Betty Davis Eyes

By slimv

 

October 31, 2006

Clara Hubbard finished putting on her lipstick and lit a cigarette from her pack of Virginia Slims, as she watched her son through the mirror staring back at her.  “Whatcha thinking about sweetie?”

Joey blushed and shrugged his shoulders.  “Nothing,” he said.

“That’s what you always say when you don’t want to talk about something that’s bothering you.  Are you upset because I have a date tonight?”

“Naw.  It’s nothing like that.  Really, it’s nothing at all.  Why can’t nothing mean nothing?  It doesn’t always have to mean something.”

“You’re right, but in this case it means something.  You can tell me straight up or we can play twenty questions.”

Joey shook his head.  “It’s not about you Mom.  And I’m not bothered about you having a date.  I hope you have a good time.”

“Okay then, if it’s not about me, it has to be about you.  I’m going to take a wild guess and say this is about you not having a date.”

“Bingo,” said Joey.

“You’re time will come honey,” said Clara as she stood up from her make-up table and laid a hand on his shoulder.  “Some day you’ll find someone who appreciates you for who you really are?”

“That’s so lame.  You’re always saying stuff like that.”

“It’s not lame.  It’s the truth,” said Clara as she ran a brush through her hair.  “You just need to find some nice kids your age and wait for the world to catch up to you.  I’ve got an idea.  How would you feel about going to church again?  Mary Markham goes to the Methodist church and she says there are a lot of nice people there.  She invited us to go with her and her husband.  What do you say?  Would you like to go?”

“Church is boring,” said Joey.  “You go.  I’ll stay here.  You can tell me about it later.”

“Mary says they’re having a Halloween party, well actually she called it a Harvest Festival.  But it sounds like a lot of fun.”

Joey snickered.  “Oh yeah, a church Halloween party.  Sounds like a blast.  I bet all they do is drink coffee and talk about the Bible.  Maybe if things get really crazy, they’ll bob for apples.”

“Mary says it’s a lot of fun.  She says they dress up in costumes and have a dance.  I think she said there’s even going to be a band, or maybe it’s a DJ.  I don’t know. Any way, she says it’s not like a regular church, in case you’re worried about it being bored.”

“I get it,” said Joey.  “The reason you want me to go to this church so bad is because there are a lot of geeks there like me, and you think I’ll fit in

 “That’s not true,” said Clara.  “You’re not a geek.  You’re just shy.”  She picked up her earrings and pushed one through the hole in her lobe.  “Have you given any thought about what you’re going to be for Halloween?”

“I don’t know.  I haven’t really thought about it.  I’m a little too old for dressing up.  Don’t you think?”

“You’re never too old for Halloween,” said Clara as she smoothed out her skirt.  “I’m getting dressed up this year.”

“That’s different.  You’re going to a party.”

“You’re right, but I wish you’d change your mind and go with me.  We could both dress up!  It would be so much fun.  The Markhams are going as George and Martha Washington.”

“Oh, and you want me to go as Jimmy Carter, so you can be Roslyn?”

“No.  Actually, I’m dressing up as Marilyn Monroe.  You could go as movie star too.”

“Great!” said Joey sarcastically.  “I could get a false moustache be Clark Gable.”

“I don’t think so.  You’re not the moustache type.”

“Oh yeah?  Then what type am I?”

Clara took a hold of his chin and studied his face.  “You have such big pretty eyes.  I bet with a little work, I could make you up to look like Bette Davis.”

“Bette Davis?  Isn’t she the woman from those old movies?”

Clara smiled.  “Yeah, that’s her.  I’m serious.  You have her eyes.”

“Mom!  I can’t go as a woman!”

“Why not.  It’s just a costume and its Halloween.  It would be fun.”

“No way Mom.  I’m not getting dressed up like a girl and I don’t want to go to church.  I’ll stay home and give out candy dressed like this.”

Clara sighed and picked up her purse.  “Suit your self, but I think it will be a lot of fun.  We can talk about it later if you change your mind, but right now I’m running late so I have to go.”

“Okay,” said Joey.  “I’ll walk you to the car.”

“Such a gentleman,” said Clara as she kissed him on the cheek.  “Oooh, I’m sorry.  I got some lipstick on you.”

“That’s okay,” said Joey as he wiped it away with his fingers.  I’ll live.”

****

Joey stood in the driveway and watched as his mom pulled away.  He was still thinking about what she said about dressing up as a girl for Halloween.  Had she lost her mind for making such a stupid suggestion?  Boys don’t do that kind of shit, he thought as he went back inside. 

He hung around the front window, peeking through the drawn curtains while looking at his watch and thinking about the pack of cigarettes his mother had left behind.  It’s time, he thought as he climbed the stairs to his mother’s room.

His young body shuddered with relief as he sucked down the first puff.  It was his first cigarette of the day but judging by the full pack his mother had left behind, it wouldn’t be his last.  He was enjoying it but felt guilty and stupid at the same time. 

He had started a year earlier against his mother’s wishes.  That’s why he felt stupid.  She had told him how addictive it was but he didn’t believe her.  He convinced himself he could handle it.  What a joke!  He was every bit as addicted as she was.

The worst part of it was that he was too embarrassed to tell her. I’m only 13, he thought.  “Almost 14,” he said out loud.

He had made and broke so many promises about telling her.  He looked in the mirror and exhaled.  “God I look stupid,” he said out loud.  He turned away from the mirror and it helped not to have to look at himself.  He closed his eyes and imagined he was someone else.  He envisioned himself on a horse, riding across the Texas planes with a cigarette dangling from his lips.  But the Marlboro man doesn’t smoke Virginia Slims, does he?

That was another part of the problem.  Joey had tried other cigarettes but he didn’t like them.  Sure, he’d smoke one in a pinch.  But they were never as good as his mother’s Virginia Slims.  Yep, it’s hard to be a geeky guy and look cool smoking Virginia Slims.  He lit another cigarette and walked downstairs.

“What are you looking at?” he asked Muffin, his four-year-old Beagle.  “Haven’t you ever seen a boy smoke a woman’s cigarette?”  Muffin got up from the floor and crawled under the table as if she were embarrassed to be seen in the company of the smoking boy.  Joey understood, as he was embarrassed too.  Smoking was his biggest secret.

Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if I were older, he thought.  I wouldn’t look so stupid then.  He wondered if he’d ever be old enough to smoke a cigarette with his mother or in front of his friends.

He tried to push it out of his mind.  I’ll make some popcorn and watch TV.  He took another puff from his cigarette as the popcorn began to pop in the microwave.  He didn’t hear his mother’s car pull up the driveway.  He didn’t hear her walk through the front door.  But he did hear her voice as he was exhaling a lungful of smoke.

“Joey!  You’re smoking,” screamed his mother!

The boy reacted swiftly by going into panic mode.  He shrieked and dropped the cigarette.  Pick it up?  Stomp it out?  Run away?  Joey didn’t know.

“It’s burning a hole in the floor,” screamed his mother!

Joey backed away as she picked it up doused it under the faucet before throwing it away in the trash.  The look on her face told him his life was over.

“Go to your room,” said Clara.  “I’ll be up in moment, after I’ve had time to think about this.”

He tried to hug her, but she pushed him away.  “I’m sorry,” he said.  She didn’t answer and waited for him to leave the room before taking a seat at the kitchen table.

She removed a pack of Virginia Slims from her purse and lit one.  She sighed through her exhale and asked herself if she was angry or disappointed?  Had this really come as a surprise?  No, not really.  She’d suspected it at least a half a dozen times but could never bring herself to confront him.

She remembered when she was his age and how her parents had reacted when they caught her smoking.  “And it didn’t stop me,” she thought as she snuffed out her cigarette and went upstairs to talk to him.

*****

Clara knocked on the bedroom door.  When he didn’t answer, she walked in and found him laying face down on the bed with his face in his pillow.  She sat down on the bed beside him and placed her cigarettes and an ashtray on his nightstand.  “It’s not the end of the world,” she said softly as she rubbed his shoulders.

Joey rolled over and apologized again while wiping the tears from his eyes.  “I didn’t want you to know,” he said.

“Have you been doing it long,” asked Clara?  “When did you start?”

She listened as Joey explained the how’s and why’s of his smoking.  “I tried to quit so you wouldn’t find out,” he said.

“But you couldn’t?”

Joey shook his head.  “I tried so hard Mom.  You got to believe me.”

“I do sweetie,” she said as she ran a finger across his cheek.  “I know exactly what you’re talking about.  That’s why I made you promise me that you’d never even try it but you did.  You broke your promise and now you’re addicted, just like I am.”

“I’m so sorry Mom.  I didn’t know.”

“I know you didn’t.  You were just curious, weren’t you?”  Joey nodded.  “Me too, at least I was when I was your age,” said Clara.  She braced her hand against her thigh and stared at the wall.  “Well there’s no sense  in crying over spilled milk.  What’s done is done.  At least we won’t have to argue about whether or not to sit in the smoking section when we go out to dinner,” she quipped.  “Do your friends know?”

Joey shook his head sadly.  “No one does.  I’m afraid they’d make fun of me if they knew.  I look so stupid when I smoke.”

“I smoke and people don’t make fun of me.”

“That’s different,” said Joey.  “You’re older and you’re a woman.  It looks right on you.”

“Maybe you just think that because you’re used to seeing me smoke.  Give it some time and people will get used to it.  You’ll get used to it too.  We all will,” she said with a weak smile.  “As a matter of fact,” she said as she picked up her pack of Virginia Slims, “we could start getting used to it now.  Do you want to have a cigarette with me?”

Joey shook his head no.  “I can’t Mom.  I don’t want you to see me smoke.  I don’t want anyone to see me.  I’m going to quit.”

“I know you want to,” said Clara as she stood up and laid the cigarettes back on his nightstand.  “And I hope you do, but in case you can’t, I’ll leave the cigarettes on your nightstand.  She bent down and kissed him on the cheek.  “There’s more in the cupboard if you need them.”

Clara closed the door behind her and Joey sat up in bed, trying to make sense out of the events that transpired.  What happened?  Did mom just give me permission to smoke?  He reached for the cigarettes but stopped short of touching the pack.  “I can do this,” he said out loud.  “I can quit.”  But I’ll keep them just in case I can’t, he reasoned.

Joey fought the good fight for more than fifteen minutes before succumbing to his body’s demand for nicotine.  He felt emotionally guilty but physically relieved.  “I’m really a smoker,” he said out loud.  “Just like Mom.”

*****

Joey awoke to the alarm clock and smoked a cigarette before taking a shower.  After getting dressed for school, he met his mother in the kitchen for breakfast. 

“Morning sweetie.  How did you sleep last night?”

“Real good,” said Joey enthusiastically.  “I feel great!”

“I’m so glad,” said Clara sincerely but sadly.  “I’m sure you’ll be feeling a lot better now that you can smoke when you need to.”

Joey blushed.  “How did you know I didn’t quit?”

“Just a fellow smoker’s intuition,” she said as she lit a cigarette for herself and offered her son the pack.

Joey shook his head.  “I can’t Mom.  I still feel weird about smoking in front of you.”

“That’s okay honey.  I felt the same way when I started smoking in front of my parents.  It just takes a while.  It’s going to be difficult going without smoking in school.  I can write a note for you to take to your guidance counselor.”

Joey shook his head and poured himself a bowl of cereal with milk.  They sat in silence as he ate and she smoked.

“Have a good day,” she said as he kissed her on the cheek and headed out to the bus stop.

 

*****

Joey found it difficult to concentrate in class.  His mom was right.  He needed a cigarette but had left his pack at home.  Even if he had taken them he wouldn’t have been able to smoke on school grounds without a note from his mother.  And if he did, everyone would see him.  Ironic he thought.  I finally have permission but I still can’t do it.

He turned his attention toward Melissa Burke who was sitting in the next row.  Melissa was a babe and she was also a smoker.  He stared at the pack of Marlboro Lights peeking out from her open purse that hung to the back of her chair.  Melissa looks so nice when she smokes.  As he thought about her, his penis grew stiffer.

“Mr. Hubbard, oh Mr. Hubbard, can I have your attention?  Earth to Joey Hubbard!”

Joey looked up from his desk to see Mrs. Albright staring into his face.  “I’m sorry.  I didn’t hear you.”

Mrs. Albright acknowledged his answer with a sarcastic expression.  “Then I’ll repeat my request.  Will you please go to the front of the room and demonstrate how to work the equation for the class?”

“Now,” asked Joey?  “Go up front?”  He’d heard her and he knew damn well what she meant but he was stalling for time.  His penis was so big and stiff, he’d trip over it on his way to the front.

“Yes.  Right now will be fine Mr. Hubbard.”

“I can’t do it.  I don’t know how.”

Everyone laughed.  Joey was a geek and geeks know math.

“I’m very disappointed in you Joey Hubbard.  You can figure out the problem in detention on Monday morning.”

“Yes Mrs. Albright.”

Shortly afterwards, the bell rang and Joey filed into the hall with the rest of the students.

“You’re the man,” said a voice from above.

Joey looked up to see Dave Simpson grinning at him.  Dave stood at least three inches taller than six feet and played offensive and defensive tackle on varsity football team.  Of course he was sixteen and had been held back twice, but that didn’t make him any less intimidating.

 “Old man Roberts got me for not doing my homework, so I guess I’ll see you in detention Monday.”

“Yeah, okay,” said Joey as he stopped at his locker to change books before heading to the bus.  As he dialed his combination, he watched Dave walk up behind Cindy Thompson and put his arm around her.  God that would be cool to be able to do that, he thought.  Football players got it so easy.  But hey, Dave talked to him today.  He said he’d see him in detention like they were friends.  Maybe getting in trouble isn’t so bad, but he doubted his mother would see it that way.  He wondered what she’d say when he told her she’d need to take him to school early on Monday?

****

“You got detention?  That’s not like you,” said Clara.

Joey hung his head.

“You’ve become quite a hell raiser in the last twenty-four hours, with all your smoking and rebelliousness.  I suppose it’s about time I put my foot down.”

Joey looked up with a slightly confused look on his face.  He hadn’t expected his mother to be happy about him getting detention.  It wouldn’t have surprised him in the least if she decided to punish him, but why was she sounding so nice while she was talking about it?  She said she was mad but she didn’t sound mad.

“Remember that Halloween party I was telling you about last night,” asked Clara?

Joey nodded.  “Yeah, the harvest thing, the one at church.”

“Well I’ve decided to take you with me.  Consider it as your punishment for smoking and getting detention.”

“You’re going to make me get dressed up like a woman,” asked Joey?

Clara nodded.  “Bette Davis,” she said.  “Not only do you have her eyes, but you also have her smoking habit.  You’ll be perfect!”

“You want me to smoke at a church party,” asked Joey?  “But what will people say when they see me.”

“Christians smoke too,” said Clara.

“But Mom, I’m only 13.”

“Maybe you should have thought about that before you went and got yourself addicted to an adult habit.”

Joey blinked and tried to take it in but he couldn’t comprehend the sudden changes in his life.  He sat down on the couch beside his mother and tried to regain his mental balance.  “Why are you doing this to me,” he asked?

Clara answered him by dissecting his question.  “I’m not doing this to you honey.  I’m doing this for you.  There’s a big difference.  I’m trying to help you,” said Clara.  “But you won’t let me unless I make you, so think of it as a punishment of sorts, but it really isn’t.  But you still have to do everything I say, so there.”

“Look Mom, I’ve made some mistakes.  I know I have.  For starters I never should have started smoking, and you’ve been so cool about it but I still don’t get why you’re letting me do it instead of hitting me on the head and yelling at me.  And I never should have gotten detention today, but I don’t get why making me dress like a girl and smoke in front of people at church is going to make things better.  All it’s going to do is to embarrass me.”

“I guess I do owe you an explanation,” said Clara.  “Remember when we were talking about geeks?  You said you were one and I said you weren’t?”  Joey nodded.  “Well, I was just trying to spare your feelings.  Don’t take this the wrong way, but you are a geek Joey.  You’re just like your father.”

Joey took a deep breath and covered his face with his hands.  “Why are you saying this to me?  What kind of mother are you?”

“I’m a mother who loves you Joey.  You didn’t know your father.  He died before you were born.  I’ve never talked to you about him.  I let you think what you wanted to think, but it’s time you learned the truth.”

Clara lit a cigarette and steadied her nerves.  “I wasn’t in love with your father Joey.  I felt sorry for him.  We were in college and I saw him at a party.  I was drinking, but I wasn’t drunk, but I pretended I was.  I thought it would make for a good excuse when my friends found out later that I slept with him.  I had pity sex with your father Joey, and I got pregnant with you.”

And it just keeps getting stranger, thought Joey.  “Pity sex?  Why would you do something like that?”

“Your father was a geek, but he was a cute geek.  I guess I thought I could fix him.  You know…give him some self confidence- boost his esteem.  But it didn’t work.  Your father could have been anything he wanted to be, just like you can be anything you want to be.  But like you, he was always afraid to push himself to the edge.  He lived in fear of embarrassing himself.  Did you know your father smoked?  He did.  He was 21 years old and sneaking cigarettes in the woods, just like you.  I asked him to dance once.  He turned me down, not because he didn’t like me.  Your father worshipped me.  He was just too afraid of what he’d look like on the dance floor.  He didn’t want to call attention to himself.”

“So you’re saying I’m like him and that’s what makes me a geek,” asked Joey?

“That’s exactly what I’m saying.  Your father doesn’t live in California Joey.  He killed himself.  He committed suicide.  And you know why he did it?”

Joey wiped his eyes and shook his head.

“He was supposed to be the ‘Best Man’ at his friend’s wedding and he was supposed to make a speech at the reception, but he was afraid he couldn’t do it.  He thought he’d make a fool of himself.  So instead of sucking it up and giving the speech, he sucked on the barrel of a gun and pulled the trigger.”

“You think I’m going to kill myself?”

“Not if I can help it, you won’t,” said Clara.  “It bothers me that you’re addicted to cigarettes but it bothers me more that you’re ashamed of it.  This isn’t something you can turn on and turn off.  You know that don’t you?  I don’t want you growing up to be a closet smoker like your father.  I don’t want you to be afraid to make a fool of your self or take chances in life.  I want you to stand up for yourself and be proud of your assets and accepting of your liabilities.  You’re no worse or no better than anyone else and it’s about time you understood that.  Taking chances won’t kill you Joey.  Not taking chances killed your father and I’ll be damned if I let the same thing happen to you.”

Joey swallowed hard and choked back his tears as the understanding of his mother’s intentions sank in.  “I’m not just a geek am I?  I’m a weenie.”

Clara put her arms around him and hugged him tight.  “If it’s the last thing I do, I’ll see to it that you’re as proud of your self as I am of you.  I’m not saying it won’t be scary because I know it will.  But if you can do this, you can do anything.”

Joey hugged her back.  “I know I have to do this so I’m going to do it.  But I still don’t want people laughing at me just to make fun of me and stuff like that.  Do you know what I mean?”

“I’m not sure,” said Clara.

“Well if I have to dress up like a girl then I want to do it so I look like one for real and not like a boy in a dress.  That wouldn’t be cheating would it?”

Clara laughed.  “Of course it wouldn’t.  That would be down right smart.  Of course we’ll make you look like a women.  Getting laughed at isn’t the point.  I just want you to have the courage to see it through.”

Joey nodded.  “Okay, so what’s next?”

“First things first,” said Clara.  “I’ll make us some dinner, and afterwards we’ll do a little shopping for the things you’ll need.”

*****

“That wasn’t so bad,” said Joey as he helped his mother take their purchases from the mall inside.

“Of course it wasn’t,” said Clara as she set down her bags on the kitchen floor in front of the table.  “I need a cigarette.  How about you?” she asked as she lit one up and offered the pack.

“I don’t think so Mom.  I’m just not ready yet.”

“Suit your self,” said Clara as she exhaled toward the ceiling.  “But tomorrow I’m teaching you how to smoke like a real woman.”

Joey laughed.  “Okay.  That sounds good.”

“Alright then,” said Clara, as she craned out her neck and touched her cheek.  “Give your mom a kiss and get some rest.  First thing tomorrow morning, you’re getting a bath and a shave.”

*****

Joey climbed out of the bathtub and dried his freshly shaved skin with a soft fluffy bath towel.  Afterwards, he sat on the edge of the tub and lit a cigarette from the pack of Virginia Slims his mother had given him the other day.

His mother encouraged him to hurry, through the bathroom door, saying she didn’t have all day for him to air dry.  She told him to put on the panties and come out.

“In a minute Mom,” said Joey as he exhaled.

“What’s that smell,” asked Clara?  “Are you smoking in there Joey?”

Instead of flushing his cigarette down the toilet and vehemently denying it, Joey calmly told her he was.

“That’s good sweetie.  I’m glad to hear it.  Now hurry up.”

Joey finished his cigarette and pulled the silky panties over his legs.  He’d be a liar if he said they didn’t feel nice against his balls.

*****

“I’m so glad you’re doing this,” said Clara as she showed him how to attach the breast forms to his freshly shaved chest.

Joey tried to focus on the conversation in an attempt to keep his penis from swelling against the silky panties.  He was in love with the hose’s embrace against his legs.  “Any thing is better than blowing my head off,” he joked.  “I’m sorry.  I guess that wasn’t a nice thing to say.”

“Maybe not, but it’s the truth,” said Clara as she helped him into a bra.  “The thing is that we’re doing this together and you’re doing something new!  I’m so tired of seeing you lounge around the house in front of those nasty old text books.”

“I thought you wanted me to do good in school.”

“I do, but there’s a life outside school, and I want you to experience it.  You’re almost 14 Joey.  This should be an exciting time in your life.  You’ve got your entire life to be a soppy old grown-up.”

Joey nodded his understanding.  Everything she’d told him so far had made sense, so why question her now?

“I was thinking you could wear this dress for the party,” said Clara as she pulled a gray skirt and matching blazer from her closet.  “It’s new but its classic.  I think I saw some pictures of Bette wearing something like it.  Of course the pictures were black and white so it was hard to tell what color it was, but that’s even better when I think about it.  It gives us some poetic license.  But pearls are a must.  You can wear the necklace my mother gave me.”

Joey donned a slip and then wiggled into the skirt.

“That looks nice on you,” said Clara, “but it would look better with this belt.  It will divide you so to speak, give you some definition between your top and bottom.”

Joey put his hands to the breast forms.  “I think people will be able to tell the difference between my top and bottom.”

“Put it on and have a seat at my vanity.”

“You’re going to put make-up on me?”

“Yes, but just this once.  I want you to sit with your back to the mirror so you can’t see what I’m doing.  I want it to be surprise.  I’ll teach you how to do it your self tomorrow.”

Joey agreed and sat down with his back to the mirror.  “What’s that,” he asked?  “It feels soft.”

“I’m using a blush brush to add a little color to your cheeks.”

“It won’t make me look like a clown, will it?”

“That depends.  Do you think I look like a clown?”

“No.  You don’t wear a lot of make-up.”

“I wear more than you think.  Application is a skill unto it self.  Make-up is more than color theory, you know.”

“What’s color theory?”

“It’s figuring out what shades and colors work best with a person’s skin tone.  You have a fair complexion, like me, so lighter colors work best.  If you were more tan, I’d use a darker shade to get the same effect.  There we go,” she said as she put down the mascara.  We’re almost done.”

“Can I look now?”

“Not yet,” said Clara as she picked up the paper bag from beside her bed containing a wig.

“Are you sure I need a wig?  My hair is pretty long as it is.  I just don’t want to look like I’m wearing a wig, you know.

 “Your hair is pretty, but it’s not long enough to style properly,” said Clara as she removed the wig from the bag and held it up like an Indian scalp.  “Oh my God!  You look adorable,” she said as she took a brush to the wig, giving it a more natural shape.

“Really?  I look okay?”

“See for your self,” said Clara as she took him by the shoulders and spun him around toward the mirror.

Joey opened his mouth and gawked.  “Is that really me?” he asked as his eyes raced over his reflection.

Clara was ecstatic.  “So what do you think?”

“Mom!  I look beautiful!  Don’t I?”

“Oh yes sweetie.  You’re stunning.  I knew you’d look good, but this is better than I ever imagined.”

“I’ll say,” said Joey as he touched a finger to his cheek.

“Careful or you’ll smear your make-up.”

Joey jerked his hand away, determined not to spoil the illusion.  “I really do look like her.  Don’t I?”

“Uh-huh, but we’re not finished.  The more I look at you the more I think you’ll look so much better if I do something with your eyebrows.  They’re too bushy.  Turn around,” she said as she picked up a pair of tweezers from the vanity.

“Ouch!  That hurts!  Hey!  What are you doing?”

“Quit being a baby.  Women do this all the time.”

“Will it grow back?”

“Eventually, but I’m not pulling them all.  I’m just giving you a little shape.  See how you’re getting an arch?”

“Yeah, but its kind of noticeable, don’t you think?”

“That’s why we’re doing it.”

“But it’s not going to grow back by Monday.  That’s what I’m saying.”

“It won’t be that noticeable, if you’re not wearing make-up,” said Clara as she continued plucking away at the hairs on Joey’s brows.

“If you say so,” said Joey, but he was torn between his fear of looking feminine at school and his desire to see just how good he could look.

“I think that does it,” said Clara as she laid down the tweezers and turned her son back toward the mirror.  “So what do you think now?  Is Bette Davis going to the party?”

Joey gushed.  “This is so cool,” he said.  “It’s like I’m a different person.”

“That’s the whole idea behind Halloween, being different, being someone you’re not.  But don’t you see?  If you can be Bette Davis, then you can certainly be Joey Hubbard.  I’m having so much fun.  How about you?”

The boy nodded sincerely.  He had to admit, he was having fun.  “So what do we do next?”

“We’re going to watch a movie called ‘Now Voyager’.  It’s an old Bette Davis movie.  If you’re going to make a convincing Bette at the party, you’ll need to know as much about her as possible and that means watching her movies.  And then, I’m going to teach my son how to smoke like a woman!  Oh sweetie, you’re going to be the prettiest girl at that party.”

****

Joey sat on the couch next to his mother and watched the movie.  Every now and then his eyes would wander down to his skirt and breasts.  He’d look at his mom and then at Bette, making mental comparisons among the three of them.  He found himself getting into her character.  When Bette would do something on screen, Joey would imagine himself doing it.  He thought his mother must be doing it too because every time Bette lit a cigarette, his mother would do the same.  She looks pretty when she smokes, thought Joey.

“He watched as Paul Henreid took two cigarettes from a pack and lit them both at the same time, placing one between Bette’s lips.  He couldn’t say why, but he was definitely turned on.  Do I really look like her, he wondered?

Boy she sure smokes a lot, doesn’t she,” asked Joey?

“She’s famous for it,” said Clara as she exhaled.  “You got your work out cut out for you if you’re going to smoke like her, so we better get started.  Go ahead and light a cigarette, the way you saw Bette do.”

“But she uses matches and I have a lighter.”

“So improvise,” said Clara.

Joey leaned forward and picked up the pack of Virginia Slims and the lighter from coffee table.  He removed one from the pack and stared appreciatively as it rested against the backdrop of his freshly manicured nails.

Clara watched as her son lifted the white cigarette to his red-coated lips and dipped it into the lighter’s flame.  He inhaled greedily and removed the cigarette from his lips like a man with his thumb and index finger.  She’d say something about it later, but for now she was content in letting him get comfortable smoking in front of her.

Joey laid his hand with the cigarette down on his skirted thigh and stared at the lipstick stained filter.  He shifted his weight on the couch in an attempt to conceal his growing erection.

“It’s okay honey,” said Clara reassuringly as she placed her hand on his thigh.  “It’s nothing to be ashamed of.  It just means you’re excited and you feel good.  I’m happy for you and I’m very proud of you for smoking in front of me.  It makes you look very mature and sophisticated.  Are you enjoying your cigarette sweetheart?”

The boy with the tented skirt inhaled deeply and exhaled his smoke across the room.  “I am Mom.  It feels great.  I love it.”  He laughed and bent forward and trimmed his ash against the rim of the ashtray.  “I can’t believe I’m sitting on the couch smoking with you.  This is so weird.  And look at me.  I’m dressed in your clothes.”

“And you feel good about your self, don’t you,” asked Clara?  “You feel powerful and sexy.”

Joey nodded his head and took another puff.  “Yeah.  I guess I do,” he said as he blew a cloud of smoke across the living room.

“I’m glad,” said Clara.  “You’re doing so wonderfully, there’s just a few things you need to work on,” she said as she pointed at his fingers and described the more feminine way to hold it.

“Like this,” asked Joey?

“That’s right,” said Clara.  “Now bend your arm at the elbow and cock your hand like your waving.  Yes like that, a little more dainty this time.  Oh yes Sweetie.  You’re doing so well.  Go stand over by the fireplace and I’ll get the camera.”

Joey got up from the couch, put out his cigarette and lit a fresh one, taking particular care to hold it like his mother had taught him.

“You look fantastic honey,” said Clara as she raised the camera.

Joey giggled and took a puff from his cigarette as his mother clicked away at the camera.

That night, he went to bed wearing one of his mother’s long sexy nightgowns.  He slept like a baby.

****

Joey woke up the next morning and had a cigarette while he brushed out his wig.  He knew he should put his make-up on but decided it would be best to wait until his mother taught him how to do it correctly.  He smiled appreciatively at himself in the mirror and went downstairs to greet his mother with a pack of Virginia Slims and a lighter in hand.

“Good morning sleepyhead,” said Clara.  “I was wondering when you’d wake up.  You either slept like a baby or you didn’t sleep at all.”

“I slept like a baby,” said Joey as he poured a cup of coffee and joined his mother at the table.

“Must be the silk, it does feel nice.  Doesn’t it,” asked Clara as she lit a cigarette?

“I’ll say,” said Joey as he followed his mother’s lead and lit a cigarette for himself.

Clara noted the way feminine way he was holding his cigarette and complimented him on it.  “Thanks,” said Joey.  “I guess I’m getting into character,” he said as he ran the tip of his cigarette against the rim of the ashtray.

“What do you think,” asked Clara?  “Are you up for smoking in public today?”

“You mean go out dressed like this,” he asked?

“No silly.  Not in your nightgown.  After I help you with your make-up, we can drop the film off to be developed and we’ll do some shopping for you.”

“For me?”

“Halloween is still a couple weeks away and I want you to practice as much as possible for the party and you can’t very well keep wearing the same outfit.”

“I can wear your clothes,” said Joey.  “They fit me pretty well.”

“But they’re too old for you.  Don’t you want to see what if feels like to get dressed up like a girl more your age?”

“Not really,” said Joey.  “I kind of like the older woman look.”

“Not me,” said Clara.  “I’d give anything to be a teenager again.”

“It sucks,” said Joey.  “I just want to skip it and go straight to being an adult.”

“That’s one of the reasons you’re doing this for me,” said Clara.  “When this is all over and done, I bet you’ll be a different person.  You’ll take more chances and enjoy life more than you did.”

Joey shrugged and took a puff from his cigarette.  “Maybe.  That would be cool.”

*****

“You look beautiful,” said Clara as they drove toward the mall.  “You did a fabulous job with your make-up.”

“You did it,” said Joey as he blew his smoke out the window.

“No I didn’t.  I just told you what to do and pointed the way.”

“I know we got some time before the party, but it’s still a lot to learn,” said Joey.  “I’m going to need some more practice.  Do you think we should do it again next weekend?” 

“Why wait until then?  You can change after school when you get home.”

Joey grinned.  “Is that part of my punishment?”

“Absolutely,” said Clara.  “If I don’t see you in a dress five minutes after you get off the bus, I’ll tan your skinny bottom with a sapling branch.”

“Okay then, but only because you’re making me,” laughed Joey.

Clara parked the car and they walked across the parking lot, into the mall, chatting away with their purses slung over their shoulders.  Joey reached to open the door for his mom as he had been taught to do, but was beat to the punch by a nice looking man in his early thirties.  “Thank you,” said Clara, as she and Joey passed inside.

Noticing the confused look on her son’s face, Clara nudged him with her elbow and told him to relax and enjoy it.  “Men will treat you different today.  I promise you.”

“Well I’m not sure if I like it,” said Joey as he repositioned the purse across his shoulder.

“Oooh!” said Clara as she grabbed Joey’s elbow, bringing them to a stop in front of a store called Holes.  “Lets get your ears pierced!”

Joey shook his head.  “I don’t think so.”

“Nonsense!  Don’t be a baby.  It only stings for a second and then you’ll be able to wear earrings like these,” she said as she pointed to the sparkling stars and moons dangling from her lobe.

Joey was still arguing with his mother as a store employee seated him in a chair.  “Ouch!”

“See,” said his mother.  “One ear is done and it didn’t hurt a bit.”

“That’s not the point,” said Joey.  “Ouch!”

“Let’s pick out some earrings,” said Clara.

Joey felt light headed as he walked out of the shop with his mother carrying a small bag containing 14k gold earrings.  Was he dazed from the blood loss or was it something else?  He had two new holes in his head and the girl doing the piercing didn’t even notice he was a boy.

As they walked through the mall, Clara noticed the attention her femininely dressed son was attracting from the passing males.  The attention went unnoticed by Joey, who was preoccupied with his ears as he followed his mother into Macy’s.  Two hours later, their hands were full of bagged purchases from the teen department.

“I don’t know about you, but I need a cigarette,” said Clara as they entered the food court.  She pointed out an empty table and instructed him to save it for them while she got them some drinks from the Orange Julius. 

Joey sat down at the table surrounded with shopping bags as the crowd of people passed by.  Some looked, others didn’t, but most of them did.  This is so weird, he thought as he fidgeted with his purse.

“People are looking at me,” he said as his mother sat the drinks on the table and took a seat. 

“Of course they are,” said Clara as she removed a pack of Virginia Slims from her purse and lit one.  “You’re gorgeous.”

Joey shook his head.  A part of him didn’t want to believe it was true, that he was sitting in the mall, dressed as a woman, in public, in front of his mother.  The more he thought about it the more nervous and excited he got.  Maybe I need a cigarette, he thought as he rummaged through his purse for a pack, stopping short of removing it.

Clara noticed his hesitation and encouraged him.  “Go ahead sweetie.  Pretend you’re Bette Davis.  It will be okay.”

Joey closed his eyes and pulled out the pack.  He opened them and stared at the pack in his hands.  People were still walking by the table.  The clock by the carousel was still ticking.  The world hadn’t ended.  He placed a cigarette between his lips and lit it using his mother’s lighter.  Relief flooded his body as he inhaled.

A voice pierced the mall air, calling his mother’s name.  “Clara!  Is that you?”

Joey turned around to see Mrs. Markham making her way through the crowd.  His heart raced as his mother returned the greeting and beckoned for Mrs. Markham to join them at their table.

After the two women had exchanged hugs, Mrs. Markham looked at Joey and then at his mother for an introduction.

“Mary Markham, meet Bette Davis,” said Clara.

Mrs. Markham extended her hand and Joey shook it gently.  “Like the movie star,” asked Mary?

Joey blushed and nodded.  The cigarette between his fingers felt hot and heavy.  He wanted to put it out.  What would Mrs. Markham say if she knew it was really him smoking?  Smoking?  Fuck smoking!  I’m dressed as a woman.

Mrs. Markham sat down at the table and removed a red pack of More cigarettes from her purse.  “You look familiar,” she said as she lit a slender brown cigarette.  “Have we met before?”

Joey shook his head and looked away.

“Of course you’ve met,” said Clara.  “This is Joey.”

Mary Markham gasped.  “Joey?  Your son?”

“One in the same,” said Clara.

Fear coursed through the boy’s heart at having been exposed.

“But why,” asked Mary?  “Not that you don’t look stunning, but why?”

“He’s going with me to the Harvest Festival,” said Clara as she dumped the ash from her cigarette.  “We’re getting in a little practice.  Are you and Tom still going as George and Martha?”

Mary expelled a cloud of smoke and laughed.  “Of course we are!  The Washingtons will be there.”  She looked at Joey and grinned.  “Well I have to say you look just Bette Davis.  You’re even smoking like her.”  She turned to Clara and asked.  “He’s really not smoking though, is he?  It’s just a prop?  He’s pretending?”

Joey’s face turned beat red, as his mother shook her head.

“I’m afraid not,” said Clara as she took a puff from her own cigarette.  “He took up the habit a while back.  Didn’t you honey?”

The boy in the dress nodded without speaking.

“That’s a shame,” said Mary thoughtfully.  “Peer pressure?”

“Curiosity,” said Joey as forced himself to take a pull from his cigarette.

The woman nodded and looked at the boy approvingly.  “It looks good on you.  Makes you look much older and more mature.”  She paused.  “Of course it could be the make-up and the clothes, but all in all you’re quite the package Joey Hubbard.”

“Thanks,” said Joey as he nursed a puff from his cigarette.  His heartbeat slowed and his penis stiffened beneath the skirt.  This is actually kind of cool, he thought, really cool.  I’m smoking in front of Mrs. Markham and my mom and they’re like okay with it.  I’m like them, he thought.  I’m not a geek.

*****

“Check it out,” said David Simpson.  “Whose the babe?” he asked, pointing to the photograph, concealed from the detention teacher but still visible. 

“It’s my cousin,” lied Joey.

“Your cousin is hot,” said Dave.  “What’s her name?”

“Bette,” said Joey.

“How old is she dude?  Does she live around here?”

Without thinking, Joey made up a life story for his alter ego and detailed it for Dave.

“Man, I sure would like to meet her,” said Dave.

“I think she’s got a boyfriend,” said Joey as he closed the book on the photo.

“Can I have the picture anyway?”

Joey shrugged and removed the photograph of him in a dress and handed it to Dave.  “I guess so.  Sure,” he said as handed the picture to the bigger boy, while doing his best to avoid detection by the teacher who had his nose buried in a magazine.

He felt kind of funny about Dave’s reaction to his photograph.  The guy was obviously turned on and that was just plain weird.  It wasn’t Dave’s fault.  He didn’t know what and whom he was lusting over.  But Joey knew and it made him feel creepy.

On one hand he was proud.  The picture was of him and someone else liked it.  In a way, that meant, someone liked him.  That made him feel good because he was desirable.  But on the other hand, who wants to be desired by another guy?  He shook his head in confused disgust and went back to his studying.

*****

God I need a cigarette, thought Joey as he hurried from the bus stop to his house.  He opened the door and dropped his book bag on the floor.  His mother greeted him from the kitchen and asked about his day.

“Not too bad,” said Joey as he picked up her cigarettes from the kitchen table and lit one, puffing rapidly and purposely.

Clara frowned.  “You know you could make it easier on yourself if you took in the note I wrote.  I’m sure it must be hard going so long without a cigarette.”

Joey filled his lungs with smoke and shook his head.  “That’s okay Mom.  It’s no big deal.”

“It’s not,” asked Clara?  “That’s what your father used to say.  The problem was that it was a big deal, at least to him it was.”

Joey looked down at his feet.  “Yeah, I know.  I really do.  I know its stupid but I can’t help it.  I feel funny about it, like everyone is looking at me weird.  It’s not that way when I get dressed up.  It doesn’t bother me at all.”

“That’s because Bette isn’t a closet smoker but Joey is.  You know sweetie, the whole point of doing this is for you to gain more self-confidence.  I’m glad you can do things as Bette that you couldn’t do as Joey, but you can’t be Bette forever.  You have to let Bette help you stand up for your self so you can hold your head high as Joey.”

I know Mom.  And I think it’s working, just not as fast as we want, but it is working.”

Clara nodded as she tried to understand.  “We’ll think about that one later, but for now, I think someone needs to change clothes.”

Joey grinned as he put his cigarette out in the ashtray.  “Okay.  I can live with that.”

*****

The next couple of weeks passed by quickly.  Though he didn’t talk about it much, Joey looked forward to coming home from school and changing into his feminine clothes.  He liked the way they made him feel, both physically and emotionally.

Dressed as Bette, Joey was free to explore worlds that were once off limits.  It wasn’t so much about using the women’s restrooms in public as it was about feeling comfortable.  For the first time in his life, he could hold conversations with girls and women without feeling like a dweeb.  He was still self-conscience of his appearance but in a different way.  Instead of wondering how silly or stupid he looked, which was always the case when he dressed as a boy, he considered his appearance in a more positive light.  He noticed the looks he got from boys and men, especially when he was smoking.  He used these looks as a gage to measure his progress.

Every now and then his mother would ask how he felt about the looks he got from men.  Joey would smile and tell her it was okay.  He liked the attention, saying it was flattering, but not in a sexual way.

His relationship with Dave Simpson was nothing to brag about other than it felt good to co-exist on the same level as the athlete.  Dave just seemed to take him as he was.  He didn’t go out of the way to talk to him, nor did he go out of his way to avoid him.

Joey began to feel better about himself as a boy, but he liked himself better as a woman.  As a boy, he was a still a geek, but he was okay with that.  He wasn’t embarrassed about it any more.  But as Bette, he was a babe, and the feeling of pride and power was overwhelming and exhilarating.  It made him want to take chances.  So when his mother suggested they visit the church that Sunday with him dressed as Bette, Joey agreed.

Going to church as Bette would be different than going to the mall or hanging out with his mother’s friends.  Joey suspected there would be some kids from his school that went to the church, but he seriously doubted any of them would recognize him.  And if they recognized his mom, she’d just tell them he was her niece.

****

“I’m proud of you,” said Clara as she pulled into the church parking lot.  “Have you thought about what you’ll say if anyone recognizes you?”

Joey finished his cigarette and put it out in the car’s ashtray.  “Yeah, a little.  All I got to say is that I’m going to the Harvest Party and I’m just playing around in my costume.”

“Sounds like a plan,” said Clara as they got out of the car and walked toward the church.  “I really like the way you look in that dress.”

“Me too,” said Joey.  “You don’t think it’s overkill, do you?”

Clara smiled and put her hand on his elbow.  “Not if you want to look your best.”

Joey took a program from an older man in a suit and followed his mother through the door, taking a seat beside her in one of the pews.

“Do you recognize anyone from school?” whispered Clara.

“No, but I’m not looking too hard, you know.  It’s not like I want to run up and start talking to them.”

As they waited for the service to start, Joey did see a kid he thought he knew, sitting on one of the side pews with his parents.  He sunk into his seat and tried to tell himself that this was going to work out and he wasn’t going to get caught.

After the service, he got up and walked outside with his mother.  So far so good.  No one had seen him and if they did, no one had recognized him.  He was ready to go home.  Taking chances was one thing, but pushing one’s luck is another.

The car was in sight when he heard his mother’s name being called.  He turned around to see Mrs. Markham in hot pursuit.  She greeted them with a smile and told Joey that he looked beautiful and that she was so glad he’d come with his mother to visit their church.

Joey blushed and was thankful that Mrs. Markham hadn’t called him by his name.  He was ready to go and hoped whatever Mrs. Markham had to say wouldn’t take long.  He silently groaned when he saw her reach into her purse and take out a pack of cigarettes.  His mother did the same and he knew they wouldn’t be escaping to the car any time soon.

Watching his mother and Mrs. Markham smoke, made him want a cigarette too.  He looked around the parking lot and noticed there were other people smoking.  Some were young, probably in college, he thought.  He was surprised to see so many people hanging around after the service.  It was like a social event.  What the hell, he thought, Mrs. Markham had told them that the church was friendly.

I might as well join them, he thought as he nervously pulled the pack of Virginia Slims from his purse.  His penis stiffened under his skirt as he lit the cigarette and admired the lipstick stain on the white filter.

As he exhaled his smoke, it dawned on him just where he was and what he was doing and whom he was doing it in front of.  This is so cool, he thought as he took another puff from his cigarette and held it out to his side, emulating the mannerisms of his mother and Mrs. Markham.  Standing there beside them, pretending to be engaged in their conversation, he felt ladylike and feminine.  I’m one of the girls, he thought as he took another puff.

“There’s someone I want you to meet,” said Mrs. Markham as she grabbed Clara’s elbow.  “This will just take a minute or two,” she said to Joey as she led his mother away, leaving him alone in the crowded parking lot.

The boy in the dress panicked as he nervously tapped his cigarette causing it’s ash to fall to the ground.  He felt naked and vulnerable.  He closed his eyes and tilted his face toward the pavement.

He felt a hand on his shoulder followed by the words “Excuse me Miss”.

“I beg your pardon,” said an older but attractive and well-dressed woman.  “But may I trouble you for a cigarette?  I must have left mine at home.  I swear I’d lose my head if it wasn’t screwed on.”

“Sure,” said Joey nervously as he rummaged through his purse for his pack and lighter.

“Virginia Slims,” exclaimed the woman!  “I smoke the same brand!  Don’t you just love them?”

“As a matter of fact I do,” he said as he removed a cigarette from the pack and handed it to her.  “My mom smokes them too.”

“Thanks,” said the woman as she accepted the light and exhaled.  “So you’re here with your mother.  I don’t believe I’ve seen you here before.  Are you visiting?”

Joey nodded and worded his answer carefully.  “I’m visiting with my aunt.  She’s new too.”

“It’s nice to meet you,” said the woman as she extended her hand.  “My name is Barbara.”

“Bette,” said Joey as he shook the woman’s hand.  Her smile put him at ease.  She was nothing for him to fear.  “It’s nice to meet you too.”

“If you don’t mind me asking, it’s just that when I saw you from the back, and saw your cigarette, I just assumed you were an adult.  Are you old enough to smoke,” asked Barbara?”

“I’m sixteen,” lied Joey.  “”But its okay.  My mom knows.”

“Sixteen?  Then you must know my son.  Do you go to Holly Hills High School?”

Joey panicked at the mention of his school’s name.  “No, I don’t.  I’m home schooled.”

“Speak of the devil,” said Barbara as she clutched Joey’s elbow.  “There he is now.  David!  Oh David!  Come over here honey.  There’s someone here I’d like you to meet.”

Joey choked on his heart as Dave Simpson walked up with his jaw dropped.

“You’re Bette,” said Dave as he reached out for Joey’s hand.

“You two know each other,” asked Barbara?

“No, but a friend from school, Joey Hubbard, showed me her picture.  You’re Joey’s cousin.  Aren’t you,” he asked?

Joey nodded weakly and dropped his spent cigarette to the pavement.  He couldn’t smoke in front of Dave, even if he was dressed as a girl.  “Yeah, I am,” he said as he rubbed the cigarette into the pavement with his heel.  Oh God, what am I going to do now.  “So you’re friends with Joey?”

“Well kind of.  We’re not good friends or anything.  I guess you’d say we’re detention buddies.”

“Oh there’s someone else I need to talk to,” said Barbara coyly.  “Bette, it was a pleasure meeting you dear, and I hope to see you again real soon.”

“The same here, Mrs….”

“Barbara.  Call me Barbara.”

“Wow.  You must have made some impression on my mom,” said Dave.  “All the rest of my friends call her Mrs. Simpson.”

Joey fought the sick feeling in his stomach and did his best to smile.  “She’s very nice.  I like her a lot.”

From the other side of the parking lot, Clara and Mary watched as Joey made small talk with a very attractive young man.

“Oh he must be dieing,” said Clara.  “We better go rescue him.”

Joey took a deep breath and exhaled relief as his mother and Mrs. Markham walked up.  He quickly introduced them to Dave as his aunt and her friend.  “Well it was nice to meet you,” he said as he turned his back on Dave.

“Hey Bette,” called Dave.

Joey turned around.

“Are you going to the Harvest Festival?”

He was about to say something like no or maybe, anything other than yes, when Mrs. Markham answered for him.

“Of course she is,” said Mrs. Markham.  “I’ll make sure Bette saves a dance for you.”

“Sounds great,” said Dave.  “See you there Bette!”

*****

The week following Bette’s debut at church was difficult and tense for Joey, as Dave did his best to pump him for information about the girl he’d met at church.

“I don’t want to say anything bad about her because she’s my cousin and I love her, but you wouldn’t like her,” said Joey.  “She’s really not your type.”

“Why do you say that?  I thought she was great!”

“Well, for one thing,” said Joey, “she smokes!”

“I know,” said Dave.  “I saw her doing it at church, but that doesn’t make her a bad person.  My mom does it too and she’s not bad.  Speaking of smoke, you kind of smell like cigarettes.”

Joey shrugged off Dave’s comment about his odor by blaming it on his mother.  “I’m not saying it makes her a bad person.  I’m just saying you two are different.  But don’t you think it would be kind of gross kissing a girl that smokes, since you don’t do it too?  I think it would bother me.”

Dave shrugged.  “I don’t know, maybe.  My dad doesn’t smoke but he seems okay with my mom.  I guess it’s something you get used to if you like a girl.  Does she smoke a lot?”

“All the time,” said Joey, thinking he had hit Dave’s hot button.

“Did you change your mind about going to the party,” asked Dave?  “You should go.  It’s going to be fun.”

Joey shook his head.  “I don’t really like church that much.  It’s my mom’s thing.  Besides, someone’s got to stick around to hand out candy to the kids.”

Dave laughed.  “So Joey Hubbard, the little heathen that won’t go to church is calling his cousin bad.”

“I didn’t say she was bad.  I just said I don’t think you’ll like her.  She’s not your type.”

*****

Joey had talked his mother out of going to church the next Sunday, but he hadn’t talked her out of going to the Halloween party as Bette.  She was determined that he would see it through, regardless of Dave.

“Get a move on Bette, or we’ll be late,” said Clara as she freshened her make-up.

Joey finished with his lipstick and put it in his purse.  “Can’t we just skip this,” he asked?  “I’ve gotten a lot braver and I learned a lot.  I don’t think this really necessary.”

“Yes it is,” said Clara as she picked up her keys.  “Finishing what you start is always necessary.  Quit fretting.  You’ll have a good time when you get there.”

“But what about Dave,” asked Joey as they walked down the stairs toward the door?  “What if he asks me to dance?”

“Then you’ll dance with him.  What’s so hard about that?”

Joey took a deep breath and sighed as his mother started the car and backed it out of the driveway.

“Did you bring your cigarettes,” asked Clair as she lit one of her own?

“Yeah, I got them in my purse.  It’s not a whole pack, but it’s enough I guess.  If I run out I can bum one off you.”

Clara turned in to the parking lot and parked the car.  “We’re here honey.  Are you ready?”

*****

Clara and Joey took the stairs down into the church’s lower level.  The place was crowded with people in costumes.  At least there are a lot of people, thought Joey.  I won’t stick out.  Maybe I’ll blend in and Dave won’t see me.

“Look,” said Clara, pointing with her finger toward the refreshment table.  “There’s Mary and Tom.  Let’s go say hello.”

Great thought Joey.  It was bad enough that Mrs. Markham knew who he was.  Now her husband is going to see me like this.

“Make sure you smoke in front of Tom.”

“Ahh Mom, do I have to,” whined Joey?

“Yes honey, you do.  It will make things easier when he sees you smoking in your boy clothes.”

“Look Tom,” said Mary, as she grabbed her husband’s elbow.  “It’s Marilyn Monroe and Bette Davis.”

“So it is,” said the man in the George Washington costume, as he hugged Clara and shook Joey’s hand.  “So how are things going in school Joey?”

“Pretty good, I guess,” said Joey as he watched Mr. Markham light a Marlboro for himself and a More for Mrs. Markham.

“Mary, here, I mean Martha, told me you’ve taken up smoking.  Is that so?”

Joey turned a bright shade of red as he nodded his head and removed the pack of Virginia Slims from his purse for his mother’s benefit.

Tom laughed when he saw the pack of feminine cigarettes in Joey’s hand.  “Here son, try a real man’s cigarette,” he said as held out the pack to the boy.

“No thank you,” said Joey.  “I like these better.”

Joey knew Mr. Markham was trying to humiliate him by making fun of his Virginia Slims and offering him the Marlboro.  It was working too, but he wasn’t going to give him the benefit of knowing it.

Clara beamed with pride as her son lit his Virginia Slim in front of the Markhams, exhaled, and held his head high.

Mr. Markham sniffed.  “If I had a son, I’d never let him start smoking when he was 13.  And I certainly wouldn’t let him dress like a girl.”

“Well I guess it’s a good thing I’m not your son, isn’t it,” asked Joey?

Tom Markham turned an angry shade of red as he took his wife by the elbow and tried to lead her away from the insolent boy and his mother.  Mary Markham shook off her husband’s grip, telling him that she wasn’t finished catching up with Clara.  She told him to go and mingle with the others.

Tom turned away to leave, but not before his wife grabbed his elbow. 

“And by the way Tom, if you say one word to anyone about Joey’s costume, you’ll be jerking off in your hand for the next twelve months.  Do we understand each other?”

Tom nodded his understanding and walked away.

“Thanks Mrs. Markham,” said Joey.

“No sweetie.  Thank you.  I love him but he’s a bully.  I’m proud of you for putting him in his place.  He deserved it.  Say, isn’t that the boy you were talking with in the parking lot?”

Joey groaned as he looked up to see Dave’s towering head making it’s way toward them through the crowd.

“Be nice honey,” said his mother.  “You’re doing so well.  And I’m so proud of you.  Don’t ruin it now.”

“Hi Bette,” said Dave.

Joey exhaled his smoke and smiled politely.  “Nice costume,” he said.

“Yeah, well… I just came from football practice and decided not to change.”  He lifted his arm and sniffed his pit, “but I did put on some deodorant, so its not like I stink.  Do I?”

Joey smiled.  And they call me a geek, he thought.  “Not to me you don’t.”

The big boy grinned from ear to ear and blushed.  “Thanks, I wasn’t sure.  So you wanna dance?”

Joey looked at his mother to see if a reprieve was forthcoming.  Seeing none, he turned to Dave and told him that a dance sounded nice.  He put his cigarette out in the ashtray and allowed Dave to lead him out on to the dance floor.

Mary Markham snickered.  “You have to admit it, they do make a nice looking couple.”

Clara punched her on the shoulder and told her to knock it off as the DJ put on another record.

“Say,” said Dave as he put his hand on Joey’s waist, “Isn’t that the dress you were wearing in that picture your cousin gave me?”

Joey told him he wasn’t sure.  “Do you like it?”

“Yeah,” grinned Dave.  “It looks great on you.  Not that you could ever look bad, but you really look great.”

“Thank you,” said Joey as he did his best to follow the larger boy’s clumsy lead.  “You don’t look so bad your self.”  He fought the urge to frown.  Why did he say that?  He didn’t want to encourage Dave.

The football player blushed.  He was obviously smitten by the girl in his arms.  “You dance real good.”

“So do you,” said Joey.  Geeze it’s hard not to say nice things, he thought.

The air grew quiet between them as the music played on.  The silence was uncomfortable as Dave’s very large and erect penis mashed against Joey’s thigh.

Oh my God, he’s huge, thought Joey as he inched his hips away from Dave.  “So you play football?”

“I’m a tackle.  First string.  Both ways.”

“I bet you’re pretty good, huh?”

Dave blushed.  “Kind of,” he said.  “I try real hard.  What about you?  What do you do when you’re not in school?  My mom said you’re home schooled.”

“You know,” said Joey.  “Girl things.”

“Oh.”

The music mercifully stopped and Joey thanked Dave for the dance.  “I better catch up with my mom now,” said Joey.  “She’ll think we eloped or something.”

Dave laughed at the joke.  “How about another dance?”

“Maybe later,” said Joey.  “I really need a cigarette right now.  Do you mind?”

“Of course not,” said Dave.  “Maybe we could take a walk and you could smoke outside,” he said as he followed Joey across the floor.

“I don’t think so,” said Joey.  “It’s kind of cold out there, and I didn’t bring a jacket.”

“You can wear my letter jacket,” said Dave.

Joey looked to his mother and Mrs. Markham for a way out but saw none.  “Okay,” he said.  “I’ll just get my purse.”

“Great,” said Dave.  “We can stop by my car and get my coat.”

Clara and Mary watched as Joey walked out of the building with Dave Simpson.

“He’s cute,” said Mary.

“He’s my son,” said a female voice from behind them.

Clara and Mary turned to see a smiling woman in a Victorian costume.

“I’m Barbara Simpson.  Are one of you Bette’s mother?”

“I’m her aunt,” said Clara as she shook hands with Dave’s mother.

*****

Dave opened his car door and poked his head inside.  “I’m sorry.  I thought my jacket was in here.”

“That’s okay,” said Joey as he shook off the chill.  “We can go back inside.”

“I know,” said Dave.  “I’ll turn on the  heater and you can smoke in the car.”

“That’s okay.  You don’t want me stinking up your car.”

Dave went around to the other side and opened up the door.  “It’s no problem.  I don’t mind.  My mom smokes in it all the time.”

“Okay, I guess.  If you’re sure you don’t mind.”

Dave held the door for Joey and raced around to the other side and started the engine and cold air blew out of the vents.  “Oh yeah.  I forgot.  The heater broke.”

“That’s okay,” said Joey as he nervously pulled the pack of Virginia Slims from his purse and lit one.  “It’s warmer in here than it is outside.”  God this is so weird, he thought.  I’m smoking in front of a guy I know.  He thought back to his conversation with Dave about Bette’s smoking.  Maybe it was a way out.  “Are you sure this doesn’t bother you,” he asked as he held his lipstick stained cigarette up for display.  “Joey said you don’t like girls that smoke?”

“I don’t remember telling him that, but if I did, I wasn’t talking about you.  You look good when you smoke?”

“Really?”  For some reason what Dave said made him feel good about himself.  He had just told him he looked good when he smoked.  Those were words he never expected to hear, especially from another guy, but then again, Dave wasn’t talking to a guy.  He was talking to Bette and Bette is a girl.  But still, it made him feel good and he took another puff.

“Yeah,” said Dave.  “You look real pretty and mature when you smoke.  I feel like I’m on a date with a grown-up.”

Joey giggled and took another puff.  He was starting to lose his inhibitions about smoking in front of Dave and wondered if he’d be able to do it as a boy.  He thought about Mr. Markham and his Marlboros.  Would he ever be like him?  Not like Mr. Markham, like as in a bully, but as a man that smokes.  Some day he’d smoke like a man like Mr. Markham and have a wife that smokes, like Mrs. Markham.  That would be nice, he thought.  But until then, this is nice too.

Dave noticed the ice between them was melting, so he continued with his compliments, which were flattering but very sincere.  His penis was screaming for attention and he tried to ignore its call as he watched the smoke in Bette’s mouth and wondered what her kisses would taste like.  He thought of his mom and dad and the look on his dad’s face when he told him about Bette and her Virginia Slims.  He told him that Bette smoked the same brand of cigarettes as his mom.  He didn’t go as far as telling his dad that Bette was his girlfriend, but she could be.  His father seemed genuinely proud of him.  It was like their relationship had changed because a milestone in his life was within reach.  He was old enough and mature enough to date a woman that smoked, like his mother.

As he talked to Bette, he imagined what it would be like to go to bed with her and wake up beside her in the morning.  Would she smoke after he made love to her?  He hoped so.  He thought of his parents and wondered if his mother smoked after his dad made love to her.  Probably.  That would be cool, he thought.  I’d be just like my dad then.  He watched as Bette put her cigarette out in the ashtray and removed the pack of Virginia Slims and lighter from her purse.

“Do you mind,” asked Joey?

“No, of course not.  Can I light it for you?”

Joey was still slightly uncomfortable at the idea of smoking in front of Dave, and the idea of another boy lighting his cigarette for him was disturbing indeed, but it was also strangely exciting.  “Okay,” he said as placed the lighter in Dave’s hand and dipped his head forward to accept the light.  He smiled, exhaled, and thanked Dave, just like the real Bette would have done in the movies.

Dave put the lighter on the dashboard and stretched his right arm across Bette’s shoulders and pulled her close to his body.  “It’s cold,” he said.

Joey nervously allowed himself to be pulled into Dave’s big body.  “You’re warm,” he said.

“My mom said you’re sixteen.”

“Uh-huh,” lied Joey through his exhale.

“I’m 16 too, but I’m in the 9th grade.  I got held back twice.”

Joey knew this, but feigned ignorance.  “Really?”

“Yeah,” said Dave.  “Everyone in school thinks I’m stupid, like I failed, but I didn’t.  It was my dad’s idea to hold me back.  He thought it would make me better for football and make my chances of getting a scholarship better.”

“Really,” asked Joey?  This was something he never heard before.  Apparently he was as guilty as the rest of the school for believing Dave was a standard dumb jock.

“Yep,” said Dave.  “It kind of sucks some time.  I mean I love playing football and everything and I know my dad did the right thing for me, but it really bothers me when I see people looking at me and I know they think I’m stupid.”

Joey, who had his head on Dave’s chest, looked up and told him he was sorry.  He suddenly felt much different about Dave Simpson.  It was as if they had something in common.  They both were bothered by what others thought of them.

“That’s okay,” said Dave.  “But I guess that’s one of the reasons I like your cousin.  Everyone knows he’s a brain and I guess I hope they’ll think I’m smarter than they do if they see me talking to him.”

Joey took a puff from his cigarette and exhaled.  “He said something like that about you too.”

“About being smart?”

“No, about being accepted and feeling safe,” said Joey.  “He thinks you’re a pretty cool guy and it makes him feel good that a guy like you would talk to a guy like him.  He says he feels a lot safer around the halls, like he thinks you might be watching out for him.”

“I am,” said Dave proudly.  “Some of my friends on the team gave me a hard time for hanging out with him, but I told them all that I’d kick their asses if I ever heard of any of them messing with him.”

Joey’s heart fluttered.  “You’re so sweet,” he said as he looked up into Dave’s eyes.  He watched as Dave’s face closed in on his own, growing larger with each fraction of a second.  What happened next, took him totally by surprise.

Joey felt Dave’s lips press against his.  Soft.  What?  The boy’s tongue slid past his lips.  He’s kissing me, thought Joey.  And I’m kissing him.  His tongue felt soft and warm.  Electricity ran up his groin.  A brilliant flash of light blinded his eyes, even though his eyes were closed.  Oh my God.  We’re kissing!  He’s touching my chest!

Dave’s rock hard penis pushed against Bette’s hips as his mouth gorged on her smoky kiss.  He had never so much in his life even tried a cigarette, so her kiss was both foreign and repulsive, at least at first, but he couldn’t let go, and pushed his tongue deeper inside her mouth.  His head swam as his mouth burned with the taste of her tobacco.  Within seconds, his repulsion turned to fascination and excitement.  Her kiss began to taste wonderful, grown-up, and extremely sexy!  So this is how a real woman tastes, he thought as he probed her mouth.  This is what my dad feels like when he kisses my mom!

This is what my mom feels like when she kisses her boyfriends, thought Joey.  He broke the kiss out of necessity, filling his lungs with air and chasing it with the smoke from his cigarette, while pulling his head off Dave’s chest and sitting up in his seat.

I kissed a boy, thought Joey!

I kissed a woman, thought Dave!

They were both stunned.

“I think I need another cigarette,” said Joey.

“Me too,” said Dave as picked the lighter off the dashboard and lit it for her.

“But you don’t smoke and this is my last one,” said Joey as he exhaled.

“Oh yeah.”

“We need to get back to the dance,” said Joey as he opened the door.  “We’ve been gone along time.  Our parents are going to wonder what happened to us.”

“Uh-huh,” said Dave in a dazed tone as he opened the door and met her on the other side of the car.

They walked back to the church without talking while Joey smoked his cigarette.  He didn’t pull his hand away when Dave took it in his.  They were still holding hands when they walked inside.

“There they are,” said Barbara Simpson as she pointed Dave and Bette out to her husband.

Dave’s father smiled approvingly as his son led the pretty young woman on to the dance floor.

“Bette does have a boyfriend,” said Clara nervously.

“By the looks of things,” said Dave’s father, “she does now, if she didn’t before.  Your niece is very beautiful Clara.

“Thank you.  I guess,” said Clara as she coaxed Mary away from the Simpsons for a private conversation.

“So what do you think of that?” asked Mary as they watched Joey and Dave dancing close to each other.  “Are they an item, or what?”

“I don’t know,” said Clara as she lit a cigarette.  “That’s why I’m asking you.  Does Joey look like he’s enjoying himself?  I can’t tell from here.”

Mary shrugged.  “If he isn’t then he’s putting on a good act.”

As the music ended, they watched as Dave and Joey made their way across the dance floor to see Dave’s parents.

Dave was about to introduce Bette to his father when his mother hugged her.

“It’s so good to see you again,” said Barbara.  “This is my husband, Frank.”

“Pleased to meet you,” said Frank Simpson as he extended his hand while winking at his son.

“You too,” said Joey as he shook the man’s hand lightly.

“You’re a very beautiful young lady,” said Frank.

Joey thanked him for the compliment while blushing.

“Mom, Bette is out of cigarettes.  Is it okay if she has one of yours,” asked Dave?

“Oh!  You poor dear,” said Barbara, as she laid a sympathetic hand on Joey’s shoulder.  “Of course you can.  You must feel awful,” she said as she removed a pack of Virginia Slims from her purse and extracted a cigarette.  “Don’t just stand there Frank, Bette needs a light.”

As Frank was digging through his pockets for a lighter, Reverend Maloof walked up and performed the service with a lighter he reserved for the candles in the chapel.

Joey giggled nervously and thanked the reverend.

“My pleasure,” said the reverend as he pocketed the lighter.  “Not that I encourage the members of my congregation to smoke, but I know it’s an addiction.  Besides, there’s nothing in the Bible that says a pretty lady such as your self and Mrs. Simpson shouldn’t smoke.”

Both Joey and Mrs. Simpson giggled blushed.

“I hope to see you at church next Sunday, Miss…?”

“Hubbard,” said Joey.  “Bette Hubbard.”

Reverend Maloof acknowledged her with a nod, and shook hands with Mr. Simpson and Dave before disappearing into the crowd.

“Well it looks like Bette made a good impression on Reverend Maloof,” said Barbara.

“She made a good one on me too,” said Frank Simpson.

Joey flashed Dave’s father a dazzling smile, and began making small talk as his mother and strolled up.

“I hate to break up the party,” said Clara Hubbard, “but I think it’s about time we get home.  I told your mother that I’d have you home by eleven.”

“Oooh dear,” said Mrs. Simpson, as she looked at her watch.  “I had no idea it was getting so late.  If you like, Dave could drive Bette home for you.  That would save you both some time.”

“That’s okay.  I’m sure Dave is a good driver.  But Bette is my responsibility.  Come on dear.  Say goodnight to Dave and let’s get a move on.”

Dave took Bette’s hand in his.  “I had a good time tonight.  Maybe I’ll see you again.”

“Yeah, maybe,” said Joey.  “I had a good time too.  You’re a great dancer.”

“I’ve got a game Friday night, but how about Saturday.  Maybe we could see a movie.”

“That would be nice,” said Joey.

“You could come to the game and sit with us,” said Barbara.

“I’ll see,” said Joey.

Clara tried to make sense of what was happening with her son as she watched him jot down his phone number on a piece of paper for Dave.

Joey said goodnight and followed his mother toward the door, turning around and waving at the Simpsons before exiting the building.

“You gave him our phone number,” said Clara as they walked through the parking lot.  “What was that all about?”

“He asked for it,” said Joey.  “What was I supposed to do?”

“I don’t know, but you didn’t have to act so friendly and you said you’d go out with him Saturday night.  For heaven’s sake Joey, his parents think are expecting you to sit at the football game with them.  Where’s your brain honey?  Did someone spike the punch?”

“I don’t think so, but I do feel kind of weird,” said Joey as he got in the car with his mom.

Clara sighed in disgust, lit a cigarette and backed the car out of its space.

“Are you mad at me?”

“No honey.  I’m not mad.  I’m just confused.  I was so proud of you for the way you handled Mary’s husband.  He was being such a bastard and you put him in his place, but after that, when Dave came up, well I don’t know what happened then.  When the two of you came back inside from your little jaunt, it was like you were a different person.  If I didn’t know better, I’d say you have a crush on him.”  She looked him in the eye as well as she could without veering the car off the road.  “Well do you Joey?  Do you have a crush on Dave?”

His mother’s direct question had the effect of bringing him to his senses.  His eyes began to moisten and he wiped at his tears.  “I don’t know Mom.  I’m so confused.”

“I am too and it’s late and we’re both tired.  This probably isn’t the best time to talk about it.  We can talk about it more tomorrow after you get home from school.”

*****

Joey woke up the next morning and had a cigarette before taking a shower, putting on his boy clothes and joining his mom in the kitchen for breakfast.

“How do you feel about seeing Dave today,” asked Clara.

“Weird,” said Joey as he poured milk on his cereal.  He’s going to want to talk about Bette.”

“Probably so.  As far as he’s concerned, you’re her cousin.  Do you think you can talk to him without spilling the beans all over your self?”

Joey took a bite of cereal and nodded.

“Remember,” said Clara as she lit a cigarette.  “All you can do is listen.  You can’t speak for Bette.  As far as Dave is concerned, you were never at the party and you’re certainly not her.”

“Yeah, I know Mom.”

“I just don’t want you breaking any dates for Bette.  It’s not your place.  You’ll have to let Bette do that for herself when Dave calls.  You did give him our phone number here, didn’t you?”

“Yeah,” said Joey as he pushed away his bowl and lit one of his mother’s cigarettes.  “How am I going to explain that, you know, me and Bette having the same phone number and stuff like that?  I mean you’re supposed to be her aunt and you’re my mom.”

“Well first of all, I hope it never gets to the point where you have to explain.  That’s why you need to call it off as quickly as possible.  Does Joey have your phone number now?”

The boy shook his head and exhaled.  “He doesn’t know where I live either.”

“Twins,” said Clara.  “If it comes up, Bette’s mom and I are twins, and your father and Bette’s father are twins.  That’s why the two of you share the same name and why I can be around.  Twins marry twins.  How does that sound?”

“Confusing,” said Joey.

“That’s why you need to nip this thing in the bud.  Of course that’s not the only reason.  You’re with me on that, aren’t you?”

Joey said nothing and remained motionless.

“You don’t really like him, do you,” asked Clara?  “I know you like him as a friend but not in the way a boy likes a girl or a girl likes a boy, right?”

“I know what gay is mom and I’m not gay, but last night was so weird.”

“I know it was honey.  And we’ll talk about that when you get home from school- when we have more time.  But right now you have to catch the bus.  Just don’t say anything you’ll regret later.”

****

As expected, Dave was all over Joey about his night with Bette.  Surprisingly, the bigger boy didn’t offer up any detailed information about their time in the car.  Dave wasn’t a kiss and tell kind of guy and Joey admired that about him.

“She’s really nice and my parents love her,” said Dave.  “Have you talked to her yet?  Did she say anything about me?”

Joey shook his head.  “I haven’t talked to her but my mom said it seemed like she had a good time.  So when are you going to see her again?”

“Maybe tomorrow night if she goes to the game.  My parents asked her to sit with them.  And then I think we’re going out on Saturday, but I got to call her.  You’re going to put in a good word for me, aren’t you?”

Joey laughed nervously.  “No man.  I’m going to tell her you’re an ass.  What do you think?”

“Thanks,” said Dave as he playfully punched the smaller boy in the arm.  “I knew I could count on you.”

*****

When Joey got home, he found his mom in the living room waiting for him.

“It’s time for our talk about last night,” said Clara as Joey laid his book bag in the corner.

“I need a cigarette,” said Joey as he took a seat beside his mother and reached for her pack of Virginia Slims.

Clara stopped him.  “Not those.  Try one of these,” she said as she produced a pack of Marlboros from her purse.  “I bought them for you today.  Now that your girl days are over, its time you started smoking like a man”

“But Mom, I hate Marlboros.  They’re so yucky.”

“Think about it honey.  It’s bad enough that you’re 13 years old and smoking.  But how much worse will it be if people see you walking around smoking women’s cigarettes.”

“I know that Mom,” said Joey as he lit one of the Marlboros and inhaled.  He didn’t like the taste but the nicotine was the same and his body began to relax.  “I just don’t like them as much.  Can I smoke Virginia Slims around the house?”

“Does that mean you’re ready to start smoking in public as a boy?”

“I guess so.  It’s hard going so long without one you know.”

“There’s always going to be some people like Mr. Markham who will give you a hard time about it.  Do you think you’ll be able to do like you did last night and shake it off?”

“That’s why we did it, right?”

Clara smiled gently.  “Exactly.  Last night was supposed to be about your getting over your fears, not about you becoming a woman.”

Joey nodded thoughtfully and exhaled.  “And I did it, right?”

“Yes you did sweetie, and I’m very proud of you. Now it’s time to take what you learned from being Bette and use it for your self.  We just need to tie up the lose ends like Dave.  Bette has to disappear.”

“I really like Bette,” said Joey.

“So do I, but I love my son and I want what’s best for you.”

Joey took a deep puff from his Marlboro and turned away from his mother so she couldn’t see his face.  “He kissed me last night.”

“That’s okay.  I figured as much.  It explains why you were so confused.  But it wasn’t your fault Joey.  Dave thought you were a girl.  It couldn’t be helped.  I’ve been on dates like that.  One minute you’re talking and the next minute, the guy’s lips are all over you.  Is that the way it happened?”

“Kind of, but I kissed him back.”

“I see.  And it was your first kiss, wasn’t it?”

Joey nodded.

“First kisses are very special honey.  You’ll remember it for the rest of your life.  I’m just sorry you had to share it with a boy.”

“I guess that’s what’s bothering me.  I’m not so sure it was a bad thing.”

“You liked it, huh?”

Joey nodded and exhaled.  “I liked it a lot.  I loved it.  I’ve never felt like that before and it’s all I can think about, you know, being with him and kissing him again.”

Clara put out her cigarette and lit another one.  She inhaled deeply, sighed, and exhaled toward the ceiling.  She knew exactly what her son was feeling.  It was what every boy and girl feel the first time they experience intimacy and acceptance.  “I’m not going to tell you that you’re feelings aren’t real because they are.  But I will tell you that I think they’re misplaced.  You were just in the wrong place at the wrong time.  It will happen again, I promise you, but with a girl- not a boy.  Do you understand what I’m telling you?”

“Yeah, I think so, but it doesn’t make it feel any better.”

“Okay,” said Clara.  “Lets think about it this way.  You and Bette are one in the same.  You feel what she feels and she feels what you feel.  You and Bette had a wonderful time last night.  You both enjoyed the kiss you shared with Dave and you both feel like you’re in love with him.  Am I right so far?”

Joey exhaled and put his cigarette out.  “Yeah, I guess so.”

“Good,” said Clara.  “Now lets take it a step further.  How did you feel today when you saw Dave in school?  Did you want to kiss him?”

“Not really.  It wouldn’t have been right.”

“So it’s safe to say that Dave probably didn’t want to kiss you today either.”

“Of course not Mom!  Dave isn’t gay.”

“And neither are you, so you see this three way thing between you and Bette and Dave could never work.  You do see that, don’t you?”

“I do, but it doesn’t make me feel any better.  You don’t understand.  I know we’re talking about me and Dave and the kiss, and it was great, but there was more.  I really liked being Bette last night.  I felt so special.  People were so nice to me.  Don’t you get it?  Everyone likes Bette more than they like me.”

“What about you,” asked Clara?  “Who do you like better, Bette or Joey?”

He answered quickly, without having to think about it.  “I like Bette, Mom.”

“I see.  Does this mean you think you’d be happier as a girl than as a boy?”

“I don’t know.  Maybe.  Last night was fun.  The whole couple weeks were fun.  I loved wearing the clothes and smoking the Virginia Slims in front of people.  And everyone was being so nice to me because I was pretty.”

“It wouldn’t be like that every day.  Last night was like a fairytale for you.  It was like Cinderella going to the ball.  You were a princess and Dave was your prince and all the people at the party were your subjects to rule over.  I know it was special.  But it wouldn’t be like that every day.  I know what I’m talking about because I’m a woman.  If you gave up being yourself for Bette, then you’d have to take the bad along with the good.”

“What’s bad about being woman,” asked Joey?

“I’m not saying it’s bad.  It’s just different and it’s a lot of hard work.  And most people take it for granted.  Look around you.  The house looks nice, doesn’t it?  It’s spotless and clean because I cleaned it today while you were at school.  Have you ever once thanked me for cleaning the house?”

Joey shook his head.  “I’m sorry.”

Clara put her hand on his shoulder.  “That’s okay.  I didn’t do it because I wanted you to thank me.  I did it because it was expected of me.  Women do a lot of things, not because they necessarily want to do them, but because they’re expected to do them.  Being a woman isn’t always about looking pretty and going to parties.  A lot of being a woman is about taking care of things.  We take care of our houses.  We take care of our children.  We take care of our jobs.  And we take care of our men.”

“I could do that Mom.  If you can do it, I can do it too.”

“Could you?”

“I think so.”

“You do know that taking care of a man, is more than cooking and cleaning for him.”

“I know that Mom.  You have to love them and kiss them a lot.  I kissed Dave last night and I liked it.  I can do that again.  I know I can.”

Clara inhaled the smoke from her cigarette and let it stew in her lung while she thought of how to tell her son about the things his father would have told him if he had a father.  “We’ve never talked about sex Joey.  I should have said something earlier, but I just kept putting it off, because it’s kind of uncomfortable to talk about it.  I know it would be a lot easier hearing this from a man than hearing it from me, but it’s something you need to know, and you need to know it now.”

Joey lit a Marlboro and listened intently as his mother explained the facts of life to him.

“You’re a guy so you can never have babies but you can make them,” said Clara.

“But I could still be a woman and get married and adopt a baby, couldn’t I?”

“Of course you could.  But men and women have sex all the time, not just when they’re trying to make babies.”

Joey exhaled his smoke and nodded.  “Does sex hurt?”

“It does at first, but then it gets better, and sometimes it even feels very nice.  But from what I know about men, it always feels good to them, which is why they want it so much.”

“How would I do it though?  I don’t have a vagina.”

“That’s one of the reasons we’re talking about this.  There are things doctors can do to make boys look more like girls.  They can prescribe hormones that will soften the skin and keep you from growing a beard.  They can do an operation on your chest that would give you real breasts like mine.  And sometimes, when the guy is absolutely certain that he wants to be a woman, they can surgically change the man’s penis into a vagina so his husband can make love to him as a woman.  But that takes a very long time.  It’s very expensive and it’s rare.”

“So how would I have sex with Dave if I can’t have the operation.”

“Well first of all honey, Dave isn’t going to want to have sex with you if he knows you’re a boy.  But if you were with a guy who understood, then he would put his penis in your but hole.”

Joey cringed.  “That’s gross!”

“Kind of,” said Clara.  “But that’s what I meant about a woman taking care of a man and his needs.  And it’s not as bad as it sounds.”

“Have you had sex like that,” asked Joey?

Clara exhaled and nodded.  “Yes I have sweetie.  It’s actually kind of nice once you get used to it.  It hurts at first and then the pain eases and then it starts to feel good.  It’s very good for a man, because the but hole is tight, so it makes his penis feel good.  But there are other things a woman can do for a man to take care of him.”

“Like what?”

“Well a woman can use her hand or her mouth to make her man feel good.”

“You mean put his penis in your mouth and suck on it?”

Clara nodded.

“Aw geeze Mom.  That is gross.  Have you ever done that, let a guy put his penis in your mouth?”

“Of course I have sweetie.  I’m a woman.  And that’s what you would have to do if you really wanted to be a woman.”

“Doesn’t it taste bad?”

Clara rolled her eyes and bit the bottom of her lip.  “A man’s penis isn’t the part that tastes bad.  It’s when he has an orgasm and his sperm comes out.  Sperm tastes kind of salty.  I don’t know how to explain it.  It’s kind of like the way Clorox smells.”

Joey shuddered at the thought of Dave filling his mouth with sperm.  “That can’t feel nice for the woman,” he said.

“No, but it makes the man feel nice.  That’s why the woman does it.  So do you think you still want to be a woman honey?”

Joey crushed out his cigarette in the ashtray.  “I don’t know Mom.  Kind of, but I’m not sure.  I really like it a lot, but I don’t know if I can do the kind of things you’re talking about.”

“But maybe you can,” asked Clara?  “You’re not sure?”

“Maybe.”

“Do you still want to be Bette this weekend and go on a date with Dave?”

“Would I have to suck his penis or have sex with him?”

“Of course not honey.  But if you keep going out with him, I’m sure it will come up.  He’ll expect you to do it for him if he thinks you really like him.”

“I do really like him.”

“Then maybe you should try it.  That way you’ll know for sure how you feel.  You’ll get it out of your system one way or another and you’ll be able to get on with your life, whichever life you choose for your self.”

Joey was thinking about what he and his mom had talked about when the phone rang.

“It’s Dave,” said his mother, covering the receiver with her hand.  “He’s calling for Bette.  Do you want to talk to him?”

Joey nodded and reached for the phone.

Clara left the room to give him some privacy.  She waited in the kitchen.  The call seemed to last forever though in reality it was less than thirty minutes.  She heard Joey hang up and looked up to see him standing in the doorway, nervously rubbing his fingers across the pack of Marlboros in his hand.

“He asked me out,” said Joey.  “He said if my mom dropped me off at the stadium Friday night, he could take me home after the game.  And he asked me to go to Six Flags with him for Fright Night.”

“So what did you tell him?”

Joey walked over to the sink and dropped the pack of Marlboros in the trashcan and sat down beside his mother.  She watched as he picked up her pack of Virginia Slims and placed a cigarette between his lips.  She saw the tears of pain, confusion and desire roll down his cheek as he fumbled with the lighter.

She took the lighter from his shaking hand and steadied the flame to the tip of his cigarette.  He inhaled and exhaled as she wiped away her own tears.

“I told him yes.”

The End

Happy Halloween

 

  since 2/04/07