Tails
By Rachel Carpenter
(Continuing a story started by Sapphire and Lyhnn Copper)
Chapter 39
Dear Samantha,
This is a very difficult letter to write. I love
you very much, but I feel I can’t go on the way things are. Hell the only thing
that was going right was our relationship and now I have fucked that up
totally. I don’t know how to say any of this, I am sure it will come out wrong.
I need to go away for a while. I am screwing up
too much while I am here and I am too ashamed to face you. I am going to the
ocean; I think that may be the best and safest place for me right now. With only
a lot of fish to hang with, I feel I might be able to deal with this a little
better.
Sam, I am such a coward! I have done a terrible
thing and I am scared to tell you. I am afraid you may hate me for the rest of
your life and frankly, you would have every right to do that. But if you can
find it inside yourself to forgive me.....
I cheated on you. There, I said it. I cheated on
you with Bob, and Linda. I am horrible! I wish I could say that it was not my fault,
that the magic of the mermaid overwhelmed them and they took me against my
will, but that would be a lie. I started it. I had “tailed”. I was missing you
so bad and thinking of you made me so horny, I began to play with myself,
touching and licking my breasts while I watched in the mirror. I made a lot of
noise, obviously, because Bob and Linda came to check that I was okay. When
they saw what I was doing, they joined in. The three of us; we touched and got
so very excited. Then Bob fucked me. Linda kept pleasuring herself and the two
of us as Bob rammed me until I thought he would split me in two. If I thought I
made you feel anything like that when I made love to you, then I am glad,
because it was the most intense orgasm of my life.
Honey, I have to go away. I am not strong enough
to not give in to temptation again. You probably think I am the scum of the
earth and you would be right, but I don’t want to cheat on you ever again and
this seems to be my only option.
I would totally understand if you decided to
divorce me. Hell, since “Terri” can’t show up in court, you could get a divorce
on the grounds of abandonment. Then you could put this whole mess behind you,
forget me, and go on with a more normal life. Maybe that would be the best idea
for you. I certainly can’t ask you to wait around until I am back to normal.
That is too much, especially after all the pain I have caused you.
I am going to the beach today, I plan to stay a
mermaid most of the time, so that if I need to be human, I’ll never be out of
time. If you want to visit, I’ll leave a beer bottle for you to put a note in,
telling me where to meet you. There is a rock that is totally uncovered at low
tide, but that is almost submerged at high tide. That is where I will put the
bottle, so you can leave me a message if you want.
If you never wanted to see me again, I would
understand completely. I have been a complete bastard, and have abused your
love and trust. But if you want to meet, if only to curse me out, I’ll be
there. I will always love you, Sam, and never stop wanting to be with you, but
in light of my actions, all choices are up to you. Try not to blame Bob and
Linda too much, I think the mermaid magic overwhelmed them and they could not
help themselves. I know that they would never knowingly hurt you. Please
forgive them. It was my fault, and I am so sorry.
Love you
forever,
Terri
I put the pen down and reread my letter three times before
looking up to find Linda setting a cup of coffee on the table for me. She
silently moved the creamer and sugar bowl nearer and put a spoon down on the
saucer. She glanced at me, then her eyes darted away when they met mine. There
was a look of infinite sadness in that momentary connection. I don’t know if I
saw pity for me, or remorse for her in those dark brown depths.
Somehow it really didn’t matter, the grief threatened to
cloud them with tears, and I reached out to hug her. We held each other,
exchanging comfort, reluctant to break the contact. But I did turn away first,
folded the letter, placed it in the envelope and sealed the flap. I wrote
“Samantha” on the front and propped it against the sugar bowl. Linda had
assured me she would get it to Sam. With my head in my hands, I went over my
decision.
I was scared, terrified of being alone, dreading my
decision, but there was no help for it. I did not pack anything more than a
bathing suit, in case I had to go up on the beach in human form. I did not
think I would need clothes in the ocean, in fact, they would only be a
hindrance, nude would be easier. I thought that I could stash the suit in a
crevice of my special rock; easy to retrieve when I might need it, but safe
from constant immersion in seawater. I kept going over things in my mind,
trying to figure out what I might have missed, some detail that would put off
my leaving for the beach.
Shit! How was I going to handle makeup and skin care?! Would
I need sunscreen for protection? Would my breasts burn from the sun? Would I
peel? Would the salt water hurt my hair? Was I being totally stupid? Panic
welled up in me. What was I going to do?!
I tried to still my mind and think rationally. How could I
protect myself from the elements? I turned to Linda, with tears in my eyes and
begged her help. We made a plan to supply me with waterproof sunscreen, and
long wearing makeup. Linda explained that long wearing makeup actually had the
same lacquer as hairspray had in it. It had a better chance of holding up under
the conditions of my new lifestyle. The sunscreen would need to be applied a
lot, and that would be a real pain. How did other mermaids do it?
Aww shit! Now I was thinking that there were other mermaids!
But wait, how did I know there weren’t other mermaids? If anyone had told me
that there were witches, and that they could do magic, magic that really
worked, I would have called him a liar or a fool. But there were witches, and
they could do a lot more than pull a rabbit out of a hat. I was proof of that
fact. My mind toyed with the thoughts of other mermaids and I began to
fantasize about undersea coffee klatches and pearl stringing parties. Maybe I
could travel the seas with my mermaid sisters.......What was I thinking, had I
lost all contact with reality? But the thoughts kept intruding. I guess I was
trying to find something positive to focus on. Everything else about my life
seemed to be dismal and hopeless, I needed a happy thought to offset my
depression. I was losing my Sam, how could I live without her? Well I guess I
was going to find out soon.
*****
The drive to the beach was silent. Linda and I stopped at
the drug store to pick up my beauty supplies and looked for a waterproof case
to store my stuff in. Linda found this vacuum bag that squeezed out the air and
kept out moisture. This should certainly work for my skin care and makeup. They
could now be stored with my emergency suit on my rock. I chose moisturizing
shampoo and deep conditioner for my hair and added it to my pile of supplies.
It all seemed so silly, so silly. But I went on, robot like, my whole body
feeling stiff and unnatural. Linda and I got back in the car; Bob still wasn’t
talking and avoided looking at us. He started the engine, made a complicated
deal of choosing a cd to listen to, turned up the volume to cover the
awkwardness, and drove out of the parking lot. It was almost physically painful
to watch. I felt as if he would be happier if I did not exist, if last night
had been just a weird nightmare that he was having trouble forgetting. The trip
was only a half hour, but it felt like days. The tears I had held through the
entire morning threatened to spill over. Linda asked if I was alright, and I
said yes, it was the breeze from the open window that stung my eyes, that’s
all.
I had mixed feelings when we pulled into the beach parking
lot. There were a few other cars there, but no people were evident. I slid off
the back seat, looking at my legs and thinking that it would be a long time
before I saw those again. The sand was white and sparkly in the late morning
sun, I kicked off my sandals and stuffed them into my “space” bag and walked
barefoot toward the rocks. The tide seemed to be low. As we silently trudged
toward my chosen rocks, we could see that only an inch or so of water crept up
the side of the stone. The sand under our feet got firmer and darker as we went
closer, changing to muddy and yielding at the wave line. Fear grew more and
more insistent, and I had to work even harder to stay calm and not to panic. I
splashed to the rocks, the soaked sand clutching at my feet. I held myself
tall, clinging to the old axiom “Big boys don’t cry.” But I didn’t feel like a
big boy anymore, I felt like a scared little mermaid. I was walking away from
everything I had ever known. My life as a man, my years as a husband, my
beautiful wife, and even my friends seemed to be staying here as I was going
away, maybe for good. I consciously tried to change the tape that played over
and over in my head, but I couldn’t. i couldn’t blot out the doubt and fear
that consumed me.
When we reached the rock, I found that it was easy to climb.
There were convenient hand and footholds up two sides. Bob took my things and
easily scaled the side closest to the shore. There was a big fissure in the
surface of its flat top that would hold my meager bundle. He stuffed the bag in
the crack and climbed down. The time for farewells was growing closer; each of
us avoided the eyes of the others. I scanned the beach for other people.
Luckily, it was deserted; I did not want other people to complicate my “moving
in” process. Hugging Linda goodbye was awkward, but hugging Bob was torture.
Our bodies pulled away from each other as if they were on fire. We still could
not meet each other’s eyes. “Terri,” Bob murmured, “I am sorry that this
happened, I...”
“Bob,” I cut him off. “It was my fault if it was anybody’s.
Let us try to forget it.” Right, I thought, like any of us was ever going
forget a man in the form of a mermaid, having sex with his best friend and his
wife. Even if I disappeared for the rest of time, none of us was ever going to
forget one tiny detail of last night. I could only hope that the pain that went
with it would fade over the years.
Bob and Linda turned their backs to shield me from prying
eyes and I unfolded a beach towel and set it aside. I unzipped my skirt and
slid it down over my legs. I folded it neatly and set it on a dry stone. My
blouse was next, my wedding ring bouncing against my chest as I leaned over to
set the blouse down. I debated for a moment about slipping off the chain that
held that ring, but I could not break my last connection with Sam, so it stayed
around my neck. I clutched the ring in my hand, the ache in my heart a physical
pain that took my breath away. Fear and panic started to rise again, but I
stuffed them down and straightened up. I unhooked my bra, and with another
quick glance around, freed my breasts and set the bra down. The cool breeze
teased my nipples into hard points, and I shivered. Half-slip and panties came
off in one motion and I tossed them on top. I stood naked on the sand and I
thought, I must look like Botecelli’s Venus, and then dismissed that thought as
ridiculous. I grabbed my towel and wrapped it around myself. At last I was
ready.
Bob and Linda parted and I walked to the wave line. I looked
back and said a mute goodbye and splashed into the water. It was cold at first,
and I got gooseflesh on my thighs, but then it just got tickly pleasant and I
moved faster into the deeper surf. The towel, heavy with water, began to drag
and fan out behind me. A wave caught it and I let it go. I dove under the next
wave and thought “tail”. As I glided upward, my hair lengthened and my legs
fused. When I broke the surface, I was “Mermaid Barbie” once again. I turned,
waved to Bob and Linda, and dove deep into the water, flicking my tail just
like in the movies. My new adventure was beginning.
************************
The water no longer seemed cold; in fact, it caressed me
like warm silk as I swam deeper. Even though it got darker the further I went,
I marveled that I could see everything so clearly. Fish, large and small,
darted away from my path. Rocks sparkled in the muted lights from above. I kept
looking everything at once, trying to take it all in and failing miserably.
There was just so much to see, I couldn’t seem to swim fast enough. I darted
here and there, up and down, and back and forth, completely absorbed in my new
world. I was busily exploring a bed of seaweed when it hit me. I could breathe
just fine, my sight and hearing seemed improved, and I moved as easily through
the water as I had ever moved through air, more easily in fact. I turned,
flipped, somersaulted and raced. The freedom was intoxicating and I reveled in
it. When thoughts of Sam crossed my mind, I felt suddenly guilty. How could I
feel any joy without my Sam? A film blurred my vision, muting the colors and
smearing the shapes, taking all the magic out of the scene.
She would be reading the letter soon. Bob and Linda promised
to hand deliver it to her as soon as they got back home. I asked them to wait
to explain and comfort Sam after she finished reading, and they swore to be
supportive. I hoped it would be enough.
A movement to my right caught my attention. A flash of
silvery blue green just out of my line of sight drew me like a magnet. Odd, I
thought as I followed the glimpses. My moods seem to shift as easily as an
ocean breeze, happy to sad, joyful to depressed. It was very strange, I
thought, why was I so mercurial? Again I wondered if I was caught in the magic
of the moment, or whether the magic was in me? The silver gleam caught me again
and I was off, swimming as fast as I could, forgetting my dilemmas in the
pursuit of my prize. In and out of seaweed tangles, over rocks and under coral
outcroppings, I followed as quickly as I could, but the creature eluded me,
always out of reach. I was obsessed with touching it.
Vaguely I realized that I was swimming far from my beach.
This went against my plans to stay as close to Samantha as I could, but I was
driven by something I did not understand. The water went on forever and I was
swimming hard and fast. Finally, I became so winded that I could not go on. Funny
how language is the last thing to go. Winded, ha! ha!
I looked around, I had no idea where I was or what was the
way back, but I was more concerned with finding my quarry than anything else.
As my strength and energy returned, I spotted it. The damn thing had been
waiting for me all along. I started after it, swimming slowly, only to find
that it maintained our separation exactly. My tail cut the water in graceful
arcs and I took the opportunity to sightsee. Everything was so beautiful! It
all looked as if viewed through rippled green glass. It took my breath away.
There I go again, breath, humph!
My creature beckoned; it was closer now and I knew that my
journey’s end must be near. A huge rock formation loomed ahead, and my creature
circled around it, only to disappear from sight. I swam faster, knowing that
this was my only link with safety, but not understanding how I knew it. I
rounded the last outcropping and stopped, mesmerized by what I saw.
It was an underground room, enclosed on three sides by tall
rock formations. There was light everywhere, glowing from the wall itself. A
phosphorescent halo suffused the water around it, reflected back upon itself by
what looked to be thousands of pearly seashells. Gently waving seaweed trees
softened the jagged edges of the rocks, and coral sculptures seemed placed by
design. I drifted around the room, absorbed in the beauty and symmetry.
I spent a long time exploring the space, becoming more and
more enamored of it. I found myself dreaming of how to make the room my own. I
wondered how it had come to be created. Did a storm just blow everything
around? Because of the shape of the rock formation, maybe it caught the shells
that were flying about and they settled here. Still the more I looked at the
complex arrangement of the shells, coral and plants, the more I became sure
that this was done on purpose. But who could have done it?
I suddenly remembered my silver blue guide. Where had it gone?
For that matter, what had it been? Some sort of fish, I thought, with all
those silvery scales on its tail. I had not seen its head though, so it would
be impossible to tell what kind of fish. I had never liked fishing, my dad
liked it alot, but even as a small boy, fishing had not interested me in the
least. In retrospect that was poor preparation on my part, I mused. So I knew
nothing about types of fish, ocean or freshwater or flying for that matter.
Well no matter, it seemed to have deserted me.
I directed my attention back to my new “home”. It seemed to
be as good a place as any and better that most. Hell, the initial decorating
was already done. It just needed some of my personality. First, I needed a bed
of some sort, sharp seashells as a mattress did not appeal to me. What to use
that wouldn’t float away? I stroked around the edge of the rock opening, picked
up a few likely looking corals and discarded them. Maybe I had to think outside
the box. Wow! That was a thought out of my past. I used to chide my workers
with that phrase; I had been such a big, bad manager, but that was another
life. I continued my search for a suitable pillow.
**********************************
Sam sat in the car, not crying, not speaking, just sitting,
and staring out at the ocean. It seemed that she had been there only minutes,
but she glanced at the dashboard clock and saw that she had been sitting for
two and a half hours. The sun was low on the horizon, red and simmering in
purple clouds. It held her attention as she drifted back to the letter. Oh,
that horrible letter. How could Terri have hurt her that way? He seemed to
think that the changes in his life only affected him, that she had been somehow
insulated from everything that had happened. It was as if she hadn’t lost
anything, as if having the man you love changed into a mermaid or a woman was
no loss at all. After all, shouldn’t she be happy that such a magical event
occurred in her family? Didn’t she feel special? Terri was getting a chance to
explore sides of himself that were quite unique, why wasn’t she thrilled and
supportive? She was obviously selfish and petty. What excuse could she have for
that? Maybe because the man she loved was as good as dead, maybe that was a
mite upsetting! Anger suffused her and drove the sadness to one side. All she
had done was try to adapt to him! She got him clothes, a job, and makeup. She
had loved him, made love to him, guided him through the maze of womanhood, and
worked with him, in essence, changed her life for him. And in his marvelous
gratitude, he had fucked her friends! And then left her!
He had left her, he had LEFT her, and he was gone, gone. How
would she survive now? The tears filled her eyes and spilled over and down her
cheeks. Gut wrenching sobs tore through her body. Her hands slammed repeatedly
on the steering wheel as animal moans filled the car. She called his name over
and over; her personal mantra of grief, but it brought no comfort. She was
totally alone. She threw open the door violently, and stumbled out of the car.
Tearing across the beach, she fell three times and sand scraped her legs and
feet. Her hands were burning from pounding the wheel. But she took no notice.
The ocean was her goal, the ocean that had taken her Terri. She was not going
to let it get away with taking him. She wanted her husband back!
The momentum of her headlong rush carried her into the surf.
She never noticed the chilly water soaking her shoes and stockings. Her skirt
was freckled with the spray. Each wave threatened to knock her off her feet,
but she struggled to stay erect. Her hands were balled into fists and she held
them stiffly at her sides. She spent her grief at the edge of the sea.
A particularly strong wave slammed her and she went down,
sitting in seaweed-pebbled muck. She pushed the strands of soaked hair from her
face. Terri wasn’t coming. He could not hear her; he did not even know that she
was there. Her shoulders sagged, and her face melted in sorrow. She was done.
The tears flowed in waves that mimicked the sea. They dripped off her face to
mingle with the foam.
In the midst of choosing a cushy piece of seaweed, Terri
pulled up short.
“Sam!”
“TERRI” “TERRRRIIII” Sam screamed at the unheeding waves.
“TERRRRIII” Her cries carried only a few feet, drowned in the roar of the surf.
But she went on, screeching his name,
More Tails by Rachel Carpenter Coming Soon!
since 07/24/04