A Mother's Love

By slimv and Victor G.

 

January 2005

Part 1

"Hey Mom, can Jimmy spend the night tonight?" Danny Brown asked his mom innocently.

"I guess so, sweetie, if it's alright with his mother," Carol replied.

Jimmy Wilson had been her son's best friend for the past two years, ever since he transferred to Danny’s school from another school a few blocks away. His parents were divorced and his father lived out of state while Jimmy lived with his mother, Olivia.  From what Jimmy and Danny said, Olivia was a successful stockbroker- too busy to attend her son's school functions or do anything else outside of work.  Regardless, Jimmy was a good kid.  Carol enjoyed having him around.  And she didn't mind her son's frequent visits to the Wilson house either.  After all, Jimmy was nice, so she reasoned Olivia was probably nice as well.  As a single mother, Carol could definitely identify with time management issues.

"I should do something for his mother," said Carol, "It was so sweet of her to invite you to stay with them during Christmas break."

Carol blushed when she thought of spending four weeks with her boyfriend in Aspen while Olivia Wilson took care of her son.

"Are you sure she doesn't mind you staying with them the last week of school?"

"Honestly Mom,” Danny replied, “It's OK.  It's not like Jimmy hasn't stayed here on school nights."

"Yeah, I guess you're right.  I'm still going to bake her a cake or something."

Olivia Wilson was a good mother; at least she had been in life.  She died two years earlier, before her son had even met Danny Brown.  She was smart, beautiful and had made quite a bit of money as a freelance stockbroker.  It was true that she had divorced Jimmy's father.  The man turned out to be an abusive drug addict; far from the charming, caring man she thought he was when she met him. She divorced him soon after he was sent to prison on a narcotics dealing charge when Danny was still a toddler. She was glad to be rid of him and being financially sound on her own, had no need of him in her life.  Other than her son, she had no family.  She was an only child and her parents had died ten years earlier. It was she and Jimmy alone in the world.

She had also been a heavy smoker.  She’d been hooked on cigarettes since she was a teenager, but had given it up briefly while pregnant with Jimmy, not wanting to harm her unborn baby. But soon after he was born, the stress of her relationship with Jimmy’s father drove her back to the comforts of nicotine. The daily pressures of her job in high finance also helped contribute to her addiction. When she died she was a three pack a day smoker, but it wasn't the cigarettes that killed her, at least not directly.  She had been in Las Vegas at a finance convention and didn’t see the speeding cab as she stepped off the curb while lighting a cigarette.  She died instantly, leaving Jimmy for all intents and purposes an orphan.

With no family to take care of him, Jimmy should have been made a ward of the state, but somehow he fell through the cracks in the system.  Terrified of ending up in an endless stream of foster homes for the next few years, he devised a plan to remain on his own. With a prepubescent voice that sounded much like an adult woman’s over the telephone, Jimmy was able to call his new school and arrange for a transfer. And by forging her signature to the right documents, he was able to attend a nearby school where no one knew him. He’d merely told his old classmates and teachers he was moving away to live with relatives on the West Coast, and no one thought to question him, not wanting to intrude on his grief.

Living on his own was scary at first, but the alternative was even more frightening.  His mother had taught him well, however, and he was somewhat prepared for the world he'd been thrust into.  Like Olivia, Jimmy had a knack for picking good stocks. Since she was a freelance online stockbroker, he was able to anonymously maintain a handful of her clients’ portfolios, enough to generate the income he needed to get by.  His mom had been into on-line banking as well and fortunately he knew her pass codes.  He kept every thing running smoothly and still had time for school and friends.

In some ways Danny envied his friend.  Jimmy was so smart and it might be cool to live on his own.  But in other ways, he felt sorry for his friend.  At 15, he couldn't imagine what it was like not to have a mother.

Danny and Jimmy shared a close relationship.  They were as close as two boys could be without being too close.  He would do anything for his friend. 

And his willingness to help would soon be put to the ultimate test.

"I don't know what I'm going to do," said Jimmy.

Danny told him it would be OK and that it would work out like it always did, but in his heart he could see the fear and hopelessness growing in his best friend.

"Mr. Dinsmore wants to have a conference with my mom.  I've broken the appointments three times thinking he'd just forget about it but now he's really pissed."

"Why can't you just tell him you're mother is too busy?" asked Danny.  "It always worked before."

"I tried that.  But now Mr. Dinsmore says that since my mom can't meet with him during school then he'll come to my house."

"I don't get it," said Danny.  "You make straight A's.  Why does he think he needs to have a conference with your mom?"

"He thinks I'm being neglected and abused.  Remember when I fell off my bike?"

Danny nodded.

"Well I couldn't get stitches cause you know I can't just go to the hospital.  People would find out.  He saw the cuts and I think he thinks my mom isn't taking care of me.  He says he going to call Child Services if my mom doesn't meet with him."

"Holy shit!"

"Tell me about it.  If that's not bad enough, he saw my cigarettes in my backpack.  He didn't turn me in, but he wants to talk to my mom about and if he doesn't talk to her, he's going to turn me in for smoking."

"Well he's right you know.  Your really shouldn't be smoking.  If you're mom was around, she'd say the same thing."

"She isn't around, asshole!  That's the point."

"So what are you going to do about it?"

"I don't know but I better think of something.  He's coming over on Thursday night.  He'll be pissed as hell if I call it off."

"Don't you know any older ladies that could help?  You know, maybe they could substitute for your mom- just for Thursday."

"Yeah right," scowled Jimmy.  "That's the last thing I need is some nosy neighbor snooping around my business. And then they’d see I was on my own and call CPS."

"Man, this sucks.  How about my mom?  Maybe she could do it before she leaves. She even smokes and she could say you stole the cigs from her and you'll never do it again."

"And what if your mom freaks?  She might turn me in too."

"OK.  So do you got any better ideas?"

"Kind of," said Jimmy. I did think about something but I'll need your help."

"Why didn't you say so?  You know I'd do anything for you.  We're like brothers.  I'll do anything.  Just name it!"

*****

Danny looked at Jimmy and frowned.

"You had this all planned from the beginning.  Didn't you?" he asked.

Jimmy took a drag from his cigarette and smiled.

"So this is why you invited me to spend the last week of school and Christmas break with you?"

"You can still back out.  It's not like I'm twisting your arm."

"This is stupid," said Danny.  "We'll get caught."

"No we won't.  Not if you do it right."

"So lets just say I do this, just for tomorrow night.  What would I have to do?"  

"Nothing much," said Jimmy as he took another pull from his cigarette.  "You'd just have to put on some of my mother's clothes and have a meeting with Mr. Dinsmore.  It's no big deal.  You might even have a fun time.  He's actually kind of cool.  Half the girls in school have a crush on him."

"Well I'm not one of those girls.  I'm a guy and I feel really weird about wearing your mom's clothes.  She's dead, dude.  Doesn't that register?"

"Of course it registers, but I don't think she'll mind.  Do you think she wants me living in some orphanage?"

"No, I guess not."

"Then you'll do it?"

Danny nodded.  "It's our secret, right?  You're not going to tell anyone?"

"Dude, like who would I tell?  I don't want to get busted either."

Danny nodded, wondering just what he was getting into.

*****

"What's this?" asked Danny as Jimmy handed him a long auburn mop of hair.  "Your mom wore a wig?"

"Yeah, sometimes when she was in a hurry and didn't have time to do her hair.  Be careful with it.  She said it cost a shitload of money."

Danny pushed his short blonde hair back and then positioned the wig on his head as he looked in the vanity mirror.  He was taken aback by the sight of himself standing there with long, flowing, femininely styled auburn hair and wearing an adult woman’s clothes. They’d decided on an outfit that would best hide his false curves and picked one of Olivia’s business outfits, a stylish black suit jacket and calf-length skirt with a white silk cowl neck top. The fake breasts jutting out from his chest were created by stuffing the cups of a white lace bra with several pairs of rolled up panty hose. A far more expensive pair of black hose adorned his shapely, smoothly shaven calves. His shoes, designer black leather pumps with slim heels, were a little tight but Jimmy said his feet would probably stretch them out as he practiced walking in them. From the neck down, he looked like a well-dressed businesswoman. But from the neck up…

"This doesn't look at all right," said Danny.  "It’s not going to work.  You better call Mr. Dinsmore and tell him your mother's sick."

"Hell no," said Jimmy.  "You just don't got any make-up on, dude.  And with some fake nails and polish, your hands will look just like a lady’s.  Trust me, man. As soon as we get you fixed up, you'll be gorgeous.  I can't tell you're a guy right now".

"Oh yeah, well how am I supposed to put make-up on?  I've never done it before.  I'll wind up making myself look like a clown.  Do you know how to do it?"

"Who me?  I'm a guy, dude.  I don't know shit about make-up, but the people at the beauty salon do.  I gotta go to school now.  I know you'll be able to do this.  Besides, my life kind of depends on it.  I left $200 for you on the kitchen table.  Go catch a bus to the mall and go into Beautiful Secrets, just inside the main mall entrance. Ask for Brenda and tell her you want the works.  She’ll know what to do.  Just remember to tip her 15% if you expect her to do it again."

"Again? No way, pal! This is it! I’m doing this for you tonight and I’m not getting dressed up like this ever again! And I can't go to the mall looking like this! Are you nuts?"

"Why not?  It's not like anyone is going to recognize you.  Dude, you don't get it.  You totally look like a girl!  If I was gay or something like that, I'd be all over you."  He took a final drag from the cigarette and stubbed out in the ashtray.  "I'd love to stay and chat, but I gotta get to school or Dinsmore will have my ass.  I don't want him thinking something's up."

Danny stood by helplessly as his friend exited the bedroom and headed off to school.  He turned back to the mirror and wondered how he had allowed himself to get in this situation.

Truth be told, though, it wasn't entirely bad.  The pantyhose felt kind of nice against his freshly shaved legs. He wondered how long it would take for the hair to grow back.  The panties and the satin slip under the skirt felt nice as well.  As far as his outfit was concerned, he knew it was somewhat fashionable.  Not that Danny had any fashion sense, but he knew Mrs. Wilson's clothes would look good on a real woman.  And they were a nice fit on him as well.  Maybe his friend had known that when he asked him to fill in.

If nothing else, it was a day off from school.  How bad could spending a few hours in a beauty salon be?  He reminded himself he was doing this for his best friend.  It will all be over after tonight.  He'd meet with Mr. Dinsmore, listen to what the man had to say and nod his head.  After that it would be adios to Mrs. Wilson and he and Jimmy could party on his friend's stock money.  Maybe they could order a pizza and pay some grown-up to buy them some beer.

Danny looked at his reflection in the mirror and smiled as he thought of asking a grown-up to buy beer for him and Jimmy.  Hell, after the trip to the salon, he'd be a grown-up, or at least he'd look like one.  They wouldn’t need a grown up.  He could buy the beer before he changed back into his boy clothes.

He picked up the wad of money Jimmy left behind.  Realizing the skirt didn't have pockets; he grabbed one of Mrs. Wilson's purses and threw the house keys and money inside. As he slung the purse over his shoulder, he realized he’d subconsciously picked one that matched his shoes. Shrugging it off as a coincidence, he found a pair of Olivia’s sunglasses to hide at least part of his boyish face and then readied himself to face the world in his adult disguise. He took a deep breath to calm himself before leaving the house and locking the door behind him. As he walked to the bus stop at the end of the street, he tried to imitate a feminine stride in the heels. It was hard at first, but after a few minutes it became easier and less forced.  He even found his hips swaying slightly with each step. As he approached the stop, no one took much notice of the ‘woman’ as he sat with nervously crossed legs, much like he had seen his own mother do. Danny winced slightly as his thighs pinched his testicles, but he remained sitting like a woman.

Fortunately, he didn't need to wait long until the bus arrived.  He cautiously climbed up the steps, mindful of the heels as he deposited his money and took a seat by himself.  A man dipped his newspaper to look over Danny as he sat down.  Danny wasn't sure if he'd been spotted for a boy of if the man was checking him out.  Both thoughts made him uncomfortable and he was relieved when the man got off at the next stop.

He gazed out the window as the mall approached from the distance.  He stood to leave his seat when the bus came to a stop but hesitated.  He was a boy in a dress.  How could he walk inside that mall?  What if someone saw him?  Jimmy had assured him that no one would recognize him, but still...  Jimmy wasn't the one in a dress, was he?  With his purse clutched tightly in his sweaty palm, Danny walked the aisle and descended the stairs as the driver cheerfully bid him a good day.  Danny looked back at the driver and smiled cautiously.  Did he know?  Could he tell?

Paranoia gripped him as he scurried through the mall, trying to ignore the sound of his heels as they clicked against the tile floor.  People passing by didn't seem to notice the boy in the dress, but they did seem to wonder about his hurry.  He slowed down his pace and tried to appear more confident as the beauty parlor came into sight.

A girl, or maybe she was a woman, asked if Danny had an appointment.  He cleared his throat and spoke in the feminine voice he’d been practicing.

“Olivia Wilson. I’m here to see Brenda, please,” he said as pleasantly as he could. Inwardly, he was extremely relieved at the success of his false adult female voice as the girl looked down at her appointment book and smiled.

"Please have a seat Mrs. Wilson,” she said, gesturing to a nearby black vinyl chair with chrome arms, “Brenda will be with you in a moment."

Danny sat down and felt a soft breeze caress his groin, causing him to notice the spread in his legs.  He pinched them together.  The salon was almost empty.  No one had seen, but he'd have to be more careful.

He was about to pick up a women’s fashion magazine as a sort of cover when a nicely dressed, very attractive bleached blonde woman in her late forties called Olivia’s name. It was Brenda and she was ready for him.  He followed her past the girl at the reception booth and into a side room at the back of the salon. He took a seat in a chair in front of a broad well-lit mirror. Brenda closed the door so no one could see or hear them. She faced him and smiled.

"I understand this is a big day for you, Mrs. Wilson,” she said, carefully removing Danny’s feminine sunglasses. She gently grabbed his jaw and scrutinized his unpainted face, turning his head back and forth to study each boyish profile. “Or should I say young Mr. Brown?"

She knew!  Jimmy must have told her.  That son of a bitch!  Danny’s face burned with shame at the sound of his own name.

"It's OK, Danny.  It's our little secret.  Your friend told me everything.  I know you're just here to help him out.  And trust me, it’s not like I haven’t helped a few guys look like women before. Especially around Halloween.”

Danny looked at her, trying to hide his embarrassment. “I’m just trying to help,” he said meekly in his own voice. Brenda patted his hand reassuringly.

“I know, sweetie. And while I don't agree with your little trick of deception, I know your heart is in the right place. I want to help, too. I just thought you'd trust me more if you knew I was in on the game."

Danny smiled weakly at Brenda and nodded, “Thanks, I appreciate that.”

Brenda ran her fingers through the auburn wig on Danny's head.  "Wow, this is a great wig. Somebody must have paid a fortune for this," she purred.  "I’ll have to show you how to wear it properly with a wig cap and some bobby pins so it will stay on your head instead of in your hands. I must say its long wavy style does flatter your facial features.  I'll keep that in mind when I do your makeup but let’s start with your nails first."

Danny lifted his hand from his lap.  Brenda took it in hers and examined his fingers as if she were looking for dirt.  She scowled.  "Your cuticles are terrible Hon, but don't worry.  We'll get them feeling right in no time. And with some acrylic nails and some polish, they’ll look fabulous."

He watched as she poured some solution in a small bowl.

"This will soften your cuticles," said Brenda.  "Just put your nails in here- all ten of them."

Danny placed his hands in the solution and began to relax as Brenda picked up a long red pack of cigarettes off the counter.

"Will it bother you if I smoke?" asked Brenda as she withdrew a slender brown cigarette from the pack and held it between her well-manicured fingers.

Danny shook his head.  "No, go ahead. I'm used to it.  My mom smokes."

A small flame cracked from Brenda's lighter as she brought the brown cigarette to life by performing mouth to mouth on the filter.  Smoke spewed from her painted lips and spilled from her nostrils.  She looked happy as if she was enjoying the act of drowning her lungs in toxic fumes.  But Danny had to admit she looked good doing it. And he was disturbed by the thought.

He didn't like cigarettes.  He despised them. As far as he was concerned, they should be banned forever.  He hated that his mom smoked.  She was so addicted.  And now his best friend had started.  He understood why his mother smoked.  He understood why Brenda did.  They were adults.  They started before anyone knew exactly just how terrible smoking really is.  But what possessed smart people like Jimmy to start?  He should know better.

"Are you sure this isn't bothering you?" asked Brenda as she set aside her cigarette in a nearby ashtray and began working on Danny’s eyes, "I can put it out if you want."

"No, it’s not that.  I was just thinking about smoking in general."

"Why?  You're not thinking about starting, are you?"

"No way," scowled Danny.  He seemed offended that she would even ask such a silly question.

"Then why the interest?"

Danny shrugged.

"Do you think I look pretty when I smoke?"

He cocked his head as if to say maybe.

"It's OK.  A lot of guys like to see women smoke.  They have a love/hate relationship with it.  It's nothing to be ashamed of.  It just means you're a normal red-blooded male and I'm flattered that you find me attractive.  Are you worried that you might have to smoke tonight for this thing with your friend's teacher to work?"

"Yeah, I guess I am.  He didn't say anything about it cause he knows how I feel about smoking.  But he did tell his teacher that I – I mean his mom – smokes."

"So I suppose Jimmy's teacher will be expecting to see you smoke."

Danny nodded. Brenda picked up the pack of Mores and offered him one.

“Then I guess you’ll need some practice.”

*****

Carol dialed the Wilson's number from her cell phone as her boyfriend Ted shuffled his feet impatiently.

"He's not at the house Carol.  He's in school."

"I know that.  I just wanted to thank Olivia for keeping Danny."

"No.  It's more than that.  You're worried about him.  You went skiing to take a break from Danny, not to call him on the phone every five minutes."

Carol pushed the end button and took a deep drag from her cigarette.  "You’re exaggerating, Ted.  I've only called twice."

"Oh sure, but you've been thinking about him this whole time when you should be thinking about me."

"You're jealous!  That's it, isn't it?  You're jealous of my son?"

"I'm not jealous," argued Ted, "But I do think you worry about him too much and that's not good for us.  I love you Carol and I want to marry you."

"And I love you too, Ted.  Don't you think I want to get married just as much as you do?"

Ted rolled his eyes.  He knew what was coming next so he finished it for her.  "But you can't marry me until Danny graduates from high school and goes off to college."

Carol shrugged.  "I'm sorry Ted.  I'm a mother.  You knew I had a child when we met."

"Things have changed, honey.  Maybe I should have told you before we left, but I wanted to tell you here.  I thought the change of scenery might help."

Carol sighed as she exhaled the smoke from her cigarette.  "What's changed?  You and me?  Did you bring me all the way out here just to break up with me?"

"No, no honey!  It's nothing like that.  I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you but things have changed with work and I didn't know how to tell you."

"Tell me what, then."

"I've been promoted.  It means a whole lot more money but it also means a transfer.  I have to move and I want you and Danny to move with me."

"Move where, Ted?"

"Here.  The job is in Denver.  I was hoping we could ski a bit and take in the sights and you'd fall in love with it here."

"It's beautiful, Ted.  I love it.  I love you.  But my home and Danny's home is in Atlanta.  I can't move him now.  He'd be devastated if he had to change schools."

*****

"So is everything on for tonight with your mom?" asked Mr. Dinsmore.  "For your sake, she better not blow off this meeting.  Your future depends on it."

"You show up and she'll be there," said Jimmy, with a sense of false confidence that went undetected by his teacher.

Norman Dinsmore was a sturdy man who didn't match his name.  He taught history and his boring name matched his boring subject.  But he was anything but boring if you asked the teenage girls who clamored for his classes.  He was 45 but looked much younger due to his disciplined exercise program.  He ran 5 miles day, lifted weights and was a health fanatic.  Jimmy suspected his teacher had never even considered holding a cigarette so he expected him to give Danny a passionate lecture on the evils of smoking.  He smiled at the thought.  It would be like preaching to the choir.  Danny hated cigarettes more than any guy he knew.

*****

Danny held the lit cigarette in his hand as if he was handling a raging sparkler on the fourth of July. 

"Respect it," said Brenda as she deftly applied a smoky shadow to his lower eyelids, "But try not to look as if you're scared of it.  If you hold it like that it will be a dead give away that you've never smoked before in your life."

Danny rearranged the smoldering More between his fingers and held it up in way that looked more feminine and confident. Brenda sat back and ashed her cigarette.

"Okay, now pay attention to how I do this," said Brenda as she took a deep drag from her cigarette and exhaled, “Look more like a woman when you do it. And try to look like you enjoy it and you've been doing it for most of your life.”

Danny took a deep drag and coughed out the smoke.

“Okay, maybe you shouldn’t take such deep drags. Try and fake it a little.”

Danny took a smaller drag and puffed out the smoke.

“That’s better. Maybe your teacher won’t realize you smoke like a kid trying it out for the first time. I guess I notice because I’ve been around smokers most of my life.”

She went back to work on his eyes. "And remember what I’m doing here also. You might have to do this for your self someday."

"Like hell I will," said Danny defiantly.

"Oh come on.  You can't sit there and tell me you're not enjoying this. You know you’re going to make one hell of an attractive woman. You can't fool me, Buster Brown."

He corrected her.  "My name is Danny."

"Well honey, it may have been before you walked in here, but when you leave, your name will be Olivia Wilson.  You're friend told me his mom would have been 39 now if she had lived.  So how does it feel to age a quarter century?"

"Not bad when you say it like that.  I don't think anyone will card me if I try to buy alcohol."

Brenda smiled. “Honey, when we’re through, your teacher will take you out for drinks if you want.”

As she started applying a subtle set of false eyelashes, Danny closed his eyes and laughed nervously, praying Mr. Dinsmore wouldn't ask ‘Olivia’ out for drinks.

*****

Two hours later, the two extremely attractive women stood before the mirror. Brenda put her arm around her creation and hugged Danny tightly.

“See, sweetie? I told you! You’re gorgeous!” she said proudly.

Danny had witnessed each segment of his transformation in the large mirror, but he still couldn’t believe he was the beautiful adult woman looking back at him. He’d seen Brenda completely change the appearance of his eyes with shadow, liner, mascara and false lashes. Then she tweezed his eyebrows down to thin arches, promising him they’d grow back by the time his mother returned. She then smoothed out his complexion to feminine perfection using a creamy beige foundation. Next she sculpted full, sensuous lips using red lipstick and liner. Then blush applied to his cheeks to narrow and feminize his features even more. And finally, a manicure with a lovely set of long acrylic nails glued to the ends of slender fingers, flawlessly painted with several coats of red polish to complete the illusion. And the illusion was perfect.

“Wow, Brenda!” he whispered, “I-I can’t believe it! You really did make me look like a grown woman! I could be somebody’s mom!”

“That’s because you are somebody’s mom, Olivia! Remember your ‘son’, Jimmy?”

Danny nodded dumbly, unable to take his eyes off his reflection. He tired in vain to find the teenaged boy Danny Brown somewhere in the mirror. He was gone, however, and all he could see was a beautiful auburn-haired thirtysomething woman. Brenda swatted him on the arm playfully.

“Okay, honey, quit staring. Yes, you’re a hot mom now.”

“I just don’t know what to say,” Danny replied, “You did such an amazing job.”

“Thanks, but this is what I do for a living, help make women beautiful. And believe me, I’ve had to make some pretty haggard looking women into swans sometimes. But you’ve got such pretty eyes, it was easy to make you a beautiful woman.”

Danny nodded and smiled. “Thanks, I guess,” he said, unsure of how he should respond.

“We should probably go over some things before you go,” Brenda said, motioning for him to follow her to a small table and chairs in the corner. As they sat, Danny made a conscious effort to cross his legs as Brenda had done.

“That’s good, you’re learning,” Brenda said approvingly as she lit a cigarette. She slid the pack and lighter across the small table to Danny. He took one of her long brown Mores for himself and handed them back to her. She decline, sliding them back to him.

“No, you keep them. I’ve got a couple of packs left in my purse. Use this one to practice your smoking before your teacher sees you tonight. Just promise me you won’t get hooked on these things, okay?”

“Don’t worry, I won’t,” said Danny emphatically as he lit his cigarette while trying not to grimace at the taste.

“Good. Now, here are some things you’ll need to remember if you want your teacher to think you’re a real adult woman…” Brenda began.

*****

An hour later, Olivia Wilson strolled out of the salon, looking and feeling like a new woman.  His head was bursting with all the things he needed to remember. Speak like an adult woman. Sit like a woman. Watch out for your nails. Pay attention to your makeup. Make sure your wig is secured to your head. Hold your cigarette like a lady.

It was a lot to take in, but Danny knew he could somehow get through one night of it. He could be Olivia Wilson. He walked through the mall; confident in his appearance and mindful of the unsuspecting gazes being heaped upon him by the adult men as he passed. No one had a clue he wasn’t a woman, wasn’t even an adult. He couldn’t help but smile. He had passed his first test as Olivia Wilson.

He pushed open the door to leave the mall.  A brisk December breeze whisked past his painted cheeks and a whiff of tobacco smoke crossed his face. The outside courtyard was crowded with people, mostly older women, dragging on their cigarettes and taking a break from shopping.  As he walked by, he couldn't help but notice several teenaged girls hanging out with the smokers.  They were his age and should be in school. The girls stuck out like a sore thumb next to the well-dressed older female shoppers.

He should have kept walking toward the bus but he was drawn toward the younger smokers and walked up to get a closer look.  There were three of them and he recognized the young brunette on the left as Ashley.  He wasn't surprised to see her smoking.  Everyone knew Ashley Bane smoked.

He had never been able to spend this much time looking at her before.  In school he always turned his eyes to avoid her contact.  She was beautiful.  But now, in his disguise as Olivia Wilson, he could enjoy the vision of Ashley being her unabated self.

He reached inside his purse and found the pack of Mores and lighter Brenda had given him. He raised the long brown cigarette to his lips and fought against the wind to light it, cupping his slender, well-manicured hand around the end as a windbreak.  Someone tapped him on the shoulder.  Fearing he had been found out, he spun around to see a mildly attractive older woman.

"Use mine," she said, offering a gold-plated Zippo lighter, "It's wind proof."

Danny thanked the woman, lit his More and returned the lighter.

Danny and the woman narrowed their focus on the giggling teens with their cigarettes.

"It's a shame to see such young girls smoking like that," said the woman.

"I know what you mean," said Danny, making sure to use his practiced ‘Olivia’ voice. He pulled gently on the long brown cigarette.  A whisp of harsh smoke mixed with the cold air and reacted violently with his lungs causing him to cough.

"I see you do," said the older woman as she cleared her throat and took a deep puff.  "I remember when I was their age.  I thought smoking was so cool.  If I only knew then what I know now."

"Yes," said Danny.  "I wish there was some way we could tell them."

The older woman snorted.  "As if that would make any difference.  They're young and invulnerable.  The boys love them.  They'd never listen to us."

The older woman took one last puff from her cigarette and extinguished it in the ashtray.  "Back to shopping," she said.  "Christmas just keeps coming sooner every year."

Danny wished her well and took another drag from his cigarette as he went back to studying the young girls from his school as they shared their smoky giggles.  The smoke was beginning to feel less harsh in his lungs.  No, he didn't like it, but he was managing it.  On the other hand, the girls from his school appeared to be faring much better with their cigarettes.

They must have started smoking a long time ago, he thought.  They're probably completely addicted and have to smoke now- just like his mother.  Just like the real Olivia. He couldn't help but notice how much more mature the girls looked when they smoked.  If he didn't know better, he would have guessed they were in their early 20's.

He watched as the girls finished their cigarettes and left the courtyard.  They had made a definite impression on him.  He finished his cigarette and extinguished it under his heel.  He felt dizzy and his neck tingled.  He wondered if that was why people smoked as he left the courtyard and made his way toward the busses.

*****

Danny took a Pepsi from the fridge and sat down in front of the TV.  He couldn't help but notice the new shiny long nails on his finger as he aimed the remote control.  He loved the way they looked but quickly realized how easy it would be to break one.

All in all, he actually felt very comfortable in his disguise.  The idea of masquerading as a dead woman disturbed him greatly, but the clothes were kind of nice.  He found himself wondering if women wore them for the look or the feel.  Perhaps it's both, he thought.

He reached for his purse and took out the red pack of Mores.  The cigarettes bothered him more than any thing, but he realized they were a necessary evil. At least until Mr. Dinsmore was out of Jimmy's business.

He lit one and gently inhaled the smoke.  There it was- the tingle at the back of his neck.  Surprisingly the smoke from the cigarette didn't taste nearly as bad as it had in the salon earlier.  But still...it was gross.  He wondered what it would taste like to kiss Ashley Bane.  She looked so pretty and grown-up when she was smoking but the thought of tasting the smoke on her breath both repelled and intrigued him.  He considered the taste of the smoke in his own mouth and decided it would probably be gross.

If only it wasn't so bad for you, he thought.  The taste was horrid, but he could probably get past it if he could get the idea of slow motions suicide out of his brain.

He wondered what he looked like holding the cigarette.  He remembered his reflection back at the salon, but it was hard to be elegant in a barber chair.  He raised himself up elegantly from the couch, pleased with the style he'd accomplished.  He walked slowly and gracefully to the bathroom where he leaned against the doorframe and struck a pose.

Oh my, he thought.  I really do look like I could be someone's mom.  Wait until Jimmy sees me.  He'll shit his pants. 

Speak of the devil; he thought as the front door opened and Jimmy's voice searched the house.

"I'm in the bathroom!" screeched Danny.  He turned one last time to see his reflection in the mirror.  Oooh the cigarette.  He tossed it in the toilet and pulled down on the handle.  He was too embarrassed to let his friend see him smoke, even though he was doing it for him.

Jimmy walked in and stopped in stunned disbelief.

"Shit man!” he cried, “Is that really you in that garb?  Turn around.  Let me get a better look."

Trying not to be self-conscious in front of his friend, Danny did his best to put on a show.  He raised his hand slightly above his head and spun like a ballerina.  "What do you think?" asked Danny.  "Was it worth Brenda’s 15% tip?"

"Fuck 15%, you should have given her the whole wad!  You look great Danny.  I can't believe it."

"Do I look like your mom?"

"Not really," said Jimmy.  "But Dinsmore doesn't know that.  Geeze dude!  What's that smell?  Have you been smoking in here?"

Danny looked away from his friend as he spoke.  "I did it for you."

"Cool!" said Jimmy.  "When Dinsmore sees you smoking it will make it that much more believable that I swiped the cigs from you.  You can even give me a lecture about how smoking is for grown-ups and I'll promise to never do it again."

"It's not cool," said Danny.  "You shouldn't smoke and neither should I.  Promise me you'll quit after this is over."

"Fuck you dude, you're not my real mom.  Get over it.  You're just doing me a favor."

"I'm serious Jimmy.  You think smoking is cool now, but you don't know what its really like."

"Oh and I suppose you do."

"Not like that I don't, but I live with my mom and I see how addicted she is.  She couldn't quit if her life depended on it and it does.  She'd kill me if she ever caught me smoking.  And she'd kill you too."

"She'd kill you for smoking?  What do you think she'd do if she caught you dressed like this?"

Danny looked at his friend with disgust and shook his head as if his question didn't warrant a serious response.  He liked Jimmy, but his friend never knew when to stop goofing and get serious.

A chill ran through his spine as he considered his friend's question.  His mom would freak if she ever caught him dressed like this.  Smoking was bad enough.  But this on top of it would spell disaster for him.

He dreaded tonight but it would only last a half hour or so- an hour tops.  After that they'd get some beer, he'd change clothes and then they'd chill.

He looked at the clock on the wall.  It was getting late; he'd need to freshen his makeup.  He opened his purse and searched for his lipstick.  He felt the tube underneath the pack of Mores and removed them both.

"Hey man, you can't smoke those tonight," said Jimmy.  "Dinsmore thinks my mom smokes Benson & Hedges."

"Fine, then get me a pack."

Author's note:
This is a fairly long story.  As of now, it is over 140 pages and still growing.  Vic and I will finish it because the story is a labor of love.  However, that doesn't mean all the parts will be posted.  If you care enough to leave a comment, I'll care enough to post the additional parts.
As a reminder, my TG stories only appear on Sapphire's Place, so if Sapphire's goes off line, my stories go with it.  Please contribute to the website if you can.

 

since 12/22/04