Sapphire's Place - Prudence Walker's

Head Case

By Prudence Walker

This story is dedicated to my dear friend Rebecca Anne Stewart or Becky, as her friends better know her. She is a bright light in my life, and always will be, no matter what the future may hold. I also need to make a special mention to my editor, Jan, whom I’d be lost without.

Chapter One - The Beginning

#Robin#

Robin was terrified! The matron in charge of the orphanage was after his hide again. Not that he’d done what he’d been accused of. At least he didn’t think so, though the periodic blackouts he suffered, made it hard to account for every minute of the day. Meanwhile, his response to the imminent danger of punishment was to hide in his head till the danger was past. As the strident voice of the matron yelled for him, he retreated into the blackness within his own head. Whilst, unknown to him, his body shuddered and it changed, adjusting to a more female appearance as the second personality began to surface and assume control.

#Robyn#

Robyn looked around, arranging her long straggly unkempt hair into a ponytail, never noticing how the colour had lightened and turned mainly blonde. Nor did she notice her eyes going from green to blue. Her face underwent a subtle change too, as if unseen hands were molding it. Matron stormed right past her; seemingly oblivious that the one she was looking for had been standing in full view. No sign remained, of the sexual characteristics belonging to Robin’s male form. The mechanism controlling the change ensured that only one sex was visible at a time, the other being completely withdrawn into the body, depending on the mind in control.

8 years earlier…

Two white clad scientists, a husband and wife team, were working on developing a new type of soldier, one that could blend into the background and not be seen. Their premise was, that by combining the characteristics of Chameleon DNA with human DNA, they could give a soldier the ability to alter his body and colouring to suit the situation. Unfortunately, things got out of hand when an explosion from an unrelated experiment next door destroyed their lab and injured the wife. Some of the experimental DNA that had been irradiated with radioactive cobalt, just minutes before, had entered her bloodstream though the injuries she received. The DNA coursed though her body and found its way to the unborn child she was carrying. With her baby due almost any time, she remained in the hospital in a critical condition.

A week later, when the baby was born, she succumbed to the additional stress of childbirth and died shortly after. The husband, distraught at having his life’s work destroyed and losing his wife at the same time, took his frustrations out on the only thing he had left, his child. The baby, although adequately nourished with food, suffered endless mental and emotional torment as the man screamed out his frustrations at it. He named him Robin. Yes Robin was a boy, although the mutant DNA in his body was working within to change that. What no one suspected, was that the DNA had picked up the female imprint of the mother; and was converting some of the boys DNA to female. Ultimately, this made him a hermaphrodite with both sets of sexual equipment. Eventually, when the father grew tired of the, by now two year old son, responsibility for the boy was sloughed off to an orphanage. The father’s daily tirades had had their effects, making the boy retreat to a place in his head, where the shouting became like a distant echo. The boy noticed, while in this state, that a second voice had developed, softer and more musical, soothing him to sleep as he hid away from his father.

Chapter Two - The Orphanage Experience

Robyn#

Robyn knew more about what was what than Robin did. She knew that Robin was sleeping in her head; and she often sang soothing songs to him when she was the dominant personality. She was older mentally than Robin, by at least three years, making her eleven. This was due to the stressful way she came into being. This age difference was reflected in her form becoming older looking than Robin's, as it ‘tuned’ itself to reflect the age of her mind. She often wondered why Robin existed in her female body, or why her periods of awareness were mostly limited to times of stress for her sleeping brother. She never realized as she ‘took over,’ that her personality dictated her sex, with Robin’s penis and sack retreating inside and leaving her looking perfectly normal. Her budding breasts itched as they swelled out slightly under the shirt she was wearing. It was easy to remain hidden away from matron in the maze that made up the orphanage. Funnily enough, a certain amount of information bled through from Robin. It was enough to allow her to function without making mistakes. Names of the other children for instance. She would know instinctively at a level just out of reach, just what a certain person’s name was. Her continuity of life was broken by fuzzy sections of semi awareness of Robin’s life, whereas Robin never remembered anything of the times when she was around.

She scuttled away to her favourite hidey-hole, a window behind an alcove that looked down on the street leading to the city, some distance away. There she would dream of the time when someone would drive up and take her away from this drab agonizing existence. She suspected that some of the kids knew of the way she and Robin coexisted in the same body. At least one or two had spoken to her about it, fortunately they seemed to think it was neat; and had promised never to reveal her to the staff or even talk to Robin when he was dominant. Both of them being girl’s helped, in her opinion. Of the others… well nothing had been said, it was the unspoken rule that nothing was ever blabbed to the staff, no matter what it was. Her reverie was interrupted by the harsh clang of the dinner gong, and she sighed, knowing Robin was about to head down for the evening meal. She felt Robin stir within her, and she closed her eyes as she felt him coming out, taking control of her body. She didn’t resist, knowing it was futile; and so she withdrew to her own special place where she could dream of wondrous things.

#Robin#

Robin found himself in the alcove again, wondering why it was that he seemed to always be there when he came back out to himself. He scratched his crotch, rearranging himself down there as his growing penis got caught in his underwear. He ignored this common occurrence as being normal after coming out from danger, so often, had it occurred. He scrambled downstairs, knowing it was dinnertime. He seemed to recall hearing the bell, even inside his secret retreat.

Matron fortunately, had other things on her mind at this time, and Robin being somewhat smallish for his age, could go unnoticed in the crowding at the dinning table. Food was eaten rapidly, like a pack of rats squabbling over a morsel. It was rarely filling, as the portions were rather minimal in quantity. Robin had never known what it was like to have a full stomach. Food was something to fill the void, rather than something to enjoy, not that the food looked particularly appetizing, you just ate it before someone else tried sneaking part of it. Desert was unheard of and it was water, milk, or tea for drinking.

Exercise consisted of running around the high walled grassed area behind the orphanage building. Schooling was done within the orphanage, as one of the staff was a qualified teacher. Robin liked her as she often brought in sweets for those that did well in their lessons. Not that Robin ever got the chance to sample the forbidden (by matron) luxuries. It wasn’t that he was a bad learner, or was particularly naughty; it was just that he got bored easily, drifting off into a half stupor. The teacher was constantly admonishing him to pay attention, even though he could have repeated the lesson verbatim. His memory just soaked up the lesson like a sponge, which led to boredom. Looking longingly at the carefully meted out sweets, he wished it could have been him that was the actual recipient. He’d even thought of kissing one of the girls who had been the lucky one, just to see if he could taste it on her lips.

For five years his life had been limited to the grounds of the property with no real mental stimulation other than class. Television had been banned after the only set, had been accidentally smashed during a fight over channels. Robin could vaguely remember seeing cartoons when he was first brought here; unfortunately it was broken and removed when he was three and a half years old. Strangers rarely visited, and when they did it was often a harrowing experience.

When a prospective parent was looking for a child, the orphans were lined up in rows, while ‘they’ were inspected like troops. He’d nearly been chosen once, until the people had been told he was a boy. He had wondered if he had looked girlish with the way his hair was tied back in a ponytail. His hair was long, but unlike most boys, he kept it neat and tidy, and so was never taken to get it cut as regularly as the others were. He’d even wished at that time that he had been a girl just to get picked and taken away from this place.

Chapter Three - Things get Complicated

Then, disaster struck…Infectious Mononucleosis, or Glandular Fever.

It struck like a lightening bolt, sweeping through the orphanage like fire. Its causes were undetermined, although it was suspected it had been brought in by one of the staff members. In such an enclosed environment, nearly every person was infected, Robin included. Unfortunately, as if things weren’t already bad enough, Robin developed Encephalitis as a complication.

This meant he was feverish and headachy with swollen lymph glands from the glandular fever, until the onset of the brain inflammation caused by the Encephalitis. His condition went unnoticed, until the overworked staff saw him go into convulsions. They sent for an ambulance, whereupon he was rushed into the nearest hospital.

Robin felt terrible, hot, swollen and in pain. He wanted out, to escape and he did what he always did, hide. Safe in his favourite place, he played with his imaginary toys.

#Robyn#

Robyn woke, in pain and disorientation. She quickly realized she was seriously ill, and in Robin’s bed. She could see the others in bed too, some were moaning and the staff were rushing around with wet cloths and helping others to drink glasses of water. She felt a little angry with Robin for leaving her to deal with this mess, but then realized this could be a blessing in disguise in some way. Usually her time ‘out’ was limited from a few minutes to half an hour, but if this illness lasted, she could be ‘out’ for days, or dare she think it, even weeks.

She didn’t get much of a chance to enjoy her time ‘out,’ if ‘enjoy’ was the correct term. This was not exactly what she would call fun, being sick and all. Her brain was even now, being attacked. The membranes covering the brain were being irritated and other neurological damage was taking place. Her thoughts got fuzzy as she started convulsing, and mercifully she finally lapsed into unconsciousness, as the staff finally noticed her fevered motions, decided to call for an ambulance. The staff, feeling harried, never noticed the child was supposed to be male, and the ambulance men never questioned it either.

Later, at the hospital…

#Robin/Robyn#

Voices trickled down through the delirium of unconsciousness to Robyn and even Robin could hear the muted conversation. One of the things that seemed confusing to Robin was hearing him being referred to, in the feminine. He knew they were talking about him, unless there was another Robin nearby, but the pronouns were, ‘she’ and ‘her,’ as they discussed his situation.

Robyn on the other hand, was paralyzed; at least that’s what it felt like. She could feel her body being examined by the doctors, but was unable to respond. It was as if she was limbo, a passenger. She felt the doctors prodding her breasts and checking her genitals, as she lay there feeling scared. She could hear things clearly but in her disconnected state, they didn’t really impact on her mind. Robyn was just letting it wash over her as she felt herself slip into a semi coma.

“Are you sure this is the one named Robin on her birth certificate? It has her marked as M, surely someone forgot the F in front of it? It’s a pity this is all the record she has,” one of the voices, asked.

“Well obviously she’s female, I wonder where she was born and where her records are? I’m surprised her breasts are so prominent for a seven year old. I would guess she’s at least three or four years older than what is on her birth certificate. Another voice answered.

“You know how these orphanages are like. Their records are poor at the best of times. If we get on the paper work now, we can have the amended birth certificate ready for when she goes back, I think for clarity, I’ll change the spelling of her name as well.” The second voice said. “The main thing is to get her better. Encephalitis is serious on its own, without the added complications of Glandular fever as well.”

“That’s a good idea, Robin with a ‘y?’ Do you think there could be any brain damage or paralysis from the attack?”

“These things are never certain, only time will tell. For the next few days it will be touch and go, and her recovery could take weeks. It’s all in the constitution of the particular individual. Just do a routine blood workup. She looks under weight so check platelets and electrolytes levels. Oh! Make sure we get a blood type too, it’s not in her records.”

“Anything else?”

“No, we haven’t time for all that, just rush that through stat.”

Chapter Four - Died and Gone to Heaven

#Robin#

Robin was confused. Surely they must be mistaken, if indeed they were talking about him. Sensations unfamiliar had coursed though his body as the examination was completed. He wasn’t expecting the feeling he received from his chest area; it felt swollen as if two huge lumps had grown there. He thought it might have been mumps from the fever. His penis felt odd as the doctors had opened his legs and prodded. Mentally he shrugged, and he assumed the reason it seemed to be inside his body was due to the mumps as well. He wasn’t ready to face the world yet, knowing that he was still ill. Oddly, he missed the comforting voice that used to lull him to sleep. It had stopped a short time ago, as if moving away, and getting fainter. Sleep slowly claimed him, and he snuggled into a mental ball and allowed the approach of peaceful oblivion.

A week later…

Doctors, fussing with the intravenous drip that was infusing the small child with life sustaining chemicals and nutrients, caused the awakening of the only personality capable of rational thought. Robin became aware of strange sensations, there seemed to be tubes stuck inside him down below. He could feel something in his arm as well; he opened his eyes and moved slightly, alerting the doctors nearby.

“Hello Robyn, I’m doctor D.J.Pickle, but you can call me Don or Deejay. How do you feel? Can you move your toes?” The doctor, leaning close, asked.

“Uhummmm, I feel weird,” Robin groaned, managing to wriggle his toes.

“That’s very good,” the doctor responded, as he observed the movement of the girl’s toes. “We do have some tubes in you, I expect that’s what feels weird. “ Don’t worry, as soon as you’re able to walk, those will come out and then you can go to the toilet normally.” The doctor explained patiently.

“Okay, but my voice seems different, and my body feels swollen.” Robin added, as he tried to look at his feet. He could see the sheets as they rose up in the chest area and he used his free hand to touch the swellings gingerly. “I have boobies!” He exclaimed in shock.

“Well young lady, its time to face facts. You are a growing girl; sometimes girls mature quicker than normal. It’s nothing to be worried about.” The doctor tried reassuringly, not seeing the growing panic in the girl’s demeanor.

“But, but… I’m a boy,” Robin protested, “I don’t want boobies.”

The doctor looked at Robin for a moment, weighing up the possibility of a mental disorder. His face cleared of its speculative look as a possible explanation came to mind.

“Honey, its okay, we know you were told you were a boy, but there was a serious mistake made when you were born and the record of your birth saying you were a boy is wrong. That’s been fixed, and now it shows you were born a girl.” He whispered to her, while thinking the staff of the orphanage needed a rocket up their collective asses for their incompetence. Perhaps they didn’t look at the birth certificate closely, possibly, they rushed the procedures and never realized, he thought, not letting any sign of his thoughts show to Robin.

Robin was aghast, at the news. He was a girl? No way! Never! But, as he explored further down under the sheets his hand couldn’t find his doodle. He started to sob, feeling betrayed by his own body. He didn’t see the doctor look at him in concern and move to insert a hypodermic needle into the IV line, sending a sedative into Robin. In minutes, Robin was asleep, and a nurse came and gently wiped the salty residue from her face.

Next morning…

Robin woke, feeling better. The IV was gone, just a small bandage remaining over the spot. The tubes below were gone as well, allowing him to turn over in bed. The strange feel of his body wasn’t quite as noticeable, although his new boobies sent odd feeling through him as he moved. He couldn’t decide if it was a nice feeling or just plain weird. His stomach rumbled and he wondered if they would feed him today.

As if sensing he was awake, an orderly entered, wheeling a trolley with several covered plates on top. Robins eyes widened as the covers were whisked off, revealing the contents. The expected cereal was absent, courtesy of the doctors orders that she be feed a hot breakfast usually normally reserved for high medical coverage patients. Robin’s mouth watered at the sight of toast with a pot of jam, a plate with a poached egg on another slice of toast, two rashers of bacon and a link of sausage with a grilled tomato on top. One thing caught his eye, the tall glass of orange drink. ‘Was it juice made from real oranges?” He wondered, recalling the infrequent times when the children were given real slices of fruit. Eating a quarter slice of orange for the first time had seemed heavenly, it was something that only came infrequently as a treat.

“Is that all mine?” Robin asked, hopefully.

“Yes honey, here, let me help you to sit up,” the orderly said setting some pillows behind Robin’s back.

Robyn was so intent of the food, he hardly noticed what he was wearing until he was fully sitting up. The pink nightie with the lace around the bodice, gave him a moments pause, before hunger put paid to any further protest. As soon as the food was transferred to the special table that allowed the meal to be slid across the bed, he tore into it, surprising the orderly with his haste to get it all in his mouth.

“Hey! Slow down kid, you’ll get indigestion eating that way, nobody’s going to take it away from you,” he reassured the hungry girl, seeing the possessive way she was huddled over it. ‘Boy, judging by the way she tore into it, I’d guess she’d never had a decent meal in her life before.’ The sympathetic orderly thought, before making a mental note to inform the doctor.

Robin finished everything and lay back, feeling full for the very first time in his whole complicated life. The drink was real orange juice; he had drunk it slowly, savouring every drop, while trying to burn the taste into his memory. He plucked at the nightie bemusedly, wondering at its softness. It felt nice against his skin and he wished he could take it with him on the return to the orphanage. Thoughts about his new gender status hadn’t really sunk in yet, nor the reaction to it on his return.

Suddenly, he had the urge to pee. He looked around, seeking the nearest place to go. Sliding out of the bed, he blushed as the nightie brushed gently against his body. He staggered around drunkenly on unsteady legs, weakened by his long stay abed. Finding a doorway leading to a bathroom, Robin stumbled to the potty and stood uncertainly before it, as he lifted the nightie. Realization dawned on him; that he really was a she now, as he failed to find his doodle. Pondering for a moment as the pressure built, Robin turned and sat, hoping that somehow, wherever it was supposed to come out, it would be in the bowl.

It wouldn’t come out, as he sat with his legs squeezed together, until he tried relaxing, looking down, he could see it hissing out from the folds of his new arrangement. Feeling the wetness when it finished, he dabbed some paper on it, not knowing if he was doing it wrong or not.

He washed his hands in the hand basin, before looking at him? Or was it herself, in the mirror. Robin could see the changes in ‘her’ face, for it was definitely female. The longer lashes and the larger doe like eyes sat above the cute slightly upturned nose. The lips were larger and the skin was so much finer than before. The hair was now blonde and seemed silky and much finer, as he ran his hands through it. He, or rather she, looked much older than his nine years, and he remembered the two doctors mentioning the discrepancy.

#Robyn#

Robyn was drifting along in a dream. She had dreamt that she was at a banquet. The food had smelled scrummy, and she was drinking such fabulous tasting beverages by the glassful. She then felt she was dancing in this pink gown that caressed her legs. Somewhere in her mind, a tiny thought was wondering if this was really happening in Robin's life, and she was getting a kind of echo effect. She hoped so, because it meant something nice had happened, for him to feel, taste and experience such fabulous things. She drifted off again, half wondering what was in store for both herself and Robin.

#Robin#

Walking back to the bed, the door opened and the doctor entered, just as Robin was trying to climb into bed, finding it difficult with the restriction of the nightie.

“Here, let me help,” the doctor said, as he boosted her onto the bed and tucked her in.

“Thanks, Mr…” Robin stumbled over the doctor’s name. He seemed to remember him; but was so sleepy and confused before, he couldn’t recall his name

“Pickles?” Assisted the doctor, “But I prefer Deejay, I’ll let you into a secret, but don’t tell anyone.” He said conspiringly. “It’s short for Don Juan,” pickles waited for the penny to drop, but as the seconds passed without a giggle, he elucidated. “Don Juan pickles, get it? Like at McDonald’s.” The doctor was very puzzled at the blank uncomprehending look on the child’s face. ‘Hadn’t she heard of McDonald’s? Where had this child been all her life.’ He knew she was living at the orphanage, but surely it wasn’t that bad, not in this day and age. His next question raised some suspicious fears.

“Haven’t you ever had a hamburger before, Robyn?”

“Is that a person from Hamburg?” Robin asked, wondering why he got the feeling they were talking about two different things.

“No honey, it’s a meal they sell at McDonald’s, for one. What do they feed you at the orphanage?”

The doctor grew ill at the sorry tale, which Robin poured out to him. Even hardened as he was, to pain and suffering that he saw every day in some of the wards, Robin’s innocent revealing of the conditions at the orphanage turned his stomach. Vowing to do something about it, he comforted the child, promising to get her a hamburger, even if he had to go buy it himself.

Don went out, promising to return soon, as Robin remained in bed. True to his word, he returned with a small portable TV from his office and quickly set it up in Robin's room. Showing her how to operate the remote control, he left, but not before handing her a chocolate bar like he used as energy food between meals. He paused at the door, watching her expression as she opened the wrapper, and took her first hesitant bite. He got tears in his eyes and quickly rushed out, wiping his eyes, before anyone else saw them.

Robin was getting overwhelmed with surprises. A TV? All just for him? Wow! Then, when the nice doctor handed him a chocolate bar, explaining what it was, he started to shake in excitement. Opening the wrapper, Robin sniffed it, cautiously, and then nibbled a portion, letting the rich chocolaty flavour flow over his starved taste buds. He had never tasted anything like it, smooth, rich, sweet. It was perfect. Tears flowed, knowing this stuff existed and he wouldn’t ever get to taste it, ever again at the orphanage, when he returned. He struggled against the temptation to eat it all at once, deciding to have a bite of it once a day to make it last.

Robin turned on the TV just as the orderly came to clear away the breakfast. He was surprised to see the TV, but made no comment. He jumped a little, when, as he made to move the partly eaten bar over to the bedside table, Robin grabbed it with a small cry of protest, thinking it was being taken away from him. The orderly, having been notified as to where the girl had come from, realized she was scared that he was taking her prize away. Gently explaining that she could safely put it in the top drawer of the table, he gathered the emptied dishes and whisked them away.

Robin spent the rest of the time until lunch watching the cartoon channel he’d found. Several of the nurses had popped in checking her temperature and blood pressure. One had offered to brush her hair and put some clips in it. He refused the offer, feeling embarrassed about the whole thing. He wasn’t a girl, even if he looked like one, and he wasn’t prepared to relinquish his steadfast thought that he would eventually return to normal.

Lunch was even better than breakfast, something that he wouldn’t have believed possible. At first he was disappointed, when Deejay came in with a paper bag and said,

“Lunch is here.”

Robin looked at the brown bag with a double golden arch on the outside with dismay, wondering what could be inside. Opening it, a delicious odour rose, assailing his nose with the promise of hot food as yet unidentifiable. A large paper cup with a plastic top had a straw sticking out of it, so he pulled it out first. A foil wrapped object was sitting at the bottom of the bag, along with a bag of fries. He knew what they were and that followed the paper cup. Bringing out the mystery object, from which the aroma was coming from, he unwrapped it carefully. He saw a bread bun cut in half with some meat inside and what looked like some cheese and some salad. There was some red sauce like liquid inside the buns.

“I took the liberty of removing the pickle from it.” Don chuckled. “Can’t have you eating my relatives,” he added, grinning at her.

Robin wasn’t too sure how to eat it, until the Don showed him how.

Another bite quickly followed his first, as the juices ran down his chin. What stories he could tell about this marvelous food to the rest of the children at the home. The fries followed quickly, getting an admonishment from Don, about gobbling the food too quickly.

Turning to the drink, he drew a long suck on the straw. He spluttered as the fizzy coke hit his nose. Wow! The taste was like nothing he’d ever drunk before. The flavour was hard to describe, but the way it fizzed as it went down and the tangy bite was more than enough to put it on his most favourite list. The doctor was closely watching the way Robin had eaten the food. It was obvious that the poor girl had missed out on a lot of simple pleasures, even if it was only McDonald’s. He wondered what other things he could do to give the child some happiness. He had heard about Robyn’s refusal to have her hair cared for, even though it must feel awful by now from the period in bed whilst unconscious. Getting an idea, he went out to talk to the duty nurse.

Robin was getting bored with just lying around. The TV had held his interest for a while, but the energy in his body from the recent meals, was itching to be burnt off. Just as he was considering climbing out of bed to explore, the nurse that had visited earlier, came in with some magazines, and what looked like a mirror with a handle attached.

“Here you are, I’ve got you some fashion magazines and a mirror.” She spoke gently.

“What’s the mirror for?” Robin asked, suspiciously, as he glanced at the covers of the magazines.

“So you can see your hair and how straggly it looks, maybe you can find a style you like in the books. We could see if we can do your hair to make it look the same,” the nurse offered.

Robin sighed, feeling somewhat trapped, he didn’t want to deal with this form he was wearing, but he didn’t want to offend anyone either, in case they stopped bringing such nice meals. He took the magazines with a slight smile he didn’t feel, and started to read. The nurse, seeing this, smiled and left, saying to Robin to call, if she wanted anything. Robin just nodded, refusing to acknowledge the pronoun verbally.

As soon as the nurse had gone, he put down the books. He didn’t want to pick out a girly hairstyle for himself. He used the mirror to check his hair. ‘See… it’s fine like it is…well, after getting it cut a bit,’ he thought to himself. It did feel icky though, as he ran his slender fingers through it, and his scalp itched too, but he was too much of a boy, to ask if it could be washed.

He lay there thinking, the magazines lying unopened on his stomach seemed to be getting heavier. ‘I’m a boy, aren’t I,’ he thought to himself. ‘Everyone treats me like a girl… surely doctors should know the difference.’ His thoughts whirled in circles as he debated what to do.

#Robyn#

Robyn was in heaven…well to her it was. The dream of the banquet had continued, as she drank what she thought was champagne. It was fizzy so she assumed it was. She giggled as the bubbles tickled her nose, and the taste…yummy. Her body felt wonderful, as if she could dance forever. The only dampener on it was, she couldn’t get closer to the outside.

She seemed to be walled away from the action. When she was born, she had to cope with the yelling and noise from this huge figure that loomed over her in a threatening manner. It seemed to be the same that every time she woke, there was loud scary voices. As she grew older, she could sense time passing between her active waking moments and could recall a dim memory of the intervening events in a series of flashbacks. Now, even that was denied her and she wanted out. Pushing at the barrier, she could sense, she felt it give slightly and she could almost hear voices talking. She grew tired, but vowed to keep on trying, as she lapsed into oblivion.

#Robin#

Deciding, that just looking couldn’t hurt, Robin opened one of the magazines. First, he skimmed through, just looking at the pictures, but as time went by, he started reading the articles. He liked the pictures of the nicely dressed women, so elegant in their gowns. Such a far cry from his childhood memories, he wished he’d had a mother like these, and then he wouldn’t have had to live in the orphanage. He wanted to cry, but boys don’t cry, ‘hey! But every one thinks I’m a girl,’ he remembered. He allowed a tear to flow, and then another, till a flood of tears erupted at the thoughts of what could have been.

Chapter Five - Getting dolled up

A passing nurse overheard his sobs and opening the door, she saw Robyn in tears, her shoulders shaking with her release of emotions. Calling for the duty nurse, she then entered, to see if she could comfort the distressed child. Robin felt the comforting arm of a nurse go round his body and hold him against her chest, as she softly said,

“There, there, it’s going to be alright.”

The duty nurse rushed in, asking what was the matter. Soon both of the nurses were trying to comfort the child. Robin's sobs had slowed as he tried manfully to curb his outburst of emotion. He tried to explain about how he was really a boy and now he had this girly body and everything was feeling wrong. The duty nurse dismissed the other with a nod, silently indicating that she would deal with the patient. She knew of the mix-up in the birth records and tried to explain things.

“Honey, it’s ok. Really it is. Your body is changing as you grow. Girls get breasts and start looking very different from boys at your age. It’s nothing to be scared of, you will grow into a beautiful woman, I promise. She gently explained.

Unfortunately, that didn’t exactly reassure Robin, and only made his fears of having to deal with becoming female, grow.

“I don’t want to be a girl,” he wailed afresh.

“Why not honey?” The nurse tried asking softly. “Being a girl, means wearing all the pretty clothes you wish, look at this pretty nightie, doesn’t that make you feel nice. You could wear all these clothes when you grow up.” She offered, showing her the pictures in the magazine, which he’d just been admiring.

Robin paused, his tears drying up, as he looked at the pictures she was pointing out. He did like the clothes; they seemed so… perfect, so… unlike anything he had worn before. He even had to admit to himself that the nightie did feel nice against his smooth skin. He wondered if those clothes felt as nice to wear as they looked on the models. Curious, he asked the question to the nurse.

“Oh yes honey, once you get to feel silks and satins against your skin, you’ll be in heaven,” the nurse gushed.

Robin wondered. He’d never seen any of the girls at the orphanage wearing clothes that looked anything near like these.

“I don’t have any girl clothes to wear,” he mumbled, getting red faced again, as he conceded the necessity of having to wear them while in this body.

“Don’t worry Robyn, I’m sure we can come up with something nice for when you get better.” She answered.

‘Hmmm,’ he thought. ‘Do I really need this?’ Robin looked at the models and the way they were dressed. ‘I could never look as nice as them,’ he thought out loud. He blushed furiously, realizing that the nurse had heard him. Part of him wanted to drop into a deep hole in shame, while another part felt curiosity at the thought of looking so pretty.

“Oh? I wouldn’t say that,” the nurse commented. “I bet we could get you to look pretty as a picture if you wanted to try it.”

Robin sat silently, thinking that it might be an interesting thing to try, only here though, where nobody other than the staff would see him. At least then, he could make up his mind whether to continue or not.

“Okay,” he conceded, slowly.

“Great! First though, we need to get you cleaned up. Do you think you are strong enough to manage a bath?” the nurse asked anxiously.

Robin nodded, and started to slide out of bed. The nurse introduced herself as Katie Little, apologizing for not mentioning it earlier. She held his hand as he slowly followed her lead to the bathroom. She started the bath running, and then reached into a cabinet, to get soap and shampoo. Sniffing it, she wrinkled her nose.

“Typical hospital grade,” she muttered. “Look wait here and watch the water while I get something better from the nurse’s station.”

Robin waited, wondering what she was getting. He turned the taps off as the water reached 3 inches deep. The ingrained habit of conserving water from the hard taught lessons at the orphanage still controlled his actions. ‘At least I’m the first in the water, this time, and the waters hot.’ He thought, recalling the times he’d been the sixth or seventh in line. Just then, nurse Katie returned with an armful of bottles.

“Why is the water off honey? Turn them on again and fill the bath,” she told him.

“But at…” he tried to say.

“Is that all you’re allowed at the orphanage?” She asked surprised, guessing at the reason for the low level of water.

“Yes,” Robin answered simply. “I’ve never been first to be in the water, it’s the older kids first,” he added.

“Ewwh! How horrible,” Katie blurted out. “How many times does the water get re-used?” she asked, shuddering at the thought.

“About 10 times, before a fresh bath.” Robin explained, resignedly, as he told Katie he was usually 7th in line.

Katie’s eyes grew wide at this sorry tale and her vision grew misty as tears threatened to flow. ‘Conditions at the place must be awful and worse, the kids tolerated it as normal.’ She thought to herself. Pulling herself together, she did her best to sound cheerful and silently vowed to herself that this child would get the best of everything while she was still here.

When the bath was nearly full, Katie dropped some scented bath salts in the water and swirled it around, creating a pleasant floral aroma. Instructing Robin to disrobe, she helped her climb into the hot water and sit. Robin was in heaven, (again), all the nice things that had happened to him since waking as a girl, had impacted deeply on his psyche. To luxuriate in hot scented water up to his boobies did something to him on levels he couldn’t understand. ‘Was becoming a girl so bad, when so many nice things had happened to him? Was being a boy all that great?’ At that moment, as Katie gently washed him with some scented soap, he wished he could stay like this forever, even if it meant, being a silly girl.

Robin closed his eyes allowing Katie to wash his body. When Katie brushed over her boobies it tingled pleasantly. ‘Her boobies?’ he thought anxiously. Mentally, he made a huge decision. He decided to try to pretend as if he were a girl, allowing all the references to herself like “she” and “her” to be accepted. That done, she relaxed, soaking up the heat in a blissful frame of mind. She knew was still Robin inside and the important stuff like, “I,” “me,” “myself,” were still unchanged, no matter what anyone else said.

#Robyn#

Waking slowly, Robyn felt like she was floating, and wondered what was happening. Pushing hard against the barrier of her isolation, she felt something give a little and suddenly, she could hear voices. One was close, real close, like in her head almost. It was feminine and it seemed like she recognized it somehow. The other voice was also female, but farther away and it sounded like an adult. Robyn could feel sensations and pushing harder, her sight returned. After the sensory deprivation of being locked in her mind with only her thoughts and imagination, this was almost too much for her to accommodate. So much information was flooding in, that she couldn’t take in the gist of the conversation till later. First, there was the feeling of being semi submerged in hot water. She could smell something flowery surrounding her, and realized it was coming from the water. She was in a bath, something she had never actually experienced first hand, only knowing it from memories leaked from Robin's mind.

She found herself unable to move or speak, as if everything was disconnected. It felt weird to feel her arms moving by themselves. The voice she had heard was hers, but now Robin was using it. ‘Wait a minute,’ Robyn thought, as she glimpsed her breasts as Robin moved his eyes downwards. ‘If Robin is in control, why has he still got my body,’ she wondered. Robyn felt annoyed for a second, thinking Robin was getting both his own and her time in control. The emotion died a quick death, as she realized that no matter what, Robin was the dominant one, and anyway, being able to experience life in real time was a bonus. She giggled internally, wondering how Robin had coped with his change in sex.

She looked on, as Katie started washing Robin’s hair. Several applications of scented shampoo (that made Robyn want to swoon,) soon had its desired effects, bringing lustre back into the long locks never before seen. Katie pulled down the shower attachment from the wall and used it to rinse Robin’s hair. Then another bottle of liquid was used. It didn’t foam up like the shampoo, but made her hair slimy smooth as Katie ran a large toothed comb through it, untangling the knotted strands. Katie explained to Robin's question, that it was conditioner, and it had to stay on for a few minutes to do its work.

Robyn didn’t begrudge Robin having control of the body, as long as she was able to experience everything as well. She mentally sat back, feeling somewhat of a voyeur as she listened to the conversation. From what she could gather, Robin was going to experience what it was like, being a girl. Robyn smiled, thinking the next few hours were going to be interesting…for both of them.

#Robin#

It felt great to get rid of the itchiness from her hair, even if it meant having to put up with the fragrant shampoo and conditioner. She really smelled different, and the way that Katie’s fingers massaging her scalp felt, was out of this world. Reluctantly, it was time to get out, and seeing Katie pull the plug out on all that scented water, made her sad. Seeing it, made her think of the other kids and how great it would have seemed to them to bathe in it, even scented as it was.

Katie wrapped a towel around her. It seemed so soft compared to those in the home. Katie’s apologizing for the poor quality towel, and that it was all they had, surprised Robin. Robin said it was softer than anything at the orphanage, which again, made Katie dewy eyed.

Katie rushed out, saying, “don’t you move.” She was back in a minute carrying a hair dryer and a bag. She brushed and used the dryer to fluff up the child’s hair. Robin was scared at first, thinking her hair would burn up from the heat. Katie, seeing her flinch, said it was okay. Adding clips so it would stay out of her eyes, Katie fussed over Robin for 15 minutes, before she was satisfied.

Robin watched, as Katie reached into the bag and brought out, what she thought was a dress, but Katie explained that it was another nightie, only fancier. She also took out a pair of matching panties. The pale lavender nightie was ruffled across the front and was made of the softest, silkiest thing she had ever felt. Stepping into the panties first, Robin liked the snug way they felt on her. The nightie was pulled over her head and smoothed into place, before Katie allowed her to see herself in the mirror.

‘Is that me in there?’ Robin thought, as she gazed in wonderment at her reflection. ‘She’s beautiful...I’m beautiful.’ She emended, silently. Tears started to leak out as Katie hugged her.

“Well honey, what do you think?”

“I’m... I’m pretty,” Robin gasped.

“Yes you are honey,” Katie agreed.

Katie helped Robin back into bed, saying she would look back in again, in a minute, as she needed to go to the cafeteria. Robin nodded, still stunned by her own appearance to say anything much. She picked at her new nightie savouring the feeling of the material on her clean skin. Katie came back in a short while, holding some fruit and some berries in a bunch. Robin licked her lips at the thought of having whole fruit just for her alone to eat. She looked at the berries and guessed they were grapes, from one of her lessons at the home. She had never tasted grapes, and she was pleasantly surprised to bite into them and to eat the soft flesh inside. Pictures were one thing. Reality was something else indeed… and delicious too!

Chapter Six - Ghosts of the Past

She put the orange and the apple aside for later, not wanting to let the taste of the grapes to escape from her mouth. She went back to looking at the magazines and got so absorbed, she didn’t hear the door open, until a harsh voice spoke near her ear.

“So this is the Robyn the doctors are going on about?” The matron snarled, grabbing her ear. “What a sissy little person you are, with all the pretty clothes on. Living high on the hog are we?” She continued, grabbing the fruit in one hand and pocketing them.

Robin winced, hearing the voice of her nightmares. She cowered away, unable to do more than nod.

“Look at this fancy stuff, it’s far too good for you. Wait till you get home where you belong. We’ll soon sort you out. Damn. You even smell like a pansy.” She snorted in disbelief. They are saying you’re a girl now. Well, I don’t know how you managed that, but you do look different,” she acknowledged, as she grabbed Robin’s chin in a tight grip and twisted her face around examining it closely. The matron then grabbed the bodice of her nightie, ripping it as she pulled at it to look at her boobies. Robin started to cry. Hating the matron with her harsh words and implied threats, as well as ripping her new nightie, and who, in a few minutes, had brought the fear and the oppression of the orphanage into the hospital.

“Looks like you’ve been hiding some secrets from us ‘girl,’” the matron snarled, making ‘girl,’ sound like an insult. “Well, you’ll find things a bit different on your return. We can always do with another helper in the kitchens. Well, I have to get back now, but I’ll be back here after the doctor gives you the all clear in two days, to bring you back to the orphanage.” With that, matron swirled out of the room, to leave Robin to sob quietly into her pillow.

#Robyn#

Seeing things from behind the scenes was frustrating in a way. Robyn would have loved to have twirled in the pretty nightie and danced around the room in happiness. She had been trying to break through, to contact Robin, with little success. Except for being able to ‘hear’ what Robin was thinking, she was no further advanced to gaining physical control. Robin’s thoughts came through like listening to a conversation in the next room; you had to have silence, to make it out. Once there was any conversation or other noise, his thoughts became inaudible. She was pleased to ‘hear’ that Robin was thinking of himself in the feminine. Robyn was over the moon to ‘taste’ the grapes, right along with Robin. The rude interruption by matron was upsetting. How dare she rip the nightie and those threats promised no good for the rest of the time to be spent living at the orphanage.

#Robin#

Don stepped into the room on his scheduled rounds and spotted Robyn crying into her pillow. Concern crossed his face as he moved closer to his patient.

“What’s wrong honey?” He asked, slowly rolling Robyn over to face him. He noticed the nice new nightie and promised himself to thank Katie for acting on his suggestions. He frowned, seeing the torn bodice, and looking closely, he could see some red finger sized marks around Robyn’s chin.

“Honey, what happened here? Who did this to you?” Don demanded, getting angry at the sight.

Robin didn’t know whether to say anything, or not. If it got back to matron, that she’d squealed, things could get even worse than matron had already threatened, especially as she was due back in a couple of days.

The doctor, seeing little response to his questions, stormed out, determined to find out who had visited his patient. Leaving Robin to her misery, Don went straight to the nurse station and demanded to know who had visited his patient in room 103. The nurse looked up in surprise and checked her charts.

“The matron from the orphanage dropped in about 10 minutes ago, in fact she only just left. Is anything wrong doctor?”

“ Damn tooting there is, but it’s not your fault. Call nurse Katie and have her go to room 103,. Oh! And tell her she’ll need to get a new nightie for our patient.” With that, he strode off to make some calls.

Katie dropped everything once she got the message. Not knowing what had happened, she went past the clothing storage room and gathered another nightie suitable for Robyn; and headed rapidly to her destination. Once there, she comforted Robyn while getting her changed. Frustrated at getting no more information than the doctor, she left, but not before noting the fruit were gone. She saw neither core nor peel, and suspected, that the child hadn’t even gotten to eat them. Later, she poked her nose in; and saw the Robyn was asleep. She quietly replaced the fruit she had brought in earlier, in case Robyn woke.

Robin was awakened for dinner, and rubbing her eyes sleepily, she sat up to receive her meal. She saw a plate containing a roast potato, along with some mashed potatoes with carrots and peas. There was some roast chicken slices and brown gravy as well. A large glass of coloured milk with some froth on top which had a straw inserted, was placed on her tray, along with several biscuits. Her fears and worries evaporated, faced with this veritable feast, and she started eating with a determined concentration, the orderly had rarely seen.

This was so much better than beans and mash, one of the staple menus at the home. Meat when it came, was generally mince and was barely edible due to being cooked too long and having no seasonings nor the basic of flavourings. Not that it was turned down, food was food; and when you’re constantly hungry, anything that was edible was eaten. Robin savoured the chicken like it was manna from heaven. Her only regret, was being returned to the home shortly, and being served the same old tasteless stuff again.

Finishing the meal, her attention turned to the drink. Taking a cautious suck at the straw, her taste buds exploded again. The simple strawberry milkshake was sweet and fruity; and Robyn almost inhaled it in her eagerness. The biscuits followed after; and then Robin spied the fresh fruit brought in earlier. Not wanting a repeat of when the matron took her fruit, she ate both the apple and the orange immediately. Robyn was full to bursting, something she had never been before. She grew tired, and nodded off before the orderly returned to clear away the meal. Some hours later the nurse returned and brought with her, a large jug of water, and a glass for Robyn to drink from, in case she got thirsty during the night.

The next day passed in similar fashion, with Robin being checked out for any signs that the coma she had been in had had any harmful effects. Don checked out all her motor responses and reflexes, before he announced that everything seemed fine. He said that there was no real reason why Robyn couldn’t be released soon. She enjoyed more treats, and she felt like she was being treated like royalty, by the staff and doctors.

Next morning…

Robin woke with the sun streaming in the window. She felt sad that this was her last day here. She would miss the doctor and the nurses who treated her like she was somebody important. The doctor came in to see her after she had finished another nice breakfast of cereal and toast, with a poached egg on top.

He checked her charts, and then did some tests with a cuff thing on her arm that squeezed tight when he pumped something in his hand. He looked in her eyes and throat and pressed places on her body, asking if it hurt. Knowing this could be her last time with the doctor, she made one more plea for her lost maleness. She told him she used to have a doodle and was really a boy, before she came here. He looked at her for a few minutes considering, and then asked a few probing questions. Robin answered them as best she could, not really understanding the reasons behind them. The doctor did seem interested when she mentioned her blackouts and missing time periods. To Robin it was simple, first, he was a boy, then bingo, and he was a girl, simple as that. The doctor seemed puzzled, he took another blood sample, “to do some more tests,” he said, before leaving.

The matron turned up soon after with the nurse. She was all smiles and fussed over her like she was her favourite child. Robin was suspicious, but said nothing to arouse her wrath. Matron had brought some nice clothes and shoes along with pretty white socks with bobbles on them. The nurse helped Robin dress, but with the matron standing near, she didn’t have time to enjoy the sensations of the little yellow sundress and was rushed into her underwear of panties training bra and a sort of vest garment, that hung down to mid thigh just short of the hem of the dress. All too soon, she was bundled out, with the matron holding her hand tight. The matron’s demeanor changed once they climbed into her car. Huddling as far away as she could, Robin watched the surliness return, and the comments began.

“You do know the sort of trouble you’ve caused. Don’t you?” The matron growled.

Robin sat silent, she couldn’t answer, even if she had wanted to; because she didn’t know what trouble she had caused. Silence seemed the only answer; but what the matron revealed next shocked her and made her wish for escape.

To be continued

Since 4/11/03