Sapphire's Place Tabitha's "I Never Planned on Mandy"

I Never Planned on Mandy

by Tabitha

Chapter 4

The ‘death’ of Mandy was almost an anti-climax for Brian. After getting back home, he sneaked up the stairs; a bickering disagreement about losing a rubber emanating from his parents’ room informed him that not only were they home early from their regular bridge night at the Hendersons, but that they were probably too wrapped up in dissecting the evening’s game to pay any heed to whatever noises he made getting ready for bed. However hard it might be to apply makeup correctly, the actual process of removing it is a lot easier. Removing his auburn wig, then using some cleanser that he had borrowed from Louise, Brian wiped away the disguise, and looked at himself in the mirror. He saw his normal self look back, albeit dressed in a black velour catsuit and with two mounds on his chest. He was not smiling when he unfastened the gold metal link belt from his waist, nor when he kicked off the sandals on his feet. As he opened the Velcro collar, unzipped the back of the catsuit and watched himself in the mirror stripping off until he stood clad only in his sister’s underwear he felt emotionally numb. He had expected to feel elated when his romance with Kyle had finally come to an end and Mandy could be laid to rest, but he felt neither joy nor sorrow. Unhooking the bra with far more ease than he would have had a week ago, Brian dropped the push-up bra and its cargo of breastforms to the floor and stripped off the pantyhose and scarlet thong. There was a touch of precum in the pit of the thong, just where his penis had been pushed around to hide its bulge. Absent-mindedly he made a note to wash that out before returning them to Louise, otherwise she might think that he had enjoyed the attentions of the older youth. Standing there naked in front of the mirror, he looked at himself, a rather insipid youth with an under-developed body and forgettable face. At an intellectual level, he was glad that Mandy was no more, and reminded himself of this as he put on his pajamas there was no room in his carefully mapped out future for a feminine alter ego. At a more emotional level, he felt empty; his last date with Kyle had not been wholly pleasant but he had initially had some fun and it did at least allow him to be open and honest about his masquerade. Though he made a neat pile of the feminine clothing and placed it on a chair, he was still rather too distracted to think about his usual nightly routine, and put on his pajamas and climbed into bed without even realizing that he had forgotten to floss or brush his teeth.

The following day, he felt better about the previous evening’s events and was able to start the morning in a more positive frame of mind, brushing his teeth twice as vigorously to make up for the slip in his usual oral hygiene standards. He avoided his sister until mid-afternoon, when he knocked on her door, the female clothing in hand (the thong carefully washed and dried). Louise had just returned from a shopping trip with Michelle and a few store bags sat on her bed waiting to be unpacked. How did last night go?’ asked Louise, with what Brian recognized as a touch of real concern in her voice. It depends upon your perspective.’ replied her brother softly as he closed the door. ‘Had you asked me a week ago, I would have said last night was wonderful. Now…well, I don’t know. Brian sat down beside her, and sensing his sadness, Louise put an arm around him and hugged him softly as he continued. ‘Things started out well, but then Kyle, that is we fought and things…’ Brian lapsed into silence for a moment, and Louise could feel his body shaking lightly as his breathing became deeper gulps. ‘We fought, and things became nasty. It was no-one’s fault, we just lost the moment. Afterwards we went and sat and drank coffee and talked together. I told him all about how Mandy came about, how I never planned on Mandy, how I never meant to lead him on or get involved deeper. Another long pause interrupted the monologue, a long pause punctuated be a single statement, softly spoken but authoritive in its finality. ‘We broke up, and that’s the end of Mandy. Louise was unsure of what to say, only too aware of her own role in the creation of Mandy. The moment to respond was broken, however, by a loud snippet of conversation between their parents in the hallway Mr. Green was saying something about a chess set and his wife was responding about how ‘He’s your brother’ and ‘a twenty-fifth anniversary is important’ and as it died away as the two protagonists descended the stairs, Louise realized that the opportunity to say something bland but comforting had passed. Brian rose and said that he was going to go and do some work on his computer, and Louise stood as well, taking his hand, not to stop him but as a gesture of support and understanding. ‘If you need to talk…’ she began. He smiled a wan smile. ‘Thanks, but I’ll be ok. I just need to move on. Brian left his sister’s room, closing the door softly behind him, and made his way back to his own room. The plan had worked out better than he could have hoped. Louise would never be so cruel as to use the brief episode of Mandy’s existence against him now, Kyle was still amicable towards him so there would be no danger of retribution from the football team, and there was not anyone else who could link Mandy with him. Everything had worked out as he planned, everything had worked out for the best. So why did he not feel more elated?

For once, Brian was not looking forward to Monday at school. He knew that he might very well encounter Kyle or other members of the football team in the hallways and was not sure how they might act. He kept telling himself that how he handled the end of Mandy was perfect and that the older youth would not be a problem himself and would almost certainly prevent his teammates from causing any difficulties for Brian. However he was not exactly positive. The first test was when he literally bumped into Mark, one of the team members whom Roger, the team captain, had sent the previous week to ‘encourage’ Brian not to stand Kyle up. As Brian hurried around a corner, trying to look everywhere and therefore succeeding in not looking where he was going, he knocked into the back of the burly footballer, causing the latter to drop a couple of books on the ground between himself and one of the cheerleaders, Beth, whom he had been chatting to. Brian froze, expecting at least a verbal assault, if not a physical one. Mark did glare at him momentarily, before bending down to retrieve his books, but the look was more one of momentary anger rather than outright malice. ‘Watch where you are going Brian.’ he said, the anger in his voice dissipating as the sentence unfolded. I-I’m sorry,’ stammered the younger boy, ‘I didn’t see you there. Well I was.’ continued Mark, raising his voice a touch, as Brian, still looking towards him started to edge slowly on his way. ‘Esse est Percipi. Whatever some may think of Berkeley’s ideas.

Brian did not see any other members of the school football team until the late afternoon, when he spied Roger and Kyle chatting with Phil from the basketball team. Kyle seemed a bit downcast still, and Brian changed his direction to avoid passing them. The rest of the school day passed without incident, as did that evening at home, though Brian’s parents seemed to be on slightly strained terms. From what Brian could understand, his mother had accepted an invitation for the pair of them to go to his uncle’s twenty-fifth wedding anniversary the following week, but Mr. Green was on less than good terms with his brother due to an argument about the inheritance of a chess set five years previously. Brian’s uncle had apparently taken an ornate chess set that their grandfather had promised to leave to Brian’s father when he died, and since then the relationship between the two siblings had been less than cordial, comprising of just the regular exchange of Christmas cards and Birthday cards (in both cases sent by the wives). Mr. Green did not play chess, and could not understand why his son bothered to play it.

If Brian had expected there to be some aftereffects during the following couple of weeks from the Mandy business, then he was sorely disappointed. Several of the football team did acknowledge him in a vague, disinterested manner, but there were no threats, coercion or even cordiality in their recognition. When, on the first Thursday after he had laid Mandy to rest, Brian met Kyle in the school hall, the older youth managed a fairly warm but slightly melancholic smile. They chatted briefly about nothing in particular, until Kyle make excuses about having to go to training for the big game that was going to be played against the Mason City Jaypigeons in just over a week. Hope I’ll see you there.’ said Kyle in a non-committal way as he started to walk away. Yeah,’ replied Brian who had never bothered to attend a single match, ‘it should be a good game.’ Watching Kyle’s retreating back, he muttered to himself, ‘Be seeing you.

It was Malcolm Dulridge that first noticed Brian’s distracted state. What’s up with you Bri?’ asked the bespectacled youth as he removed Brian’s castle from the board at the after-school chess club, ‘You should had seen that coming. Are you ok? Brian waved a hand in a meaningless vague gesture. ‘I just have a lot on my mind at present.’ he explained. Perhaps you need something to help you relax, regain your focus and drive. Do you want to head over to Kevin’s? He’s finished making the map for playing Risk in Middle Earth. We can help him play-test it Normally such a suggestion would have intrigued Brian but he declined, made up an excuse about a chore at home and left. As he meandered home, he wondered about why he felt so down. He had not wanted to be Mandy or date Kyle and was well aware of what a danger such a double life would present to his carefully laid out future. Similarly he had not stopped enjoying his old pursuits, it was just that an intelligent mind, even one that is very cautious and methodical in its workings, cannot just ignore the thrill of a new experience. He regretted turning down the chance to try the Middle Earth Risk game that Malcolm had mentioned, and almost turned back towards school. But he realized that he was over half way home and that by the time he reached the school grounds, the chess club would have already dispersed. That was the thing about turning down opportunities, you never got to go back and change your mind. This gloomy thought made his mind go back to Kyle and Mandy. Whatever else his time in female disguise had given him, it had given him a break from the rut the carefully laid track he corrected himself that his prudently planned future presented to him. Once he came down from the exhilaration that the fear of being discovered had offered, then he would be alright.

Another week passed without anything to distinguish it from a multitude of other seven day periods. Brian found himself feeling more positive and back in control, the school got ready for the big football game, and Michelle made a crack about Mandy to Brian, only to be rebuffed sharply by Louise. The Friday before the big game, Brian saw Roger, the team captain and his on-off girlfriend Tiffany, the head cheerleader in the corridor. He expected, if anything, nothing more that a vague nod of the head from Roger, but the footballer put a hand to his shoulder and asked, ‘Can I have a quick word, Brian? They moved into the side corridor whilst Tiffany went over and spoke to another girl. Brian was uneasy, he knew that Roger had a reputation as being tough but fair, and was having trouble not fixating on the former part. He expected threats, violence even, and the footballer to attempt to intimidate him into being Mandy again. You know we’ve got the big game tomorrow, don’t you’ said Roger in his firm voice. Yes…’ responded Brian feeling butterflies pounding around in his stomach. Roger paused, looked down and then looked Brian straight in the eye. ‘Kyle is still down about what happened between you too. Now I know it is none of my business, but is there any chance of you two getting back together. Feeling his face flush, Brian heard his voice stammer out, ‘No. No chance. What about if you had a word with him? Helped him get his mind back on track. You’re a good talker; I’ve seen you in the debating club. Give him a pep talk. I’m not sure that it would do any good. I don’t know if I can. Roger exhaled through his nostrils in a way that spoke of annoyance giving in to resignation. ‘Ok,’ he said finally, ‘I just thought I’d ask. Take care. Watching the football captain depart, Brian felt like his pounding heart would explode. He had so geared himself up for a violent confrontation (with the vast majority of the violence being done to him) or having to stand his ground about becoming Mandy again that he found himself somewhat flustered when neither eventuality came to pass.

A more vigorous argument greeted him when he got home. His parents were getting ready for Brian’s uncle’s wedding anniversary, and Mr. Green was leaving his wife with no doubt about just how little he wished to go. Mrs. Green, with the patience and steel-resolve which is bestowed on all wives who lack access to firearms was listening to his complaints and sorting out both her outfit for the evening and his. It’s not as if he even liked chess,’ griped Mr. Green, who similarly disliked the game, ‘he just took the set because it was promised to me. It’s like that time with Mary Thompson; he only asked her out because he knew I had a crush on her. Brian tuned out his parents and ascended the stairs. As he passed Louise’s room, she was just coming out, dressed ready for an evening at a nightclub. Back by ten forty-five?’ he asked, making reference to their curfew time. I should be.’ Louise replied, ‘Why? I won’t say anything if you’re not. She kissed her brother’s forehead tenderly, leaving a light trace of red lipstick. ‘Thanks. Did you fancy coming as well?’ she asked vaguely. Brian shook his head, ‘No, I feel like a night in alone. I’ve a project to do for physics class that I want to work on tonight.

Brian worked long and hard on his physics project and felt very good about it when he closed down his computer at eleven o’clock and got ready for bed. It was about two o’clock in the morning when he was awoken by the sound of noise downstairs. At first he thought that it was Louise coming home extra late, and was concerned incase she woke their parents, though she would only have herself to blame if she crawled in this late smelling of alcohol like the very worst sort of person. It was not so much the voices slurred by too much drink that made Brian recognize the revelers’ identity but the fact that there were two voices, both older, one male, the other female. At first he refused to believe it, but when the former began a drunken monologue about a chess set, he realized that it was his parents who had come in utterly inebriated. So all this time,’ his father was saying, ‘I thought that Tom had swiped the chess set and he thought that I had taken that painting by Derwatt. I bet it was Constance who swiped both, that thieving old witch. All this time, at each other’s throats, avoiding each other. Still we made up for it tonight. Tom and his banjo playing, what a riot. We’ve got to have him and Janice over sometime soon. Did you see Helen and her new one! From the drunken ramblings, Brian gathered that his father and uncle had been reconciled through the medium of copious quantities of alcohol. When his mother spoke, it seemed that she (despite the lack of a designated driver) had similarly partaken of the liquid refreshment offered. Brian, half ashamed of himself for prying, quietly opened his bedroom door, and stood halfway in the unlit corridor, his eyes adjusting and realizing that another figure, Louise, stood in a similar state nearby. They exchanged unspoken greetings and listened intently to the novel sound of their drunken parents. You know Tom offered us the use of that second home they have, that lodge over by the lake. That would be wonderful.’ responded his wife, a husky quality in her voice’s timbre, no doubt the result of a return to smoking the cigarettes that she had quit two years before. There was a loud clatter, and the two siblings heard the sound of Joni Mitchell rising up the stairs from the music system in the living room. Dance with me, my darling!’ exclaimed their father. But what about the children.’ half-hissed, half-giggled their mother. Don’t be silly,’ they heard their father saying as the sound of two drunken middle-aged people dancing badly came from below, ‘Dancing doesn’t make you pregnant. Louise and Brian were not sure if the music was turned off deliberately, or by accident, though a sound like their father tripping over an electrical cable did accompany its cessation. The moment’s silence was broken by some intermittent giggling and other noises, and then they heard their father announce in a loud drunken voice, ‘Come on Judy, enough of this! Hang the Markton account, screw Henderson and our golf game tomorrow, forget your appointment at the salon, its all so much bunk! Let’s go lodge with Tom’s fleas by the lake. Sorry, let’s go flee to Tom’s lodge by the lake. But the children…’ began his wife. We’ll leave them a note. They can take care of themselves. And if not, we can always make some more… Brian and Louise took a while to realize why the dialogue ended and what the noises that emitted from below represented. When understanding struck them, they exchanged a look of mutual abhorrence and quickly closed their doors. Both tried very hard to blot out the noise from below and go to sleep.

The next morning, Brian was awoken by the sound of the clock-radio playing from his parents’ bedroom. Usually his mother turned it off before the first song of the ‘oldies channel’ had had a chance to play all the way through. This time it went one playing. Brian got up and apprehensively went into his parents’ bedroom. He had half-expected to see it all organized, the bed unslept in. Whilst the bed had indeed been uninhabited during the night, its covers were rumpled from where a couple of suitcases had been hastily packed on top of it. Brian stood there stupefied, absently listening to the song on the radio something about moons, Junes and Ferris Wheels before turning it off, and went downstairs. Louise was already up, drinking some orange juice. In her hand was a note. Brian observed that the downstairs was in quite a state. Mom and dad have run away.’ said Louise, holding the note up. For good?’ asked Brian No, just for the weekend. We should tidy. Louise looked around, as if noticing the mess for the first time. ‘You’re right.’ she agreed.

It took some time for them to get the house looking presentable, and it wasn’t until they had sat down for some lunch that Brian suddenly remembered the football game. Partly he felt that he should not go, as he had no interest in the game, but at the same time he felt he owed something to Kyle to go and watch him play. He reminded Louise about the game and from her expression it was clear that she too had forgotten, despite leading a chant of ‘Death to the Jaypigeons’ in the cafeteria the previous day. The school took its sports very seriously. As they went upstairs to get ready to go to the game, Louise paused at her door and said, ‘Did you want to… No’ replied Brian as her voice trailed off. ‘Mandy does not exist anymore.

TIME OUT It is time for a quick confession from me, the author, to you, the reader. Several correspondents have expression confusion about which sport it is that Kyle plays, as I refer to him as a football player but call him a catcher. To put your minds at rest, here is the explanation. As an English T-girl living in the states, I know incredibly little about American Football beyond that fact that cheerleader outfits are cute and I want to get one. I know that the ball is occasionally kicked or thrown forward, and I assumed that someone had the job of getting up the field and being there to catch it. Hence I referred to Kyle as the catcher. I did try to read more about the game to add realism, but, to be honest, felt that life was too short. If you have been reading this tale just for a description of a football game then I apologize. The following text contains scenes from a game that are probably inaccurate. Please bear with me, or feel free to offer a suitable rewriting. (Now if these darn colonials would just learn how to play cricket, none of this would be a problem…)

The stands around the football pitch were packed, with catcalls and general abuse being hurled between the two sets of opposing fans. Tiffany and the other cheerleaders were bouncing up and down in front of the home team’s fans, waving their pompoms, doing high kicks and generally trying to encourage the fans to even greater levels of frenzy. Across the pitch, the Jaypigeons’ cheerleaders were doing the same for the own fans. Brian and Louise were just finding some seats next to Michelle and Phil when a big cheer went up and the two teams took the field. The game got off to a bad start for Roger and his men. In short succession, the Jaypigeons managed to touch down two in the end zone. This inauspicious start was quickly rectified when first Randy and then Roger himself managed to even up the score. Having little real idea of what was going on, Brian followed the game as best he could. Whilst he tried to pay attention to the point of action, he kept finding his eyes drifting towards Kyle. The older youth was having a bad game. Two throws that he should have easily caught and run with were fumbled, allowing the Jaypigeons to seize both the ball and the initiative. Brian had not seen Kyle play before, but from what he had heard from both the other players and Kyle himself, this was not typical of ‘Mr. Safehands’ as Mark had once styled him. Brian found himself getting tenser and tenser as the game progressed. Repeatedly the Jaypigeons pushed ahead, and his own school worked hard to even the score back, missing crucial opportunities to take the lead. His pounding heart made him feel giddy, and he closed his eyes, closing out the scene before him, trying hard to close out the sounds of the fans, the players, the cheerleaders. With a strangely sense of detachment, Brian saw the whole scene in his mind’s eye as if from afar. The soft, white clouds floating overhead took on various forms: bows, angel hair, ice-cream castles…

Brian was not sure how long he had been lost in his thoughts, but he suddenly became aware of Louise shaking him, and he opened his eyes to see her looking at him with concern. ‘Are you ok? He paused for a moment, blinked twice, then answered distantly, ‘Yes. Yes I think so. How’s the game going? Louise looked depressed. ‘Badly. There are only two more downs to go, and we’re three points behind. How is Kyle playing? Very, very grim.’ This verdict came from Phil, ‘The guy’s not on his game. Brian rubbed his forehead, feeling the cold, moist sweat on it. ‘I need a glass of water.’ he said, and, leaving the others made his way down to the side of the stand. Louise watched him go, ready to follow, but holding back. Brian needed time alone.

Tiffany did not hear him call her the first time, but his second attempt made her turn around. She and her girls were cheering for all that they were worth, urging the team onto one final heroic act, but she came back when Brian beckoned to her, the look on his face enough to make her realize it was important. Tiffany,’ he said, not realizing that he had never actually spoke to the head cheerleader before, ‘I need you to help me do something. Brian explained his plan to Tiffany, his words falling over each other. At first she looked unsure, but looking back to the field, and the performance of the star receiver, she nodded agreement. Calling to two of her fellow cheerleaders, one to follow and one to take over her leadership role, she headed back towards the changing rooms with Brian.

It was during the final few minutes of the game when Brian and Tiffany returned. Their school team had managed to hold off the Jaypigeons’ sustained attacks, but they still needed a touchdown to turn losing to their deadliest rivals into a victory. Despite the clamor of the excited fans, the voice screaming at the top of its lungs the single name Kyle drew people’s attention enough for their own shouts to subside with astonishment. Randy, who had the ball in his massive fists was probably the last to turn towards the figure on the touchline calling out Kyle’s name, but even he stopped in his tracks. There had not been time to get a replacement wig for Brian, though Tiffany and the other girl, Beth, had done a fair job in turning his boy’s hair into a boyish female style. The make up did make up for the hairstyle however, and his face certainly seemed that of a pretty young girl. Beth had given up her cheerleader outfit for the good of the team, and now Brian stood at the touchline dressed in the school’s short blue and white cheerleading outfit, rolled up socks filling out the bra underneath the blue and white shell. The shoes pinched his feet a little, but he was giddy with excitement and did not notice. It is possible for a cross dresser to perfect feminine mannerisms, a more womanly gait and a softer, ladylike voice. However, when one is screaming at the top of one’s lungs, such niceties tend to be lost. The crowd, therefore were unsure whether the pretty young cheerleader with the boyish hairstyle was a boy or girl. Feeling all the eyes of the crowd and players on him, Brian took a deep breath. Waving his pompoms in a general approximation of how he had seen the cheerleaders act, he began to chant, making up the words as he went. Come on Mr. Safehands, Don’t let us down, Show those Jaypigeons that we don’t mess around. Do it for your Mandy, do it for your school, I’ll show you my thanks.’ Brain winked at Kyle and licked his lips, ‘with a mouthful. The crowd went wild as Brian blew Kyle a kiss, and the older youth laughed loudly whilst his teammates roared their approval. The Jaypigeons were utterly bemused. Kyle seemed suddenly dynamic and shouted to Randy to throw the ball to him. As the football flew through the air, Brian dropped his pompoms and jumped up and down, bringing his feet up behind him as he had seen the girls do. Several of the opposing team tried to catch the ball, tried to muscle Kyle aside, but he was back in his zone. Barging them aside, he wrapped his long fingers around the football, turned as he landed and plowed his way through the remaining Jaypigeons to score a touchdown. The crowd went wild. To the various fans calling out to Mandy, Brian turned, blew kisses, flashed his little blue cheerleading brief-clad ass. It felt so good to be alive. In the stand, as Louise and Phil embraced, Michelle shook her head, ‘He’s changed.’ she murmured in disbelief. Shortly afterwards the final whistle went, and it was all over. Brian ran across the field and was caught up in Kyle’s embrace. The older youth span around with him in his arms. ‘Mandy,’ he began, but Brian motioned for him to be silent. Let’s get inside to somewhere private.’ said Brian. The crowd was all over the pitch, and Brian’s feet, sticking out behind him as he was carried in a bear hug by Kyle almost caused a couple of injuries to people in the milling crowd. Mark and Randy, tactfully and silently fell in along side the pair of them, acting as silent escorts through the milling mass of students until they were safely inside.

Brian was high on the moment. He knew that what he had done was crazy, might permanently blight his carefully planned future, but he did not care. Something might have been lost through his actions, but something had been gained. He didn’t know if he wanted to go on being Mandy, if he was gay, straight or whatever, if he and Kyle would be an item or for how long. For the first time in as long as he could remember, Brian did not have a clue about the future. Or rather any further into the future than the next thirty minutes. Kyle carried him to a small office just past the team changing rooms. He had to put Brian down to open the door, and was breathing heavily as they went inside. Brian/Mandy stood facing Kyle and the older youth put his arms around the young cheerleader. ‘I thought you said you couldn’t have Mandy jeopardizing your future. I did. But I thought… Brian put a finger on Kyle’s lips, ‘Don’t think so much. Brian kissed Kyle, and the feeling was returned. When their lips parted, Brian lowered himself into a kneeling position, so that he was directly facing Kyle’s pelvic area. For a second he closed his eyes and tuned out all the worries in his mind, all his concerns about the future. Opening his eyes again, he pulled down Kyle’s football trousers, pulled away the protective box and faced, once again, the older youth’s already hardening penis. Mandy wetted her lips and began the oral embrace.

as of 8/26/2002