Sapphire's Place - Randalynn's - "No Obligation"

No Obligation

By Randalynn

Jack's early-morning trip to the supermarket winds up a textbook example of why there truly is "no such thing as a free lunch." A cautionary tale about not being able to read the fine print in a verbal contract, and the dangers of a free demon-stration.

Part 1
"The worst part of dancing with the devil is his tendency to want to lead."

A lot of years have passed since then, but I'll always remember how it started. With four words.

"I can help you."

Four words, spoken clearly across a supermarket parking lot at six a.m. on a cool October morning, when the moonlight kept pace with the overheads in the parking lot to guide me to the car. Four words. They could have been an offer to help with my bags, but I only had two, and they were light. As far as I could tell, I didn't need help at all. At least not the kind a stranger in a parking lot could provide.

"I can help you, Jack."

I was old enough to know that the phrase "don't talk to strangers" wasn't an effort on the part of my parents to turn me into some antisocial maniac. And when the aforementioned stranger seems to know your name, a quick exit suddenly looks pretty damned attractive. I ignored the voice and headed towards my car at a brisk walk. I had other reasons to move fast. Two kids and one wife were waiting for me at home to get them out of bed and on their way. If we hadn't run out of milk for cereal and drinks for lunches, I wouldn't be here now. And the clock was running at home, so I really needed to get gone.

"I can give you what you've always wanted."

The voice again. It was deep, and compelling, but with a teasing quality that made me want to stop to ask what the hell he thought I wanted, and how dare he think he could give it to me. Still, there was a hitch in my step as the meaning sank in, and a little voice deep inside asked, "could he know?"

"Of course I know, Jack." The voice now held a smile. "It was the power of your desire that brought me to you. And yes, I can read your mind, when you think in a straight line. Something you don't do as often as you think you do, I assure you."

I stopped by my car, put the bags down on the ground, and turned to look. On a bench in front of the beauty salon, only a few feet away, sat a man. I was surprised I hadn't seen him, because dressed as he was, he would have been very hard to miss. He wore red, from head to toe. Red shirt, red slacks, red socks, red shoes. He had black hair and a short goatee, and his eyes were so unsettling I had to look away. Not because they were odd or out of alignment or anything. They were just penetrating, like they were looking deep inside you, beyond what a normal person would see, and finding the parts of your soul you'd rather hide. He saw me looking, and his lips curled up into a cold grin.

"You've always wanted to be female, to be a woman," he purred at me. "It's driven you since you were four years old. You've pushed it away time and again. Dated. Married, fathered children. Yet even now, in the midst of everything you've built, it still rises in the back of your mind to torment you. I can change that. The might-have-beens, should-have beens, could-have-beens can become your reality."

He was right, of course. I had spent my life running from my need to be female. My wife Carolyn knew. I told her long before I proposed, because it was something she needed to know. She sympathized as best she could, but I knew she was just as thankful for the love we shared as I was, and happy I was her man. The children had never suspected, and I didn't plan to tell them. What good would it do? Telling them wouldn't change what I was, but it could hurt our relationship. And I loved them both too much to want to do something like that. No, Dad was Dad and always would be. How could he be anything else?

I gave the stranger a good once over, still avoiding those damned eyes. I was more than a little angry that this stranger knew my secret, and his impossible promises only made it worse. I took a deep breath, then leaned back against my car and folded my arms.

"Of course you can give me the impossible," I said, my voice so empty of emotion that I could have worked in Mission Control at NASA. "Hell, I should have realized right off that you had the power to bend and shape reality, any way you want. I can see it in the cut of your clothing, in that spiffy haircut, and those snappy shoes! And that beard? Why, you practically reek of demi-godhood. When can we start?"

His eyes flashed once, and I could see him set his teeth. He stood up, clearly angered.

"Ignorant mortal," he hissed. "It's always the same. It's the mark of the times. You all think you know so much. You can't imagine how many times I've had to put up with that attitude, ever since your so-called "Age of Enlightenment" began. Enlightenment? HAH! In the distant past, minds were more open to the possibility that the universe was stranger than you could possibly imagine. Now you humans are so sure you know how everything works, you can't even admit the possibility that creatures like me exist! Even though history is filled with tales of our power. So, time and again, you disparage us -- trot out your poor excuse for wit, so you can distance yourself from the truth that you humans are NOT the lords of creation."

I thought about it some. He had read my mind a few minutes ago. My deepest desire yanked out into the open, and apparently without his breaking a sweat. Followed by promises that he could bend reality to his will. My reality. And now I'd gone and made him angry.

Suddenly, I didn't seem as smart as I had thought I was a few minutes ago.

I looked him in the eye, and he bared his teeth in a smile only a vampire could love. I shivered, then caught myself.

"Okay, you find my 'wit' tedious and disrespectful. I get that." I smiled. "My apologies. I'll skip the jokes. We'll try to keep it strictly business then, if that suits you."

"Perfectly," the red man replied, his anger fading almost as quickly as it had come. "My business is your happiness. I want to give you what you want, and that's all."

"Why?"

"Because making you happy will please me."

"How?"

"Not your concern."

I sighed. "How can you change my reality?"

"It is not something I can explain," he said with a hint of irritation. "I don't know precisely how we do it, anymore than you understand how your body digests food. I do know it's not a skill that can be taught. It's just what my kind does. It's what we've done for thousands of years. If I did know, I certainly wouldn't tell you. My people keep their secrets well. But we can, and have, changed reality for more humans than I care to remember. And it would be my pleasure to do it for you."

I considered him and his proposal as dispassionately as I could, considering what he was trying to offer me. He was right. He knew what I had wanted, what I had always wanted, and claimed to want to give it to me. But I had heard and read enough cautionary tales about genies and demons to know nothing comes without a price.

"As Robert Heinlein once said, 'there ain't no such thing as a free lunch,'" I said slowly, my voice neutral. "So how much is this world-altering magic going to cost?"

"Cost? Don't be stupid. Money is worth less than nothing to me. After all, I could create as much currency as I need, in any denomination. Besides," he replied smoothly, "you can't put a price on happiness."

"Forgive my natural caution," I said carefully, "but in human literature, creatures with abilities like yours have a reputation for trickery. What assurances do I have that you won't deceive me for your own purposes?"

"Absolutely none," he said in a matter-of-fact tone. "You are a smart one, Jack. A lot of mortals don't even try to think it through. But magical creatures like myself are bound by the oaths we make." He raised his voice and began to chant. "A bargain struck is a bargain made, but not if trust has been mislaid. No falsehoods will I spin for true, or slates wipe clean and this day I'll rue."

A loud bell, something like a gong, seemed to sound from all around me, and a crisp deep voice spoke from just above us both. "Spoken and witnessed, you are bound in these dealings. Break this oath on fear of punishment most foul."

The man looked at me and shrugged. "Can't lie now, Jack."

My mind was in a whirl. "Is this really true? I can get what I've always wanted ... for free?"

"Even better. I can give you the life you've always wanted. Not just the body and soul of a woman, but a home, a job, friends -- whatever you wish."

Could this ... guy be real?

"Well, as to my reality," he said, reading my mind, "truthfully, this body is not really mine. It's just a shell I created to make it easier for us to communicate. I can change it, too." Faster than my eye could follow, his form melted like quicksilver and reformed into a well-shaped redheaded woman, also dressed in red. "See?" Her voice had become sultry and lilting. She struck a few poses and smiled.

"Would it be that easy for me?" I asked, suddenly curious.

"Pretty much," she said, brushing a bit of fluff off of her blouse. "Would you like me to demonstrate? Just to show you what I'm capable of?"

I hesitated. "No obligation?"

She smiled. "No obligation. None at all. As your ... commercials say, you can cancel at anytime and owe nothing."

If I heard her right, there was nothing to fear. I looked back to the car, then glanced at my watch. It had stopped. I turned to the woman.

"I've stopped time for the two of us, for the moment," she purred. "So you can give my offer full consideration ... without worrying about your family."

I nodded. "Thank you."

She smiled. "My pleasure. Remember, I want you to be happy. So, may I demonstrate?"

"Please," I replied. She closed her eyes.

"So what can you do ..." my voice had become a delicate soprano. My hand flew up to my throat, and on its way there my arm brushed against a round firmness that could only be a breast. She gestured towards the window of the hair salon across from the supermarket, and I turned and saw ... me.

Smaller than I had been, and more petite overall. The new me was red-haired and green-eyed, with a full rounded figure, small waist and generous hips. There were hints of the man I was in the cast of my face, the curve of my jaw, the shape of my nose. But all seen through a prism of femininity. The nails on the hand at my throat were longer and painted red, and I wore a female variation on the tee-shirt and sweatpants I had thrown on to make the store run before the children woke up. All I could think was "whoa."

As I looked closer, I could see this woman in the plate glass had seen my share of years. She was still trim of figure and fair of face, but there were laugh lines around the eyes and some gray among the red.

"The age is easily changed," she spoke softly, coming up behind me. "See? Ten years gone, with a touch."

She touched my shoulder, and suddenly years dropped off of the figure in the glass. I could see the difference, feel it all through me. Lines and gray all gone, figure even firmer, skin softer, such a fine complexion. I shivered.

"The clothes, too," she whispered. I watched my clothing shimmer and shift, felt the sweats become stockings and a short black skirt, panties shift to a lacy thong that crept up between my cheeks and nestled there, tee-shirt becoming a dark green silk blouse with a deep scoop neck revealing generous cleavage, held in place with a bra that matched the thong. Sneakers morphed to become slingbacks with three-inch heels.

"Here, you're thirty two years old, Jennifer," she said, her voice almost a sigh. Of course she knew my feminine name. "So much of your life past, but the prime of it still to come. Career, girlfriends, finding the right man." I stared, entranced. The hand at my throat drifted down to cup a breast. She watched me. "Or is this still too far along in a woman's journey? Maybe younger still? More to feel, more to cherish?"

She touched my shoulder again and more years fell away. My clothes changed as well, becoming painted-on jeans and an oversized sweater, with my hair raised in a ponytail.

"Ten more years, Jen. Just out of college, so much in store," she murmured, and I could only stare at the woman I had become. Incredible, so close to perfect, so close to the dream I'd always held. Time passed, at least for us, and I could feel her becoming impatient.

"Not enough?" she asked with an edge to her voice. I started to shake my head no, this was fine, when she grabbed my shoulder and squeezed hard. "Ten more years then, just barely a woman." I felt myself shrinking all over, watching my reflection become shorter, smaller, hair clipped back away from my face, breasts barely budded and hips newly spread. My clothes shifted, changed, became a plaid skirt and white blouse, white socks and shoes, private school uniform, plain white panties and plain white bra. I felt a cramping deep inside and a wetness at my crotch, and I doubled over and fell to my knees.

"Awww, poor baby," she said with a small sneer. "First period is always a bitch. Let me help." I felt a pad fill my panties between my legs, and felt it become wet with my blood as the cramping got worse. "Ready to stop yet?" I looked up at her from the ground, my hatred apparent. She'd spoiled it with her temper. Her eyes widened and so did her smile. She spread her hands.

"Oh, come on, Jennifer," she said cloyingly. "It's all part of being a woman. The blood and the pads come with the curves and the clothes. That's what you wanted, wasn't it?" Then her eyes narrowed and the smile turned nasty. "Or do you need a few more years to get used to the idea?" She reached down and took my hand, and I felt it become so tiny in hers. She grew right in front of me, above me, scaring me with her phony smile and I cried out as she yanked me up and into her arms.

It was a baby's cry. She turned me toward the window and I saw myself as a tiny baby, in a pretty party dress, bright red hair held back from my face with little butterfly clips. The dress was too short, showing off the plastic rhumba panties covering a thick cloth diaper, and the white socks and little shoes on my tiny feet made me realize I probably wasn't old enough to walk, yet alone run. I opened my mouth to find bare gums surrounding my tiny tongue.

"How about this, little baby Jenny?" she crooned. "You can start at the beginning, with daycare and teddy bears and potty training. Oh my, you are sooooo cute!"

I moved my lips and tried to speak. "Caaa! Caaaa!"

"Oh, isn't that precious? You're way too little to speak yet, Jenny girl. Not more than a few words, if that. You'll have to learn all over again, too. Although with two children, I should think you'd know that." My face scrunched up and I started to cry. She turned me around and put me over her shoulder, and started patting my bottom. "Awww, don't be sad, baby. All I really wanted to do was make you happy. Did I go too far?"

I nodded, and she said, "Well, you tell me what you want, baby. I'll do my best to give it to you." She sat me down in front of her on the bench, and crouched down to look in my eyes. "Change me back," I thought, as hard as I could.

"Oh, little Jenny, you're so hard to read now," she cooed. "Try harder, please."

"Change me back!" I pushed, with everything I had in me.

Her brow furrowed. "Change you? But baby, you're not messy."

"CHANGE ME BACK!" I screamed in my head, and I cried aloud with frustration.

"Well, if you really want a change, okay. But first, I need something to change." She touched my stomach, and I felt it twist and suddenly the diaper was full of everything a diaper is supposed to be there to catch, and she reared back and waved her hand. "Wooooo! That's my little one. Little Miss Stinky." She picked me up and held me at arm's length. "NOW I can change you." A diaper bag materialized under her arm. "I wouldn't do this for any client, Jenny. But I did want to make you happy, so a changing we will go."

I cried again, louder, and I saw her shiver all over. Her eyes rolled back, and she smiled wide. Then she shook herself all over and took a deep breath. Suddenly a pacifier appeared in my mouth. My lips closed around it, and I sucked it like a nicotine addict after a cross-country flight.

"That's better," she said, still smiling. "Stinky and noisy I can do without. Don't you like your binky?" I shook my head no, and she smiled at me. "Well, too bad. That's what being a baby is all about. Babies don't get to choose. Mommy knows best."

She started walking towards the supermarket, and I saw time start again. Carts moving, cars weaving their way through the parking lot on the far side of the market. She walked through the sliding doors and approached the closest cashier.

"Excuse me," she said sweetly. "Is there somewhere here I can change my little girl?"

The cashier, a young woman in a red vest with the name "Sherri" on her nametag, said, "Oh, isn't she a cute one?"

The woman holding me smiled. "Yes, she is, thank you. But right now she's oh so stinky. Is there a changing station in the ladies room I could use?"

"Yes, ma'am," Sherri replied. "Straight back past the pharmacy and to your right."

"Thanks," the woman smiled. She walked straight back to the ladies room and lowered the changing table. I sucked helplessly at the pacifier while she smiled down at me, peeled off my plastic panties and undid the pins on the thick white diaper.

"Eeeew," she breathed, "what an awful mess you made, little one. Well, we made. I DID help." She grinned as she buckled me into the changing station and dumped the diaper in the toilet, then wrapped it up in a plastic bag from the diaper kit. Next, she took a handful of wipes and cleaned me up totally, then powdered me and sealed my bottom back up in a thick disposable that she covered with the rhumba panties.

"All done," she crooned, closing up the diaper bag and unbuckling me. She scooped me into her arms, and held me close as she walked back to the front of the store.

"Thank you very much," she said to the cashier, and Sherri smiled at her in return. Two other cashiers were setting up registers, both women. My mouth suddenly loosened and the pacifier fell to the floor. I suddenly started howling, babbling in baby talk trying to get anyone to listen. They just looked at me, and I began to cry.

"Awww," said Sherri, "what's wrong? She lost her binky!"

"Oh, Jenny's probably hungry," the woman said, finding a seat near the front window. 'Is it okay if I feed her here?"

"Sure, hon," Sherri said. "It's slow this early, and there's nobody here but us."

The woman settled me lying down in her lap, then undid her blouse and unsnapped part of her bra. She pulled her breast forward, and it hung over me, the nipple sweating with milk.

"Here, Jenny," she laughed as she spoke, raising my entire head and slipping the nipple into my mouth. "Have some breakfast."

The other women laughed, and I felt her finger brush my cheek. Suddenly, I began to suck again, hard. My tears still fell as warm sweet milk rushed into my mouth and down my throat, filling my stomach, and I could do nothing to stop it. My whole body fell into the rhythm of suckling, and it had an almost hypnotic quality. I could do nothing but drink, and I didn't even have the strength to protest when she took me from one breast and switched me to the other.

Suddenly I realized that time was passing. I couldn't see a clock. How long had I been this way? How long would it take everyone at home to realize something had happened to me? What would happen to Carolyn if she came looking for me and found this ... thing instead?

The woman bent her face towards me. "Careful, Jenny," she whispered. "You're getting easier to read, and I don't like being referred to as a 'thing.' Remember, I'm here to help you, aren't I? And don't you worry about your precious Carolyn. I wouldn't ever want anything to happen to her. Or your precious kids." She looked into my eyes. "Now finish up, baby girl. Mama's tired of being a cow."

Sure enough, my mouth released her, and I lay there, half in a stupor, as she spent a few seconds restoring her bra and blouse to their former state. Then she pulled a clean cloth diaper from the bag and threw it over her shoulder. She lifted me up and put my head over the same shoulder, then spent a minute patting me on the back while smiling at the other women and cooing sweet nothings in my ears. Sure enough, a milky bubble found its way up and out of my mouth onto her shoulder, and she removed the diaper and put it back in the kit, then waved a cheery goodbye to the cashiers and took me back to the bench in the lot.

"There, now," she said briskly, settling me on my diapered butt in the center of the bench. "I hope I proved my point." I looked at her, goggle-eyed, and she gave a heavy sigh and waved her fingers at me. "You can talk now."

"Pwooved wat poin?" I said, then snapped my mouth shut. She laughed out loud. She had gifted me with "widdle-gurl" speak, so everything I said came out way-too-cute. "Nawt punnyy, bit." I tried to growl in my little kitten voice, then pouted. She laughed louder. I sighed, and tried to cross my arms, but they were too short. I let them fall to my sides. "Wat waz yaw poin?" I asked, resigned.

"That I can do whatever I want with you ... with your body," she said in a matter-of-fact tone. "And that you'd better act quickly to take me up on my offer. My patience is not ... infinite."

I spoke slowly, with difficulty. "Dis duz nawt mayk mee twust yoo." She smiled, and leaned over me.

"I am offering you the life you want, tailor-made," she said. "It's a straightforward offer. All I want from you is a yes, and you get paradise on Earth. Why do you need to 'twust' me?"

I looked up at her. "Beecawz all yoo need i' a yesh an' yoo cantrul wat I beecum. Look wat yoo di too mee beecawz yoo 'ot anngree. Geev yoo a yesh, den wat yoo doo? Watevah yoo wan."

She looked down at me, a little anger in her eyes. "I do whatever I want, whenever I want, little one. But if we strike a bargain, I have to live up to it. Just like I can't lie to you while we ...negotiate, or that's cheating. It's the law."

Can't lie? I thought. That's right, she's bound. I rolled that around in my head a little. She can't lie, but I bet she's probably is a wiz at misdirection. This baby thing proved that generosity and good will has absolutely nothing to do with any of this. So what does she get out of it? What hasn't she told me?

The woman shifted uneasily. Does she not like where my mind is headed? She turned those disturbing eyes on me. "Yes, or no, baby? I haven't got eternity, you know. Unlike you, I haven't even had breakfast yet." She grinned.

"Twee qwesstons, kay?" I asked quietly. "yoo annseh awl an' tell twoos, and I give yoo my annseh, kay?"

"Only three?" she asked. I nodded eagerly. "Okay, ask."

"if I chooz nother liif, wat hapnz to Carolinn an' kidz?"

"Nothing. You disappear from their lives and they go on."

"Dey don' member mee?"

"Oh, they remember you," she smiled. "You just disappear from their lives ... period." And she smiled just a little bit wider.

Suddenly the penny dropped, and I knew. Me gone without a trace, and the family hurting, wondering why. Grieving without a body. Always wondering where I went, if I'll ever come back. Am I hurt? Am I dead? Carolyn crying herself to sleep every night, then haunted by memories. The children feeling abandoned, empty, lost without their Dad.

And I asked my last question.

"Den ... yoo feed, right?"

She nodded. "Smart girl. Then I feed."

Just like she fed on my fear and anger and humiliation before. I could see it then, and now it all fell into place. No such thing as a free lunch ... for her. She pays for it with my new life, my happiness. Then she feeds on the sadness, the despair, the pain I cause by leaving the ones I love to fend for themselves. A world of hurt to feed this vulture in a red dress. Caused by me, by what I wanted. By my selfishness.

She nodded at me. "Three questions, asked and answered. Now, it's your turn. You know the truth. Everything you ever wanted is waiting on one word. Will you take my offer?"

And at that point, I realized something. She'd said "no obligation" before, when this all started. But in the end, love carries its own obligations. And when it comes down to making a choice, you find there's really no choice at all.

I looked up at her, towering over me, anxiously awaiting her version of the dinner bell, and I smiled.

"No," I said firmly. "Fin' youself 'nother meal ticket. I won' hurt peepul I luv fur yoo. Fur any won."

She frowned. "You're giving up a lot. Maybe more than you know."

"Bee givin' up moor to give in too yoo," I lisped in my little girl voice. "gaym ovah, bit. Itz dunn."

There was a long pause, like she couldn't believe I was doing this. Maybe she'd been banking on human selfishness and greed a little too long. Then she shook her head.

"Okay, baby, if that's how you want it." She turned to leave.

"Wayt!" I said. "Mayk mee wat I wuz. Mayk mee MEE agin."

She turned back, again with a smile. "Why should I?"

I got angry. "I sad nooo. Not fair. Not right. Yoo cheet. Yoo pruhmiss. Boun' not to lie!"

And she laughed. "Oh, no, baby girl. This" and she waved her arm at me "was never part of the deal. It was just part of the demo. And I never said I'd change you back when the demo was over." She got right down into my face. "As I said before, 'you can cancel at anytime ... and OWN nothing.'"

OWN nothing? She said OWN?

She grinned. "Yes, own. That's what I said, but like all humans, you heard what you wanted to hear. You really need to learn to listen better, baby. But I guess you've got the time to practice, now. A whole childhood of time."

She put her nose to mine and spoke loudly, biting off each word with a savage joy as she stared straight into my little-girl eyes. "NOW the game is over, bitch. And I win. You stay a baby girl, and your family still loses you. I get fed, and you get ... nothing. No family. No new life. No gold ring."

She laughed at the look on my face, and then saw her eyes shut tight as she threw her head back. Her whole body tensed. I watched her savor my shocked disbelief, the realization of everything I had lost, and my own despair at what a fool I'd been.

She was feeding ... on me. Again.

As the tears rolled down my cheeks, she bent down and tasted some. She shuddered all over and a low moan escaped her. "So sweet," she whispered, and grinned.

She stood up and checked her reflection in the salon window. "I usually do win, you know. You humans have always been way too easy."

She turned to me and grinned. "Try to enjoy your new life of diapers and playdates, Jenny, however it turns out. You're soooo cute. Some other nice family will adopt you. But I'm sure you'll find growing up female isn't half what you thought it would be. And you'll always remember the pain you've caused. You'll mourn what you've lost, always, while I feast for years on what I've gained. All because you were stupid."

And she vanished. Like the Cheshire Cat, her vampire smile remained.

###

I sat on the bench for a while, tears falling silently. I didn't know how much time had passed. I was totally numb, with grief and rage and sadness fighting inside me. Soon, I knew, someone would find me sitting here, and pick me up and whisk me away from my family and everything I knew. I trembled all over, and even though I knew it wouldn't help, I couldn't stop the anguished cry that was bubbling up inside me. I opened my mouth, and my eyes scrunched shut--

-- and suddenly I was picked up and held tight, in arms that felt strangely familiar.

"Sssssssh, Jack," her voice whispered, in that sweet tone I'd heard her use with our own two children, when they were way too young to stop their own tears. "Don't cry, baby. I heard it all. If you cry, she wins. And after what you sacrificed, we can't let her win."

"Ca ... Cawolyn?" She nodded, and patted me on the back as I sniffled. "Yoo ... hurd?"

"Yes, baby, I heard everything. I heard you turn her down. I heard you give up your dreams, to protect us." She kissed the side of my head, and let me slide down into her lap. I looked up at her. Carolyn's eyes held only love. "It was the most noble thing I've ever seen."

I looked down at my little shoes.

"Ah fuhked up, hunny," I said to my shoes in that tiny voice. She laughed, and I looked back up quickly. She kissed my nose.

"Never expected to hear a sentence like that come from such a cute little girl."

My eyes filled up with tears. She took me by the chin and tiled my head back. "She tricked you, hon. It's what her kind do. What she's done for thousands of years. If they can't play by the rules, they cheat inside the rules."

"How ... how ..."

"How do I know about her?" I nodded. "Because her kind have natural enemies, and one of them has been living with us, in our home, in secret, for years." She took my little hands in hers and squeezed. "He is part of a group that feeds on happiness and good feelings--not negative emotions, like her. That's why he was with us. Our love, our happiness, kept him thriving for years. I didn't know until this morning, when he came to me and woke me. He told me what was going on. It wanted me here to stop her--to protect you, since it can't interfere directly. I just wasn't fast enough."

"But I heard everything, Jack. Heard what she offered you. Heard you puzzle it out. And heard you tell her no." She took me back in her arms and hugged me tight. "I knew I married a knight in shining armor. I never expected him to wind up a tiny princess." She squeezed. "My little princess."

I started crying. "Duh kidz, Cawolyn. No Dahd anymawr. My fawlt."

She held me tight. "No, Jack, ssssh. It's okay. They don't blame you. They know what happened. They know it all."

"Dey doo?"

Carolyn nodded. "He helped me explain. And I brought them with me. They saw it all, too." She raised her voice. "Come on out, kids."

The car door opened, and both children stared at me. I stared back, and blushed.

"Da ... Dad?" Jeremy said slowly. I nodded. He approached me timidly. "I'm sorry you're a baby now."

"Mee too." I said, and we both smiled. Jeremy looked at his feet. "I guess it's our turn to take care of you, huh."

"Afrayd so, spurt," I looked down. "Sawry."

"It's okay, Dad, honest." Jeremy said. "She tricked you. I don't know why you wanted to be a girl, but it's okay. I guess you are one, now. Littler than you wanted, but ..." I looked at my tiny feet, sticking out from under the dress, and started to cry. He came real close and put his arms around me, a little awkward. "Hey, Dad. It's okay. You'll grow up, right? And we didn't lose you. You're still here. We're still a family." I snuffled into his neck. He grinned. "The only bad part is, I have to put up with another sister."

"HEY!" Emma dope-slapped Jeremy. "Having a sister is a privilege, not a pain. YOU'RE the pain!" Jeremy reached back and tickled her, and she collapsed on the ground next to the bench, trying to push his hands away.

"Children!" Carolyn snapped, and both kids immediately stopped. "Sorry, Mom," Emma said, head bowed. Jeremy stepped back and she moved forward.

"Hi, Dad," she said softly. I looked up at her and said hi back, then looked down. "Ahm so sawry, Emma." She crouched down next to the bench and lifted my chin with her hand.

"Nothing to be sorry about, Dad," she whispered. "You got suckered. But like Jeremy said, we didn't lose you. You're just ... different, that's all. Still family." Emma paused, then kissed my nose. "I always wanted a little sister, instead of just Stinky over there." Jeremy stuck out his tongue. "I'm going to miss the old you, though."

"Steel inn heer, hunn," I said softly. She nodded, then held out her arms. "Can I ... can I hold you, Dad?" I nodded, and she picked me up and cuddled me close. It felt so good, I sighed.

"Mom?"

"Yes, Jeremy?"

"We can't keep calling Dad ... er, Dad."

"No, we can't. Jack?"

"Yesh, hun?"

"The other creature, the one who's been living with us, says he can fix things. Change reality for us."

"Can 'ee chain' mee bahck?" I asked hopefully.

"No, baby," she whispered. I slumped in Emma's arms. "He's not allowed to interfere that way. But he can make it so you're real, and have a place with us. So everyone will remember Jack's ... death soon after you were born. And everyone remembers the little girl as being just another baby Barnes." She smiled. "Remember how hard we tried for another baby, for all those years? I guess you're it." I smiled back, then laughed. It came out a giggle. Everyone laughed.

"So what shall we name our new baby?" Emma asked, giving me a squeeze.

"Dad's choice, Emma," Carolyn said. "He ... she's going to have to live with it all her life, after all."

I thought for a moment. She ... that THING ... had spoiled Jennifer for me. I couldn't use that NAME anymore. And anyway, Jennifer was a fantasy. The girl I had become was all too real. Then I remembered the names Carolyn and I had talked about when we were still trying for our third. "Rebecca. Rebecca ... Jane." I smiled. "Becca fur shawt."

I felt a wave of ... something rush out from the family, moving through reality around us, and when it stopped, I noticed my car had disappeared.

"My cahr! It's gohn!"

Carolyn took me from Emma and hugged me. "Silly Becca! The only cars you have now are toys." I smiled and shook my head. "Sawry ... Mommy. Oh noooooo!"

"What is it now, princess?"

"Food in cahr gawn toooo! An' juss bawt."

Emma walked over to Carolyn's car and opened the door. Three bags of groceries -- not the two I had bought before -- and a huge bag of disposable diapers sat on the seat. I buried my face in Carolyn's shoulder. "Dis ish goin' tayk getting' ooosed too."

Carolyn patted my bottom. "Not even the half of it, princess. I bet your office at home is now a bedroom fit for a pretty baby girl. Can't wait to see. But have to wait until after work, precious. We're all late. Mommy needs to get you to daycare this morning. Won't that be fun?"

"Daycare?"

"Can't leave baby Becca at home alone, hon. And Mommy needs to get to work."

Playing baby all day for strangers, every day. I guess I had to pay for my stupidity somehow, and I was sure this was just the start. I sighed. "Yesh, Mommy."

She took me around the other side of the car and bent over to strap me into my car seat. As the belt clicked, I looked up. "Mommy?"

"Yes, baby?"

I lowered my voice so only she could hear. "Ahr yoo ... b'est feeedin?" I blushed and looked down. Carolyn smiled and closed her eyes, and I felt another reality ripple. I watched her chest expand, just a little bit.

"I am now." Her voice held a little laugh. "Still the same Jack inside, after all." She kissed me on the forehead, still smiling as the car door shut.

And the door to a new life opened.

 

 

since 8/22/05