, and I) to see Terminator on Broadway,
in NYC, good old New York City. Now since the orchestra begins the overture at 8:38 east coast time, which is 5:38 pacific coast time, you can see the problem. ‘Cause
even with a private jump plane taking us from San Rafael International
Aerospace Port to Queen's Landing International Aerospace Port in a measly
twenty-two minutes, and a Hovercopter taking us from Queen's Landing to Clinton
Center in twelve we still had to leave the house no later than 4:30 if we
wanted to be in our seats when the music started (factoring in the eight
minutes to get to our seats and the drive to San Rafael.) This meant that my
parents would be home in less than half an hour, most likely twenty minutes,
and that Pig would be at most ten minutes behind them, ‘cause although she is a
mega-pain, she still loves dressing all fancy and going to galas and such.
So it was that I
stood there, naked as the day I was born (aside from a pair of socks, a
pendant, and The Watch) the opposite gender I had been born as, while my best
friend in the whole wide universe ransacked my closet, wardrobe, and dresser. I
think that in a past life there is a good chance that Karen was a tornado.
Either that or a professional room ransacker. She's really good at it. I
remember thinking at the time "She should major in this when we get to
college, which, if my life keeps being this stressful I may explode before we
get that far." I also remember wondering if human beings could just
explode and decided that the odds were likely against it.
From time to
time I would look down at the instrument of my doom and check the time, but
each time I did so it seemed only a few seconds had passed. How could time
crawl and fly at the same time. Finally, after an eternity - or six minutes -
she presented me with a pile of clothes by the simple expedient of dropping
them into my arms. Rather than letting me examine her selections she manhandled
(can you say girlhandled?) me into my bathroom, which, thanks to the foresight
of my often-deranged parents I do not have to share with anyone. I opened my
mouth to say something but Karen simply shushed me and - taking the clothes
back from me and placing them on the counter - shoved me into the shower.
"Wash" she commanded me, and so I did, figuring that arguing would
take just as long and I had been exerting myself quite a bit today. After about
thirty seconds Karen joined me under the half dozen plus sprayers of my shower.
We cleaned ourselves rapidly, so rapidly that I didn't have time to compare my
new body to Karen's old one, but I figured I'd have plenty of opportunity to do
that when we weren't so pressed for time.
After our
hastily completed cleansing we toweled off and Karen pointed me at the
Stylemaster 2000 (Stupid name I know, but it sells, and anyway my sister
invented the original Stylemaster Hair Growth Controller and Shaper when she
was twelve and grandpa marketed it later the same year. I figured he'd just integrated
the design into my Torture device… I mean Watch.) I assumed that she meant for
me to sit, so I did. She fiddled with the controls and I felt my hair change.
I'd only once used the machine for anything other than a simple haircut, and
that was to dye my hair green for St. Patricks day. My dad had hit the roof,
even though anything the machine can do it can undo, ‘cause I hadn't asked
permission first and we aren't Christian or anything. So after another minute
the Stylemaster went "Ding!" and I slipped out.
I tried to get
to the mirror so I could see what I looked like, but Karen told me I had to
help her and then get dressed. So she sat in the Stylemaster while I went into
my room to grab her bag and bring it to her. When I got back she was getting
out and her normal sky-blue pixie haircut (don't ask) had been replaced with
these soft curly waves of medium brown hair down to her shoulders. She took the
bag from me and grinned "How do I look?" I gave her a thumbs up and
she smiled. "Time to get dressed."
I nodded and
asked "So, what are you dressing me as? One of the oppressed masses of the
future? A cop? Kyle?" I was hoping for Kyle ‘cause that was what I had
been going as before the whole incident started, you know, his first outfit,
with the trench coat, the homeless guy's sweat pants, and a bare chest.
She just grinned
and tossed me two white T-shirts.
"Two?"
I asked, perplexed.
"To bulk
you out slightly and keep you warm, it’s New York, its cold you dodo," she
grinned her most obnoxious grin at me.
I sighed and put
them on.
She then handed
me the spare pair of panties she keeps in her school bag "In case of
emergencies". I put them on, mentally shrugging off the slight unease I
felt about the idea of wearing girl's underwear by pointing out that I was now
completely entitled to do so, and that it would actually be weirder to be
wearing boy's underwear with my new body. These were followed by a loose
fitting pair of light grey pants, and that was it.
I looked over at
Karen, who had dressed herself as Sarah Conner outfit two, you know: cream pink
button down sweater with a V-neck over simple full length grey skirt with a
matching belt and tan sandal flats which she was fastening at that very moment.
"Is this it?" I asked, thinking big whoop if it was.
She shook her
head and smiled, "Just you wait. I have to get something from Sam. Now,
while I'm gone, no looking in the mirror, promise?"
I nodded as she
dashed from the room, returning less than two minutes later with a can of
clothing color spray, some nail polish, and something else in a plastic hard
case. She had me stand in the shower while she sprayed the pants, turning them
from light grey to a medium brown. She then used some scissors to cut a hole in
the upper thigh and splashed the area with the nail polish, giving me a
convincing leg wound in the process. I gapped at her, stunned by the speed at
which she accomplished all this and glanced at my watch. We had five minutes,
give or take till my parents got home and I pointed this fact out to her.
She nodded and -
after applying my hair dryer to the nail polish to dry it out - tugged me out
of the shower and out of the bathroom. She pointed to the bed where Sam's
vintage motorcycling jacket lay. It was, of course, too big for me, but not too
much so, as Sam had outgrown the thing two years ago and had stubbornly refused
to give it to me for what she claimed were sentimental reasons but which I
suspect was merely an attempt to annoy her younger sibling, namely me.
By now I should
have had a good idea of whom, or should I say what, I was being dressed as, but
I didn't. I can only plead fatigue in my own defense. I put on the jacket and
Karen handed me the hard case.
I opened it to
find a pair of old style sunglasses, almost certainly borrowed without
permission from my eldest sibling, Lawrence's room. They were his old
Gargoyles, and of course they were perfect, as Karen had known they would be,
having been issued as a promotion for Terminator 4 a decade ago. I looked up at
her in shock as realization dawned on me.
She nodded,
grinning gleefully, as I pulled the glasses out, slipped them on my face and
turned to face the mirror where I saw that I had been transformed into a rather
cute version of the Terminator, albeit a shoeless one. When I pointed this fact
out to Karen she grinned and handed me back my Doc Martens, shrugging
"They’re the best I could do. But you look soooo cute!" and with that
she hugged me.
Soon I had
disentangled myself from the cheerful clutches of the fiendish Karen and was
busying myself putting my boots on when the sound of arriving parentals filled
the house. To the sound of my mother calling out "Sam! Elan!
Michelle!" Karen grabbed my arm, dragged me off the bed, out of the room,
and down the stairs still clutching my left boot. As she did so she was
giggling madly, but I did manage to make out "Come with me, if you want to
live." Sigh, girls are soo strange.
Case in point,
when my mother saw me she positively squealed and flew across the room to hug
me, lifting me into the air and swinging me around, telling me how precious I
looked, even though I was dressed like a homicidal time-traveling killbot. I
have just two questions: 1 - do parents live to embarrass their children? And 2
- why is it cute to see one's children dressed as incarnations of evil? Sigh,
girls are soo strange.
Sam came rushing
down the stairs when she heard mom squeal and so she had to add her own
comments about how cute I was and hug me too. I know the answer to the question
about older siblings and embarrass is yes, so I won't even ask and anyway after
she was done hugging me Sam hugged Karen and told her she looked charming,
which made Karen blush really deep. Karen practically worships Sam, its true
she really does.
I looked at what
Sam was wearing and gave her a big thumbs up on her Police Officer get up. She
doffed her hat to me and drawled, "To serve and protect".
Mom went
upstairs to change into Sarah Conner club outfit just as dad came down, dressed
as Kyle, of course. When he saw me he grabbed Karen and pulled her behind him,
saying, "I'll defend you little lady!" which was stupid ‘cause that's
not even a line from the show or the movie, but everyone giggled politely. Mom
came down a couple of minutes later and - after getting the living room to take
a picture of us all dressed up we got into the car and headed off to the
Aerospace Port.
***
Now, normally, I
wouldn't bore you all with the details of the trip, I mean, you've seen the
inside of one jump jet you've seen them all, and since the only people on the
plane - aside from Antonia and Neil our pilots - were Karen and my family you'd
figure nothing could go wrong and thus nothing interesting would happen. And
there you would be wrong; ‘cause a problem did present itself pretty much as
soon as we took off. I had to go to the bathroom, you know "take a
leak" so without thinking I went, I mean no big deal right? Wrong, the
thing I leaked from for eleven years was gone and I realized this fact pretty
much instantly upon pulling down my pants in the lavatory and reaching into my
underwear to pull it out. So there I was, standing before the basin, trying to
figure out what in the name of Elvis Costello I was going to do when Karen
(Sometimes I think I'd be lost without her.) knocked on the door and hissed "Everything
okay in there?
Since everything
was certainly not okay, I pulled my pants back up and cracked the door enough
to hiss back "No! How do you girls do this?"
"Do
what?" she hissed back.
"You know…
number one."
Fighting back an
attack of the giggles she whispered to me that I had to sit down to do it, and
she told me I had to wipe afterwards. Now I'm not stupid - most of the time -
so I figured she must think I meant number two, what with the wiping, so I
hissed back "Nooo dummy, I mean take a leak!"
This time she
couldn't hold it in and just spent the next minute or so laughing at me through
the door, which was very rude and not a little embarrassing. When she had
collected herself she reached through the crack in the door and flicked my
forehead, hard.
"Owww! What
was…"
"I'm not a
dummy, dummy! I knew you meant that. And I told you how, now just do as I say,
or I'm not gonna help you no more."
So I did, and it
was really, really strange doing it, but I did remember to wipe down there.
Boy, girls are really put together strange. And that was the end of my great
bathroom adventure, at least for now. I tell you though; I was not looking
forward to having to do that for the next year. Less than six hours I'd been a
girl and I already missed being able to pee standing up. Thanks a lot grandpa,
you old nutter.
***
So we arrived at
Queen's Landing which if you've never been to NYC is just so cool. It's this
big floating crystal island right out in the harbor, about half a mile from the
statue of liberty. And the Jump Jets go wooshing up into space day in and day
out from it. It really looks like this big crystal beehive. It's even cooler at
night when it's all lit up and the jump jets are landing in the gel
deceleration pools, sending up phoenix plumes of red and blue flame and
green-gold rainbows of impact gel.
From there we
take the family Hovercopter to the Clinton Center for the Performing Arts,
flying past the mile tall needle that is the Empire Tower. Did you know that in
the lobby of the Empire Tower is the old Empire State's Building, although no
one's allowed in it anymore until they finish restoring it. So the Malcom, our
pilot lets us off at the Copter port and we walk round that beautiful light
sphere fountain that’s in front of the Opera House. I'm sure you've seen it, I
mean, last years Oscars were held here, you know, when the President performed
"America the Beautiful" and "Like a Virgin"? So we walk
around the fountain and into the throng of people all dressed as this or that
character from the show. Now, Terminator is a really cool show, don't get me
wrong. I love the music and I hope I will like the production ‘cause I've been
waiting six months for this (Its one of my birthday presents.) but the one
problem with it is that there are so few characters that everyone comes as
either Sarah, Kyle, Ginger, the Police Sergeant, the Terminator, or the Shrink.
Either that or as a cop, a soldier, or one of the downtrodden masses of the
future.
By the way, did
you know that going to see shows in costume started because of this really
weird show called Rocky Horror Show? Apparently it was a Broadway show, then it
was made into this movie which became a major cult classic, which - if you
believe this - people would dress up as the parts and, like, karaoke the whole
movie and throw rice and toast at the screen and hold up lighters and make up
silly comments to yell back at the screen and such. So anyway like ten or
twelve years ago the Rocky Horror Show came back to Broadway - its called a
Revival - and everyone started going in costume to see it. Well pretty soon
they started going to see all the shows in costume. My dad tells me that for a
while people would just go in any costume, but it soon became "the thing
to do" to go in an appropriate costume. So there were like five dozen
Terminators, twice that many Kyles and about ten times that many Sarahs ‘cause
every girl was Sarah, Ginger, or a Cop it seems. It was kinda funny actually.
Anyway, we get
to our box just as the lights are dimming and my stomach rumbles ‘cause - duh!
- I forgot to eat a snack when I got home, but then the music started and I
forgot all about hunger, at least until intermission. I watched in fascination
as first the Terminator and then Kyle appear out of their lightning time
portals completely naked (the actors really were) and laughed along with the
rest of the audience as they sang "Styling Up" I really enjoyed the
first act, but by the time I had laughed my way through "Hit &
Run", cried my way through "Life amid the Ruins", and cheered as
the first act ended with "Rally the People" I was starving, so I
nipped down to the concession stand and bought myself some cookies and a diet
soda to wash it down with. (Mom doesn't allow us to drink stuff with that much
sugar in it.)
Feeling like I
could now wait for dinner, which would come after the show was over, I rejoined
Karen who was engaged in her usual activity at these occasions, namely standing
at the balcony of our box and taking vidclips down the bodices of the people
below. She's looking for tattoos, and she has a truly remarkable collection,
ranging from the three dozen roses to a Yakuza dragon to what we think is a map
of London. She's also got shots of women with popcorn, tazers, books, vidcams,
telecoms, and even a ferret between their breasts. Karen's Life-mother is a
painter and her other mother is a plastic surgeon, so they are both way
obsessed with breasts. Karen's three brothers - all older - also seem to like
breasts, considering that their last dozen girlfriends all seemed to have
larger bra sizes than IQ's. Karen claims that her home life has permanently
warped her fragile young mind, but at least her family members aren't all
mad-scientists right? So what is she complaining about?
We got back into
our seats as the lights went down and the music went up for the second act.
which begins with "I've Loved Her All My Life" which is heart
wrenching and beautiful, I admit that I sighed more than once during it. The
actor who plays Kyle - Gerald Lancer - has such a strong and soulful voice. It
was in the middle of "Prepare" that I realized I'd made a slight
mistake. The soda was catching up to me and I realized that I had to go to the
bathroom again. I sat through "So Much Pain" crying ‘cause it's such
a sad song, and squirming in my seat. I really agreed with the actors by the
end of that song let me tell you. Finally the song ended and I slipped out of
my seat and dashed headlong for the bathrooms, just as "To Love and Be
Loved" started. I didn't really mind missing it ‘cause I really hate that
song, its too sappy and love scenes make me ill anyway. Mentally I figured that
since the song was six minutes and eighteen seconds long and that "Go
Faster" which follows it after some dialogue was three minutes and
fifty-six seconds long that I had just over eleven minutes to get back before
the Terminator gets hit by the tanker truck which I really wanted to see how
they were going to stage.
Thankfully I
knew where the bathrooms were ‘cause we've been to Clinton Center several
times, so I just dashed headlong into the men's room, as usual. That’s right,
right into the men's room. ‘Cause I'd forgotten that this was not a usual day.
I should have left myself notes. I really should have, right on my hand where
I'd be sure to see them, but then everyone would have found out and that would
have been bad, right?
So I rush into
the bathroom, past these two ushers and into a stall. I was so intent on doing
what I had come to do and getting back out again as quickly as possible that it
wasn't until I was pulling my pants back up that what I had just done and what
I had just seen registered. I'd just rushed into the men's room, which wouldn't
have been a big deal if it had been empty, but it hadn't been. There were two
boys, maybe sixteen or seventeen, dressed as ushers and doing slap patches with
the letters HX on them. HX is of course HeroX or Heroine X, that new age, still
illegal even though most narcotics aren't anymore ‘cause it causes psychotic
breaks and completely clears the system in twelve hours, drug. And I'd seen
them doing it, in a public place, while they were at work. And I was a kid. I
figured that when I opened the door I'd find them standing there, ready to
intimidate me into silence or beat the tar out of me to keep me from telling the
cops or the management. Know what? I was right.
I opened the
door to face two boys, although the older one looked about twenty close up -
learing at me, eyes bulging slightly and faces covered in excited, buzzed
sweat. Hell, they were so high that they were vibrating, the younger one almost
twitching.
The elder
pressed his nose right up against mine and I had to fight hard to keep from
gagging at the sickly sweet stench of his breath and body odor. "Hey there
kiddo, taking a leakee week?" he chuckled.
I nodded,
nervous, trying hard not to panic.
"Hey kiddo,
that’s cool, no biggy. Yer not gonna say nothing to no-one right?"
The younger
usher grunted "can't we just beat the crap outta the kid, Diamond? Those
are T4 gargoyles, they’re worth a mint!"
Diamond shook
his head "Then kiddo's parentals would get all smoked, and don't tell the
kid my name dumbass!" and with that he slapped the other hard across the
face. Dumbass didn't seem to like being slapped ‘cause he tried to punch
Diamond in the chest. A second later they were trading blows.
I figured now
was the ideal moment to make a break for it and so I dashed for the door. I
almost made it too, but they noticed and chased after me. Diamond must have
dove after me ‘cause I felt a hand grab the back of my pants and tug them
downwards. I heard a gasp and dumbass said "Christ! It's a girl!"
just as I felt the breeze cool my crotch. The impact of hitting the floor must
have loosened Diamond's grip ‘cause I was able to pull free, slip out the door
with my pants around my ankles. As soon as I was out I pulled them up and
dashed back towards our box, trying to fasten them as I ran. Have you ever
tried to fasten pants while running? It's not easy let me tell you, but I did
it just as I got to the box and slipped in without incident.
Mom leaned over
and whispered, "Feeling okay kiddo?" but thankfully she couldn't see
me flinch or see my heart beating a mile a minute in my chest. I whisper
"Yep" and sat back to watch the show. I was right I'd made it back
with a minute to spare and seeing them stage the Terminator / tanker truck
crash was awesome. From there the action quickly spiraled up to the climax. Mom
cried when Kyle died, I think so did dad, Karen was too busy egging the
Terminator on to kill Sarah. I think Karen may be mentally ill, she always
roots for the bad guys. Then there was the epilogue, with Sarah singing
"How Can I Tell You About Your Father" which I shed a tear during,
and then the ensemble came out to sing the finale "All Alone With the
Future / There's a Storm Coming". The lights and curtain went down and
there was breathless silence for a moment and then a bolt of artificial
lightning complete with a huge crash of thunder rocked the auditorium and the
audience jumped in surprise and then jumped to their feet, the applause was
thunderous.
***
It turned out
that Dad had arranged something special for me, as another birthday present.
After the show we got to go back stage and the stars of the show sang me happy
birthday, this time with the regulation lyrics. Herman (Hair Mahn) Lenshure -
the guy who plays the Terminator gave me mad props on my costume and even
recognized the T4 Gargoyles. I was humble though and grave credit where credit
was due, although I did compare Karen to Skynet (Super Evil Computer with
dreams of world domination). Then I ducked as she tried to slap me upside the
head. Debra Bloom - Ginger - told Karen and I that we were both really adorable
girls. Both of us blushed, but for different reasons. My dad was going to
correct her but I just gave him a tiny shake of my head, this was way too cool
to worry about embarrassing Debbie, and anyway it was true now, right? Gerald
Lancer - who as I said before played Kyle - gave each of us, including Sam but
not mom or dad, kisses on the cheeks. I just smiled and tried not to blush or
rub my cheek with the back of my hand, but the real girls both tittered like
chipmunks. Why do girls do that?
Finally Hastings
Cox-Arquette - Sarah Conner - came up with her Dad, David Arquette who's the
Director. Dad says that David used to be something of a joke twenty years ago,
but he's really matured since then. Hastings let me wear her prosthetic belly
and I let her wear my glasses (Okay so they're Lawrence's, but anyway). Then
they all autographed our programs and we got a couple of shots of us with them,
including one with all three Sarah's and one with both Terminators. And that
was that.
***
After that we
all headed out to the street to catch a cab to Rainbows and Stars, which is a
really nice restaurant, and we were chatting away, taking about the show, when
I felt someone grab my shoulder hard and jerk me back into the crowd of people.
I smelled who it was before he said anything and my heart froze in my chest. It
was Diamond and he hissed, "Gotcha chicky" and laughed his sick
little laugh again. And that's when I panicked.
To be continued in Part 8 - Zero to Sixty
Elan, his family, friends, and Story are copyright 2002
Jesse Rabbit, who may be reached at Terabiel@hotmail.com. Feel free to
distribute as long as you do it for free. Anyone who wants to adapt this into any
other medium (Like a movie, hint hint) should leave me a comment with an email
addy. :P Thanks and enjoy.