A Mother's Love

By slimv and Victor G.
Edited by:  Pippa K.

 

January 2005

Part 3

*****

With a cigarette dangling from his freshly painted red lips, Danny strained to fasten the bra behind his back.  He was extremely nervous about his – or rather Olivia’s – date that evening with Mr. Dinsmore, and was having trouble steadying his shaking hands.  It had already taken him over two hours just to put on his makeup, and putting on a bra seemed to be taking just as long.

“Shit!  How do women do this by themselves every damn day?” he grumbled, struggling with the unseen clasps.  He shot a frustrated look at Jimmy, who sat nearby on his mother’s bed.  “Well, don't just stand there.  Do something!  I'm doing this for you, you know?  Give me a hand, will ya?”

Jimmy got up and swaggered across the floor, doing his best to suppress a chuckle.  The sight of Danny standing there, halfway through his transformation into an adult woman was killing him.  It wasn't just the nylon wig cap and the full face of makeup.  It was everything.  It was the women’s underwear snugly draped across his friend's ass.  It was that his anti-smoking buddy was nervously chain-smoking and spinning around trying to fasten his bra.  The entire scene was endlessly amusing.  But at the same time, he also felt a twinge of guilt, since he was responsible for putting his best friend in this uniquely awkward situation.

Jimmy’s nimble fingers fit the bra clasp together. “There you go,” he said as he took a step back.  “Does this mean I got to first base with you?”

“Very funny, shithead” said Danny dryly, “this is a lot harder than it looks, you know.”

“Such unladylike language,” scolded Jimmy mockingly, “I hope you won’t talk like that in front of Norman.”

“Mr. Dinsmore,” Danny corrected as he pulled a pair of soft, extremely realistic, silicon breast forms from a box on the vanity.

“Where you’d get those?”  Jimmy asked curiously.

“I cut class early and took a cab down to the mall to get some makeup pointers from Brenda.  She gave them to me.  She thought it would be a good idea if I wore them instead of using the rolled up panty hose again.  She gave me some hip pads too.  I'm supposed to put them inside my pantyhose.”  He slipped the forms into bra's cups and snuggled them against his thin, hairless adolescent chest, situating them until they felt and looked right.

Jimmy gasped.  “You told Brenda you were seeing Dinsmore on a date?  Are you fucking nuts?  She’ll rat us out for sure!”

“Give it a break.  You trusted her enough to do my makeover yesterday.  If she didn’t turn us in then, she won’t now.  And besides, I just told her it was a follow up meeting after school, not a date.  She wanted to help.  She even jotted down some notes to help me do my makeup right.”

“So why didn’t you just get another makeover?  Wouldn’t that have been easier?”

“Yeah, but I didn't wear a dress to school today.  Remember?  I had to go down there in my regular clothes.  What was I supposed to do, let her make me up and go home?  Shit man, I didn't even have a wig.  Talk about getting busted."

Danny looked back in the box that his new tits came in, and picked up a small tube of adhesive, squinting at the instructions.  “Speaking of getting busted, I think I'm going to stick these on.”  Reaching for an eyebrow pencil, he struggled to make a few marks around the top edge of the forms.  “Okay, Jimmy, undo that hook for me?”

 Jimmy nodded.  “Okay.  So where did you get the money to pay for the tits?, he asked, while unhooking the bra for his friend.”

Danny looked a little embarrassed at this.  “I uh… took your mom’s credit card with me.  Look, I’m really nervous about this and I don’t want us to get caught.”  Removing the bra and breastforms, he smeared a thin film of the adhesive material in a circle just inside the edge of the back surface of each one, setting them down to dry for a few seconds, taking care not to mix them up.  “I just want to look perfect so I can get through tonight without Norman suspecting anything, okay?”  Taking first one, and then the other, he carefully repositioned them, using the marks he had made on his chest as a guide, and holding each for a few seconds.

“Yeah I see,” said Jimmy with a slight smirk.  “Are you sure you’re not enjoying this?  Maybe just a little?”  He reached for the pack of cigarettes on the vanity.

“I’m just doing this because you got me into this mess,” said Danny as he pulled his bra back on over the forms.  He turned and glared at Jimmy, who was pulling a cigarette from the pack.  “Go ahead and have one.  If you do, I can just forget all this and go back home.  I’m only smoking to practice, since your big mouth told Dinsmore I was a chain-smoker.  I don’t want to blow this with him and get us both in trouble, so I need to look like I know what I’m doing.  And since I’m also acting as your mother, I’m telling you not to smoke.  Got it?”

Jimmy put down the pack, and reached back to help his friend hook his bra again.  “Christ, Danny!  It’s just one cigarette, chill out!  It’s killing me watching you smoke and not being able to have one.”

“Then maybe you should have been more careful about what you wished for,” said his now more womanly-looking friend, making some final adjustments, and using a tissue to remove the pencil markings.  “This was your idea, not mine.  You're the one who wanted to know what it felt like to have a mother again.  Do you think your real mom would let you smoke if she were still alive?”

Jimmy kicked at the floor sullenly.  “Of course not.”

“Then why should I?  If I'm going to go to all this trouble to do this thing right then so should you.  Now you can stand there and pout or you can help me pick out something decent to wear tonight.  Just don’t pick anything too slutty, okay?  I don’t want to give him any ideas.”  Danny turned back to the vanity and slipped his hip pads into the smoke-colored silky panty hose he wore.  He began adjusting everything to make sure his curves looked nice.

Jimmy stowed away his hurt feelings and walked over to his late mother’s closet and looked through her things.  The colors, the fabrics, each held a special memory for him.  They were mental snapshots of a better time.  Her closet was a photo album of memories.  He poked and prodded the emerald green cocktail dress from Lord & Taylor. He remembered her saying she had paid almost $500 for it.  She bought it for an evening out with a man she'd met at Price Waterhouse.  The relationship had lasted less than a week.  The fact that the dress had cost a lot seemed to make her proud and happy.  So why had she worn it only once?  She looked really gorgeous in it, but tonight wasn’t the night for Danny to try it out.  Besides, it was December, and a revealing cocktail dress might be a little chilly.  He pushed the dress aside and placed his hand on the next dress in the album of his memories.

He missed his mother terribly.  He remembered the night she died.  He had been staying with a neighbor.  She had promised him she'd call.  He waited up for as long as he could before being hustled off to bed.  He was hurt when she didn't call.  The neighbor, Mrs. Lawrence, blamed it on the time zone difference, saying it was two hours earlier in Las Vegas.  Mrs. Lawrence told him his mother would call the next day, but of course she never did.

In some ways his mother had never left him.  He had adored her and she had loved him dearly.  Every time he made a transaction he wondered if she would approve.  She called him her little apprentice and was so proud of him.

She had included him in everything.  Tonight wasn't the first night he had helped his mother pick out something to wear for a date.  But he wasn't crazy; he knew the difference between reality and wishful thinking.  His friend Danny was reality.  It was reality that sat in front of his mother's vanity mirror, deftly applying make-up to his face.  The wishful thinking was just to have a little more time with the mother he had adored.

He closed his eyes and inhaled a deep breath as Danny spritzed himself with his mother’s favorite perfume.  The sweet scent mixed with the cigarette smoke curling up in small, grayish tendrils from the ashtray on the vanity. The smell took him back to a time when his mother could make every bad thing in his life better with a simple, loving kiss on the cheek.

He smiled as he picked out something simple yet flattering for Danny, something that would be nice enough for a semi-casual first date at a decent restaurant.  He selected a red soft cotton button down blouse that would emphasize the beautiful chestnut color of Danny’s wig.  Simple yet tasteful, he thought with a smile.  He paired the top with a calf-length charcoal gray skirt and pulled out a pair of black leather high-heeled boots.  He remembered his mother wearing the exact ensemble from time to time, and thought she always looked gorgeous in it.

“Yeah, this one’ll do nicely,” he said with a smile.  He handed the outfit to Danny, who took them with an appreciative nod, glad Jimmy didn’t pick something too revealing.

 

*****

 

“Well, how do I look?” asked Danny as he shifted his hips from side to side in front of the mirror, inspecting his clothes, padding, jewelry, hair and makeup.  “Can you see my camisole or my slip?”

Jimmy laughed.  “Never thought I’d hear you say that, dude.”

Danny chuckled nervously.  “Well, after tonight I’ll never say it again.”

“If I don’t get into trouble again, that is.”

“Hey pal, if you get into trouble again you’re on your own.  You can put on the dress next time!”

The boys laughed riotously.  Danny stepped back and admired his reflection critically.  “Seriously man, how do I look?”

“Like a dream,” said Jimmy sincerely, “You look like somebody’s mom.  And the clothes look great on you.”

The clothes did indeed fit Danny very well and the simple jewelry they decided on – small gold clip-on earrings, a small pendant necklace, a simple ring on his right hand – complemented the outfit perfectly.  He really did look like someone’s very attractive, nicely dressed mother.

Danny smiled at his friend as he picked up a red lipstick-stained cigarette from the ashtray and took a deep drag.  “Well that's the point, right?” he replied pleasantly in his ‘Olivia’ voice, exhaling.  Maybe it was the cigarettes, but he was starting to clam down somewhat.  A part of him began to believe he might survive the evening with Mr. Dinsmore.

He gazed upon his reflection in the mirror as he posed in a ladylike manner.  He tucked one arm under his false breasts and used the other to hold his cigarette elegantly beside his cheek.  It was still really weird seeing an adult woman looking back at him. A woman that smoked, no less.

He had to admit, however, he had done a great job on his makeup, hair and nails. Brenda's notes had been a lifesaver, although it did take him a while to get it all just right. Ah, but it's worth it, he thought as he took an appreciative drag on his cigarette.

Wow, he thought. If I saw a mom that looked like me, I’d totally have the hots for her. I hope none of our friends see me.  They'd be over here everyday looking for ‘Mrs. Wilson.'

“So how ya feelin’?  Scared?” Jimmy asked, interrupting Danny’s thoughts.

Danny turned with a small smile of gratitude.  “No, I think I’ll be okay. I just wish I would have known about these boots, I wouldn’t have shaved my legs again.”

Jimmy chuckled.  “Well, it wasn’t intentional, man. I just thought they’d look nice.”  He paused for a moment, and then looked at the ground awkwardly.  “And you do look really pretty, Danny.  Like my mom did when she wore those clothes.”

 Danny smiled gently, knowing that was the most heartfelt compliment Jimmy could give.  He wasn’t sure where the impulse came from, but he leaned in and kissed Jimmy affectionately on the cheek, just as his own mother had done so often to him.  Jimmy blushed furiously, turning almost as red as the lipstick mark Danny had left on his face.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I got lipstick on your cheek,” Danny said, licking his thumb and rubbing Jimmy’s cheek in a playful yet motherly gesture.

Jimmy smiled.  He knew what his friend was doing and he appreciated him for it. He stood there silently, not sure how to react to the familial emotions he felt.  Finally, he stepped back and clapped his hands to break the tension.

“I bet you have a good time tonight,” said Jimmy.  “Mr. Dinsmore’s a lot cooler than I thought he was.  It’ll probably be fun.”

“Quit talking about it like it's a real date!  Thinking about it grosses me out.  I'll just be glad when it's over.”

“It might not be a real date for you, but it is for him.  He thinks you're a real woman.  What are you going to do if he tries to kiss you?”

The color ran out of Danny's face as he thought about the possibility.  “I don't know, I guess I didn't think about it.  I didn't think it would come up, it being our first date and all. I thought we'd just shake hands or something. I guess if I need to, I’ll just light up a cigarette or something to keep him from getting too close.”

“That might work,” said Jimmy.  “Don't worry about it.  You can handle it.  Just be polite, though, when you turn him down if he asks you out again.  I don't need him hating me because he winds up hating you.”

Jimmy crooked his head toward the front door.  “I hope you're ready, ‘cause I think I just heard his car.”

“Are you sure I look OK?”  Danny asked a little anxiously, “you don't think he'll be able to tell I'm really a boy?”

“Don't worry about it,” Jimmy said, laughing, “You look great.  He'll never guess unless he tries to get a little nookie.”

Danny wrinkled his nose in distaste, but he knew Jimmy was only kidding.  They smiled at each other, but Jimmy secretly found himself wishing for just one more motherly kiss on the cheek.  Or to show Danny how much he appreciated his friend pretending to be his mother.  What the hell, he thought.  Danny was doing this for him. Jimmy leaned over and kissed his faux mother on the cheek, returning Danny’s earlier gesture.

Danny smiled, but gently pulled back.  “Careful, you'll mess up my makeup!” he said, reaching into a black leather handbag for his compact.  “It took me over two hours to get it right as it is.”  He looked closely at his face in the small mirror.  “Oh shit! I need to fix my blush.  Let him in while I go to the bathroom and fix my face some more."

“You look fine,” said Jimmy.

Danny looked at him pleadingly.  “Just do as I say, OK?  Please?”

Jimmy shrugged his shoulders as his friend scurried to the powder room, watching his steps in the high-heeled boots.

The doorbell rang and Jimmy answered it.

“Hey Mr. Dinsmore,” Jimmy said pleasantly, “Come on in.  My mom will be out in a sec.”

Norman stepped inside, feeling a little awkward.  He'd dated a few women with children before, but none of them had been mothers of his students.

“Say, are you sure this is OK with you, Jimmy?  Me going out on a date with your mom?  I have to tell you, I didn't really think about how you might feel when I asked her out.”

Jimmy rolled his eyes.  “God, dude, you sound like my mom.”

The teacher disregarded being referred to as ‘dude’ and asked what the boy meant by sounding like his mom.

“She said the same thing about going out with you.  She's excited about this.  She hardly ever goes out anymore cause she's so busy with work and being a mom to me and then last night you asked her out and she got all excited and nervous.  But instead of being happy, she's worried about it being  OK with me.  That and the other thing.”

“What other thing?” asked Mr. Dinsmore.

Jimmy knew he shouldn’t be encouraging Mr. Dinsmore, but he wanted to have a little fun at Danny’s expense, in return for Danny taking away his cigarettes.  And he knew the best way to do just that.

“Well you know,” he said thoughtfully, “my mom smokes and she's really self conscious about it.  She's dated some real jerks that really gave her a hard time about it. And now there's you.”

Dinsmore looked at him quizzically.  “What about me?  It doesn't bother me that your mom smokes.”

“My mom says people say one thing and then do another.  You know what I'm talking about.  A guy knows she smokes and he hates it but he asks her out anyway and then gives her a hard time about it or even worse, he kisses her and tells her that she tastes like an ashtray.”

“I'd never do that to your mom, Jimmy.  I'm not that kind of person.  Your mother has a serious addiction to nicotine and I understand that she needs to smoke.  I'd never belittle her for that.”

“By the way, that was a smooth move last night when you lit her cigarette.  It really impressed her.  She kept talking about it after you left.  I really think she likes you.”

“Wow,” said the teacher.  “I wasn’t sure what she thought about me. Are you serious?  Do you think she really likes me?”

Jimmy raised his eyebrow.  “Duh... she's going out with you isn't she?”

The teacher scowled at the boy.  Had they been in school, Jimmy's insolence might have earned him a detention.  But maybe not.  He probably would have cut the kid some slack, considering his feelings for Olivia.

“Well, just the same,” said Jimmy, thinking it might be a good idea to throw Danny a little bit of rope, “you might want to hold off on kissing her until she feels comfortable with you.”

“I wasn’t planning on it unless she wanted to.”

Jimmy suppressed a chuckle.  “Okay. Fair enough.”

Just then, Danny strolled confidently into the living room and smiled at the two of them.  “I hope you boys aren't talking about me,” he said, putting his hands on his hips.

“Wow!” Norman said approvingly, “you look fabulous, Olivia.”

Danny grinned at Dinsmore’s heartfelt compliment.  “Why this old thing? I only wear this when I don't care what I look like.”

Dinsmore snapped his fingers in recognition.  “Violet, from it's a Wonderful Life!”

“And he likes old movies too!”  Danny said approvingly.  He strode over to Jimmy and kissed him on the head.  “Sure you’ll be okay while we’re gone?”

“Yeah, I’ll be fine, ‘Mom’.  You guys go have fun, okay?”

“We will.  Don’t wait up for us!”

Norman walked over and shook the young man's hand firmly, wished him a good night and thanked him for their talk.  He helped Danny into a hip-length black leather swing coat front the hall closet and then guided him to the front door, holding the door open for him.  He tried not to stare at his date’s shapely – yet unknown to him, padded – ass as they walked to his car in the driveway.

As they walked toward his car, he thought of the things Jimmy had said about his mother and how she felt about her addiction to cigarettes.  He'd never thought about it from a smoker's view before.  In truth, he had dated very few smokers and was guilty of committing many of the trespasses Jimmy said his mother feared.

Staring at the lovely chestnut haired woman out of the corner of his eye, he had to admit that he was genuinely attracted to this woman and wanted to make her as happy as possible.  He wouldn't allow an addiction to cigarettes come between them.  He had lied to her about smoking in college; he’d never tried a cigarette in his life.  But he knew he liked her and would do anything to make her time with him as comfortable as possible.

He opened the passenger door and held it for her until she was seated safely inside before letting himself in on the driver's side.

“It's about a fifteen minute drive to the restaurant,” said Norman as he clicked his seat belt into place.  “I'd appreciate it if you made your self at home in my car and had a cigarette along the way.”

Danny looked at him, trying to hide his shock.  “What? You're inviting me to smoke in your car?  What planet are you from?”

Norman smiled reassuringly.  “Just the kind of planet where a guy appreciates a beautiful woman and everything about her.  I talked to Jimmy.  He said you're kind of self-conscious about your addiction and I just want you to know I don't mind.  As a matter of fact, I kind of think you look sexy when you smoke.”

Danny looked at him, arching his plucked eyebrows in surprise. “Seriously?  You think I look… sexy when I smoke?”

“Olivia, you'd look sexy to me if you chewed tobacco.  I know we just met, but I like you.  And I want you to know that I really don't mind that you smoke.  So please, do me a favor and have a cigarette.”

Danny was trapped.  He hadn’t planned on smoking that much on the date, just a couple of cigarettes over the course of the evening to trick Dinsmore into thinking he was really a smoker.  The last thing he thought was that Mr. Dinsmore would actually encourage him to smoke.  But now he was stuck and knew he’d have to follow through, to live up to “Olivia’s” addiction.  He removed the pack of Benson & Hedges from his purse, trying to hide his uncertainty.

Truth be told, though, it wasn't as if he couldn't use one.  The stress of this date was taking its toll and the cigarettes had a way of calming his nerves.  He lit up and took a deep drag.  It will be good when this is over and I can go back to being myself, he thought.

*****

Romano's was a cozy little restaurant built from a house in the heart of Alpharetta.  The food was rather good and he had been there with his mother many times before.  As Mr. Dinsmore negotiated with the hostess for a table, Danny passed the time by looking at the pictures of various celebrities that graced the walls of the lobby.  He recognized several of his athletic heroes on the wall, but didn’t call attention to them, not wanting to blow his cover.

Norman joined him, looking over the pictures.  He gestured to one in particular.

“I saw Patrick Duffy here one night.  I thought he was great as Bobby on ‘Dallas’, didn’t you?” he asked.

Who? Danny thought. I never watched that show.  It went off the air before I was even born.  I think my mom watched it when she was in high school.

“Yes, he was wonderful.  I used to watch it with my parents when I was in high school,” Danny lied, hoping Norman wouldn’t continue the conversation.

Fortunately, the hostess saved him by walking over and telling them their table was ready.  As they walked to their table in the smoking section, Danny couldn’t help but feel as if every eye in the restaurant was following him, wondering what an underage transvestite was doing with a man old enough to be his father.  As they sat, he realized no one was paying them any attention.  He was getting away with it!

“I hope you like Italian,” said Mr. Dinsmore.  “I never thought to ask you.”

“I love it,” said Danny as the waiter helped him out of his coat and pulled out his chair, “I understand the chicken piccata here is to die for.”  Chicken piccata was his mother’s favorite dish, and she ordered it every time she came here.

The waiter asked what they'd like to drink.  Danny ordered a glass of white zinfandel, just like his mother would do when they dined here.  What the hell, he thought, if I’m going to smoke, I might as well have a drink, too.

After the waiter left, they found themselves with a temporary awkward silence.  Thinking back to the pictures in the lobby, Danny panicked for a moment.  What am I doing here?  What am I going to talk to him about?  I'm 15.  He's in his 40's.  What could we possibly have in common? 

He took his cigarettes from his purse, not because he needed one, but because he needed to stall for time until he could think of something to talk about.  As he placed the cigarette between his lips, the teacher's hand reached across the table and scooped up his lighter, flicking it to life.  Danny leaned in and accepted the light.

“Thank you,” he said.  The smoke tasted like a heavenly cloud as it drenched his lungs.

That’s not good, he thought as he tipped his head back for a feminine, graceful exhale.  This might be harder to give up than I thought.

His mother came to mind as he absently considered the look of the cigarette between his fingers, noting the contrast of the long white cylinder against his long, red lacquered nails.  He could imagine her being here with Mr. Dinsmore.  What would they talk about it?  They'd talk about him, of course.  And what else?  His mother was good at talking to people, at asking questions.  She'd ask Mr. Dinsmore about himself.  People love talking about themselves.  Better that he ask Dinsmore about his life before he’d have to start making up more lies about “Olivia’s”.

“So what do you usually do on Friday nights when you're not making moves on your students' mothers?" asked Danny as he settled back into the chair.

“Friday nights are for chilling, as the kids say.  I usually hit happy hour with one of the teachers after class.”

Danny smiled, trying to picture Mr. Dinsmore in a bar surrounded by pretty ladies vying for his attention.

“So you cruise the bars looking for hot chicks?” he said coyly, taking a deep drag on his cigarette.

“I wouldn't say it like that,” Norman replied modestly.  He smiled at her, an expression that exuded innocence and good intentions.  “I almost always leave by myself.  Most of the women I meet don't get off on watching me grade homework.  The weekends aren't bad though. I do a lot of work with Habitat for Humanity.  I also volunteer at my church and tutor kids how to read.”

“Really?  There are students in our school who don't know how to read?”

“Maybe, but I doubt it.  I'm talking about some of the inner city schools.  So many of them are on the edge of dropping out.  You'd be amazed at how much another person's time and concern means to these kids.  It's the difference between success and giving up.”

Danny didn't know what to say.  He'd never thought of Mr. Dinsmore as a guy who thought about others.  He'd always pictured him screwing Ashley Bane or even Ashley's mother.  How did this guy find time to run marathons and work out?  Where was the shallowness he expected to see?”

Dinsmore nodded at Danny's cigarette and asked, “So have you talked to Jimmy about smoking?”

Danny blushed and rolled his eyes.  “I've tried.  He thinks I’m a hypocrite because, you know ...well because I smoke.”

“It's not the same thing, Olivia, and you know it.  You're not a hypocrite.  You're his mother.  It's your job to do what's best for him, not to be fair to him.  It must be hard, raising a teenage boy alone.”

Danny took a puff from his cigarette.  “Yes it is,” he said as he thought about his own life with his mother and what she must go through raising him.  He'd never considered her plight before.  He'd always seen the situation through his own eyes.

“If you like, I'd be glad to talk to him for you about this or anything else that's bothering him or you.”

“You'd do that for him?”

“I'd do it for both of you Olivia. I  don't want to scare you off by moving too fast, but I confess, I have feelings for you that I can't quite explain.  I've never even kissed you and already...  You're all I thought about in class today.  I saw Jimmy in the hallway this afternoon and I thought of you.  I know it must sound insane to you.”

Danny found himself laying his hand reassuringly on top of Mr. Dinsmore's.  “It's OK,” he said, “I understand.  You're a nice man, much nicer than I expected you to be.  I like you too. I can't say how I like you or anything like that, but I'm having a good time being with you tonight.”

“Me too,” said Dinsmore with a smile that stretched across his face.

Danny's stomach flip-flopped.  Why had he said he liked Mr. Dinsmore?  He said it because it was true.  The teacher wasn't the pompous ass that he always thought he was.  This was a nice guy.  How come he wasn't married?  And why was he so enamored with a boy in a dress?  For starters, Dinsmore didn't know he was a boy.  The teacher thought he was on a date with Olivia Wilson, a woman close to middle age.  But that explained Dinsmore.  It didn't explain his strange feelings for the teacher or the situation.

He looked down at his hand as it rested on Dinsmore's.  The cigarette burning between his slender, manicured fingers looked so natural- so grown up.  He casually looked around the restaurant.  No one stared at him as if he looked out of place.  They had accepted him as an adult from the moment he walked in- a beautiful adult woman.  Even the waiter had served him a glass of wine without blinking an eye.  He had even called him ‘madam’ with the utmost respect.

He really liked that.  He had never experienced that level of respect as a boy and it felt good.  He reveled in the attention he received from both the teacher and complete strangers.  For the first time in his life, he felt important and worthy.  He wished he could feel like that more often.

He removed his hand from Norman’s and took a deep and satisfying drag from the cigarette.  He noticed the flicker of desire on the teacher's face as he exhaled a cloud of smoke into the air above them.  How odd and fascinating.  This man sitting across from him had shown clear and obvious disdain at the concept of Jimmy smoking, yet he had told Olivia that he found her to be sexy when she smoked.  Truly amazing.

Danny listened intently throughout dinner as Norman talked about Habitat for Humanity and working with underprivileged kids.  He listened as Norman described the satisfaction he received from teaching.  He really was a good and decent man.  Danny was surprised at how easy it was to converse with him.  Where was the generation gap?

When Norman would ask him questions, Danny remembered a few things Jimmy had told him about his mother.  He’d answer without elaborating too much, yet still be friendly and outgoing.  Born in Phoenix.  Moved around some as a child.  College at UGA.  Majored in Finance.  Married and divorced before thirty.  A freelance commodities broker for the past ten years.  He was able to subtly steer the conversation back to Norman, to keep him talking about himself.  He liked it better that way.  Norman was actually a really interesting person and he enjoyed hearing the teacher talk passionately about the things he believed in.

As they continued to talk, he knew the teacher was becoming more and more infatuated with Olivia Wilson.  But who was Olivia Wilson?

I am.  I'm Olivia Wilson, at least for tonight, thought Danny as he took a final, cheek-hallowing drag from an after dinner cigarette and then crushed it out in the ashtray between them.  And if I were a real woman, I'd never let this man go.

He allowed Norman to light another cigarette for him.  He didn’t really need it, he’d just finished one, but he was enraptured by Norman’s conversation, and it was a way to keep the evening going now that they were through eating.

If I was a real woman...

But I do feel like a woman, he thought.  As the evening progressed, Danny considered this thought more and more.  He felt so feminine and sexy as he drew on memories of his mother.  This is how she would giggle if she were here.  This is how she would look into his eyes.  This is how she would hold her cigarette.  The personalities began to intertwine – his mothers, Olivia Wilson's, and his own.

Danny felt a sense of sadness as Norman signed the check.  They’d spent two fast hours together and the restaurant would close soon.  He didn’t want the evening to end, though.  This bothered and confused him, but he didn’t let it show as he allowed Norman to take his elbow and escorted him from the restaurant.  The male patrons lifted their heads for a glance at the attractive woman as he walked past them.  Norman looked so proud with him by his side as he held the door open.

Once inside the car, Danny opened his purse and took out a cigarette as Norman smiled at him and started the car.

“I had a really good time, Olivia.  Thanks for going to dinner with me.”

“I had a wonderful time too, Norman.  Thank you for asking me out.”

“So do you think we could do this again?”

Danny giggled, but inside he was very confused. Part of him actually wanted to see Norman again, to get dressed up and look pretty for him once more.  “I don't know if that's such a good idea,” he said hesitantly, not sure what to say.  Then he decided a little humor would be the best deflection.  “If we keep coming here, the pasta is going to go straight to my thighs.”

Norman laughed, but took her answer as a maybe.  He decided not to press the issue as he backed out of the parking space and pulled into the nighttime traffic.

Danny leaned back against his seat.  He smiled at Norman as he pulled the cigarette away from his painted lips.  He felt relaxed and at peace as he exhaled out the window opening.  Perhaps it was the cigarettes.  He wasn't stupid.  He realized he was well on his way to becoming addicted if he wasn't there already, but there was something deeper to his feelings.  In many ways it was like an upside down fantasy.  It should be him driving the car.  There should be a pretty girl in his seat -- a real girl.  That would make his feelings right.  But he was the one in the pretty women’s clothes and it was Norman behind the wheel.  He took another drag from his cigarette and tried to enjoy the feeling without dwelling on the circumstances.

His padded breasts jiggled as the car rolled over the gutter and up the driveway to Jimmy's house.  Norman put the car in park.

“I really did have a good time tonight,” said Norman.

“Me too,” said Danny.  “I'd invite you in but it's getting kind of late, and I don't want to get Jimmy upset.”

“I understand.  He's probably not too happy about you dating his teacher.”

“I wouldn't say that.  He likes you.  He thinks you're fair and a good teacher.”

“My being his teacher is a lot different than being his mother's boyfriend.”

“Well, we’re not quite there yet, Norman,” Danny giggled girlishly as he batted his eyes.

Norman scooted toward Danny.  His arm reached out.  His face moved closer as his lips grew large.

Danny wasn’t sure what to do, struggling to hide his conflicting emotions.  He closed his eyes and puckered his lips.  It's just a harmless kiss, he thought.  This doesn't mean anything.  I'm not gay.  I'm just helping my friend.  This will all be over soon, he thought as Norman pulled him closer.

Olivia’s breath was warm and smoky but not at all unpleasant.  Her tongue felt like the smoothest silk as he caressed it lovingly with his own tongue. 

Oh my God, thought Danny as his hand raced up and down the teacher's back.  His lips are so soft and he kisses so gently.  Should I even be liking this?

There was no denying the excitement he felt as Norman kissed him hungrily.  The teacher's hands felt so strong yet gentle as they pulled on the back of his slender neck.  Even with his eyes closed Danny could see Norman’s hands slowly move from his neck, staying on the outside of his blouse, to reach down and massage his false breasts.  It excited him; the way Norman touched him sensually, as if he were a real woman.  Danny knew his secret was safe; he had felt the breast forms with his own hands and knew they wouldn't betray him to Norman.

Danny's head spun as the teacher's wet tongue explored his mouth.  In spite of himself, he moaned slightly in his feminine voice.  He was excited and happy but he was also thoroughly confused, unsure what to do.  He knew he should stop, but he didn’t want to.  The feelings he was experiencing should have been reserved for girls, yet here they were, clouding his head with a passion he’d never known before.

Norman pulled back and looked at Danny longingly.  “Can I see you again, Olivia?  Are you free tomorrow night?” he asked.

Danny looked away in embarrassment.  “I don't know Norman.  I’m not sure that would be such as good idea,” he said, trying desperately to think of a good reason not to see Norman again.  He couldn’t think of one.

Norman sat back, looking disappointed.  “I thought you had a nice time tonight.  Wouldn’t you like to see me again?”

“Yes, yes I would very much, but…” Danny struggled to say.  He was so confused and this was all coming at him so very fast.

“But what?  Please, you can tell me, Olivia.”

Danny’s mind raced, trying to think of something, anything.  He couldn’t look at the handsome teacher as he replied, hoping he was letting Norman down easy.  “It’s not you, Norman.  It’s just - I'm always so busy and it's like I never get to spend much time with Jimmy.  I'd feel like I was abandoning him if we went out two nights in a row.”

Norman nodded, trying to think of a compromise.  “Well, what about this?  Why don’t we go out next weekend?  You can bring Jimmy along, and the three of us can do something."

Danny couldn’t argue with that kind of logic.  “Okay, sure.  That sounds nice.”

Norman grinned.  “All right then, it’s settled. I'll pick you up next Saturday at six.”

“See you then,” Danny said, opening the passenger door. He leaned over and gently kissed Norman on the lips.  “Good night, Norman.  Be careful on the way home.”

“Good night, Olivia. I’ll call you later!”  Norman said.

Danny got out of the car and watched Norman drive off down the street.  As he stood there in the chilly night air, he thought back on the evening’s events.  He’d gone out on the date with Mr. Dinsmore and actually enjoyed it.  So much so that he’d actually agreed to a second date.  He had a week before then, though.  He could still call it off.  But as he smiled fondly at Norman’s taillights disappearing into the distance, he wasn’t so sure he wanted to.

 

*****

 

“Okay, let me get this straight,” said Jimmy, “you went out on a date with a grown up guy, on a date you didn’t even want to go on in the first place.  And when he asked you out again, you said yes?  And then you kissed him?  What the hell were you thinking?  Are you turning queer on me or something?”

“Give me a fucking break,” said Danny as he carefully took off the wig and laid it on the coffee table.  “It’s not like that.  You wouldn’t understand.”

“Then what, what is it?  Make me understand!  Dinsmore’s going to freak the hell out when he finds out who you really are!”

“God, I need a cigarette,” said Danny, irritated at Jimmy’s interrogation.  He picked up the gold box of Benson & Hedges from the coffee table and slid a cigarette from it with his long painted false nails.

“Then have one.  After all, you're the mom, remember?  You don't need my permission to smoke,” said Jimmy, with sarcastic anger in his voice.

Danny shot Jimmy a withering glance as cupped his small hands around the end of the cigarette, flicked the lighter to life and lit up. He took a deep, relaxing, cheek-hollowing drag as he sat down on the couch next to Jimmy.

“Quit stalling, man,” Jimmy said, “I want to know what’s going on.  You’re gonna get us into a shitload of trouble, you know that?”

Danny took another drag before replying.  Small wisps of smoke drifted from his painted lips as he spoke.  “I’m not going to get us into trouble.  I promise I’ll end it before it goes too far.  I just had a really nice time tonight with Norman and I’d like to do it again.  Believe it or not, he’s a great guy.  I can see how these women are into him.”

“So now it’s Norman, is it?” Jimmy accused.  “And are you into him now, too?”

Danny ignored him. “Look, I can’t really explain what happened tonight.  I’m still trying to figure it out myself.  Just somehow during the night being Olivia started to feel… natural to me.  I was able to act like a grown-up lady without even thinking about it too much.  I guess I just let go and got into being a woman for the night.”

Danny placed the cigarette between his lips as he reached up and removed the clip-on earrings and tossed them onto the coffee table.  He then unzipped his high-heeled boots and pulled them off.  He set them aside and sat back to massage his stockinged feet for a moment, the cigarette still dangling from his painted lips.

“Mmm, this feels good,” he said, then sat back and propped his hosed feet on the coffee table.  He stared at his cigarette thoughtfully.

 “I mean, I know it sounds weird,” he continued, “but I started to like it, even letting Norman light my cigarettes for me.  He was so nice, he was a perfect gentleman.  It made me feel special.  And you should have seen the way the other adults were treating me tonight.  Holding my chair for me, taking my coat, calling me ‘madam’.  I liked all that, it was really cool.  I never get treated like that as Danny Brown.”

Jimmy took notice of his friend referring to himself in the third person and frowned at him.  “Yeah, that’s great and everything, but Dinsmore’s going to find out you're really a boy,” he scolded.  “Have you thought about that?  Have you thought about what's going to happen to me when he finds out?  Forget about me.  Have you thought about you?  Do you think Mr. Dinsmore is going to think it's funny when he finds out you have a dick between your legs?  And that you’re nowhere near as old as he thinks you are?”

Danny was getting frustrated at his friend’s line of questioning.  “It's not going to go that far, Jimmy!  Geez!  Quit making a big fucking deal of this.  Is it because he's your teacher or what, ‘cause to tell you the truth, I don't get it.  You're the one who made this date happen in the first place.”

Jimmy looked away guiltily.  “Yeah, I know,” he said, “and I'm sorry about that. I know this is my fault.  I should never have asked you to do this for me, it was selfish.  Setting you up with Dinsmore was stupid.  I just thought it was funny.”

Danny took a thoughtful drag on the cigarette.  “He's not that bad of a guy, you know.  As a matter of fact, he's really nice and he's fun to be with.  I think we'll have a good time next weekend.  You just need to give him a chance and quit thinking about him as your teacher.  Teachers are people too.”

Jimmy looked at him, realizing what Danny was saying.  “You like him, don't you?”

Danny scowled in protest.  “Quit saying that!”

“You're gay.”

“I am not!”

“You kissed him, didn't you?”

“I don't want to talk about it, Jimmy.  I'm going to bed.”

“Yeah, you do that.  But if you whack off in my mom's nightgown thinking about him, you can take it to the dry cleaners.”

“Fuck you Jimmy,” Danny said as he crushed the cigarette into the ashtray, grabbed the earrings, wig and cigarettes and stormed up the stairs to Olivia's bedroom.

He slammed the door behind him, locked it and walked to the vanity mirror.  The reflection was rather awkward, his seemingly mature, made-up face and short teen boy’s haircut.  He slid the wig cap back on and pulled the chestnut wig over it to restore his Olivia appearance.  He lit a cigarette and started taking off his make-up.  The wig wasn’t necessary, he knew that.  But it helped maintain his illusion of adult femininity.  He couldn't resist, just like he couldn't resist smoking the cigarette.

He took off Olivia's clothes and undergarments and set them aside in the closet.  He noticed a long burgundy satin nightgown from Victoria's Secret hanging on the back of the closet door.  He admired it as he ran his fingers gently across the silky fabric.  His breast forms were still attached to his chest and he wondered how the fabric would cling to his artificial curves.  He took it off the hook and held it cautiously in his hands as he thought about what Jimmy had said about whacking off in his mother's clothes. 

Fuck him, he thought as he pulled the gown over his head.

He walked to the mirror and admired the look of the gown on his artificially curved body as he brushed out the wig.  The cigarette burning in the ashtray on the vanity beckoned to him and he answered its call by taking in a deep drag.  My oh my, he thought as he exhaled a lung full of smoke in front of the mirror.  I look fabulous! 

A thought crossed his mind as he stood in front of Olivia's dresser and pulled out a drawer.  He spied Olivia's vibrator peeking out from under the lingerie.  "What am I thinking?" he asked as he started to push the drawer back in.  He hesitated, pulling the drawer back out and removing the vibrator from it's hiding place. He thought of what Jimmy's mother might have used it for, feeling its firm, smooth surface,.  Looking at himself in the mirror, he posed with the vibrator caressing his breast while taking a slow, sexy drag on his cigarette.

Holding the cigarette languorously between his lips, he fumbled with the control on the bottom and the vibrator came to life.  He could see it was like a dimmer switch, and the more he turned it, the stronger the vibration.  He touched the side of it to his fake tits, first one and then the other, watching himself in the mirror.  The silicone material conducted the vibration, and he could actually feel his own nipples tingling slightly.  He swirled it around a little while, and then held it under his breast, against his real skin.  It tickled.

Still entranced, he began to slowly play the vibrating plastic ivory phallus on his chest and belly, feeling the sensation change as he neared his crotch.  Imagining how Olivia had felt, he worked the vibrator down his front till it rested just above his dick, pressing against his pubic bone.  The vibrations were sensational, seemingly coming from inside him.  He posed in the mirror, pursing his lips into a sexy pout, imagining that he was making love to Olivia in the mirror, or was Olivia.  The delicious vibrations stopped.

“I wonder how old those batteries were,” he thought, realizing what must have just happened and looking at his now-raging erection.  “I'll have to add some to the shopping list.”

Now hornier than ever, and still in an experimental mood, he walked into the bathroom and removed a jar of Vaseline from beneath the sink and returned to bed.  Vaseline.  Yuck.  What the hell am I thinking about?  This is so gay.  But no one will know answered the voice from the back of his head.  He argued with the voice but his conscious was no match for his depraved curiosity. 

He put the cigarette between his lips and left it there as he lifted the burgundy gown and smeared a liberal helping of petroleum jelly on the vibrator and held it against the hole in his ass.  His imagination raced as he gently pushed the now-quiet vibrator's tip against the tightness of his hole.  He cringed.  This is wrong!  But instead of stopping he pushed the dildo deeper and felt it fill him.  "Oh my God!" he exclaimed!  He wondered if he had remembered to lock the door.  Fuck the door.  He didn't care.  He did but he didn't.  All he could think about was how good the smooth piece of plastic felt as it filled his ass and the raging hard on that loomed between his thighs. 

He inhaled deeply from the cigarette that was still positioned between his lips and rubbed his erect penis with his free hand as he slid the dildo in and out of his ass.  Talk about walking and chewing gum at the same time. 

He laid his head back against the pillow and watched as tiny rings of gray smoke curled from the end of his cigarette and floated up toward the ceiling.  He flirted with thoughts of womanhood as he continued to smoke while playing with his penis and pushing at the dildo.  He was Ashley Bane.  He was Olivia Wilson.  He was an adult woman and he smoked.  He was beautiful and sexy and captivating.

He rubbed himself faster as he thought about his date with Norman.  He saw the teacher's smile as it blended with his kind eyes. He remembered the touch of his hands and his tender kisses.  He felt bad for thinking of the teacher but needed the masculine image to complete his feeling of womanhood.  Feel me Norman, he thought as he alternated between caressing his engorged penis and the curves of his breast forms as he drove the dildo deeper into his rectum.  Make me feel like a woman.

Just as he climaxed, he imagined he was the real Olivia.  He took a powerfully deep drag from the cigarette and filled his lungs with the addictive smoke.  His body shuddered as he exhaled a thick cloud into the air and spurted into his hand, covering his palm with his adolescent semen.

He laid back breathlessly on the bed, gasping for breath as he removed the dildo from his bottom. He laid it on his nightstand and wiped the cum on to his bed sheets, promising to wash them later. He put the cigarette out and immediately attempted to light another one. His hands trembled as they worked the lighter.  He took a deep drag and tried to relax as his body adjusted to the aftermath of its orgasm.  He had just been fucked in his mind.  What had he done?  Why was he having these crazy thoughts?

A sick and disgusted feeling rose up from stomach and flooded his essence with acidic guilt as he finished the cigarette in silence and put it out in the ashtray on the nightstand.  Regret overtook him as he argued with his soul over the meaning of his thoughts and deeds.  The man inside him vowed that he would never defile himself again but the woman he was becoming turned a deaf ear as faded off to sleep.

******

To Be Continued...

Author's note:
This is a fairly long story.  As of now, it is over 140 pages and still growing.  Vic and I will finish it because the story is a labor of love.  However, that doesn't mean all the parts will be posted.  If you care enough to leave a comment, I'll care enough to post the additional parts.
As a reminder, my TG stories only appear on Sapphire's Place, so if Sapphire's goes off line, my stories go with it.  Please contribute to the website if you can.

 

since 01/18/05