By L. Rochelle
(c) 1999 (c) 2000 L. Rochelle
lrochelle@zdnetonebox.com
This is my first attempt at writing of any kind, let alone a story. Please keep in mind that this is a work in progress and may be changed to reflect and enhance events that may occur as the story unfolds. I have decided to go ahead and post this story in an uncompleted form to Fiction Mania's Mailing list in the hopes of receiving some input and criticism. Also, I would like to point out that this story thus far contains no sex, but has a TG theme. So, if you are offended by such a story or are underage (-18), please deposit in the circular file.
At this point, I would like to thank several people for their patience and understanding. To ChilliTNG, thank you for editing this hack job and providing the instruction that I sorely needed to be able to write at all. To Janice Dreamer, for your kind words of praise for my developing writing abilities as well as a second editor. Thank you for taking the time to post this story to the list for me. And last of all I give special thanks to Wendy J for your encouragement and input. Your friendship and love has been an inspiration to me. I also thank you for believing in me and my abilities even when I wouldn't believe in myself. To all three of my dear friends I love you all and count myself lucky to consider you as the best of friends.
Sapphire has exclusive rights to archive this story at Sapphire's Place. All rights to "Making Lemonade" is mine alone.
Chapter 13
Jay woke early from yet another night of restless sleep. It seemed that, every time he closed his eyes, an image of Mark, dressed in a wedding gown, appeared on the inside of his eye lids. He and Mark had been best friends for nearly five years. They knew each other well, but Jay found it alarming that he could so easily forget the boy Mark was and replace him in his mind with the girl he saw at the mall two days ago. He was saddened by the loss of someone who was closer to him than his much older brother was. And he did see it as a loss, like the time he was six and Richard, his older brother, left for college. Jay had idolized Richard, spending as much time with him as he could. Sometimes, Richard was annoyed with his little brother; after all, having a little rug rat on his heels all the time cramped his style, but he never let his frustrations show while in Jay's company. Richard had pretty much grown up alone and was determined to not let Jay feel lonely and unwanted. Jay had been devastated when Richard left. He felt as though his whole world had crumbled and piled up at his feet. He spent the next three years alone, not wanting to get close to anyone. He didn't want to go through that kind of pain again. But when he was nine, Mark had moved in and everything changed.
Jay remembered back when Mark and his family moved into the house his parents rented out. Billy was definitely too young, but Joe seemed a lot like him. They were both a little wild. They both enjoyed sports. They were close enough in age. He remembered the first time he saw Mark. He thought the girl was very pretty and rather shy. He avoided any contact with her -- every time he saw her his pulse raced, his palms became sweaty, and his usually out going nature fled him completely. It took him almost two weeks before he could ask Joe about his sister. Joe's reaction was defensive, if not hostile. That was when he found out the girl was actually Joe's older brother, Mark.
Jay later learned that Joe had great respect for his older brother. Joe wouldn't hesitate to come to Mark's defense, saying that it was his responsibility to protect him. That Mark was too good to have to lower himself to the level of others. Jay was reminded of the way he saw his own brother and concluded that there was no comparison. Richard was strong and tough. Mark was soft and weak. Richard was a handsome ladies man. Mark could've been one of the ladies. Jay felt sorry for Mark, but just couldn't quite bring himself to befriend the pretty boy.
A month later, Jay was forced to invite Mark to his birthday party by his mother. She said that it wasn't polite to invite Joe without inviting Mark.
Mark pretty much kept to himself, interacting with the other kids only when he had to. Jay ignored Mark throughout most of the party. It wasn't until Jay opened his presents that Jay got his first glimpse of Mark's genius Everyone became fixated on one of the toys. It was a radio controlled helicopter. Everyone took a turn at trying to fly it, but it never got more than a few feet off the ground before it uncontrollably slammed back to earth. His friends soon began to lose interest, saying it was too hard to fly, when Joe stated matter-of-factly that Mark could do it. Everyone laughed at Mark's expense, that is, everyone except Joe and Jay. Jay was intrigued by Joe's statement, knowing that Joe would never do or say anything to embarrass his brother.
He scanned the gathering of kids, but Mark was nowhere to be found. Looking inquiringly at Joe, he followed the direction of Joe's attention. There, sitting under the tree in the corner of the yard, was Mark, reading a book.
Jay approached Mark and asked, "You want to give it a try?", offering the remote control unit.
Mark looked up at Jay, then at the remote control, and finally at the helicopter itself, sitting about twenty feet away. He closed the book and set it down next to him. He then looked up at Jay again, shrugged, and took the proffered unit, asking, "Is there an operator's manual?"
"Ummm... yeah, sure," he said impatiently. He walked over to the box the helicopter came in and fished out the manual. It was still wrapped in plastic, which indicated that no one had taken the time to read it. He grabbed it and returned to the tree Mark was sitting under.
Taking the manual from Jay, Mark unwrapped it and thumbed through it. He briefly looked over a page here and there while manipulating the controls on the remote and observing the toy helicopter. After nearly five minutes, Mark set the manual down, looked up at Jay and smiled. It was a self-satisfying grin that contained no trace of smugness.
Mark looked at the toy and hit the switch on the remote. The blades roared to life and, moments later, the helicopter lifted off the ground. It hovered about three feet, rotated a hundred and eighty degrees clockwise, then zipped down the driveway, maintaining its altitude. When it reached the end of the driveway, it launched nearly straight up to about fifty feet, leveled off and hovered again. During the next several minutes, it flew back and forth, abruptly stopping, hovering briefly and then rocketing off in a different direction.
Mark had captured everyone's attention at this point. As they watched the almost hummingbird-like movements of the toy, they "Ooooed" and "Awwwed" when it settled, first on top of a telephone pole, then on the peak of the roof next door and finally on top of the cinderblock wall that surrounded the property. Mark then returned the helicopter to the place it had started from. He shut it down and handed the control back to Jay. "Cool," he commented as he picked up the book again.
"You've done this before," Jay stated matter-of-factly.
"Nah, first time," he returned, opening the book.
"But..." Jay could see that Mark had returned to reading the book and wasn't interested in anything else. Jay returned to the rest of his guests, shaking his head. The general consensus was that Mark was a geek.
Over the next several weeks, Mark taught Jay how to fly his new toy. Jay struggled with it, trying to think and do several things at once, but Mark was never impatient or condescending. Jay found himself growing closer to Mark, admiring his intelligence and kind nature. He enjoyed being with Mark -- it was like having an older brother and a younger brother all rolled into one. He found it easy to overlook the gender anomaly of Mark's appearance once he realized the sexless nature of his personality. He saw Mark as a good person, not really a boy or girl, just someone he could rely on whenever he needed him. Jay's parents thought Mark was a positive influence on their son and encouraged their friendship.
But now, Jay felt he'd come full circle. The sweaty palms had returned. His heart raced when he thought about Mark. The image of Mark that'd been burned into his brain was rapidly being replaced by the vision he saw at the mall. It left him confused and unsure of his own sexuality. Was he gay? He wasn't sure, but he didn't think so. He knew Mark was a boy, but he couldn't seem to convince his heart of the fact. He could only see the girl Mark appeared to be.
One thing was certain, he had to talk with Mark. Their long time friendship wasn't something he was willing to throw away like some worn out pair of jeans. He didn't think that Mark had volunteered to be a female model. Someone had to have forced him into it, either through an elaborate con or some sort of blackmail. Regardless of the reasons, Mark would need to know that his best friend wouldn't abandon him. But not yet; Jay need a little more time to work out the conflict between his heart and mind.
*******************
Janet, Karen, and Sam were walking down the hall towards Janet's homeroom when they saw two boys pushing each other in front of her classroom. Almost immediately, Ms. Fairchild appeared and grabbed the boys by their upper arms. The pain her grip caused was apparent by the expressions on the boys' faces. One of the boys wrenched himself free and ran down the hall towards Janet and the girls. Ms. Fairchild directed the full impact of her rage at the boy she was still holding. She noticed a bottle in the back pocket of the boy and yanked it out. The bottle looked like a pint of liquor. The boy then tore himself free and took off running in the opposite direction of the other boy.
Janet inwardly cringed. Ms. Fairchild was bad enough normally, but now she was angry and Janet knew where that anger would be directed. She contemplated ditching homeroom, but she knew that it was better to grin and bear it. She took a deep breath and sighed, "Oh joy."
"What's wrong, sweetie?" asked Karen.
"Oh, Ms. Fairchild," she replied as though her name alone explained everything.
"What about her?" asked Sam.
"She's pissed and I'm her favorite punching bag."
"Just don't give her a reason," said Karen matter-of-factly.
"Like that'll make a difference. She's never needed a reason before."
"Don't you think you're being just a tad paranoid?"
Janet knew she was being paranoid, but she also felt justified. Ms. Fairchild always made an attempt to ruin her day. Ever since Halloween, she'd taken up referring to Janet in the feminine, never letting Janet forget what she thought of her. She enjoyed the depression it caused her, but, more importantly, she tried to elicit a reaction from her that she could use to exact some sort of punishment. "Maybe," was Janet's only reply.
Ms. Fairchild reentered her classroom and the trio continued down the hallway. Stopping outside the door to the back of the room, Karen kissed Janet soundly. Sam gave Janet a peck on the cheek. Janet entered to room and took her assigned seat to wait for the inevitable.
Fifteen minutes into the twenty minute homeroom session, Janet felt she just might make it out unscathed, but it was not to be. Janet's cell phone rang, which gained the immediate attention of everyone, especially Ms. Fairchild, who was impatiently waiting for any reason to get down on someone. By the time Janet was able to get the offending device out of her pocket, Ms. Fairchild was standing in front of her and snatched the phone from her hand.
"There are rules about telephones in class, young lady!" she said, turning off the phone.
"But... I have to have it!" Janet returned.
"Then you should've followed the rules. Now, you will report to the principal's office for disciplinary action. The telephone will be returned to your parents who will have to come down to pick it up. On your way, young lady." It was obvious that Ms. Fairchild was getting great pleasure from the confrontation and Janet wasn't about to give her any ammunition, so she quietly complied with the command.
On the way to the admin building, Janet wondered who had called her. She could think of only two people who would have the number already and if either of them called her, it had to be important. If the call was truly important, whoever it was would find other ways to pass on the information, so she really wasn't worried. Janet realized that this was a perfect excuse to not carry the telephone she wasn't too keen on having anyway.
Mr. Grainger, Janet's vice principal, wouldn't listen to any explanation. He was certain he'd heard every excuse the students could come up with and felt that all were without merit.
Janet finally made it to her first class of the day fifteen minutes late and had a week of detention to look forward to. She wasn't too concerned about staying an hour after school; after all, she had plenty of time to get ready for the photo shoots, and detention provided her with the time she needed to get her homework done.
During lunch, Janet made a point in justifying her earlier trepidation about facing Ms. Fairchild. Karen, who'd never witnessed the interaction between Janet and the teacher from hell, now felt she could understand the necessity of taking action against the witch. Until now, she wasn't sure it was right to do what the girls were planning, but no one was going to attack Janet without incurring the wrath of the girls.
The rest of the school day went by without incident, although Janet was keenly aware of the attention she attracted. She hoped she would get used to it.
She was relieved to hear from Chuck that he was ecstatic about being accepted into Mayhem's gang, but he was closed mouthed as to why Mayhem had found the need to recruit him. Janet resigned herself to accept that it really wasn't any of her business.
Janet made her way to detention and wasn't surprised to find the girls waiting for her. "Mom'll come to pick you up after you get out. 'K, sweetie?" said Donna.
Janet collected her kisses and entered the classroom, but never got the chance to take a seat. "Mark, there you are. Mr. Grainger would like to see you immediately," said Mr. Jenkins as soon as Janet walked into the room.
"What did I do now?" she asked, more to herself than anyone else.
"I wasn't informed as to why," he replied, "but it isn't a good idea to keep him waiting."
She shrugged and left the room to find the girls still in the hallway.
"What's up?" asked Donna.
"Oh, Mr. Grainger wants to see me. Ms. Fairchild probably came up with some more reasons to give me more detention," answered Janet in frustration.
"I'm sorry, sweetie. Do you want me to go with you?"
"Nah, knowing Mr. Grainger, you'd probably just make him angry with you, too."
"Are you sure? I can handle Mr. Grainger," pressed Donna.
"Yeah, I'm sure. It'll be okay," Janet reassured.
The girls accompanied Janet to the admin building, but let her enter the office alone. They debated whether or not to wait for her to come back out, but decided to leave and not complicate matters for her.
Mr. Grainger was standing in front of the receptionist desk, discussing something Janet felt was none of her concern. He saw her come into the office and said, "Mr. O'Connell, I'll be right with you."
Janet took a seat on the long bench, but Mr. Grainger had finished his conversation with the receptionist and addressed Janet. "Mr. O'Connell," he said, gesturing toward his office.
"Ja... Mark. There you are. I've been trying to get ahold of you all day," said Susanne, who was waiting in the office. "I thought that your contract made it clear that you were to have the cell phone with you at all times."
"Mr. O'Connell, do you know this woman?" asked Mr. Grainger.
"Ummm... yeah, this is Susanne Hemmingway... my... ummm... personal assistant."
"Your what?" he snapped.
"Ummm... well..." Janet stammered.
"I'm Ja... Mark's personal assistant. I work for him," replied Susanne, coming to Janet's rescue.
"You work for him? He's your boss?" he asked, confused.
"You might say that. My job is to organize he... his schedule and take care of the things he doesn't have the time for."
"I know what a personal assistant does, Miss Hemmingway," he replied, annoyed. "What I want to know is how a thirteen year old warrants a PA?"
"His job can be rather hectic and there are a multitude of details that need immediate attention. He must be able to give one hundred percent to his primary task," she explained without revealing any details.
"Wait!" Mr. Grainger broke in, "First off, I don't remember seeing an application for a work permit for Mr. O'Connell and every minor must have one in order to work. And all applications go through this office. Secondly, the said minor must be at least fourteen years of age."
"But, there are some exceptions as far as age is concerned and Janet falls into that category." The moment the words were out, Susanne realized her error.
Janet immediately caught the mistake and silently prayed that Mr. Grainger had missed the slip.
"And who is Janet?" he asked. "Wait. I remember reading a short blurb in this morning's paper about a new model who was touted as one of the world's most beautiful women. I think her name was Janet... something or other," he paused as he tried to recall her full name. There was no doubt he had made the connection by the expression on his face when he continued, "NO... it can't be."
Mr. Grainger walked around his desk and dropped into his chair. He looked up, first at Susanne, and then at Janet. "I'm wrong, right? It's just a coincidence, right?"
Janet bowed her head, causing the hair around her earrings to open just enough to reveal them. She was, of course, unaware of it.
"Janet, sweetie, don't fret. I'm sure Mr. Grainger is fully aware of the necessity for discretion," consoled Susanne. Noticing the earrings, she then said, "Now, enough of that. Stand tall, be proud of who you are."
Mr. Grainger sat back in his chair, shaking his head. He looked up at Susanne and said, "Am I to understand that Mr. O'Connell is actually this Janet who was in the paper?"
"Well... technically, Janet is actually Mark."
"And your parents find this permissible?" he asked Janet.
Janet's response was a barely detectable nod. The situation was awkward in the extreme, although she was surprised that she felt little shame. She wasn't even angry with Susanne for her slip of the tongue.
"I see. Now that I think about it, the resemblance is unmistakable. I seem to recall that you tried to explain about the cell phone this morning, but I wouldn't listen. For that I apologize. I guess I've grown skeptical over the years. And, under the circumstances, you are relieved of any detention." He then opened a drawer and pulled out the cell phone. Offering it to Janet, he continued, "You still need to follow the rules regarding telephones in school."
"Thank you, Mr. Grainger," said Janet, taking back the phone. "Could I get a copy of the rules? At the time, I didn't think they would ever apply to me, so I didn't even look at them."
He opened another drawer, took out a sheet of paper, and handed it to Janet. "You realized this puts us -- you and the school -- in a most unusual situation."
"How so?" asked Susanne.
"We have a very large student body and, as the saying goes, 'You can fool some of the people some of the time, but you can't fool all of the people all of the time.' The odds are that the kids will find out sooner or later. Something like this, well, let's just say that it won't take more than a few hours to run the rumor mill. And I have every reason to believe that where Mr. O'Connell is concerned, it may not take that long."
"Well, we haven't had a chance to discuss it, but I think it'll probably become necessary to take Janet out of school. The demands of her career will make it difficult for her to attend regularly. And, not to attack your educational system, but I feel Janet isn't receiving the education she needs to keep her interest. She's extremely intelligent, but doesn't seem to be properly motivated."
"I see your point, but you must realize that with rising enrollment and shrinking budgets, it's everything we can do just keep the students from killing each other. I wish it were possible to take each student by the hand and guide them to achieve their potential. Be that as it may, I agree with you in that it would probably be in everyone's best interest, especially Mr. O'Connell's, if he were taken out of school. But keep in mind, home schooling requires quite a bit of effort on the student's part, as well as the parent's."
"No!" Janet interrupted. If anyone was going to determine her future, it was going to be her. "I don't want to leave school. I have friends here and, except for one teacher, I get along with them as well. For the first time in my life, I like coming here and now you want to throw me out."
"Sweetie, Mr. Grainger is right. When the other kids find out...." She let Janet draw her own conclusions.
"Mr. O'Connell, I've no intention of throwing you out. For one, I have no grounds for such an action and two, unless you decide to devote the time necessary to your studies, it would be negligent on my part to force you out. But, I think you really need to give it some consideration," said Mr. Grainger.
"All right, I'll think about it."
"And now, young lady, we need to go. John has moved up today's shoot; something about wanting to catch the sunset," said Susanne. She then directed her remarks to Mr. Grainger. "I take it our business is concluded?"
Mr. Grainger nodded in the affirmative. "Mr. O'Connell, I expect to see your application for a work permit on my desk first thing. You still need one, even though the age requirement doesn't apply. It's the law."
"Sure, I'll bring it in tomorrow morning. And... thank you, Mr. Grainger... for everything," said Janet.
"You're welcome, Mr. O'Connell. But remember the rules; I won't be so lenient next time."
"I will. Thanks again."
"Miss Hemmingway? May I have a word with you? Privately?"
Susanne glanced at her watch and replied, "Mr. Grainger, we really are pressed for time."
"I realize that, but I will be brief. Please, Miss Hemmingway? Five minutes."
Janet and Susanne looked at each other briefly. Janet shrugged and left the room, closing the door behind her.
Mr. Grainger gestured to the chair in front of his desk and Susanne sat down. "Miss Hemmingway, I'm somewhat confused. Mr. O'Connell's records indicate that he's male, but I've noticed you refer to him in the feminine and address him as Janet. I feel that it might be harmful to do so, unless he really is a girl. Enlighten me, please?"
Susanne's guilt was apparent. She knew she'd made a monumental mistake and wasn't quite sure what to say, but she felt she needed to try and explain. "Mr. Grainger, I've only known Janet -- I mean Mark -- since Friday. When I first saw her... him, well... it's rather difficult to believe that he's a boy, if you know what I mean."
"I see your point. Mr. O'Connell's appearance is that of a very beautiful young lady, but I'm concerned about his mental state. Puberty is a very difficult period to live through. As the vice principal of this school, I've seen too many kids struggle to find themselves. I find that without the proper guidance, too many end up being influenced by the wrong elements in our society. They join the street gangs to find acceptance or to vent their frustrations in a destructive way. Many even go so far as to commit suicide. Children can be extremely cruel to each other.
"Mr. O'Connell is one of my favorite students. He possesses the ability to be anything he wants to be. I've been concerned about his lack of ambition. He doesn't apply himself. He doesn't appear to care about his future. I'm concerned that this new... situation may be detrimental to his emotional state."
"I understand your concern. I, too, felt that recruiting a boy to be a female model was inherently wrong. This whole situation was forced upon him. In essence, he was blackmailed into doing it and I lost my job because I wouldn't stand for it. My former employer was the one who was responsible. I was then asked to be her PA and I felt that, maybe, I could at least protect her interests. Janet is kind hearted and unselfish. She sacrificed herself so that one of her friends could realize her dream. But, I must tell you that in the few days that I've know her, she's blossomed. The sadness that I saw in her the first day has all but disappeared. You should see her in front of the camera. She's magic."
"Be that as it may, Miss Hemmingway, I can't help being concerned that referring to him in the feminine is harmful. He needs to find his place in society. What's going to happen when he finally starts to change? Puberty for males can be very abrupt. He can wake up one day and find himself unable to continue being Janet. He needs to accept himself as the man he'll become and identifying himself as a female..."
Susanne sat quietly contemplating whether or not to inform Mr. Grainger of Janet's unusual development. She finally decided that Janet might benefit from a man in Mr. Grainger's position knowing the facts. "Mr. Grainger, I may be speaking out of turn, but I feel it would be in Janet's best interest if I were to tell you a few things that have come to light in the past few days. You see, Janet has started puberty. In fact, she's been changing for quite some time. She's becoming a woman."
"Are you telling me that Mr. O'Connell is a girl?"
"Well, not exactly. Janet is a boy, but she's going through puberty as a girl. She's developing breasts, her hips are those of a woman and her emotional responses are those of a woman. She's so natural in the role of a girl that I find it difficult to perceive her any other way. But, I do think she's going to need help in determining where in society she belongs. I've had brief contact with her mother and I feel that she won't get what she needs from her." Susanne looked at her watch once again.
"I see..." said Mr. Grainger, deep in thought. "I assume what you've just told me has been confirmed by a doctor."
"Well, not yet. She hasn't really had a chance to see a doctor yet, but the... ummm... symptoms are there."
"Oh.... In the interim, there may be something I can do to help out. But, have him see a doctor. If a doctor confirms what you've told me, it will open a few doors."
"Thank you, Mr. Grainger. Anything you could do would be much appreciated. She really deserves the best life has to offer."
"As do all our children," commented Mr. Grainger. "Thank you for your time. I'll be in touch," he said as he stood and extended his hand.
Susanne took his hand and said, "Thank you so much."
Janet and Susanne left the office. Susanne was silent as they walked to her car and Janet could sense that she felt bad about something. She began to wonder what Mr. Grainger had told her.
They climbed into Susanne's '96 silver BMW. They donned their seatbelts, but Susanne didn't start the car, she just sat there, staring out the windshield. When Janet noticed the solitary tear slide down her cheek, she decided that she had to ask. "Susanne, what's wrong? Is Mr. Grainger going to be a problem?"
The sincere concern in Janet's voice was like turning on a faucet, Susanne's tears began to flow freely. "I'm sorry, sweetie.... I blew it back there," she said between sobs.
"Oh, Susanne. It's okay." Janet knew she couldn't blame Susanne for the slip. After all, Susanne really only knew her as Janet. "Don't be too hard on yourself. The girls make the same slip and they've known me as Mark. You haven't. Besides, Mr. Grainger seemed to understand."
"I know, sweetie. It's just... my job is to make your life a little easier and..." she couldn't continue due to another bout of sobs.
"Susanne, please stop crying. If you don't, I'm going to start and John's going to have a hissy fit if I show up with red puffy eyes."
Despite the guilt she felt, Susanne laughed. The image of John, having one of his tantrums.... "My God, you are so remarkable, she said finally. "If I were in your shoes, I'd be scared to death."
"What can I do?" shrugged Janet. "I know that something like this is bound to come out sooner or later. I'd hoped it would be later, but..."
"Well, I'm sure if we all try really hard, we can keep it a secret. We have to. Everything depends on it."
Janet sat there shaking her head. "You really don't believe that, do you? Even I know that secrets never remain secrets forever. Truth always prevails."
"But we have to try... for as long as possible. Your career depends on it. If the world found out we tried to pass a boy off as the world most beautiful woman, well..." Susanne didn't think she needed to spell it out for Janet.
"Susanne, the truth is I don't think most of the kids in this school believe that I'm a boy anyway. Sure they know my name is Mark, but... well... I look like a girl. I always have and it's getting worse. Hell, I'm growing breasts."
Susanne wiped the remainder of the tears from her eyes, looked at her watch, and then started the car. As she pulled away from the curb she said, "Janet, you need to understand. You're going to be a famous celebrity and, as such, the world will latch on to any scandal it can."
"I know. But wouldn't it be possible to make it sound as though my life before Janet was the fake one? Mrs. Fisher says that it's possible that I am a girl. To be honest, I really hope so... I mean... I really wasn't looking forward to living as a man looking like I do."
They made the remainder of the trip to the Fishers' in silence, contemplating Janet's revelation. Susanne wondered if Janet was aware of the significance of her statement. She believed that Janet's best hope for a happy future was as a woman, but it wasn't going to be an easy road to follow. Then again, maybe it was. Janet took to being a girl like a fish took to water; she was a natural. Even now, dressed as Mark, Susanne could see the subtle signs of her feminine nature. She did, however, worry about how Janet would handle the boys and, more to the point, men. Boys were generally unsure of themselves, discovering their new found libidos. Men, on the other hand, were confident of their power, at least many of the ones Janet would eventually have to deal with were. Susanne suspected that the shy, introvert types would find her unapproachable. Her beauty would act as filter, leaving the kind of man who couldn't be trusted. A player, one who considered himself God's gift to women. The kind who used women like they were trophies and Janet would be one worthy of pursuit.
Susanne then thought of Janet's intellect and her unusual common sense and she inwardly smiled. More than likely it would be the men who needed to beware. She knew that a beautiful woman who had a mind as keen as Janet's could easily use the men instead. Once Janet gained confidence in herself and understood the game of social interaction... she doubted any man would have a chance. The only thing that saved the world from Janet was the fact that she possessed an uncommon sense of fairness, a genuine concern for others that prevented her from intentionally hurting anyone, even someone who was out to hurt her. The way she handled John was a prime example of it. He fully intended to use her for his own purposes and he wasn't above using any means possible, but Janet had picked up on the fact quickly and turned the situation around to her advantage. She gave him what he wanted but still remained in total control.
"What's so amusing?" asked Janet, noticing the smile that formed on Susanne's lips.
"Oh..." she began, slightly embarrassed by the fact that her thoughts showed. "I was just thinking of the way you handled John. I'll never forget the look on his face when you put him in his place. No one has ever done that before."
"I'm really sorry about that," Janet apologized. "It's just... the man is so arrogant. I wish I could understand how people can be like that."
"Sweetie, you have nothing to be sorry about. Everyone needs to be brought down to earth every now and then. And it's been a long time in coming for him. I loved seeing him set down like that. You did good."
"Yeah, well... I felt bad about it. I hate people who think they're better than everyone else and that's just how I felt. Like I thought I was better than him. I didn't like it."
Susanne glanced at Janet in amazement. How could this child continually surprise her? Just when she thought she had her figured out... "You really are something. Most people would've reveled in their new found power and here you are feeling sorry that you have it," she said, unconsciously shaking her head.
"I just can't let myself get a big head. If I did that, I'd be no better than Mr. Carlton," Janet said with conviction as they pulled up to the Fishers'.
Susanne shut down the car and turned to Janet. "Sweetie, I don't think you need to worry about that happening. It's just not in your nature."
"Oh, I don't know. Everyone seems to think I'm better than everyone else. Mom has always said that and I can now see that my brothers treat me like I'm some kind of... well... let's just say that they think I'm better than they are. And now with the papers saying that I'm one of the most beautiful women in the world... it's hard."
"I think you need to trust in yourself more. You possess, along with your beauty and intellect, a wisdom way beyond your years. I don't think you'll let yourself become caught up in all the normal human trappings. You're better than that."
Janet began to laugh, confusing Susanne momentarily. "You see," Janet pointed out, "even you treat me like I'm better than everyone else."
Janet and Susanne climbed out of the car and went into the house. Janet found Mrs. Fisher in the kitchen and informed her that the photo shoot was moved up and that she didn't need to be picked up, obviously. She then went to her room and donned a pair of jeans and a light sweater. She did an adequate job of applying her makeup, brushed out her hair and declared she was ready after she scrutinized herself in the mirror.
The rest of the evening was hectic to say the least. John's studio turned out to be on the beach and Janet was shot strolling along the water's edge in several rompers and shorts and little tops that showed way too much skin for her tastes. As the sun began to set over the ocean, John had her wear a bathing suit with a slightly sheer cover-up and sit on the beach, watching the sun set.
The golden orb, hanging just on the horizon and sinking much too quickly, loomed large due to the refractive effects of the atmosphere. As she watched, the changing colors of the few lingering cirrus clouds that remained off shore went through every hue in the rainbow. Shades of pastel blue changed to vivid greens, continuing to bright yellows and oranges, through soft reds, finally finishing with fading purple as the sun dipped below the ocean surface. The colors reflecting off the water and the shaft of yellow accompanying them added to the beauty of one of the greatest sunsets she could remember.
Everything about this evening seemed to lift her heart to new heights. The roar of the waves crashing onto the shore and the expanses of sand dotted with the few who were there to partake in the glory that she had just experienced served to heighten her joy of life. She loved this new feeling and showed it in her smile. Never before had she seen life as something to look forward to. She wanted so much to hold onto the new outlook, to replace the gloom that had always been apart of her life.
John seemed very pleased with the results of Janet's immersion in the spectacle of a great sunset. With the absolute joy that showed so vividly on Janet's face, along with the changing colors of light that reflected off her skin and the white cover-up she was wearing, he declared that the pictures were the best he'd ever taken and hoped that nothing would happen to ruin them. He doubted he'd ever get another opportunity to repeat the magic. He took advantage of her mood and finished off the shoot in the studio.
Somewhere around eight o'clock, Janet was wearing out and John called a halt for the evening. She couldn't believe how many times she had to change clothes until she and Susanne began loading the car. As per her contractual agreement, she got to keep the clothing she had worn.
Susanne smiled as she began the forty-five minute trip to Janet's house. Janet sat in the passenger seat, sound asleep, her exhaustion finally taking hold. As she drove, Susanne began to reflect on the conversation she'd had with Mr. Grainger. She could see his point and, under different circumstances, she probably would've agreed. But, after today's photo shoot, she had no doubts about Janet's feminine nature. What must it have been like to grow up trying to be a boy when every part of your being screamed "girl"? The only thing she could be sure of was that she wouldn't have lasted as long as Janet had. She admired her strength. How could someone so cheated in life turn out to be one of the most kindest and gentlest people she'd ever met?
Susanne pulled up in front of Janet's house. "Janet, sweetie. We're here."
"Huh?" she said groggily. "Oh... I must've fallen asleep. Sorry."
"You've had a very busy day. You're entitled. Let's get the car unloaded and then you can go to bed and get your beauty rest."
"Yeah... right. Unload car," Janet replied, still half asleep.
Janet was wide awake by the time her arms were loaded with the first of several garment bags and boxes that needed to be shuttled into the house. She dropped her burden on the couch that was just inside the front door. She turned to head back out for another load when her mother's voice drew her attention.
"What's all this?" asked Mrs. O'Connell, sounding slightly concerned.
"Oh... hey, mom."
"Honey, you weren't out spending your money already?"
Janet hesitated her response, mostly because of the endearment her mother had taken up using. It was still a bit surprising. "Ummm... no, mom. This is just the stuff I had to model today. Remember, I get keep everything I wear? Ummm... I need to get back out there and help Susanne haul in the rest. She's pretty tired and she really wants to get home and relax."
"There's more?" she asked Janet, who was already through the door. Marianne sat down in the beat up recliner that sat near the kitchen doorway and watched Janet and Susanne make several trips each. She offered to help, but was a little relieved that the two had refused. She had already changed into her night gown.
Finally, as the last load was placed on the couch, Janet turned to Susanne. "Susanne, I don't know how to thank you for everything you've done. Mr. Grainger wouldn't listen to anything I had to say. Boy, he sure stopped to listen to you though," she laughed.
"Sweetie, there's no need to thank me. It's my job. And I really love working for you."
"Okay..." she paused to make sure she stated her request properly. "As your boss, allow me to show my gratitude whenever I see fit... please."
Susanne couldn't restrain her laughter. "Okay, boss," she said in mock servility. It was several moments later before she felt composed enough to continue. "I'll talk to you tomorrow. Even though you have the day off, there are several items that will need your attention. And remember, if you run into any problems, don't hesitate to call me."
"Okay," said Janet as she hugged Susanne and gave her a peck on her cheek.
Susanne returned the affection, remarking silently how so very feminine the gesture was.
Mrs. O'Connell had gotten up and stood at the door. "Susanne, thank you for taking care of my baby. Knowing you're there to help makes all the difference in the world. I'm still not sure if I'm doing the right thing, but I have to believe it's the will of God. This opportunity answers so many of my prayers," she said as she ran the back of her hand down Janet's cheek.
"Marianne, it's my pleasure. You have such a wonderful child. You should be proud of her," Susanne returned. "Now... I must be off. It's been a long day. Good bye."
Marianne couldn't help liking Susanne. She was kind and showed genuine affection for Mark. Marianne just knew that she wouldn't let any harm come to her baby. That was another thing; Susanne had no trouble seeing Janet as she is and accepted her with open arms. Marianne wished she could do the same. She knew in her heart that Mark was Janet and always had been. She just didn't think it was wise to treat her as such given the fact of her birth.
******************
During her pregnancy with Mark, she knew that the child she was carrying was a girl, the daughter she'd always wanted. Her heart felt full of joy when the doctor confirmed what she already knew. She was disbelieving at first when Mark was born. After all, he was such a beautiful baby. But, she had to accept that her much anticipated daughter was a boy. Still, she couldn't have loved him more. He was her child, her first.
When Joe was born, her husband Joe insisted on naming him after himself. She protested fiercely, saying it was the right of the first born male to be named after the father, but he said that Mark should've been his daughter and not his first son. Joe loved Mark but never really saw him as his son. He was proud of his son, Joe Jr. and showed it at every opportunity. He was proud of Mark, too, but it just wasn't the same. To him, Mark was the most beautiful child in the world, he just wasn't keen on accepting him as his son.
Marianne was devastated when Joe continually showed his pride in little Joe Jr. and neglected Mark. She did her best to not let Mark feel unwanted, but Mark was so smart that he picked up on his father's lack of interest in him. Billy's birth was the final blow that sent Mark into the dark recesses of his own mind. Marianne knew that Mark was drifting away, but she couldn't figure out what to do about it. Because of Joe's treatment of Mark versus the devotion he showed for Joe Jr. and Billy, which she was certain was the cause of Mark's withdrawal, she and Joe began to drift apart. He started drinking more and sleeping around. He began to lose one job after another until she finally had enough. She just couldn't live with him anymore and, above all, she couldn't let Mark suffer his rejection a minute longer. It was bad enough that Mark would come home from school in tears nearly every day from the teasing he had to endure from the other boys, but she had had it with Joe's unconcern. All he would say was that Mark needed to learn to take it like a man. About the only thing he seemed to be proud of Mark for was his apparent ability to attract the girls. Being a connoisseur of women, according to his own ego, he thought Mark would be a ladies man. But he still didn't know how to relate to his oldest son.
Mark gave up on his father. He even began to reject the affections of the girls as an act of rebellion. Joe couldn't understand the reasoning and treated Mark accordingly. Mark continued his slide into nothingness at a faster rate. His grades began to suffer and Joe increased the distance between them. Joe just couldn't or wouldn't see that he was directly responsible.
Finally, she left him, taking all three of her children with her. She filed for divorce and began her own slide into the deep, dark pit of despair. Her heart was slit wide open, because Mark didn't improve. He wasn't getting any worse, but he wasn't getting any better, either. Her baby was dying inside and she was helpless to do anything about it.
Little Joe became wild; he could see what was happening but didn't know what to do either. He did the only thing he could. He tried to go on.
Billy was too young to understand any of it. All he knew was that it was Mark's fault, but he couldn't hate him for it.
Then one day, when Marianne had reached the end of her rope, an old family friend stopped by, spouting the great joy that could be had by devoting your life to Jesus. Marianne listened and believed and it did bring her out of the depths of her despair. She began to see hope. She saw it as a way to bring happiness into Mark's life, as well as to her other two children.
She couldn't understand why Mark and Joe rejected Jesus. Mark didn't seem to care. Joe was just plain rebellious. She loved all her children deeply, but it was on Mark, who was so far down, that she decided to force her new found beliefs. She had to save her oldest son. She was desperate.
Over the next few years her faith increased as did the joy that only God could give. Mark, on the other hand, remained the same. He attended church, but he didn't associate with anyone. His only friend was Jay, their landlord's son. She didn't like Jay, but she couldn't bring herself to deny Mark his only friend. She still didn't know how to help Mark and finally put him in God's hands. She wouldn't deny him anything, but then again he never wanted anything, either.
One day the telephone started to ring and it never seemed to stop. Girls. So many she didn't think it was right. But she couldn't deny that Mark seemed happier and he was beginning to repeat the pattern of his earlier years. Girls have always befriended Mark and it was a good sign that he wasn't rejecting them anymore.
Then came that fateful Halloween. She knew in her mind that the kids in the church were teasing Mark unmercifully, but her heart blamed herself. She never should've dressed him up as an old lady, but then again, she didn't know about the events at school. Regardless, she felt that she'd made a terrible mistake.
She began to question God, briefly, but her faith told her that God knew what He was doing. Still, when Mark refused to attend church, she again began to question God, but as before her faith won out. She just had to trust God's infinite wisdom. After all, God was the one who made him so beautiful. She couldn't understand why God would make a very beautiful girl a boy, and there was no denying that Mark's appearance was that of a extraordinarily beautiful girl. He just seemed to get prettier every day. But she just had to trust God.
She began to pray nearly every waking hour. Mark was going up and down so much that she couldn't help worrying. Her faith began to falter. That was when John Carlton, Carol Jamison, and Susanne Hemmingway showed up on her door step. As they presented their case, she just knew it was the answer to her prayers. She knew God had a reason for making her son so beautiful and she was sure this was it. The only thing that bothered her was John Carlton. She didn't trust him. And, the two women seemed to be reluctant. Susanne, especially. She didn't participate in the discussion or show any enthusiasm for the proposal. But, for some reason, Marianne liked her.
Now, four days later, Mark was happy. Happier than she could ever remember him being. He literally glowed. And for some reason she wasn't sure of, she was glad Susanne would be there for her son.
***************
"I like her," Marianne commented.
"Yeah, me too."
"Well, you've had a long day. Why don't you go and eat your dinner? It's in the oven."
"I had a sandwich at the studio and I'm really tired. I just want to go to bed."
"Sure, honey. You go on. I'll take care of this," said Marianne, sweeping her hand in the direction of the couch and all that was on it.
"Thanks, Mom. Just slide it all under my bed. I'll give it all to the girls, they'll love it."
"You don't want any of it?"
"Why? It's all girls clothes."
"Well, some things are more or less unisex. And, let's face it, your clothes are in pretty bad shape."
"Mommm..." Janet whined.
"Well, it's true."
"Can we talk about it tomorrow? I'm really tired."
"Sure, honey. Goodnight."
"Goodnight, Mom," Janet said as she kissed her mother on the cheek.